Kiss of the Winter Moon: Sakana Series, #1

By Amanda LeMay

I had a life plan: Get out of San Francisco. Go home. Start my new job.

I wanted to get on with my life. Break free from The City pack rules. Let my wolf side run wild and free. Feel the earth beneath my feet and howl at the moon.

But when I stopped in Comfort, Texas, to spend a quiet 2-week winter vacation with my dad and his mate, all of my best-laid plans took a sudden turn.

I hadn't planned for Dain Louvel. Okay, so maybe I'd secretly hoped to see him, again, but I didn't expect all those feelings I'd felt for him before to come rushing back and blindside me. I'd moved on. Well, sort of.

The problem is, I hadn't planned on the sakana bond, that rare and precious bond few wolves ever experienced, to connect our minds, our bodies, and our souls.

I also hadn't planned on fighting for my life.

But, yeah, stuff happens in Comfort, Texas. I really should've planned better.

Kiss of the Winter Moon is a dark paranormal romance with explicit language, wolf-shifter violence and possible triggers. Age 18+ readers only.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda LeMay
• Release date: Feb 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386521327

Amanda LeMay

Indie author Amanda LeMay grew up on a small farm in Southern California reading every sci-fi book her dad passed on to her and watching every classic horror movie her mom shared with her. Her love for paranormal romance was an easy leap. Amanda published her first paranormal romance – full of dark sexy wolf-shifters called KISS OF THE WINTER MOON - in February 2018. Her wolf-shifters share a rare and special bond with their mates: the sakana bond, a rare and ancient bond that links their minds, bodies, and souls. Amanda still lives in Southern California with her own Alpha-male husband and two grumpy cats and dreams of living on the beach in Texas. When she isn't writing, or thinking about writing, (or plotting, or characters, or dialogue, or world building), she's probably working on any number of crafts, sewing, gardening, or lost in another authors' wonderful dream world. She plots most of her novels while walking, or driving, or while on long Texas beach vacations sitting outside listening to the waves. She loves reading paranormal romance, fantasy romance, sci-fi romance, contemporary romance...well, just romance in general. Visit Amanda’s website at www.amandalemay.com. Make friends with her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/amanda.lemay.18041 And follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/AmandaLeMaybks.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

WANNA RUN, BABY GIRL?

My dad might have thought it was a simple question. It wasn’t. At least not to me.

I yanked at the handle and smiled at the familiar creak as the old Chevy truck door swung open. The cold, wide-open Texas air struck me, along with the perfume of withered grass, dry earth, and horses. There were cattle out there as well, somewhere, roaming on the acres and acres of flat land and rolling hills. Above it all was a scent I had missed desperately for the last two years: clean and fresh and heavenly.

Go for it. My dad reached over the side of the truck bed and pulled out two of my many suitcases. Long plane ride, long truck ride...a nice run will probably do you some good.

I looked up at the big ranch house, shaded on one side by tall pines. Part of me was already in there—and in my mind’s eye, I wasn’t alone.

Weird, how that worked. How seeing him in the flesh only twice in my life had made such an undeniable impression. Oh, I’d gazed on him a lot more than twice, but those other times were in the one and only photograph I had, or vivid dreams, or any other time my mind had nowhere else to focus.

Go on in. Say hey. Try not to act so pathetically obsessed.

Jess.

I jumped at my dad’s clipped tone. What?

A crease of confusion sat deep between golden eyes I’d been blessed to inherit. What the hell did that pack do to you?

Shocked, I stared at him. A cold sweat burst out over my skin. There was no way he could know what had happened to me. I hadn’t told anyone, not even my best friend, Jules.

Nothing, I choked out. Why?

Never seen you work so hard to make up your mind. He reached in the back of the truck and lifted out two more suitcases. If you’re worrying about Maygan, don’t. She knew you were coming in late. I’ll let her know you needed a run. It’s not that big a deal, baby girl. He grabbed a couple more suitcases and set them down next to the others. You’re not scared, are you? Of running out in the dark? Ain’t nothing out there you can’t handle.

