The Zarnian Vodka Paradox

By Robert Albert

Ray Berger and his significant other, Lucy Lenora, join two friends for a two-week Key West, Florida vacation. He strays from Lucy and their two friends and meets Zara from the planet Zarnia.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert Albert
• Release date: Aug 6, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370764068

Robert Albert

Mr. Albert has a background in computer science allowing his description of futuristic technology in awesome detail. Possessing a finely-developed sense of humor he, from time to time, drops little nuggets of hilarity to lift the readers' spirits. The overall tone of the book is humorous cloaked in a mock serious plot occasionally. Mr. Albert provides a smoothly fluid cadence to his narrative. His clear and concise description in both setting and characterization along with his unique characters are described in an easily visualized way. The plot followed a definite imaginative course which culminated in an ending wherein each individual piece fell into place.

Book preview

Foreword

I have placed some interesting information in the appendices. If you are technical, please read the appendices for details.

I have taken vast liberties with language and use English throughout this manuscript because it is hard enough to write a story in English. Trying to use various other languages would put my sanity in jeopardy! However, I have started learning the Zarnian language, and possibly my next book will be written in Zarnian instead of English.

All character names are fictional to protect the guilty. In most cases, names have been kept consistent when in real life they would have to be changed to keep the origin of a character hidden. There is at least one character with two names, and that is unavoidable.

Dedication

Dedicated to My Wife of Fifty-One Years

Elaine,

patiently waiting alone,

while I create the world with words.

Crafted from my imagination,

my dreams,

and my life’s experiences,

as I dance upon this Earth,

together with all of you!

Chapter 1 – Traveling

Ray Berger awoke at 5:00 AM on 9/17/2016 Saturday morning to a cell phone alarm playing, Crown on the Ground, by the Sleigh Bells. Disappointed, he realized his significant other, Lucy Lenora, had never made it to their shared bed last night, for the third night in a row. He would miss making love to her again this morning. As in the previous three nights, between naps, she continued to scan the heavens with her new telescope. Ray found Lucy asleep in her telescope chair and nudged her gently. Lucy woke quickly, sat up straight, and opened her eyes wide. She said, There’s something out there! I can see it, and it is headed this way! It keeps getting closer!

Ray said, What do you mean, something?

She replied, "When I tried to find Mars two days ago, I didn’t see any satellites except the moon. I’ve been scanning the sky for three days looking for anything of interest and testing this telescope. Four hours ago, I could see the details of the moon’s features.

Then at about 1:00 am this morning I saw it. It looks like a flying saucer! I followed it for an hour and then fell asleep. Am I turning into a UFO believer?

Ray said, Well, if you saw it, then all of the folks with bigger telescopes saw it. Have you checked the news?

Lucy said, There is nothing on the news. It might be too new, or someone is quiet to prevent a panic.

Ray said, How will you track your saucer in Key West?

Lucy said, I don’t know unless we have enough room to take the telescope with us. The curious thing is that I looked a couple of hours ago, and I can’t find it. Damn! It’s a good thing I took a picture of it. It was visible from 1:00 am to 2:00 am, and now it is nowhere. Well, I’m out of time. I want to get to Mona and Derick’s place on time.

Ray said, You took a picture?

Lucy said, Yes, this new telescope has an on-board camera. She showed the image, now on her cell phone, to Ray.

Ray said, OK, we are taking the telescope with us! Lucy, on another subject, I miss our lovemaking, especially in the morning when we wake up. Is there something wrong? You don’t come to bed and spend every hour you can on your telescope.

Lucy replied, Nonsense. You are too sensitive! I promise to fix you up in Key West to the point of exhaustion. I’ve just gotten carried away using my new telescope! Remember how much time I spent on you when we first met?

Ray said, Yes, I do. That’s what I miss!

They showered and had a quick raisin bran breakfast.

Lucy put on jeans, sneakers, a tee shirt, and a baseball cap. Always, on her left hand, regardless of where she was going or what she might be doing, Lucy wore a prized possession, her Great Grandmother’s engagement ring with the large blue diamond set with pink and white diamonds all around the platinum silver setting. On her left hand, Lucy wore a wedding ring even though she and Ray had not been married. Finally, she hung a gold crucifixion cross on a gold chain around her neck.

