Bullet-proof Pyjamas

By Derek Strahan

A theater play, this is best described as a romantic comedy dealing with different kinds of sexual preference. Four women are in love with the same Russian millionaire, but he is in love with the young gay Spanish private eye he has employed to spy on his young wife whom he suspects of infidelity. His conventional front hides darker passions. The four women in love with him are his wife, her sister (his ex-fiancee), his secretary and his confidante, an S&M specialist. The four men involved are two as above plus the wife's lover, a frivolous adman, and a gay man who runs a military disposal store and who helps to find the bullet-proof pyjamas of the title. The emphasis is on dialogue and situation. There is optional, incidental nudity as the play opens, and, in the last scene, a discretely staged sexual encounter that is interrupted by unexpected arrivals. The author claims, as influences, George Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde and Restoration dramatists such as Richard Sheridan.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781618422903

Derek Strahan

Derek Strahan is a Springfield resident and the author of the blog "Lost New England." He is a graduate of Westfield State University with degrees in English and regional planning, and he teaches English at the Master's School in Simsbury, Connecticut.

Book preview

BULLET-PROOF PYJAMAS

A play by DEREK STRAHAN

ISBN: 9781618422903

SYNOPSIS

Four women are in love with the same Russian millionaire, but he is in love with the young gay Spanish private eye he has employed to spy on his young wife whom he suspects of infidelity.

Derek Strahan

Revolve Pty. Ltd.

P.O. Box 422

Cronulla NSW 2230 AUSTRALIA

PHONE/FAX: [phone]

MOBILE: [phone]

EMAIL: [e-mail]

WEBSITE:  http://www.revolve.com.au

INDEX

CHARACTERS

ACT ONE

SCENE 1 – Jackie & Victor agree to buy bullet-proof pyjamas

SCENE 2 – Carlos reports to Igor on his surveillance of Jackie

SCENE 3 – Helga sells Horace Attila gear and refers Jackie to Joe

SCENE 4 – Igor threatens to kill himself unless Isobel helps him with Jackie

ACT TWO

SCENE 1 – Isobel tries to calm Igor who threatens to divorce Jackie

SCENE 2 – Isobel phone Jackie to warn her

SCENE 3 - Joe fails to sell Carlos binoculars, but sells Jackie bullet-proof pyjamas

SCENE 4 – Helga tells Igor how to handle Jackie.  Joe tells Igor old news

SCENE 5 - Horace’s Attila act fails to impress Marguerite

ACT THREE

SCENE 1 - Marguerite orders Horace to kill Igor

SCENE 2 – Jackie insists Isobel come with her to confront Igor

SCENE 3 – Victor insists Helga come with him to confront Igor

SCENE 4 - Jackie & Isobel insists Joe comes with them to confront Igor

SCENE 5 – Igor sacks Carlos as detective and re-employs him in a personal capacity, but they are discovered by everyone. Marguerite draws a blank when trying to shoot Igor. Matters are sorted out – sort of.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

‘BULLET-PROOF PYJAMAS’ A play by DEREK STRAHAN

CHARACTERS

Jackie Rasumovski A volatile and attractive young woman who is unashamedly hungry for money and affection not necessarily in that order or from the same source. She is sort of in love with Igor but somewhat frightened of him especially when also in love with another man, which is often.

Igor Rasumovski  A gloomy and self-punitive middle-aged Russian whose financial genius as a corporate takeover merchant has enabled him to restore the family fortune that was lost to communism. His guilt over gay leanings has morphed into need for self-inflicted pain.

Victor  Mid-thirties and handsome in a 1930s matinee idol fashion, as also reflected in his fashion sense. Works in advertising and tends to see life as a package of commodities, but is humorous about his lack of serious intent. He regards problems as part of the small print he neglected to read, and a cause for product return. Currently Jackie’s participatory lover.

Carlos A young, gay Spaniard, in his twenties, who is articulate in the English language but challenged in its syntax. He is happy about almost everything including his sexuality, but excepting his present employment as a private eye.

Isabel Jackie’s older sister, but not that much older. Formerly engaged to marry Igor, but became disengaged as she discovered more and more about his private life. Now prefers to sponsor younger impecunious men of artistic aspiration.