I shook my head. No, that’s not it. The dark didn’t scare me. But to be surrounded by the clean, masculine scent I’d obsessed over for so long? Now that was scary. I’d set myself up for it, prepared for it. I could do it. I could be here, spend a nice relaxing two weeks, then move on with my new life plan.

I can go with you. He gave my shoulder a playful bump. Or I’m sure Dain would be glad to—

Dad, no! Out in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, with Dain, my obsession? Yeah...no. I kicked off my flats. I’m okay, and yeah, I need a good run. I won’t be long.

Take as much time as you need. He tucked a couple of my suitcases under his arms, grabbed the handles of two more, and left me standing there as he took the steps up onto the porch.

I stripped off my dress, bra, and panties. The cold air licked at my naked body, called to the wolf in me. Pushing off hard and shifting on the fly, I soared through the air. My paws hit the ground and I couldn’t run fast enough. But I needed to move a hell of a lot faster to outrun the desire to turn back, race into the house, and seek out what my heart and my body wanted more than anything else.

After two long years spent cooped up in a tiny apartment in San Francisco, it felt fantastic to stretch my legs.

I’d left my home in Albuquerque to find excitement, glamour, nightlife—because yeah, San Francisco. One week at my new job and anxiety had replaced excitement. Glamour? Somehow, I’d missed out on that. Nightlife? The City pack had their own private nightlife customs I, unfortunately, found myself tied up in, literally. Secret, forbidden customs I wasn’t allowed to talk about with anyone.

I was an outsider. No matter how nice I was, or how well I did my job, only a few of my new packmates seemed to accept me. Well, in their grudgingly standoffish way. Still, I didn’t belong there. Deep in my human heart and wolf soul, I belonged in the wide-open country, not restricted to my little apartment in a big, stinky city. So, I was going home. Back to Albuquerque.

I needed to break the news to my dad. Why I hadn’t told him during the ride back from the airport, I didn’t know. I’d hoped he would say something first—maybe ask me why I had packed my entire wardrobe into every suitcase I owned for a two-week vacation—but he hadn’t.

My dad wasn’t the sort of male who would scold me for giving up. That wasn’t who he was. He’d been glad I’d wanted to seek out an adventure. He’d been thrilled I wanted to break out on my own. And he’d be just as happy I’d tried, and determined it wasn’t the life for me.

But I’d failed. Failed.

And that wasn’t even the right word for what I’d done. If there existed one word to describe how nothing had turned out the way I planned, I wasn’t familiar with it, but that was the word.

The new-adventure experience wore off before the first full moon, a night I would’ve normally spent out dancing with my girlfriends, cutting loose, having a good time, but I’d ended up locked in my tiny apartment, pacing like a caged animal. I liked my job, but the odd, new pack and weird, oppressive rules were so not my style. That, and the fact I missed my family and friends like mad. And what was up with that strange, gaping hole in my heart, and the bizarre sensation that my soul had torn in two?

I’d spent too much time wasted in misery, apart from everyone and everything I loved. In trying to move on, I’d cut all ties to my old life, even with my life-long friends, thinking the sounds of their voices would weaken my resolve. Looking back, I don’t know how long I would have wallowed in my self-imposed solitary-confinement. My true strength came from the love of my family, my friends, and the pack I’d grown up in. All it took to change my mind was the sound of my oldest brother’s voice on the phone, reminding me just how much love I had missed out on.

Now, going home to Albuquerque was my new plan. With a new job. A new home. To family. To friends. To my pack. I ditched San Francisco. Packed everything I owned in a Pod and a bunch of mismatched suitcases, and jumped on a plane. All I needed was a two-week vacation over the Christmas holiday in the middle of Nowhere, Texas to relax, recharge, and reconnect.