Ray wore shorts, a baggy shirt, no jewelry, sandals, a NY Mets baseball hat, and a concealed Smith and Wesson, M&P, .40 caliber pistol.

They loaded their bags into Ray’s 2010 Ford Mini Van and put the telescope in its watertight container on the top of their car. Ray packed several liters of vodka. He fondly preached to everyone, Before vodka became known simply as an alcoholic beverage, it was known as a healing tonic. People considered it a holy drink that could make you stronger and prepare you to fight. It could make you feel better, take the boring out of boring parties, heal wounds, reduce stress, reduce toothache pain, and countless other benefits.

Lucy and Ray did not have a very long history together. They met at a Sleigh Bells’ Concert May 2nd, 2014, at the Big Guava Festival in Tampa, Florida. The Sleigh Bell’s described as a Noise Band originated in Brooklyn, NY. Ray drove himself from Stuart, Florida to the concert. Lucy rode with friends. When they met, waiting in line at the concession stand for a beer, they both suffered from love at first sight. Lucy rode home in Ray’s car, and they started living together in 2014, just months after they met.

Ray Berger, a six-foot tall,180-pound, muscled athlete caught Lucy’s interest at once. He had thick blond wavy hair trimmed neatly around his ears, blue eyes, heavy eyebrows, a substantial nose, smiling lips, and tan colored skin. When Ray talked to you, he focused on your eyes as if he could read your brain activity. He dressed like a PGA golf pro.

Lucy, a five-feet-eight-inch tall, 130-pound, trim model caught Ray’s interest at once. For the concert, she wore her long brown hair down to the middle of her back cascading over her shoulders. Her pale complexion seemed void of sun exposure. She trimmed her eyebrows and wore light pink lipstick on her thin lips under a tiny nose. When she talked to you, she looked to your left or right and not directly at your eyes giving the impression that she didn’t want you to know the contents of her conscious mind.

Ray, 25 years old, had attended FSU for three years on a baseball scholarship majoring in computer science before the Mets drafted him. He had played a year with the St. Lucie Mets before going pro with the Mets in NYC. His record had been good until 2015 when an injury cooled his performance, and he began playing again for the St. Lucie Mets where his recovery to good form and performance had been proceeding well.

Lucy, also 25 years old, began a successful modeling career a year ago and now models all over the world. In the very competitive modeling industry, she has been quite successful at times. However, she now has long periods of inactivity.

They picked up Derick, and Mona Clark in Hobe Sound and the four of them looked forward to the five-hour ride seeing the Florida Keys up close on the way. They headed south to Fort Lauderdale, then south to Miami, and finally U.S. Route 1 to Key West.

Mona and Derick married on July 14th, 2014, claiming to be celebrating French Bastille Day. Both, sets of their parents came from France.

Mona, 27, taught history at the Stuart high school and Derick, 29, developed software for a local IT company called, Programming Sciences Corporation. The company slogan, Reliable Software is Free, puts forth the idea that good software justifies itself by never breaking and saving you its cost in extra profits and savings.

Derick was very thin in a six-foot-three body weighing about 150 lbs. With his thin beard and homely looks, he could double for Abraham Lincoln. When you talk to Derick, he reads your face like a book with his eyes moving back and forth.

In contrast to Derick, Mona’s body struck a rotund five foot three inches. Her bleach blond hair and pale white freckled face could be childlike. Mona’s radiant smile and kind brown eyes, instantly, made you feel like an old friend.

Chapter 2 – Zarnia’s Sun Chaser

From deep space, one light year away, at speeds up to that of light came an intergalactic starship. The ship carried hundreds of space travelers for over an Earth year to get to this point in the universe. Some of these passengers didn’t know it yet, but they were about to change the lives of people on Earth especially four friends heading for a vacation in Key West, Florida, USA, Earth.

