Sweet Sarah's Bluez

By B.L Wilson

Sarah Harris, a widowed New York City tow truck driver, is tired of her life and the negative elements in it. She is treated like a doormat by her son and her mother’s constant berating of her makes her feel like a child again. Her boss resents Sarah’s desire to better herself and does everything he can to throw obstacles in her way.
At forty-three, Sarah decides to return to college, applying to a nontraditional Scholars' Program headed by Dr. Winnie Thompson, a woman who is also in need of a life change due to a particularly unsatisfying love affair with her boss at the local university.
Both at a crossroad, Sarah and Winnie meet one chilly night when Winnie is stranded by a blown out tire on her car. The two women are drawn to each other and seek support from one another, even though Sarah knows that her family and friends may object to the discovery of her sexual orientation as a lesbian. Will Sarah overcome the barriers to her happiness, or will she continue to suffer from Sweet Sarah’s Bluez?

• Language: English
• Publisher: B.L Wilson
• Release date: Jan 2, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370015207

B.L Wilson

B.L. has always been in love with books and the words in them. She never thought she could create something with the words she knew. When she read ‘To Kill A Mocking Bird,’ she realized everyday experiences could be written about in a powerful, memorable way. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with that knowledge so she kept on reading.Walter Mosley’s short stories about Easy Rawlins and his friends encouraged BL to start writing in earnest. She felt she had a story to tell...maybe several of them. She’d always kept a diary of some sort, scraps of paper, pocketsize, notepads, blank backs of agency forms, or in the margins of books. It was her habit to make these little notes to herself. She thought someday she’d make them into a book.She wrote a workplace memoir based on the people she met during her 20 years as a property manager of city-owned buildings. Writing the memoir, led her to consider writing books that were not job-related. Once again, she did...producing romance novels with African American lesbians as main characters. She wrote the novels because she couldn’t find stories that matched who she wanted to read about ...over forty, African American and female.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Number one bluez

After years of skirting around the edges of higher education, Sarah Harris decided to go back and earn a degree. To say she was unprepared for completing the task was putting it mildly, she mused. She was afraid this might be her last chance. At forty-three and degreeless, how many opportunities did she have? Not many, she muttered inside the empty cab of the tow truck she was driving. She sighed at the answer to the question as she considered the things she might have to give up to return to school. Lord knows, she was used to sacrificing. That was all she did for her son.

Isn’t that what parenthood is? she questioned, staring into the darkness from the safety of her truck. When Jeffrey was born, her husband, Big Jeff, made a solemn promise they’d raise this child together. They would provide little Jeffrey with the best things that money could buy. He’d be their crowning achievement. He’d grow up to be a hard-working, respectable, disciplined young man who would make any parent proud.

Instead, at twenty-three, little Jeffrey still lived with her and worked at a part-time job making minimum wage at a fast food franchise that was soon to go out of business. While he still couldn’t afford to move out, he did nothing to increase his opportunities to earn higher wages either. He spoke endlessly about his latest dream of being a promoter. On weekends, he frequented the bars in the area, looking for talent. At least, that was what he told her whenever she asked him for money to pay the unusually high phone bills.

When Sarah asked him for the phone money, she usually heard, This group is going to give me the break I need. I can feel it. I just need a little more time, Ma. I promise, I’ll pay the phone bill next week. Oh, lunch cost more than I thought, so can I borrow five dollars ‘til Monday?

Sarah scanned the roadway as she looked for the exit ramp. She found it, then continued onto a side street. Lately, her conversations with Jeffrey were limited to, Ma, can you give me, or Ma, I need. According to her girlfriends, she ought to count her blessings regarding Jeffrey. They said at least he was working and he didn’t do drugs. Somehow, their words just didn’t sound right to her. She wanted more from her son than menial labor and didn’t do drugs. How about he’s been working at a decent job since he graduated college two years ago and he’s up for a promotion.?