I stretched my legs to their limit and ran flat-out. Ran until every muscle in my body screamed from overuse. Of all the things I’d longed for over the last two years, the freedom to run out in the open stayed right there at the top of my list. It wasn’t for the lack of wide-open spaces. Plenty of beautiful, wild forests and national parks lay north and south of the City, but pack law made them off limits. Forbidden. Craziest stinking rule I’d ever heard.

When my strength gave out and my claws lost their purchase in the hard ground, I skidded to a stop, flopped on my side, and breathed in the warm smell of the earth, the pungent scrub, the trees, and the night.

I rolled on my back, ground the soil, dead leaves, and twigs into my golden, coffee-colored fur as I twisted my spine from side to side. Sweet heavens, it felt fantastic to get good and dirty. As I stared up into the night sky, millions of stars seemed to welcome me home. I howled my greeting back to them. Damn, I’d missed those little sparkling specks of light.

The fresh air smelled clean and sweet. Like home. Not of the ocean or fish or seaweed or the thousands of other odors my sensitive nose picked up. Still, the fragrant scent of soil, the aromatic scrub and dry, brown winter grass reminded me of the other reason my adventure had failed.

The most important reason.

Him.

Dain Louvel.

My dad had mated his mom and stuck Dain with a label—step-brother—though I never thought of him in that sense.

And I thought about him a lot.

Every damn day.

For two years.

Perhaps, when I saw him again, the overwhelming need to be near him, to touch him, to taste his scent on my tongue, to feel the warmth of his skin, will have faded. If not, then I’d deal with it, stick to my plan, and move on.

I rolled and stood up on shaky legs. Sniffed the cold air to find my way, found the thread...his scent...and let my nose lead me back to where I wanted to be.

CHAPTER TWO

HUNGRY? MAYGAN SMILED as I slumped into the sturdy wooden chair and laid my head on the cool, beaten wood of the oak table.

Yes, starving.

I’d dressed outside in the dark. Every muscle in my body trembled and twitched from overuse. I’d had to lean against the truck to catch my breath and steady my heart.

I am so out of shape. I hadn’t hurt in such a good way in a long time.

I traced my fingers over the woodgrain that ran the length of the table. Without some kind of electronic device in them, my hands felt empty—naked. I let out a long, low breath.

Unplug.

Unplugging was part of the promise I had made the second I’d stepped on the plane to Texas. Recharge, reconnect, unplug. I’d spent the last two years with either a phone, a tablet, or an iPad attached to my body in some fashion. My vacation in Comfort was about getting my life back. No vendors to haggle with. No clients to please. No events to schedule. Time to focus on the good things in my life I missed so much.

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I saw an hour had passed since Dad and I had traveled up in the long, long driveway.

Leftovers okay with you? Maygan had pulled enough food from the fridge to feed a pack of wolves.

I sat up, leaning heavily on the back of the chair. You bet. The savory, homey smells filling Maygan’s kitchen made my mouth water in anticipation. I’m easy. I wouldn’t expect you to set out a full-course meal at midnight. I’d be fine with peanut butter and jelly.

I think I can do a little better than that. She smiled and moved around, removed foil from a plate, picked up a knife, lit a burner on the massive, cast-iron stove, and basically multi-tasked like the world’s greatest chef.

I hadn’t seen—hadn’t wanted to see—how perfect Maygan was for my dad. So many things about her were the complete opposite of my mother. The sleek, raven-black of her hair compared to the almost white-blond my mother had had. Her dark brown eyes to my mother’s pale blue. Living and working on a huge, sprawling ranch as opposed to a high-rise office position. Maygan’s Texas accent compared to my mother’s slight European accent. My parents had been the Green Acres couple, but their sakana bond made it work. A bond so rare, so precious, and so sacred, not many wolves would ever experience one in their long lifetime. To find a second sakana, another wolf to share your soul, was rarer still. When my dad met Maygan, the pain of my mother’s death was still too close for me to accept that he’d been blessed with a second sakana bond.

So, I’d left, using the excuse that I needed to get out in the world.

