Never Say Never Again

By A. E. Easterlin

On her perfect day, wearing her perfect dress, waiting to marry her perfect groom, Maddie Mae Lowry gazed out the window of the bride's dressing room and saw her husband-to-be kissing someone else. His best man. And it wasn't a friendly kiss—it was an all-out I-love-you-I-want-you kiss. The kiss that should have been hers. Perfect! Two years later, back home in Wyoming, war vet Gideon Branch takes one look at Maddie and knows he wants to marry her. He doesn’t need the contract he signed with her grandfather, Pap. That’s just to keep the old guy happy, although Gideon knows it wouldn’t please Maddie. All her love goes to Pap and to the special needs kids who will share her ranch. Gideon does everything he can to please her, but what will it take to get her past her vow to never love again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Wild Rose Press
• Release date: May 3, 2017
• ISBN: 9781509213191

A. E. Easterlin

South Florida author, Elayne Cox, writing as A.E. Easterlin, loves spending time at her computer putting down in black and white stories of heroes and heroines, living and loving and learning in the process. An interest in music and performing led her to majoring in vocal performance at Alabama College and Music Education at UAB. Married 49 years to her husband, Clyde, they have three children and two grand-children, as well as three grand-dogs. While rearing a family, Elayne and her husband work at their family business which they have owned since 1986. Writing has always been a secret passion until published in 2015, with her debut novel, "Sonata by Moonlight," first in her Heroes and Half-notes series. The second novel in the series, "A Little Night Music," will be released in 2016. A historical western, "A Necessary Woman," is also due out this year. Her books deal with universal conflicts, experienced by exceptional characters, and always with a happy conclusion. Traveling is another passion Elayne loves to indulge, having visited the enchanting capitols of Europe and Canada, as well as motor-coaching throughout the USA in search of story lines and real people to inspire her creativity. She's an active member of Romance Writer's of America as well as the local chapter, Florida Romance Writers, and is busy refining her craft and offering the reading public " a taste of love, a touch of heat, and a story that captivates the heart."

Book preview

Inc.

He didn’t mind very well, this big cowboy who demolished her defenses and tore down the walls she’d so carefully erected around her heart. What was it Pap said about his first meeting with Grandma Emma? That he’d taken one look at her and decided to make her his wife. Could it really happen that quickly?

No time to ponder the answer to her question. The next second her mind shut down, and all she could do was feel.

His kiss began slow and deep, making her heart race, blotting her doubts. She was conscious only of him and the strength of his arms as they curled around her and hemmed her in. Gently, he drew her against his chest, so hard and warm she could feel the heavy beat of his heart through the cotton of his shirt.

She lay there while he played with her mouth, and enjoyed the sensation of his lips, the taste of his tongue tangling with hers. Plunging deep and pulling back, exploring, testing, learning. She smiled against his mouth, and he smiled back. There was no hurry.

Praise for A. E. Easterlin

A previous release in this series, SONATA BY MOONLIGHT, a Contemporary Romance, received four stars on Amazon and five stars on Goodreads.

~*~

A. E. Easterlin’s Books

Available from The Wild Rose Press, Inc.

A NECESSARY WOMAN

The Heroes and Half-Notes Series:

SONATA BY MOONLIGHT, Book One

A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC, Book Two

NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, Book Three

Never Say

Never Again

by

A. E. Easterlin

Heroes and Half-Notes, Book Three

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

Never Say Never Again

COPYRIGHT © 2017 by A. E. Easterlin

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or The Wild Rose Press, Inc. except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Contact Information: [e-mail]

Cover Art by RJ Morris

The Wild Rose Press, Inc.

PO Box 708

Adams Basin, NY 14410-0708

Visit us at www.thewildrosepress.com

Publishing History

First Yellow Rose Edition, 2017

Print ISBN 978-1-5092-1318-4

Digital ISBN 978-1-5092-1319-1

Heroes and Half-Notes, Book Three

Published in the United States of America

Dedication

To Shelly, my confidant.

To Bart, my strength.

And to Caitlin, the wind beneath my wings.

And to my husband — you have always been my hero.