Twenty-three years ago, Big Jeff made a promise to her at the birth of their son and they would both live up their end of the bargain. Little Jeffrey had every single educational gadget that came on the market. They bought a house in a nice neighborhood with good schools and set up a college fund for him. They even stopped hanging out so they could spend as much time as possible with their precious little boy, when they weren’t busy working overtime. Sarah and Big Jeff worked overtime weekends and one year they both worked two jobs just to fill that college fund.

Unfortunately, as Jeffrey turned eighteen, he decided that he could earn a better living without a college degree. He moved out of her home. Then he convinced his grandmother to pressure Sarah into withdrawing his college fund so that he could buy the first of several cars. After Sarah refused, Jeffrey borrowed money from his grandmother to buy the cars anyway. He totaled the first and second cars in six short months, then he used the remaining money to move to Atlanta to further his so-called career in the entertainment world as a record promoter. The business sharks must have seen him coming. Within eight months, he was standing on her doorstep, homeless and broke.

For months after Jeffrey moved back with her, Sarah cried herself to sleep every time she thought about how hard she and Big Jeff worked to fill that damn college fund. She recalled how they devoted their lives to raising Jeffrey right. They moved into a better neighborhood with better schools and churches, bought anything they thought would make him better prepared for college, and worked all kinds of overtime to pay for it. It nearly drove her crazy that Jeffrey wanted to fritter it away on foolishness. How could he think that higher education wasn’t important after all the emphasis she and Big Jeff had placed on it?

As much as she needed increased finances over the years since she became a widow, Sarah still couldn’t bring herself to touch the fund because she still held out the hope that Jeffrey would come around to her point of view and attend college. If she withdrew any of the money from the fund, it meant that she’d given up on her son. She wasn’t ready to give up on Jeffrey. She expected a lot more from her son than he doesn’t drugs do drugs and works part-time.

What kind of life did she have? She felt as if she had arrived at a crossroads in her life. If she turned to the right, she’d stay on the same old path and nothing would change in her life. She’d be comfortable in the daily monotony of the sameness. Sure, she’d be bored at times and wonder what if…but a good routine could be comforting in times of stress. Lord knows Jeffrey and her mother, Eula Dean, provided enough stress.

If she made that left turn at the fork in the road, who knew what was around the corner? Make that right turn and Sarah could see a straight, dusty road extending for miles and unchanged miles. The road on the left seemed as if it started to head into the mountains. Sarah couldn’t see anything but tall mountain ranges as obstacles in the way before she could see the end of the road. Should she make the leftward journey? Was she even equipped for it? If not, would there be help for her along the way? She couldn’t answer these questions yet, but at least she was asking them.

Sarah sighed. Preparing for the return to school was forcing her to re-examine her life. Sure, she worked for the city’s towing unit now, but she hadn’t always been so fortunate. She recalled that when she and Big Jeff first met, she was cleaning houses for a living. It was backbreaking work and didn’t pay much, but at the end of the day, she knew she’d accomplished something. She liked glancing at the spotless floors, immaculate bathrooms, kitchens, and polished furniture. She liked knowing she was responsible for their new condition. Furthermore, housecleaning didn’t require too much thought and no skills, just a strong back. She liked the idea of using her hands to earn a living. The job had its benefits as well. She could make up her own schedule. She could take time off when she needed. She only had to answer to her own clients. The arrangement suited her fine until she met Big Jeff.

They met the day her old battered car finally broke down ten blocks from his repair shop. She cancelled her cleaning jobs for the day when the old car sputtered and stopped just before the traffic light on Broadway and East Houston. She got out and raised the hood. She fiddled around with the distributor cap and the choke, figuring if she could adjust the mixture of air to gas that it might start again. Her old buggy had already stopped once this week and that was what had worked before, so maybe her luck would hold again. She knew the car was old, but with her mechanical skills, Sarah managed to keep it running well over three years. That was good, she thought, since the car only cost her a hundred dollars.

That little trick didn’t work this time. When she turned the ignition key over, the car made a weak attempt at starting, then went dead. Half an hour under the hood with grease all over her hands and clothes couldn’t get the old girl to start. She decided to ask the next car that stopped for directions to the nearest service station. The young man who stopped gave her directions to the shop and then drove her there. When she went inside the service station to find the owner, she discovered the young man that gave her a ride also owned the repair shop. Furious that he hadn’t introduced himself on the ride over to the shop or tried to repair her car, she yelled at him.

