Breaking Brandy

By SD MADDEN

Breaking Brandy captures the journey of a little girl as she struggles with not only her parents separation, but her own self-esteem issues as well. 

Thinking she's doing a good job coping with her emotions and dealing with everyday issues, she pushes on with life as its given to her.  But as time will have it she ultimately breaks, having her emotions push her down a hole she's not sure can escape from. She fights everyday to find her own voice in a world that seems to shut her out

Breaking Brandy is an emotional and heartfelt narrative that will keep you in tuned as you turn each page. 
Great for teens and parents, Breaking Brandy will teach both the importance of paying attention to ones emotions ,the dangers of internalizing emotions, and how a tragic event such as a divorce can have a major impact on ones family. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: DANYELLE Thomas
• Release date: May 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386284031

Book preview

BREAKING BRANDY

Little Girl – 8th Grade/Freshman Year in High School

SD MADDEN

Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved.

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the Publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

TABLE OF CONTENT

1. 9/25/15

2. RESENTMENT

3. UNCONVENTIONAL STRANGER

4. REGRET

5. THE REFLECTION

6. A CHANGE IS COMING

7. UNDETECTABLE FEELINGS

8. MISPLACED LOGICS

9. STRANGE PLACES

10. MEANINGLESS THROAWAY

11. GRADUATION

12. LEAVING THE NEST

13. TORRI & TAMMY

14. a little bit of peace

15. MY OWN HOMECOMING

About the Author

Synopsis

1.

9/25/15

What are you doing? Clara said as she saw me in the school hallway dazing off, nothing I replied softly, what’s it to you?Looking dumbfounded, she replied never mind as she walked off towards her class.

I was slowly losing my focus when it came to schooling, and anyone who was anyone could tell. I had gotten absolutely no sleep the night before due to the fact that I had to hear my parents argue all night. What were they arguing about this time, I wasn’t sure; all their arguments just seemed to be the same after a while. But this one was different; Kevin packed up his stuff and left the house while leaving, mom was crying in the bedroom. What would come from him leaving the house I didn’t know, but I was sure I would find out soon enough.

Walking to my next class period, I stopped to get a drink of water hoping it would wake me up but it didn’t help, not one bit.

Brandy? Can you please tell me the answer to problem five?

I was spacing out in class and didn’t even have my book open to look at a question five. I had no idea what he was talking about.

I don’t know, I replied with my head still looking down at the desk. I’m not sure.

Well, I suggest you get your book out and catch up with the rest of the class. The teacher spoke harshly.

Mr. Franklin was a pretty cool teacher. He taught algebra and had a unique way of getting the class to get involved. Usually, he was all smiles with me, but lately, the irritation he had towards me spacing out during his class showed, and once class was over, he called me up to his desk with a stack of papers in his hand.

Brandy, you are a very bright student, and that’s why you’re in all honors classes, but lately I don’t know what’s come over you. Look at these assignments; you’ve either failed one or scored low on another. You’re spacing out during class and not participating anymore. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?

I looked at him and apologized for my lack of attention during class and the grades I had produced. I lied and told him that the material was getting harder and more difficult for me to grasp but by the look on his face, he wasn’t buying it anyway.

By the time my last period ended, I was exhausted. I grabbed my books and homework assignments from my locker and walked home. I usually caught the bus, but when I had things on my mind, walking home seemed like a better choice to help me relax; and it did just that. Help me to relax and take my mind off things. I figured when I got home I would take out my journal and write. Whether it was poetry, short stories, or just little journal entries about my feelings, writing was something I was passionate about, and it eased a lot of the stress I was starting to experience in these recent weeks.

Walking up to the house, I saw that mom was already home. I wasn’t sure what she was doing at home so early, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t happy to see her.

Mom? I spoke as I came through the door looking for her.

"Hey, she said from the top of the stairs, how was school?’

To be honest, I was starting to hate when people asked me that question. Lately, school had just become a blur, and I didn’t too much think whether she was really interested in my answer or not.

It was okay.

I’m going to pick up your sister from daycare, would you ride with me? I need to speak to you about something.

As she ran downstairs to get her purse and car keys, I replied ok and walked outside to the passenger side of the car.

While in the car, the ride was very smooth, the sunlight was shining bright and the heat of the nice summer day was seeping into the inside of the car. Although I was enjoying the ride to my sister’s daycare, it was about to get cut short as she turned down the radio and looked my way.

With a sensitive tone in her voice, she said Brandy, How come you never smile anymore? You seem very down as of late, and you don’t seem to be very happy.

How come I never smile anymore? What type of question was that I thought. Honestly, there was so much I wanted to say; so much I could say, but I didn’t. I knew the answer to her question, but at that point in time, for some reason, I didn’t think she could handle it.

I don’t know, I responded looking out the window.

I’m getting worried about you. I’m sure the arguments between your father and I has affected you and I’m sorry for that, but I don’t want you to take on our problems as your own.

Mom I’m fine I said abruptly as I tried to end the conversation desperately, but it didn’t work. She was relentless in her pursuit to find out answers from me.

Look, I was really trying to avoid this conversation with you, but this thing with your father isn’t working out. I’m sure you’re aware that he took some of his things last night and to be honest, I don’t think he’s coming back.

Still staring out the window, I was silent. Part of me was in total shock and disbelief and the other part was questioning my sanity saying how many arguments did you think they would have and still stay together?

"Can you please talk to me and tell me how you feel? She pleaded with me.

I finally answered her request, trying to be very brief along the way. I responded by telling her that it was a lot going through my head and it was just hard to decipher everything.

From the side, I could feel her looking at me. I could tell she wanted to say something else but instead of risking it and having me close down completely, she didn’t.