Chapter One

Maddie Mae Lowery stared in amazement at the white confection of her wedding dress and grinned at her reflection. Simply perfect! Hugging her curves like second skin, the gown cost way too much but was worth every dollar and the months of scrimping and saving.

Turning to inspect it from every possible angle, she admired the delicate lace veil floating over her shoulders like vanilla icing sprinkled with white sugar topping. Good enough to eat. Sparkles of light from the glow of the huge chandelier shimmered in the long mirror, enhancing the overall effect. The owner of the bridal salon had been right. Together, this gorgeous dress and veil were undeniably…perfection.

Maddie bit the corner of her mouth and slowly smiled. She’d never felt as beautiful or been as much in love. Today she would marry her soul-mate, the man of her dreams. Beneath a canopy of flowers, glowing in the light of a hundred candles, she’d promise to love, honor, and cherish the other half of herself. And tonight—finally, finally, finally—she’d belong to Harrison in every sense of the word.

This was it—their day. The one she’d been waiting for since he first chased her around the playground in elementary school, escorted her to senior prom, joined her at Boston College as they earned their postgraduate degrees. She’d always known she would marry Harrison. And he’d always known he would marry her.

Would Harrison like her dress? Enough to drop his ridiculous inhibitions and admit he wanted her as much as she wanted him? Deep inside, where no doubts or lies were allowed, Maddie couldn’t deny the lack of intimacy had stressed their relationship. Sometimes she wondered if he really wanted her at all.

But lots of couples waited until marriage to have sex, and lots of girls saved their virginity until their wedding night. Right? I can’t be the only twenty-something virgin in America…can I?

Voices from the courtyard penetrated her blissful daydreams. The slamming of a door. Deep male voices. Harrison and Tyler had finally arrived. A soft gasp of delight escaped her lips. Excitement gurgled in her belly. Maddie shoved the long train of her dress aside, rested her palms against the window at the front of the bride’s room, and glanced down, searching for a glimpse of her groom.

Warmth flooded her face and desire pooled between her legs as she spied him. Harrison in his tux was every bride’s dream. Tall, muscled, his shaggy blond hair tamed for the occasion, he made her heart flutter. The same boy who had been a childhood playmate, who had listened to every teenage dream, now took her breath away.

Excitement prodded her heartbeat, and she lifted her hand to wave…and froze.

What. The. Heck?

Squinting through the window at the scene below, she pressed her nose against the glass and tapped on the pane. Neither man heard her shocked reaction; neither man glanced up. Unaware they were being observed, Harrison strode to the front of the limo and halted in front of his best man, Tyler Bradford.

She smiled at the typical male greeting. Big grin. Chest bump. Hands gripped in a firm shake, and Tyler pulled Harrison in for a hug.

Wait a minute…

That was no man hug; that was a real hug.

And that was a real kiss. Full-on…lip-lock, tongue and all. Real kiss. All consuming, deep, hot, wet. An I’ll-never-get-enough-of-you kiss.

Not perfunctory or chaste or appeasing like the ones she’d gotten from Harrison.

Tyler Bradford was getting her kiss. The one she should have gotten from her fiancé. Why?

Devastating pain slammed into her chest like a meteor bursting into earth’s atmosphere. Explosive and lethal, replacing her heart with a gaping hole. Her lungs burned as breath left her body. From deep inside, her truth voice warned that everything she’d believed in, counted on, dreamed of, was about to change right before her eyes.

An anguished squeal pierced the silence. Hers. The room spun as the scene below tilted her world on its axis. Meanwhile, the kiss went on.

Harrison! Look up here. At me, Maddie, the woman you’re going to marry. The woman you love. The woman who adores you.

Slap. Slap. Slap.

Maddie’s hand acted of its own accord. Harder and harder, she pounded on the window, all the while wondering why the glass cracked and fractured, and why her hand bled. A silent scream stuck in her throat and reality tiptoed over the slippery slope of her future.

How much of an idiot could one girl be?

That’s when it hit. He’d lied. Harrison didn’t love her. He couldn’t. Not if he could kiss another person—man or woman—the way he’d just kissed Tyler.