At 2:00 a.m. on 9/17/2016 Earth time, Saturday morning, Captain Damara announced to the crew and passengers of Zarnia’s Intergalactic Star Ship, Sun Chaser, "I am addressing you in English, one of the languages you have all learned and must use while you are in the United States. We are about to enter Starlight’s atmosphere bringing us close to the end of our one-earth-year journey. We’ll dock the ship under water near a Florida island called Key West, one of the hottest vacation destinations for the people of Starlight. The inhabitants call Starlight, Earth. That is what we should call it from now on.

"Our ship, the Sun Chaser, and our excellent crew have made this a successful journey. Your skill and dedication in the use of the advanced technology on this ship, have made the trip as safe and as quick as possible.

We will enter Key West as American tourists. Remember this always. All of you speak English and other Earth languages fluently without accents. Never use our Zarnian language. That way you will not slip while talking to each other, giving away your extraterrestrial origin. Make sure that you do not let anyone know you are from another planet. It is crucial for us to maintain ourselves as residents of Earth. That means that sometimes you must blend in by having some good old fun with the people of Earth. You have heard this before and will hear more in the future.

The crew and passengers had a good laugh about the good old fun. Gelzek, smiling at Zara said, I’ll bet the captain will have more fun than the rest of us put together.

Zara replied, "He is a party animal, isn’t he? I think I’ll do my share as well. The one-year trip to get here has me tight, restless, and ready to go wild!

You should know that when the I refer to a, one-year trip, I mean one of our light years, or the distance traveled by light during a Zarnian year. That is the amount of time it takes Zarnia to revolve around our sun, which is 730 days, or twice the amount of earth days. However, also realize, that the Zarnian day is12 earth hours. The planet rotates twice per earth day. So, since 730 times 12 earth hours is equal to 365 times 24 earth hours our Zarnian light year conveniently turns out to be equal to their earth light year! There is such symmetry in the universe!

The auditorium erupts into laughter.

Then the captain, short and stout, with rosy cheeks, dark black hair and beard, and searching green eyes continued, "Thanks, Zara! This brings up another very serious matter. We are very similar biologically to the human beings on Earth. No one can reliably tell from outer appearances an Earthling from a Zarnian. Evolution on vastly different planets would not have made that possible if it did not have a great deal of help! We from Zarnia, know of our similarities to Earthlings because we have visited Earth many times over many centuries and documented our findings. So, we have investigated historical records to find answers.

"The people on Earth would not have even thought about this puzzle because they still think they are the only living beings in the universe.

"There is a famous theory stating that some third planet of enormous technological capabilities visited Earth and Zarnia in the past leaving their own people on both planets. It may have been an experiment, or this third planet may have been destroyed leaving their people stranded on Earth and Zarnia. Heck, since our planet may destruct, we are contemplating leaving Zarnians on distant planets all over the universe. So, someday, someone will realize that in spite of evolution there are many similarities among living things that exist on distant planets.

"I tell you this because we are similar but not identical. Your anatomy is different in many areas. For example, your knees are much stronger and resilient. An x-ray of your knee would cause a great deal of attention and questions about your origins. Do not submit to any medical treatment. Contact the ship for instructions if you need medical attention.

Soren, as we discussed yesterday, we will put the ship down at Earth’s GPS location, 24°36'26.33N and 81°51'42.33"W. This puts us less than five miles from Key West. Please take over the piloting of the ship and make it happen.

"Zavier, turn on all of our cloaking systems. We are going in using radar countermeasures, and we will not be visible due to our cloaking and the darkness at 3:00 a.m. All our lights will be off or covered. Once we land and dive under water, we can resume normal lighting. Our cloaking will display dark sky and stars under the ship making it even harder to be seen.

"Londrina, set us up for a water-tight docking in the shallow trench at the GPS coordinates specified earlier.

Zara, I need a meeting with your political committee in the auditorium fifteen minutes after we secure our position at the designated GPS coordinates.

The Sun Chaser approached from the northwest and waited until passing over the seaplane bases southeast of New Orleans before abruptly dropping straight down to an altitude of 1000 feet for the remaining distance to the GPS location outside of Key West.