Helga An exceptionally attractive Swedish dominatrix who doubles as informal psychotherapist for her clients, which include Igor, with whom she is also in love, but not so much as to complicate her business. She allows nothing to stand in the way of the expression of her desires and opinions, not even an appallingly inadequate command of spoken English.

Horace A timid and submissive middle-aged man who has an inner strength and redoubtable fortitude, which he is mostly too polite to reveal. He bears a remarkable resemblance to Donald Pleasance. His marital situation is difficult since he is married to  …

Marguerite A tragic middle-aged woman of striking stature and appearance whose life would be much happier were she not in love with Igor, as whose suffering private secretary she has been slaving for five long years of unrequited

yearning.

Joe A gay guy who runs an army disposal store. Among his customers are many muscular young men who find military uniforms and accessories to be valued fashion statements. . He also caters to the wider public who go camping.

BULLET-PROOF PYJAMAS

ACT ONE

SCENE 1 – VICTOR’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM

It is mid-morning. The Living Room is designed to an open plan, with a bar/kitchen at the back. The furniture is conceived with comfort in mind, and a capacious and wide lounge dominates the room. It reflects a contemporary use of TV and Internet, with some shelf space devoted to books and audio playback equipment. The scene is clearly one of post-coital relaxation. To reflect accurately the post-coital nonchalance of two lovers who are at ease with each other, the scene should be played naked until they begin to get dressed. However, if the director regards this mode of performance to be in bad taste or too challenging for prevailing audience tolerance or too much in defiance of contemporary censorship laws, it can, of course, be played with sufficient concealment of body parts by minimal clothing to allow the play to be performed in public.  Victor and Jackie are decoratively strewn over the lounge. Their clothes are decoratively strewn over other items of furniture.

VICTOR: So why did you marry your husband?

JACKIE: Oh, I do wish you wouldn’t keep asking me that.

VICTOR: Why?

JACKIE: Because I’m not sure I can answer.

VICTOR: Can’t or don’t want to?

JACKIE: Does it matter?

VICTOR: If it stops you answering, yes.

JACKIE: Well, it does.

VICTOR: Just suppose for a moment that you could answer.

JACKIE: I refuse to suppose any such thing.

VICTOR: But if you could tell me why you married your husband … ? What’s his name?

JACKIE:  You know perfectly what his name is.

VICTOR:  I keep forgetting.

JACKIE:  Ridiculous.

VICTOR: No. Psychological. A mental block. Oh yes. I remember. Igor.

JACKIE: See? You can remember.

VICTOR: It’s difficult. Over the past month you’ve told me so little about him.

JACKIE: That’s because there’s very little to tell.

VICTOR: All I know is that he’s rich.  How rich?

JACKIE: Very.

VICTOR: So he’s called Igor and he’s very rich. Is he Russian?

JACKIE: He used to be.

VICTOR: Right. So getting back to my question. If you could tell me why you married him, what would you tell me?

JACKIE: That’s cheating.

VICTOR: Just suppose.

JACKIE: Oh well. I suppose you might say …

VICTOR: Yes?

JACKIE: I suppose you might say I found myself in a bizarre over-decorated church of a strange religion …

VICTOR: How strange?

JACKIE: Russian orthodox.

VICTOR: Good God! Is Igor religious?

JACKIE: Not in the least. It was all just for show. Vast numbers of his relatives flew in from all parts of the world, wearing odd fancy dress type clothing. A terrifying priest with hair all over his face and dressed in a dressing gown stood in front of us …

VICTOR: Us? You mean you and Igor?

JACKIE: Well, of course. That was the whole point, don’t you see. I was getting married to him.

VICTOR: Sorry for interrupting. Please go on. This is fascinating.

JACKIE: For you perhaps. For me it was terrifying. The priest suddenly started singing in a very deep bass voice. Right in my ear almost. It was much too loud, but I couldn’t move away.

VICTOR: How awkward. And then?

JACKIE: Victor, it was not just awkward. It was petrifying. There I was in a church full of strangers …

VICTOR: Just a minute. Wasn’t anyone from your family there?

JACKIE: Only my sister. And she insisted in sitting in the back row.

VICTOR: Whatever for?

JACKIE: Look, do you want me to go on or what?

VICTOR: Oh go on! There you were in a strange church being sung at by a bearded man in a dressing gown …

JACKIE: Yes, and about to be married to a man I