A dark and gradual awakening crept into her mind, and bled through her veil. She glanced at the bright red with cold indifference. She might be the most gullible woman in the world, but she wasn’t stupid. The Maddie who loved Harrison with every fiber of her being died. In her place rose a Maddie cocooned in ice and anger.

It was over. Instead of Lohengrin, a requiem played. Everything she’d thought she had, everything she’d dreamed of, planned for, counted on was based on deception. Her perfect day and perfect dreams were nothing more than an illusion.

Bile rose in her throat, and its bitterness churned in her stomach. This is what it had all come to—a pathetic cliché. Bride abandoned at the altar.

One hot, searing tear leaked from the corner of her eye and burned a trail down her cheek. Cold shivers engulfed her as reality seeped into her bones, freezing her body into a pillar of ice. Maddie sank to the ground and cradled her injured hand in her lap, unconcerned by the red stains marring the perfection of her dress. She was never going to need it anyway.

You are such a fool, Maddie Mae. You wasted your life on a man who was never going to love you the way you loved him. Harrison may have been in like; but he was never in love. Not with me, anyway.

He didn’t really love her.

He didn’t really want her.

The wedding was never going to happen.

The sound of footsteps pounding up the stairs drew her gaze to the door of the dressing room. Panic and disbelief lodged in her chest as Harrison’s face appeared, plastered with an expression of guilt.

Maddie, he called hoarsely as he stood frozen to the spot.

Tyler, white-faced, looking every bit as shocked and guilty, came from behind and put his hand on Harrison’s shoulder. He whispered something she couldn’t hear, as Harrison nodded, his stare plastered on hers. She’d give a million dollars to know what was going through his mind.

The one thing of which she was certain? Her perfectly beautiful day had morphed into a perfectly horrible disaster.

The man of her dreams. The man whom she’d loved since childhood. The man she was about to marry…was gay.

Everything is ruined, she spewed at the two men cautiously entering the room. How could you do this to me? To us? A lifetime I loved you… You said you loved me. Her voice broke on a dry sob. I’d have done anything for you, Harrison. Anything. And this is how you repay me? Lying to me. Betraying my faith in you. Letting me find out minutes before we are to say our vows that you want someone else? What kind of a man are you?

His face grew red. Maddie… Harrison took another step toward her, an anguished expression on his face. I’m so sorry, darling. I can explain.

Don’t. Her hand cut the air. Don’t you dare call me ‘darling.’ You have no right to call me that. You should have told me—you owed me that much. If not as a lover, at least as a friend. Do you think for one minute, if I’d changed my mind, I wouldn’t have at least had the courtesy to come to you in private and explain? You’ve humiliated me, Harrison. Humiliated me and used me and broken my heart.

I didn’t want to hurt you, he whispered.

This was his excuse? Then you failed. I am hurt—and you are a coward.

If you’d let me explain…

Tyler cleared his throat, his hand finding its way to Harrison’s shoulder. I think she gets the picture, Harrison, he said quietly.

Maddie glared at Tyler, reeling as she sank further into her old friend the wall. Stay out of this. But you’re right—I caught on the minute I saw the two of you making out in the courtyard.

Harrison glanced over his shoulder. Tyler, if you don’t mind, wait for me in the hall. I need to talk with Maddie alone. Tyler closed the door behind him as he left.

As useless as it was, Maddie’s tear-filled eyes implored him to tell her she’d mistaken what she’d seen. She waited, giving him time. Harrison squatted beside her, his hand reaching for hers before she jerked it away.

Why, Harrison? If you knew you weren’t in love with me, and didn’t want to marry me, why did you wait to tell me? Why let things go this far? I can’t believe this. I’m such a fool. All this time I kept throwing myself at you, trying to make you want me. There’s something wrong with me, I told myself—I’m not pretty enough, sexy enough, he’s bored—that’s why he doesn’t respond. I believed it was my fault. And all the time, it wasn’t me at all.

She threw her hand in the air, self-deprecating laughter erupting from her pulverized heart. "Of course you didn’t want to make love to me; you didn’t want to make love to any woman. You were my best friend, my soul-mate. I believed in you, trusted you…loved you, and the most important part of yourself you kept hidden from me. If you told no one else, you could have—should have—told me."