A sailboat passenger near the underwater feature Lloyd Ridge looked up just in time to see the Sun Chaser glide over them. Hey Drake, she said, Something weird is moving across the sky causing an area of distortion the size of several football fields. Or, maybe I’ve just had too many margaritas. No, it's there. See the strange distortion in the stars. The stars in the sky ripple like those on an American flag in the wind. What the heck can that be?

Drake replied, Rebecca, I don’t see anything except stars. It must be the margaritas. I can’t wait to get to Key West so I can drink Margaritas and join you in your alcohol-induced hallucinations!

Sun Chaser reached the GPS coordinates designated by the captain and hovered just over the water in complete darkness. Very slowly, Soren guided the ship to approach the three-foot waves until they began slapping the ship’s hull. Eventually, the sea water reached the window which completely circled the oval-shaped ship.

When the water passed over the top of the ship, Soren turned on the lights, and everyone on the bridge could see fish and other sea life swimming by as the crew of Sun Chaser invaded the realm of deep sea creatures.

More slowly the ship settled to the bottom and came to rest on the ocean floor. Sun Chaser had landed without incident in the water just northwest of Key West. The facility engineers adjusted the ships three legs onto the ocean floor, making the vessel level. During that process, they cloaked to match the ocean floor. Now, from above, they were not visually detectable.

At exactly fifteen minutes after the captain declared the ship docked, the political committee gathered in conference room A1. The captain and Zara sat on the auditorium stage as 200 members of Zara’s political committee filled auditorium seats in front of the stage. Excited discussions, on the way in, raised the noise level in the small auditorium just short of deafening.

Once the seating was completed, Zara, about 5’8" tall, with the figure of a long-distance runner, striking red hair trimmed short over her ears, stood on stage to chair the meeting. She smiled at the audience with intense blue eyes, a petite nose, and a childlike face with no makeup. Zara wore light-blue jeans, a black and white checkered shirt untucked and loosely opened revealing only a nicely-filled T-shirt underneath. Sneakers and black and white socks completed her current wardrobe which she had obtained from the Starlight Clothing Closet on the ship.

When Zara talked to you one on one, she seemed to telepathically draw information from you.

OK, quiet now, she said, you all know why we are here, but I will tell you again.

Zara said, "We are here to determine the feasibility of merging some of our civilization and Earth’s civilization. The determination will take place in six Earth months. You all have had training in multiple Earth languages, as well as all the political systems governing the 195 self-ruling countries on Earth. Each of you has a specific contact in one of those countries to meet and get close to. You’re to discuss all the points on the list that I passed out on the way here. You must cover all points, if possible. In general, we need to determine if the people on Earth will cooperate with us while we move some of our population to Earth and possibly the moon or other planets in Earth’s solar system. We bring incredible technology, and they bring a planet. Our planet will break apart around ten Earth years from now, due to the wobble problem which began shortly before we left. Cooperation between us is the only way our relocation can work, and the Zarnian civilization can continue.

"We have three other ships investigating three other planets in other solar systems on which to move our people. Certainly, we can’t try to move everyone to the same planet. That would cause instant overpopulation, even using our advanced techniques for getting more people in the same space. When all our ships return to Zarnia in a year and a half earth time and compare combined experiences and knowledge, we will make final decisions and plans.

"You will all use public transportation to reach your assigned country. This way you can experience many people and cultures along the way. You are posing as American citizens considering moving to your target country. Use that country’s language as it will indicate to everyone you meet how serious you are about joining their community.

"Once you get to know people, start talking about overpopulation that may occur in the future or is occurring now. Work on solutions. Find out how everyone feels about overpopulation. Ask about populating other planets. You’ve got the list of ideas and questions to work on. Use it. Learn the culture of the country you are visiting and find out what impediments might exist, like religious differences.

"Each of you has been issued a solar impulse phone. You can communicate with me or each other using these devices as standard Earth smartphones, or on impulse phones. On impulse, your conversations cannot be detected. When using these phones or any others, do not use the Zarnian language. Use English or your country’s language. If you are overheard using the Zarnian language, who knows what conclusions will be reached by someone who overhears you? Even better, find a place to call for both parties where neither can be overheard.

"In six months, we will gather at this spot to travel back to Zarnia. On the way, we will document our recommendations.