The young man waited until Sarah calmed down before he smiled, then quietly said, Howdy, I’m Jeffrey Harris. Folks around these parts call me Big Jeff. I reckon you can too. It’s a real pleasure meeting you.

Years later, Big Jeff told her that he hadn’t said anything right off because he’d wanted to see what kind of person his future wife was. He’d been across the street when her car died. He watched with increasing curiosity as she popped the hood, then began to clean the distributor cap and play with the choke. That was exactly what he would have done in the shop. He wondered how she knew to do that kind of repair. He looked at the sturdy, big-legged young woman bent over the engine with a new appreciation.

His daddy always told him, Son, if you ever lucky enough to meet a woman that ain’t scared to get her hands dirty, marry her, ‘cause that mean she ain’t afraid of a hard day’s work. It’s always good to find that in a womens. You don’t want no lazy witch sitting on her ass all day while you be working. Idleness has its place but not in no wife. Idle womens have time to think. Thinking womens gets a man in a piss pot full of troubles!

Big Jeff drove her back to the stalled car. The two of them disassembled pieces of the carburetor, trying to locate the problem but had little success. She finally agreed to let Jeff tow the car back to the shop and work on it, if he’d provide a loaner car. They came to an agreement on the repair costs. She paid him a generous deposit on the amount. Throughout the week, she came by to check on the car early enough to help him analyze the engine and find the problem.

The young man with the quiet manner began to grow on her, so when he asked her out, she agreed. He was very different from most of the men she knew. Her male acquaintances were loud, boisterous, drank heavily on weekends, and some of the men didn’t work at all. Big Jeff was a nice change from them. He’d found a good location for his garage. He was making a serious effort to succeed with his business. Business was very good. Two experienced mechanics worked with him in the shop during the week. Weekends were busy enough that he’d hired two additional mechanics to work part-time.

One of the part-timers was a vocational student, Malcolm Scott, who was trying to learn the auto repair business from the ground up. He wanted to start a repair shop of his own one day. Big Jeff took the young man under his wing, taught him what he knew about the business, and became a surrogate father to him. He insisted that the young man remain in school, checked on his grades every semester, and then talked with his teachers when he had problems. Three years later, Jeff attended his graduation and then promoted the kid to a full-time, certified mechanic’s position.

Big Jeff told her later how he wanted to marry Sarah nearly as soon as he met her, but he took his sweet time asking her. They dated two years before he finally popped the question in their favorite restaurant. He knelt on one knee and presented her with a beautiful engagement ring. By the time Jeff returned to his chair, the entire restaurant knew he’d proposed and Sarah had accepted. The waiters, who had been watching their relationship grow from their first dinner date to their engagement, clapped and cheered, and then brought out a cake to celebrate the occasion. The couple proudly cut the first piece and then shared the rest with the waiters. Sweet memories filled up that night for her.

Sarah’s mother, being the hard-to-please woman that she was, didn’t approve of her future son-in-law. Eula Dean liked the idea of an honest working man in the family again, but she hated Jeff Harris for allowing Sarah to work as a part-time mechanic in the shop. It didn’t matter to her that her daughter was a highly skilled mechanic that enjoyed the work immensely. Eula Dean didn’t want her daughter working in a repair shop no matter how good she was. She took every opportunity to remind Jeff of her displeasure. She attended Sarah’s wedding under protest and only after a campaign led by her ex-husband and her youngest sister, Hattie Mae, pressured her into going.

On the other hand, Sarah’s father, Rufus Harris, truly admired his future son-in-law. He thought it was a fine thing that Sarah worked by Big Jeff’s side in the business. Rufus often speculated that had Eula Dean worked with him in his repair shop or shown the slightest interest in the business, they’d still be married, but that was water under the bridge now. The time had come and gone for him and Eula Dean as a couple. It was her time now, Rufus confided to her. He also prayed that Sarah didn’t have too much of her mama inside and more of him. He figured only time would tell which part would win out in her marriage to Big Jeff.