As we pulled up to the daycare, I rushed out of the car and into the center where my sister awaited our arrival. The smell of diapers and cleaning sprays filled my nostrils within seconds of me entering the building. I typed in the code to the door, greeted the staff, and waited as they gave me a gesture that they would be back in a moment.

I loved picking up my little sister; she was the complete opposite of me and shared a 14 year age difference. She was this chunky little baby with big beautiful brown eyes and dimples on both cheeks. Mom always made her look the best. She always had a set of bows in her hair and reeked of baby lotion.

Shortly after, the staff returned but this time with a bouncing, drooling little girl in their arms.

Hey Jordan, I said picking her up as I planted two big ones on her cheeks. Mom, who walked in shortly after, smiled as she walked right past us and to Melanie to get the daily report. As she spoke with Melanie and the rest of the staff members, I grabbed her diaper bag and other belongings and headed to the car to get her all tucked in.

Once we pulled up in the driveway of our home, I took Jordan out from her car seat and met mom inside the house, where she got dinner prepared as I washed Jordan up. That day was a typical evening for us; once I got home from school, mom would show up with Jordan after getting off work and we would all sit around the table and eat and laugh while we took turns trying to stop Jordan from grabbing our plates from off the table. Since it was just us now; I have to admit it was much more peaceful without the daily arguments between her and Kevin.

The next day at school was surprisingly a good one; I finally submitted my short story to Ms. Hannah and she finally got off my back about writing it. See, there was a contest going on throughout the school where students were asked to submit a writing of some sort to their teachers. Anyone could enter and Ms. Hannah, my English teacher, who has always been impressed with my creative writing suggested I should enter. Although I had always written little poems here and there, they had always just stayed in my room under the bed tucked away in an old shoe box. I had never actually submitted one to a contest, but I was pretty excited to find out the outcome of it.

When I came home after school that day, I called mom to see how her day was and let her know I was home. I think I was the only one in my school that had to wait until I got home to make calls because I didn’t have a cell phone. I really wanted one, but mom always said she couldn’t afford another plan because Kevin never helped out.

She always told me how all the bills were on her and they always seemed to get worse instead of getting better. Mom and I always had a special bond. We were like two peas in a pod and even that was an understatement. We told each other everything; even when she tried to hide her hurt from me, I could always tell something was wrong and would make her tell me. So when it came to things like not being able to get me a phone and even other things, I always understood.

After talking on the phone for some minutes, I heated up something quick to eat before changing and getting into some leisure clothes. I decided I was going to go over to my friend’s house, but I was going to relax for a few minutes before I go.

Me and Mani had become good friends ever since I moved into that subdivision. We had known each other for almost four years and did practically everything together. She had a lot of sisters and brothers and was the middle child out of all of them. As I walked up and knocked on the door, her mother answered wearing her traditional hijab and welcomed me into their home like she’s done so many times before. The house smelled of foreign foods and would often fog up my glasses when I entered the house. Her mother, as nice as she was, motioned me towards the back room where Mani was. I walked into the backroom where she was attempting to get dressed.

Hey! You’re early, but I’m almost done getting dressed and then we can go.

Looking around the room, I could see the five different outfits she had laid on the bed and the frustration she displayed as she tried to choose from one.

No worries, but you know we're just going to the store. No need to get dressed up for that.

She laughed as I watched her still struggle to pick an outfit. Walking back and forth I looked at all the pictures of her and her family on her dresser. It just occurred to me that I really didn’t know how her mother looked because she always had on their traditional clothing that covered her face. There had been times that Mani wore it, but not all the time.

Once she finally got done getting dressed, we walked up to the local strip, met up with some friends and stayed out all night talking.

Whether it was writing or being with my friends, I could always count on one of the other to take my mind off things. Unfortunately for me, neither one helped improve my grades in school. It had been a few weeks and things still weren’t looking too good in school. Two of my teachers, including Mr. Franklin, wanted to speak with mom regarding my grades and how I seemed to just lose interest in school. I didn’t understand if they wanted me to do better how they thought getting me in trouble would help, but I guess they got what they wanted because she got me a tutor.

2.

RESENTMENT

I had been seeing Sharon for about two weeks now and I like the way she taught. She tutored me in Algebra and Chemistry three times throughout the week and we were starting to develop our own little way of doing things. She would come to the house after school and stay there for a little over an hour going over problem after problem.

That day, Sharon came over and since I had an Algebra exam coming up, that was what we studied. She went over quadratic equations and gave me a mock exam. Once break time came around, it was safe to say we were both worn out.

You want something to drink? I kindly asked as I walked into the kitchen

Before waiting for her to answer, I got us both a bottle of water before returning to the living room table where we were sitting. As we were making simple conversation, I heard the garage go up and then a pair of keys in the door. Wondering if mom had gotten off work early again, I stood and walked over to the garage where I was greeted by Kevin.

Not saying anything to me, he flashed an uncomfortable smile and bypassed me to go upstairs. Following him, I walked to my parent’s room where I found him packing some more of his things. He seemed to be on a mission. He didn’t even ask about the identity of the woman who was sitting at his living room table; that’s if he even saw her.

As I stood in the doorway, I asked him what exactly it was that he was doing.

I’m giving you guys what you want. Your mother wants me gone, and I’m sure you do too since you agree with everything she does, so I’m leaving.

Even though I was happy to have this little dialogue with him, I was a little thrown off by his answer. I understood why he was upset with mom, but it started to feel like he was upset with me too. For what, I didn’t know.

No, I don’t want you gone, I explained to him. I never said that.

It doesn’t matter; you and your mom are a tag team. I’m sure if you give her enough time she will convince you about how good life will be without having me around.

I didn’t mean to burst his bubble, but just because I didn’t want him