I’m sorry, it was rude, just taking off without coming in to say hey or anything. There were many other things I needed to apologize for, but all the words I had memorized jumbled up in my head and sat, bitter, on the back of my tongue.

I have two weeks. I’ll settle in. I’ll get around to it.

No need to apologize. Not that I’ve ever been there, but I don’t imagine there are many wide-open spaces for you to run in San Francisco.

Well, yeah there is, several big parks and lots of wooded space outside of the city, but I got the big warning that I should never, under any circumstance, step outside in my wolf form. Rule’s got his pack on lockdown. Absolutely no outdoor wolf activity. I don’t know how the pack can stand living under such tight control. I mean, the highlight of my month was pacing the little hallway of my apartment during full moon. I swear, I was going out of my mind.

Two years of that and I’d seriously want to kill something. Her laugh was deep, sweet, and honest.

The sound of sizzling food filled the air along with the aroma of butter browning in the giant cast-iron skillet. Browned butter. The scent alone took the little strength I had left and melted it away.

That smells so good. I haven’t eaten butter in almost two years.

Maygan turned with a spatula in hand. What? That’s crazy talk.

I didn’t really think about food until I couldn’t eat it anymore.

What do you mean you couldn’t eat it anymore? Didn’t Rule pay you enough to cover your expenses and food? Her hands went to her hips, a fierce look replacing her sweet smile. Or was someone keeping you from eating?

No, nothing like that. It’s just there was no place to run off what I ate. My hands reached out for something to hold and I yanked them back. I’d been warned against leaving the city, so cutting back on food was my only option.

Oh, I see. Her smile returned as she turned back around to flip something in the skillet. There are other ways to work it off.

I tried. There was a gym in my apartment building and at work, but—did you know, it’s not the same—working your human muscles, that is.

She turned back to me, a sly smile on her pretty face, "I’m not talking about that kind of workout."

Sex. "Oh. Oh! Well ..." My cheeks prickled with heat.

Well? She laughed and turned back to her stove.

Well...uh...

The males I’d worked with were stuck-up control freaks who had decided to initiate me into their nightlife customs. After one introduction into their kind of kink, I’d made it clear once was enough for me. If I dared to go the alternative sex route again, it would be with someone I trusted with all my heart and soul, not some dominant prick who didn’t understand the words no, stop, or untie me now so I can kick your ass.

"Sex. Uh... I tried that too, not, you know, too much. Because once was enough. But I found some of those city wolf boys are nothing but spoiled, arrogant douchebags."

Maygan burst out laughing and I followed right along.

It’s true! I said between fits of laughter. The tension in my overworked muscles seemed to melt away. I’m not sure they really knew how to, you know...

Fuck?

Yes!

My cheeks burned. This was Maygan, my dad’s mate. Dain’s mother. And here we were, talking like we were best girlfriends. And, it was okay. Comfortable.

They can’t get it up unless they’re asserting their dominance and then after they’re done letting you know who’s boss, the sex part is over before it even started. I swear, if I had wanted a three-minute workout, I could’ve had sex with a human.

And that was never going to happen again, especially when the only male I wanted, lived here in this house.

We were both wiping tears from our eyes when my dad walked in.

What’s so funny?

Maygan grabbed a plate and placed something brown, buttery, and meaty on it then, set it down in front of me.

I guess the wolf boys of San Francisco are bossy assholes who lack certain skills.

My dad leaned down as Maygan lifted her head to receive a kiss, which he gave sweetly while he snatched a plate from the counter.

Seriously? Not your type, huh, baby girl? He sat down next to me and took a bite of his food.

No. Way. I looked at my plate and saw more food than I had eaten in the last month. Not really, but sweet heavens, my stomach growled so loud, it sounded as if I’d starved for last two years. Maygan, you are a goddess.

Sandwiched between two inch-thick slices of toasted homemade bread lay a slab of hot, juicy meatloaf. My first bite confirmed what I’d been thinking: I had died and gone to wolf heaven. The dark brown, chewy crust and tangy, soft bread were absolutely perfect. Slathered with lots of butter, the toasted bread crunched with every bite.