Jack asked, What if I determine my recommendations in less time? Should I return early and voice my decision?

Zara replied, No, make sure you use your laptop to document everything in a very detailed journal. All data on the laptops will be encrypted automatically. At all cost, you must keep an open mind until the half-year is over. Only then do you get to return to the ship and discuss your findings. Coming back early is inexcusable and will be punished. There are no exceptions.

Sonora raised her hand, and Zara recognized her, What if my assigned person is dead?

Zara replied, Again, there is no excuse to return early. Find someone else in the same family or as close as possible. That part is up to you. Return, only after a half-year with your decision, based on your original person or a suitable replacement, in case your original target is no longer accessible.

Zena asked, What should we do if we become romantically involved with our assigned subject?

Zara replied, That is a good question. You must attempt to avoid that situation because it can cloud your judgment. However, we recognize that romantic involvement is possible since we are directing you to become as close as possible to your assigned person. If this happens, you must, after the half-year return to the ship to report your experiences and information. Then, if you want to return to your new loved one, you may. The ship will leave without you, and more than likely you will be called on in the future to help us out. If that is the case, you must cooperate or suffer consequences, which may be severe.

Tatham asked, Why are we doing this? What is the motivation to merge with these backward people? Why don’t we simply take over and make them slaves?

Zara replied, "Okay, granted, if we want to take over today we can. We have the upper hand in technology. However, on the other hand, these people have covered ground that we may not have. They can contribute to our well-being. I cannot explain or know what their contribution can be. Until we investigate thoroughly, we will not know. Most people I talk with in our society have struggled with this question. The current plan is what was decided as the best possible strategy. Remember, our planet is due to destruct in ten years. We need help from people of other planets so we can find a place to live when our own planet destroys itself. Earth is one of those possibilities.

Lambert yelled, Look, I don’t care a bit about these people. We can take over right now and keep the survivors as slaves. Why should we care what happens to them? I know right now that we are superior and can just take over. In fact, I am upset that we have come here with no personal weapons. What idiot decided this strategy?

Zara screamed back, Me, that’s who, I’m the idiot! This strategy will make sure that war does not start before we can complete our mission. We had to ensure that you could not, in a fit of anger, make war on these very intelligent and compassionate people on Earth. I will be watching you closely. If you step out of line, your life ends here, without any consideration beyond painless death! So, watch out. Do you understand?

Lambert replied, Yes, and I apologize. I get it.

The questions and answers went on and on. Eventually, the meeting ended. Zara established herself as the leader of the political committee and clearly asserted that her ideas and plan must be followed. Everyone left except the captain and Zara.

Zara said, The meeting has been completed. Do you have anything else for me?

The captain said, As a matter of fact, I do. You recall that since you bear the key responsibility of the whole political committee and their findings, we did not assign you to a person on Earth to examine and help you decide whether or not settling here will be a good idea.

Zara said, Yes, I do.

The captain said, Well, we have changed our minds. Our reconnaissance has turned up a unique situation. We have found out that a man from Zarnia, whom we thought to be dead, in fact, has survived and is living on Earth with a woman whom he has taken for a wife, also from Zarnia. They have a son named Ray. This man and his wife, in fact, have stayed on Earth from separate and previous missions made to Earth. Now, I know their son, Ray, has our genetics. I know he has special talents. So, you will get to know Ray Berger, now in his twenties. You will meet him in Key West the day after tomorrow. Do you understand?

Zara replied, Yes, I do. Please explain how I should meet him and what his great significance is.

The captain explained, As I said, his name is Ray. You will meet him in Key West. His significant special talents put him at the top of our list of people on Earth to know and understand. We do not want you to know ahead of time what his talents are, as it may affect the outcome and/or your future relationship. For example, you may not think he has special talents. We could be wrong. You must meet him as planned and try to understand him. We have an idea that this one man may be significant in the Zarnian future. It is for you to understand and figure him out. So, meet him, know him, and after a half year, report to us like everyone else.

Zara pleaded, What are you saying? What are you asking? Why are you picking me?

The captain replied, "Just go to him and figure out what it is without me to cloud your judgment. Go now. Be wary because danger abounds