Harrison touched his forefinger to her cheek and brushed a tear from her face. So tender, so lover-like. She flinched. His fist gently tipped her chin, forcing her to face him. Because she had no choice, Maddie met his anguished gaze, her heart thumping an uneven rhythm.

Cheater! she cried.

"Maddie, sweetheart. Don’t you think I know how wrong this is? All the years we’ve been together, our friendship growing into something more. You expected me to marry you… I expected me to marry you.

"For some time now, I knew something wasn’t right between us, but I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did. And I tried, Maddie. Truly. I gave myself a million pep talks. Called myself a million names. Believe me, I know how this hurts you because it hurts me, too.

Do you know how many times I convinced myself I could go through with the marriage? Make a home, a life with you, like we planned? I love you, Maddie. Truly I do. But it wouldn’t be good between us. I’m not in love with you the way you deserve, and I can’t be with you the way you want. It’s because I love you that I can’t go through with the wedding. Sooner or later, our marriage would end in heartbreak. You know it would. The timing is shitty, I know, and I’m sorry. Tyler forced me to face the truth. We were on our way up here when you saw us.

Yes, I saw a demonstration of him convincing you, she replied bitterly.

Don’t blame Tyler.

Who should I blame? Because it certainly seems as if there’s enough to go around. You for not telling me you’re gay, Tyler for poaching my fiancé. Me, for being blinded by love and deluded into believing you loved me when you could barely bring yourself to touch me.

It wasn’t like that, Maddie.

Harrison, please. Just don’t say anything else.

She glanced up and watched the light play off the crystal drops in the chandelier, her head pounding, heart aching, mind struggling to make sense of this catastrophe. Sure, she’d lost everything she ever wanted…but making excuses and offering apologies was getting them nowhere. Nothing she said or did would change what happened today. There was no going back.

And wasn’t this the perfect ending to a perfectly…Fucked. Up. Day.

The face she used to love stared back at her.

What’s left to be said? she asked. Goodbye? I wish you well? What? Just go. I hope the two of you’ll be very happy together…because you deserve each other.

Maddie, please. Don’t be like this. I know it stinks, but isn’t it better we found out now? Before we disappointed each other? Destroyed our friendship?

It stinks? Her whole world was crumbling, and the best he could come up with was, It stinks?

Friendship? You love me enough to string me along for practically a lifetime, to ask me to be your wife, to let me spend a fortune on a wedding that was never going to happen, and to let me find out you’re in love with someone else by kissing your lover in front of God, man, and everyone in attendance today. If that’s your definition of friendship, it’s a good thing I didn’t marry you.

I’m so sorry, Maddie. What do you want me to say? He rose and stepped back. I never meant to hurt you.

She straightened her shoulders, summoned every ounce of pride in her aching body, pushed up the supporting wall, mustered every degree of intestinal fortitude she could dredge from the depths of her body, and faced the man she’d once loved more than life itself.

Too late for that. You could have told me you had doubts long before today. But now? There’s nothing more you could possibly say. I’m sorry for you, Harrison. Not because you struggled with your sexual orientation, which obviously you have. That has nothing to do with this. She gestured between them with a shaking hand.

You lied. By omission or commission, you lied. I shared everything with you, every secret, yet the most important part of your life you hid from me. You aren’t the man I thought you were. Had you come to me before today, explained yourself, trusted me to come to terms with your feelings for Tyler, I could have accepted it. Not only didn’t you love me, you didn’t trust me. But you’re right about one thing—it’s probably good this happened. Once I found out the kind of man you truly are, I wouldn’t have wanted you anyway.

Harrison dropped his hands to his side. Maddie.

Goodbye, Harrison.

With nothing left to say, he turned and walked out of her life without a backward glance. Loss greater than any she’d ever known pierced like a sword through the center of her. Panic seeped up with the bile she tasted at the back of her throat. She couldn’t remember a time or an event without Harrison beside her, and the emptiness left her terrified. A bride shouldn’t feel this way on her wedding day, angry and scared and so alone. But she wasn’t a bride. This wasn’t her wedding day.

Time to grow up, Maddie. Go back to your real life.

Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed her phone and touched the number of her only living relative, the one person whose love she could always count on—the grandfather who had raised her.

Pap? she said through the lump building in her throat. The wedding’s off. I’m coming home to Wyoming.

Done with city life. Done with this part of her world. Maddie grabbed her suitcase, changed clothes quickly, and left the chapel and the sounds of shocked guests as Harrison told everyone the wedding was off. Handing her bag to the limo driver, she glanced at the chapel one last time. The decorations, the flowers, the sign announcing the marriage of Maddie Lowry to Harrison McCall—all were burned into her mind forever.

Airport, she choked as the driver held the car door and hesitated.

You all right, miss?

Just get me to the airport as quickly as you can.

With an understanding nod, he ran around the front of the limo and took his place. One glance in the rearview mirror and they pulled out of the parking lot. Maddie sat back and closed her eyes. Heading on an entirely different journey than she’d begun that morning, she wiped tears from her cheeks.

When they reached the airport, the driver helped her out, giving her good hand a sympathetic squeeze. Maddie thanked him, checked her bag, and somehow made her way down the concourse. As she waited to board, her mind zinged in a thousand directions.

Poor Harrison. In spite of her bitterness, her heart ached for him. His sexuality explained so many things. If only she’d known—if only he’d trusted her, so much heartache for both of them could have been avoided. He must have struggled, through the years, never feeling free. An actor in a drama not of his own making. The part of her that still loved him hoped he found what he was looking for in his life. The part of her that stung from his betrayal hardened her as Maddie concentrated on the future without him. Go home, find a job, rebuild her life. And stay the hell away from anything that had a penis.

Drained, she relaxed against the headrest and gazed out the window. Maddie Mae Lowry had learned two valuable lessons on her earthquake of a wedding day.

There is no such thing as perfection in an imperfect world.

And she would never…ever open herself up to such pain again.

Chapter Two

Maddie rented a car at the airport in Laramie to make the short trip from town to home. Pap or one of the hands could follow her back tomorrow to make the return. Her old ’63 Chevy pickup should still be in the barn; she’d clean it, check it out, maybe give it an oil change and change the plugs, and she’d be good to go.

As she drove home on the narrow county road, she let her mind drift over the events of the previous day. Starting over was painful, but the distance and three-hundred-and-sixty-degree difference from the city gave her a sense of closure. The scenery, the people, everything about this part of the world was different. Thank God.

After graduating college, she’d worked as a special education teacher in urban Boston, but the lessons she’d learned at her grandfather’s knee came tumbling back now as if she’d never left. Being raised on a working ranch, Maddie could handle animals, chores, simple repairs on cars and tractors, and just about anything else that needed fixing.

Out here, if it needed doing—you did it yourself. Pap called it survival skills, and he’d taught her everything she needed to know to live in the isolated shadow of the Snowy Mountains. If it couldn’t be fixed, it couldn’t be used.

Driving up to her home, her tightly held control began to crack. She spied the one man who had always been her rock, waiting on the weathered porch, stooped and older but with a grin as wide as the prairie on his face. Pap had always been there for her, always would. Love warmed the glacial wall surrounding her heart. Inhaling a deep breath of love and home, she felt better already.

Never again, Pap, never again, Maddie cried as she ran up the steps and threw herself into her grandfather’s arms.

Safe and secure, she held tight as she sobbed out her pain, and he rubbed her back with work-gnarled hands. There, there, baby girl. We’re gonna get through this. You’ll see.

It hurts so bad, Pap.

I know, girl. It’s gonna feel like you landed in a pit of rattlers before it gets better. It’ll take some time, but once the wounds heal, you’ll be ready to move on. You’re home now, and that’s what counts. A few days of Wyoming sun will set you to rights.

She started to shake her head in protest, but he wouldn’t let her get away with feeling sorry for herself. There now. Let it all out, and then we’ll get you settled.

I mean it, Pap. I’ll never put myself in this position again.

Pap petted her hair, pushing a strand behind her ear, and wiped the tears from her face with calloused thumbs. "You should never say ‘never,’ girl. Life is funny that way. Whenever you say ‘never again,’ it’s the very thing