A Gentleman and a Scholar

By David Vernon

The guilt-edged invitation winks at me as I take it from the mantelpiece.
"You are invited to share my 70th birthday." But what intrigues me is the last line..."I shall be making an announcement that will surprise you all."
A man as wealthy and powerful as Maxwell has many so-called friends, hangers-on, hopefuls and enemies, and the guest list reflects most of these. Although, I must confess there are a few surprises. Fabio Fabritzio, for example. He's the pool boy and apart from being visually beautiful, I can't imagine why Maxwell would include him.
— From “A Dish Best Served Cold” by Anne E Summers

“Murderer! You killed them just as surely as if you twisted the knife in their hearts. I hope you rot in hell... I hope you...”
My sister's face was contorted with fury, spittle on her lips.
— From "All in a Day's Work" by David Campbell

Thirty-four short stories are show-cased in this marvellous anthology created from the winning stories in the Stringybark 'Dog Eat Dog' Short Story Award 2017. Inspired by the titles of clichés, not one of these stories is a cliché. H ere you will find some of the best contemporary short story writing from both Australian and international authors. Fresh, imaginative and often funny, this is a wonderful Stringybark Stories anthology.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Vernon
• Release date: Sep 25, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370213399

David Vernon

I am a freelance writer and editor. I am father of two boys. For the last few years I have focussed my writing interest on chronicling women and men’s experience of childbirth and promoting better support for pregnant women and their partners. Recently, for a change of pace, I am writing two Australian history books. In 2014 I was elected Chair of the ACT Writers Centre.In 2010 I established the Stringybark Short Story Awards to promote the short story as a literary form.

Book preview

A Gentleman and a Scholar — thirty-four award-winning stories from the Stringybark Short Story Awards

Edited by

David Vernon

Selected by

Aislinn Batstone, Antoinette Merrillees, Arna Walker and David Vernon

Published by Stringybark Publishing

PO Box 464, Hall, ACT 2618, Australia

http://www.stringybarkstories.net

Smashwords edition first published 2017

Copyright: This revised collection, David Vernon, 2018

Copyright: Individual stories, the authors, various.

These stories are works of fiction and do not relate to anyone living or dead unless otherwise indicated.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the editor, judges and the author of these stories.

Contents

Thicker than Water — Alexis Hailstones

On for Young and Old — Colin Campbell

What Goes Around… — C.L. Fulton

Every Cloud — Pauline Cleary

Whistle Blower — Barbara Fraser

Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth — Amelia Cook

Wild Goose Chase — Joanna Beresford

A Nip in the Air — Jude Thomas

On His High Horse —Eugenie Pusenjak

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing — Susan Carey

No Bed of Roses — Alicia Sledge

Kicked the Bucket — Chris Childs

Tempting Fate — Tyler McPherson

There are Plenty More Fish in the Sea — Daan Spijer

Window of Opportunity — Dorothy Shorne

A Dish Best Served Cold — Anne E Summers

The Burning Question — Irene Buckler

Needle in a Haystack — Julian Howard

The Last Laugh — Imogen Fullagar

A Stitch in Time Saves Nine — Maria Bianco

All in a Day’s Work — David Campbell

It’s a Small World — Elizabeth Ffrench

Bleeding Like a Stuck Pig — Michael Wilkinson

Love at First Sight — Lynette Willoughby

It is Not Until the House Burns that We See the Faces of the Rats — Jon Presswell

A Dark and Stormy Night — Otto Fischer

What Goes Around Comes Around — Beverley Fitzgerald

A Gentleman and a Scholar — Helen Lyne

Adding Insult to Injury — Tamara Jones

Conrad Spits the Dummy — Regan Rist

Salt of the Earth — Kym Iliff-Reynolds

As Cold as Ice — Gayle Virgo

It’s Not Who You Know — Thomas Gregory

Get Stuffed — Grahame Maclean

The Stringybark Dog Eat Dog Short Story Award 2017

About the Judges

Acknowledgements

Other titles by David Vernon at Smashwords.com:

Introduction

— David Vernon

Never judge a book by its cover, is a common cliché that we keep in mind every time we publish a new book. What does our cover tell people? For it’s a dog eat dog world out there and we want to sell our books just as much as the next man. Once you start you can find clichés everywhere. Sadly, most off the cuff interviews with politicians are riddled with clichés — for not only are they a form of linguistic shorthand but they can also be used to say very little.