Maygan set out three big glasses of ice-cold milk. My skin broke out in chills as I gulped it down. Cream floated on the top and coated the roof of my mouth and tongue. Yep, heaven.

"I haven’t had real food in so long. Seriously, Maygan, this meatloaf is to die for. I took another big bite. Those city wolves have forgotten they’re meat eaters. I chewed. If I never eat another piece of fish in my life, it will be too soon." I swallowed and shoved another bite in my mouth, chewed, and took a big gulp of milk.

We didn’t claw our way up to the top of the food chain to eat fish and tofu, that’s for sure, Dad said just before he took another bite.

I nodded in agreement as a delectable male scent entered the kitchen and overwhelmed the aroma of meatloaf and butter. My skin tingled with awareness. I broke out in goosebumps from head to toe.

And then, he was there. In the kitchen. Like the most vivid dream I’d ever had.

Dain.

How am I supposed to study with this smell invading...

Deep, husky, and sexy as hell, the sound of his voice sent little electric shocks through my brain and all the corresponding parts of my body that made me a female of the species. I couldn’t do anything but stare while his huge, shirtless chest expanded on a deep breath.

His head turned slowly my way until his cherry-wood eyes locked on mine.

Jessy... It came out as a whisper.

There I sat with a milk moustache and a mouth full of meatloaf sandwich.

I couldn’t have spoken even if I hadn’t had a mouthful of food. I looked him up and down, took in every glorious inch of him, and because I couldn’t help myself, I did it again.

Oh. Sweet. Heavens.

His mouth curved into a smile. Deep dimples appeared on his cheeks.

I think I smiled back.

I might have blacked out a little, too.

Hey. He cleared his throat like he wanted to say something else and I was so hoping he would because I had lost the ability to speak. Jess.

Say hey. Say something—say anything—just open your mouth, dammit!

A deep pink blush crept up his neck and covered his gorgeous face. In the next second, he had a plate in his hand and disappeared from the kitchen. The last I saw of him was a thick, long, shiny, black ponytail that seemed to split his wide shoulders in two as it hung down past the waistband of his low-riding, completely ass-hugging, faded jeans.

My dad chuckled. We didn’t tell him. Thought it would be a nice surprise.

I opened my mouth to reply. Nothing came out.

I stared at the empty doorway. At the food between my trembling hands. A shuddering breath went through me. The gooseflesh that sprang up made my skin tighten and tingle. I tingled pretty good in a few hidden places, too. Dain’s presence in the room for those few brief seconds made my twitchy, jelly-like, overused muscles tense up while my insides seemed to go all hot and melty.

The sound of my name on his lips echoed through my brain on a crazy endless loop.

And it was perfect.

Somewhere in the background I heard Maygan say, Filled out quite a bit, hasn’t he?

Fuck, yeah!

I didn’t say that though, only nodded my head and tried not to choke.

Are you kidding me? Filled out? Holy shit! Someone looking for a model for an ancient Norse Wolf god?

I didn’t say that, either.

Sweet heavens, he was perfection. Just like I’d remembered only...more. Along with his gorgeous eyes and raven hair, he had a sweet, full-lip smile, dimples to die for,  linebacker shoulders, lean, cut waist, thick thighs, and even masculine bare feet. All that plus long, muscular arms to wrap me up and big, male hands to hold me down.

Oh, yeah.

No doubt about it. All those feelings I’d felt for Dain Louvel before I’d moved away rose to the surface from where I’d buried them. The urge to let my inner wolf run free through the house straight to wherever he was hiding, lick every inch of his beautiful body, and roll around on him were almost more than I could contain.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Which, since his delicious male scent still lingered in the room, deep breathing was not the best idea, but what the hell. If breathing him in was all I could do, I’d go for it.

I took another bite of my sandwich and chewed slowly and deliberately, savoring every single buttery, juicy bite.

Swallow.

