To Siri With Love: A Mother, her Autistic Son, and the Kindness of Machines

By Judith Newman

From the author of the viral New York Times piece “To Siri with Love” comes a collection of touching and hilarious stories about life with a thirteen-year-old boy with autism that offers insights and revelations for all

When Judith Newman shared the story of how Siri, Apple’s electronic personal assistant, helped her son, Gus, who has autism, she received widespread media attention and an outpouring of affection from readers around the world. Basking in the media attention, Gus told anyone who would listen, “I’m a movie star.”

Judith’s story of her son and his bond with Siri was an unusual tribute to technology. While many worry that our electronic gadgets are dumbing us down, she reveals that they can give voice to some, including children with autism, like Gus, who has trouble looking people in the eye, hops when he’s happy and connects with inanimate objects on an empathetic level.

To Siri with Love is a collection of funny, poignant and uplifting stories about an extraordinary child who has helped his parent see and experience the world differently. From the charming (Gus weeping with sympathy for the buses that sat unused while bus drivers were on strike) to the painful (paying $22,000 for a behaviourist to teach Gus how to use a urinal) to the humorous (Gus’s insistence on getting naked during all meals, whether at home or not, because he didn’t want to get his clothes dirty) to the profound (the way an automated assistant helped a boy learn to communicate with the rest of the world), the stories in To Siri with Love open our eyes to the magic and challenges of a life beyond the ordinary.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins
• Release date: Aug 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781443446754

Judith Newman

Judith Newman is the author of You Make Me Feel Like an Unnatural Woman. She is a regular contributor for The New York Times Style Section and People, and is a contributing editor to Allure and Prevention. She has written for Vanity Fair, Harper’s Bazaar, The Wall Street Journal, Vogue, Redbook, GQ, Marie Claire, and Cosmo. She and her sons live in Manhattan.

Reviews for To Siri With Love

[arubabookwoman · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This is a memoir of Judith's life with her 13 year old autistic son Gus, and his twin brother Henry, who is developmentally "normal." (Maybe that's a bad word now?) Judith is married to a much older man, and they reside in separate apartments. The boys live with Judith, so most of their care falls on her. The book is mostly a varied collection of anecdotes and vignettes, many of them humorous, of her life over the years with the boys. Her love for both of them shines through, and as far as I can tell she accepts them both unconditionally as they are.Nevertheless, this book has generated a huge amount of controversy, with many people on the autism spectrum berating Judith as an "Austism Warrior Parent," who are apparently those parents who try to cure or put non-autistic oriented goals on their autistic children. I didn't get the impression that Judith wanted to "cure" Gus--more it seemed that she is trying to help him navigate a world that is often not friendly to people who are different.The thing that seems to have generated the most controversy is a statement Judith made as she contemplated Gus's future as he reaches adulthood. She states, "I will insist on a medical power of attorney, so that I will be able to make the decision about a vasectomy for him after he turns 18." Many people took this to mean that Judith is an advocate of eugenics and this will lead down a slippery slope to the sterilization of all those who are different. I didn't get the impression that was Judith's intent. At some point in the book she makes the insightful comment that because an individual is delayed does not mean he will never reach certain developmental milestones. I saw her statement about a medical power of attorney as reflecting her opinion that Gus currently does not appear to be developmentally on track to decide whether or not to have children. As demonstrated through-out in the book, she openly discusses many issues of Gus's development and care with him, and listens to what he says. I can see that this is something she would discuss with Gus with regard to a vasectomy. And it is my understanding that she would not be able to get a medical power of attorney without some judicial or other official determination that Gus is unable to make such decisions on his own.Another criticism of the book was that Judith was exposing the private lives and thoughts of her children without their permission. She does state in her preface that she had many discussions with Gus and Henry about what was going into the book that was personal to them. She states that there were some things Henry didn't want disclosed, and that she left these things out. She states that Gus had no objection to any of the things she put in the book. Arguably, Gus may not have been totally competent to give such permission, but I think Judith and her husband know Gus best, and they felt that Gus's consent was informed. But that's an argument for another day. (And how could Gus be able to decide about a vasectomy, but not able to decide whether to publish this book?)Well, I liked this book, and recommend it if it sounds like your kind of thing.3 stars

[jnwelch_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book by well-known journalist Judith Newman is about raising her now teenage autistic son Gus. His twin Henry is much taller and "normal", so she has a striking perspective on the different challenges the boys present. She's brutally honest ("Am I a bad mom"?), funny, sarcastic, and determined to do right by Gus and Henry. The title comes from Gus's affinity for the endlessly patient Siri feature on Apple phones. He's like to marry her, but after letting him know she's not really the marrying kind, she tells him that wasn't in the phone contract.Newman and her now-elderly opera singer husband have their own sensory and spectrum-like issues. They have a happy marriage while living in different apartments. So, among other things, she's familiar with being out of what's considered mainstream normal.Gus is exceptionally friendly - so much so that they're afraid to let him walk to school alone. But it's hilariously useful to let him answer marketing phone calls, as he proceeds to ask the telecaller more and more friendly questions about his/her life, preferences and so on. Revenge!I learned more about parenting an autistic child from her humorous, day-to-day realizations, than I have from many highly regarded nonfiction books about autism. I find fascinating the (to us) off-kilter views and behaviors of those on the spectrum. My keen interest probably began when our son befriended a high-functioning boy, who was valiant in dealing with mainstreamers, and able to play well any instrument handed to him. Newman's book helped me much better understand, for example, the comfort of repetitive behavior ("stimmng"), which for this boy was walking in circles.Newman is nothing but candid, which can be a bit uncomfortable. For example, should she get a medical power of attorney and have Gus get a vasectomy? You'll be privy to her thinking on it, and probably as perplexed as she is by the ethical issues that raises.My wife, a former speech pathologist who can be highly critical of autism accounts, loved this one, too. In the end, the author is very happy to have Gus in her life, even with the difficulties, and it's clear the feeling is mutual.

[steve02476 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Short book, very funny. Don’t know how “typical” Gus the autistic kid is, I suppose there’s no such thing as typical. Clearly his mom (the author), father, and twin brother are all kind of wacky in their own ways.