It was with some trepidation that we decided to run a competition in which the title and inspiration for the story was to be a cliché. We were worried that writers would take it as a challenge to shoehorn as many clichés as possible into their work instead of focussing on writing a high quality story.

We need not have worried. This book, our thirty-first anthology, was chosen from 217 entries, of which nearly all were wonderful stories, and apart from their title there is rarely a cliché worth spotting. Choosing these thirty-four tales for your delectation was a difficult task but one, I am certain you will agree, that the four judges have chosen superbly.

From romance to murder, robots to poison, and everything in between, there is sure to be many a story that you will want to read again and again.

Happy reading!

David Vernon

Judge and Editor

Stringybark Stories

Thicker than Water

— Alexis Hailstones

My dearest Rachael,

Good news! An angel has moved in next door! After all my trouble with Lorna, I thought I’d never experience true friendship again. But Maria and I will be such good friends, I know it.

This is just a quick note as I must dash – she’ll be here for morning tea any minute. I have to pick some fresh camellias for the table!

Please write soon,

Your loving mother.

My dearest Rachael,

Still no word from you. Is everything okay?

You’ll be pleased to know that my morning with Maria went splendidly! She’s new to this area, so I gave her all sorts of local information, like where the best bakery is, and who to complain to at the council about the noisy dog at the end of the street. We chatted away, and shared several cups of tea and far too many of my lemonade scones. Then we talked about her enormous Italian family. What I don’t know about them now surely isn’t worth knowing!

But I have no friends here yet, she confided, shaking her head.

Maria, I said, looking into her dark eyes, From now on, you have me!

Thank you, she said, clasping my hand between hers. Now, you tell me about your family. I’ve never seen so many photos in one house!

At last! But where was I to start?

I handed Maria my favourite snap from the sideboard.

Is this your daughter?

I nodded. Maria looked from your face to mine.

Pretty, like her mother! And the children are little cherubs!

A warm glow grew inside me as Maria gazed at that picture. You know the one I mean? You, my darling, are sitting on the arm of a white leather lounge, one arm around little Bella, who’s cuddled up against you, the other around a chuckling Jayden. As you say, he’s a textbook baby, always placid and content.

And your son-in-law?

Before I could stop myself, a sob had escaped me. I was helpless against the lump in my throat and the tears welling in my eyes.

Lewis? He … he took my Rachael away from me.

Then you must win her back, Maria said. Family is everything.

I took a deep breath.

Blood is thicker than water, I agreed, dabbing my eyes with my handkerchief.

Maria looked at me, eyebrows raised. Blood is what?

Thicker than water. It means blood ties are strong. It means family is everything.

Maria burrowed into her handbag to extract a ringing phone, pressed a button and launched into rapid Italian.

Oh, you must excuse me, she said. My daughter needs me. I must look after the baby. She shrugged, her eyes asking me: what can I do?

I could only sigh.

That’s the trouble with you, My Darling. You don’t need an ordinary old mum when you can afford a roster full of nannies, do you? One day, you’ll regret not having me in your life.

Well my dear, I know you have a lot to do, but please write soon.

Much love to you and the children,

Mum XXX

Dear Rachael,

It’s been a whole day now since Maria and I shared our morning tea, but I haven’t heard from her since. Of course she has things to do, but surely she deserves some time with her best friend?

Grandmas are important to their families, you know. Ask Maria. Just talk to that husband of yours, put your foot down. I need to cuddle those babies again!

Are you really too busy to call me?

Affectionately,

Mum

Rachael

Please Darling, a letter or a phone call would be nice. Maria and I have argued, about you of all things!

I’ve called her a few times and now her brutish husband is refusing to let her talk to me. But there’s so much more I want to tell her about you! I could talk for hours about you and the children. Jealousy, I’ve discovered, lurks in so many hearts and makes people completely irrational. I’m sure that’s what happened with Lorna.

Anyway, this business has given me a terrible headache. Can you find it in your heart to contact me in my troubled times?

Love,

Mum

Rachael

In my darkest moments, I consider letting you go. I’d feel less pain that way. But then Lewis would have won. I shake my head when I see him in the papers. How little the public knows! They think he’s a loveable larrikin. Who’d believe he’s destroyed the bond between a mother and her daughter?

Why won’t you stand up to him? Your sweet nature makes you so patient, content to pack up the children and follow him around the world for his matches. Perhaps he’s a good father. He and the kids have tickle time and rough up time and he looks forward to all those things, you told a women’s magazine. Is it too much to ask you to make a little space for me in their lives? To tell Lewis he’s being unreasonable?