Sarah recalled that she’d always been good with her hands. When she was a small child, her father’s repair shop fascinated her. She spent hours watching him repair engines, transmissions, and carburetors. As she grew older, Sarah no longer simply watched the repairs but became an active participant. He allowed her to make some of the simpler repairs under his watchful eye. He proudly referred to her as his little helper or the miniature mechanic and bragged about her skills to his friends.

In contrast, Eula Dean never liked Sarah’s interest in cars. She discouraged it at every opportunity. She said a real lady never got her hands dirty. That’s what husbands and boyfriends are good for …to repair things, she’d always say and add, In my day, mens worked and their wives stayed home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. It was the way relationships were ‘posed to be! The manner in which she said the last statement left Sarah no room for compromise or discussion about working in her father’s shop, so it became their secret.

Sarah’s parents divorced when she was about ten. At the time, Eula Dean ordered her never to go near her father’s shop again. Ignoring her mother’s orders, Sarah managed to sneak a visit with her father at the shop twice a week for the next three years until Eula Dean discovered what she regarded as her daughter’s treachery and punished her. She prohibited Sarah visits to her father’s shop unless she accompanied her. Since the repair shop was the last place on earth that Eula Dean would ever visit, she’d tried to eliminate Rufus from her daughter’s life by issuing the restriction.

However, Eula Dean hadn’t counted on her daughter’s persistent determination to continue being with the sole positive influence in her life. Sarah managed to see her father on the weekends that she could coax her mother into letting her visit Christina Wilson. She and Chris snuck off to Rufus’ shop on Fridays after school, Saturdays, and sometimes Sundays after church. Chris had a crush on one of her father’s young mechanics, so any opportunity to watch him work was fine with her.

Sarah thought Eula Dean had interesting views on sex too. Her favorite saying to her daughter about sexual matters was, If you want to keep your credit up, you keeps your skirt down! Eula Dean didn’t enjoy Rufus’ touch and routinely dodged his attempts at any public displays of affection. Sarah couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her mother hold her father’s hand inside their home or even share a friendly pat on the backside or a kiss. She knew married couples were supposed to be affectionate because she’d seen Aunt Hattie Mae with her husband, Morris.

While the days were bad between Rufus and Eula Dean, the nights were even worse. Nine-year-old Sarah could hear the frequent arguments about sex through the paper-thin walls of their apartment. She thought her daddy must have done something bad because her mama yelled at him for touching her with his nasty hands! She heard Eula Dean slap Rufus, then burst into loud sobs. Her daddy tried to comfort her mother just as he tried to comfort her when he felt Eula Dean was being too mean.

Her daddy would say, Eula Dean, I ain’t him! Baby, it me, your husband, Rufus! Honey Pie, just lets me touch you, please! He’d beg, We don’t have to do nothin’. Just lets me touch you. I can make you feel good. You knows I can. His sweet-talk to her mother continued for the next thirty minutes, then a lengthy silence would follow. Years later, Sarah realized her father probably had gotten tired and fallen asleep unsatisfied.

As she listened to her parents’ arguments night after night, she never learned who the him was from her parents’ arguments. Curiosity finally got the better of her. The next time she and her mother were alone, she asked.

At first, her mother looked startled by her question and refused to answer. Her mother resorted to spanking her and sent her to bed without dinner. For the next week, Eula Dean ignored her and simply stared into space as if she wasn’t there when she asked for anything besides food or drink. She considered that incident one more lesson learned about her mother’s odd behaviors. She never bothered her mother about it. Instead, the next time her Aunt Hattie Mae came for a visit, she waited until they were alone to ask.

Hattie Mae Cousar was her mother’s younger sister and the one person that her mother confided in about most things. Sarah was certain her mother’s baby sister would tell her about the man that made her mother so upset. She’d also learned from her mother’s bad reaction that her question must be very important, so she’d better pick a good time to ask her aunt. They were in the living room straightening out the pillows on the couch while they waited for her mother’s return from the hairdresser. She wasn’t worried that her mother might return early and overhear their conversation because her visits to the hairdresser always used up an entire day. What surprised her was that Hattie Mae convinced her mother not to take her this time. Like it or not, she usually had to accompany her mother to the hairdresser. When Hattie Mae said she wanted to spend time alone with her favorite niece, Eula Dean magically agreed.