I did.

Drink.

I did.

Eventually, it got easier to repeat the motions.

Maygan and Dad carried on a conversation. I think I nodded and mumbled a few uh-huhs in the appropriate places.

I bit. Chewed. Swallowed. Drank.

Kept my mind on my food.

Didn’t think about Dain.

Hah.

CHAPTER THREE

IT SEEMED I HAD FALLEN asleep only a few minutes before the sound of running footsteps came down the hall, turned, and quickly moved toward Dain’s bedroom.

Maygan’s soft voice drifted into my room. It’s time. She turned back up the hallway and stopped when she reached my door. The light from the hall blinded me a second later.

Jessy?

I’m awake. I leaned up on my elbows. What’s happening?

One of the mares is about to foal. Your dad thought you might like to see it.

Sure! I yanked the quilt back with one hand, the other hand fumbling at the nightstand as I sought out the little phone that would have been there—if I hadn’t left it packed away to keep from doing exactly what I was doing.

Stop that!

I shook my head and smiled. Grabbing for my phone every other second proved a hard habit to break. I would definitely need to find something to keep my hands busy while on vacation, or I’d break the little promise I’d made pretty fast.

I pulled on a pair of jeans, shoved my arms into a jacket over my nightshirt, and slipped my feet into my shoes. In the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face to wash the little bit of sleep from my tired eyes, ran a brush through my blond hair, and fluffed it up into my usual bed-head messiness.

The barn glowed with light. Dad was inside the large stall with the horse. The chestnut mare lay on her side, her midsection moving in small spasms as if an alien creature were trying to burst forth. Every few seconds, the mare lifted her head, strained to glance across her body, over her huge, round belly, then let her head fall back to the soft hay and sawdust again.

I glanced around the well-lit barn and didn’t see Dain.

How in the world did I make it here before he did?

A tingle traveled down the back of my neck as the sound of booted footsteps came through the door.

Dain.

There you are.

His dark eyes twinkled as they landed on me.

I think I smiled.

Or maybe I sighed.

Probably both.

How could I not?

Unbound, his black hair swung freely back and forth with each step he took. One thick tendril broke free from the rest, drifted over the bridge of his nose, and, sweet heavens, my fingers itched to reach up, touch him, and slip that wayward strand back into place. My gaze drifted down over his perfect lips and thick neck to the open V of his shirt. He must’ve dressed in a hurry. He’d fastened only the bottom two buttons before tucking his shirt into his jeans, leaving a good portion of his exquisitely defined chest on display.

The little tingle I’d felt before turned into a full-on flush, spreading up into my face, over my breasts, throughout my arms to my fingertips, down my torso, spiking between my legs, before it traveled all the way to my toes.

I shivered as his mouth spread in a shy smile, complete with dimples. I shivered again when he stood next to me, his lips parted, and because I was so entranced, the words he spoke were lost on me.

Hmmm...? I tasted his scent on my tongue.

His dimples deepened as his smile grew. You cold?

I clutched my jacket tighter around my body. Uh... Crap. Say something! Nope.

And that was all I managed to get out before he nodded, accepting my one-word answer.

At some point, while I openly gazed at him like a freaking stalker, he’d rolled up his shirt sleeves and revealed his muscular forearms. Tearing my gaze away from his face, I focused my full attention on those bare forearms as they came up on either side of his head. His fingers drifted through his hair, combed it back, gathered it, twisted it into a thick knotted bun at the base of his neck, then slipped a hair-band over it the perfect mess to keep it in place.

I was never one for hipster man-buns, or long hair on males, for that matter, but on Dain, both were a thing of beauty. And watching him gather all that silk in his big hands—freaking hot as hell.

If I were brave—which I wasn’t—I’d reach up, pull the hair-band free and let his hair swing loose, just to watch him go through the process again and again.

He turned and folded his arms on top of the stall railing. His body so close to mine, I could see the shadow of morning stubble on his face, as well as the outline of his lips and nose, the separate