From the mother who loves you, despite everything

Are you there Rachael?

Maria still isn’t returning my calls.

But I have to tell you about something that happened.

I’d just poured the last cup of tea from the pot and flopped into my recliner rocker, as I do every day at 12 o’clock. The footrest sprang up in front of me and my tears started to roll. Not unusual these days!

Anyway, I switched on the TV. The familiar music started up and Dr Phil’s Texan accent filled my lounge room.

Hello viewers, he said. Have you ever lost contact with a loved one? Have you felt the heartache of a family split apart?

It was as if he was talking only to me! I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.

The main thing, Dr Phil said, is to keep your door open. Keep your heart open. And don’t give up.

That was it. First Maria, then Dr Phil. Don’t give up. Family is everything. I knew what I had to do.

Please write soon, my heart is breaking.

Remember me

Yours Mum

Rachael Rachael Rachael!

Are you ignoring me? Have I offended you somehow? Please don’t let anything come between us.

Sorry about any smudges on the page. It’s my tears. I’m nothing without you and the children.

Mum

RACHAEL.

Why won’t you REPLY, my own flesh and blood? Every day I run to the mailbox as I hear the postman’s whistle; every day the big gaping hole in my life grows bigger.

Is Lewis destroying my letters again, as he destroyed the poems I slipped under your door?

FROM

YOUR MOTHER

My dearest Rachael

They said I mustn’t write to you again. But I have to explain. And ask you one last favour.

It’s about last Sunday, a day that, as you know, went all wrong. It even started badly. First of all, the cab was late. Should I have seen it as an omen? The moment I opened the passenger door, the driver’s garlic-breath assaulted me, his gut spilling into his lap. I spent the trip leaning as far away from that overweight body as possible, hoping not to crush your bouquet and willing the streets to pass.

He let out a slow whistle as he pulled up outside your house.

Now that, he said, is some real estate.

"My daughter worked hard to earn it. Rachael Williams. Starred in Friends and Families."

His face was a pasty white blank.

Married to Lewis Williams.

Aaaah. Big Lewis. Some day, he’ll get back in form.

Well, the key wasn’t in the usual spot. Did you forget again? I pressed the button on the intercom.

It’s Jan, Rachael’s mother.

I waved at the camera on top of the gate. And, my Darling Girl, from there, you know the story. Oh my goodness, what a hullaballoo there was! Those security guards, already twice my size, called in a whole fleet of police cars, with their sirens blaring and their lights flashing.

And then, in front of everyone, they bundled me into that wagon like some common criminal. They accused me of not even being your mother!

It’s that Lewis you should be arresting, I told them.

How could they have thought I wanted to harm you? They kept going on about the restraining order, the penknife in my handbag. What nonsense!

But it’s getting serious now. They still don’t believe me. Please, I need your help. Can’t you just tell them? Have I done something wrong by you? How can you keep saying I’m not your mother?

I’m begging you to put them right. Please speak up for me, sort this mess out?Remember, blood is thicker than water.

I remain,

always,

your loving mother.

Alexis Hailstones lives in Brisbane with her family. She works in policy and legislation by day but wants to be a writer when she grows up. Her ‘wins’ include having stories in One Book Many Brisbanes (twice); being joint winner in Perilous Adventures Short Story Competition; winning a Page Seventeen Short Story Competition; winning joint first prize in the Hadow Stuart Short Story Awards; and winning third prize and being highly commended in Stringybark Short Story Awards.  Her writing can be found in the Stringybark anthologies, Stew and Sinkers and Behind the Wattles.

On for Young and Old

— Colin Campbell

All those questions, one after the other, all so… concerned and kind and well-meaning and …foolish!

You look so pale! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Why are you so pale? Do you feel pale? You’re not … you know … constipated are you? I mean, I hate to ask but there are things you can get from the pharmacy that will help if you can’t … you know …

For God’s sake, Mum, give it a rest! If you must know, I’ve already been today. Satisfied?

Are you hung over? You were late in last night, did you do a bit of bingeing? Come on, you can tell me, I am your mother, after all.

No, I’m not hung-over and no, I wasn’t bingeing last night. I was at Trevor’s and we were working on our Physics for Thursday. Drew another blank, didn’t you, Ma! Anything else?

It’s bullying, isn’t it? Is there a gang at school who’re giving you a hard time, because …

"No there isn’t! It’s odd, isn’t it, that someone as observant as you should be unaware of the fact that I’m sixteen, one hundred and ninety centimetres tall — six-feet-three in the old money — and I play number eight