Sarah decided to put this unexpected time alone with her aunt to good use. Aunt Hattie Mae, who’s the man Daddy and Mommy argue about at night? she asked after carefully waiting all day for the right time to approach her aunt.

Girl, you been listening at your mama’s bedroom door again? Aunt Hattie inquired, frowning at Sarah. She acted surprised by the boldness of her niece’s question. She squinted at Sarah’s young face, trying to determine the truth of her delayed response.

No, ma’am. I wouldn’t do that, Sarah mumbled and then guiltily stared at the floor.

Her aunt didn’t believe her. I thought you and me agreed you wasn’t gonna do that no more, Sadie. It rude to eavesdrop on folks, especially if the folks be your mama and daddy. I know you curious ‘bout what go on in your parents’ bedroom, but some things gotta stay between them two, Sadie.

I wasn’t listening on purpose, Aunt Hattie Mae, honest. It’s just that they were talking so loud I could hear them through the wall in my bedroom. Sarah looked worried. I think my daddy hurt my mama because I could hear her crying. Why would he hurt her, Aunt Hattie?

Hattie Mae stared into her niece’s worried face and sighed. "I guess you gotta learn ‘bout your mama sometime. If you old enough to ask the question, then I reckon you old enough to hear the answer.

First off, come here and set beside me. Hattie Mae patted an empty spot next to her wide hips on the couch. She watched Sarah settle next to her before she told her sister’s story. Second thing, this story ain’t something I expect you to repeat, Baby Girl. You understand that? Hattie Mae remarked sternly. She placed a hand under Sarah’s chin to turn her face so she could examine it. What she read in Sarah’s eyes seemed to satisfy her and she began to tell a story. Third off, your mama ain’t mad at your daddy. She paused. I reckon it look that way sometime. Your daddy…Rufus never hurt your mama, Sadie. If it one thing I knows, it be that. Your daddy loves your mama something powerful, Girl. In her own way, Eulie love your daddy too. She just can’t show it so good.

Hattie Mae sighed heavily and stared out the window. She knew the day would come when she’d have to explain the reason for Eulie’s cold nature to Sarah. She’d always hoped the explanation would happen on Sarah’s wedding day or at the birth of her first child. In the future, she planned to tell Sadie, but not now when she was just a child. She wanted time and lots of it to get Eulie’s story straight in her head. She knew she’d be the one telling it to her niece. Eulie would be too upset to answer to her own daughter’s questions about him right and proper. Her niece was turning into a sharp-eyed nine-year-old who asked pointed questions about what she saw and heard. It was too bad this wasn’t one of those simple questions because then she could ignore it and say, Sadie just too nosy for her own good, Hattie Mae thought as she watched the wind blow the leaves on the trees.

She turned to stare at her niece again. Me and your mama got this older cousin named… She realized that she didn’t have to say the name to Sarah. Never mind ‘bout the name. That don’t matter none. What matter, he be older than us was at the time this happened. He take advantage of your mama when she just a few years older than you. He claim he teaching your mama how to be a good wife. Hattie Mae frowned, then looked down at her hands. It a lie, she thought, continuing with her story.

The details don’t matter much, Girl. You just need to know that your mama a good girl and she was raised right. Our mama said good girls don’t do what that boy did to your mama until you married. Eulie tell him no. She thought he’d leave her alone and go bother somebody else. He the kind of ignorant person don’t be listening when a gal say no. Ain’t nobody ever done him that way before. Least ways, that what he tells your mama after he got her. Eulie tell me later how he just waited till our mama leave her alone at her sister’s house. He liked your mama so much he kept seeing her until Rufus come courting. He didn’t wanna stay away from your mama, but he didn’t wanna mess with Rufus neither. It made him finally quit bothering Eula Dean ‘n’ take up with ‘nother gal.

Hattie Mae sighed, then looked at Sarah. She saw the frightened look in her niece’s eyes and pulled her close to hug her. It okay now, Sadie.

Can he hurt Mama again? Sadie whispered. Her voice muffled against her aunt’s ample chest. She snuggled into her aunt’s comforting embrace.

No, Baby Girl. Our cousin can’t hurt nobody no more. He been dead and buried for years. Somebody told me he been kilt by somebody who stabbed him in a bar. Your mama didn’t say nothing to nobody but me. Back then, you didn’t tell that kind of thing. It ain’t like today where folks tell all their business to complete strangers.

Hattie sighed as she held Sarah. She didn’t have the heart to tell Sarah the truth. It wasn’t a male cousin who had upset Eulie years ago. There was another cousin, a female one named Mildred. The way Eulie told her the story, she was embarrassed with the way Cousin Millie made her feel. She liked how it felt when Millie touched her, so she came back for more of Mildred’s touches and kisses. Hattie decided to withhold that information from her niece and go with the story she and Eulie made up years ago—even her brother-in-law never knew the real story.

She and Eulie agreed it would be better for Eulie if no one knew what happened. Their mother could remain blissfully ignorant, while their father didn’t need to know about his daughter’s teenage affair with a woman. In her heart, Hattie Mae always knew if Eulie had a daughter, she’d come asking about her mother’s nature and she’d be the one to tell Eulie’s story. Sons don’t seem to care what make their mamas tick just long as they gets what they wants or needs, Hattie Mae thought.

Chapter 2

Making a little lady?

Thinking back to that conversation with Aunt Hattie years ago, Sarah understood how difficult marriage must have been for her parents. She was surprised their marriage lasted eleven years. She glanced down the long dark highway; finding it nearly empty, she continued with her musings.

One thing unearthing her mother’s secret accomplished for Sarah, it helped her understand why her mother was so cold to her. She never hugged her. Most of the affection in her household came from her Aunt Hattie and her father. For a long time, Sarah thought that she was simply too ugly in her mother’s eyes because she was big for her age. She was also very clumsy, with large hands and feet that she found hard to control as a child. It didn’t help her antagonistic relationship with Eula Dean that she was likely to break anything delicate, such as her grandmother’s china collection or her mother’s knick-knacks. Whenever her mother opened the trunk containing her grandmother’s china or looked at the bookcase containing her little whatnots and found another one missing, she’d become enraged because she knew Sarah had touched something she had no business touching, then had broken it without telling her.

She remained all thumbs and stumbling feet until she learned to play b-ball. It was as if she’d found a miracle cure for her clumsiness through the game. The game taught her to coordinate her mind, her eyes, and her large, ungainly body. For the first time in her life, being too tall and too big didn’t matter. In fact, her height and size were assets on the court. It also helped that basketball was her father’s favorite sport. Love of the game gave them something else to share while she worked alongside her father in his repair shop, which of course angered her mother.

Sarah frowned when she thought about her childhood. It was difficult to tell if Eula Dean was jealous because of the amount of time she spent with her father in his shop instead of staying home with her or if she was angry because repairing cars wasn’t a lady-like profession to teach any daughter of hers or because Rufus encouraged her to be different. Her mother found her eagerness to repair cars far too masculine, so she attempted to change how her daughter appeared in public. She and her mother fought constantly about the jeans she felt comfortable wearing rather than the ultra-feminine blouses, skirts, and dresses that her mother bought for her. Their perpetual disagreements placed Rufus smack-dab in the middle. He was in a no-win situation.

If Rufus supported his wife, Sarah walked around the house in clothing that didn’t quite fit her sturdy frame and had to listen to her mother’s bitter diatribes against anything that she deemed too manly for her daughter. Since Eula Dean insisted that Sarah couldn’t wear dresses in the repair shop, it meant she couldn’t visit the place to help her father. Sarah regarded not being able work in the shop or see her father there as a severe punishment. She was miserable staying home to help her mother around the house. Rufus silently observed the scene at home until he couldn’t stand to see her daughter looking so unhappy. He usually came to Sarah’s rescue after several days. He’d try to coax Eula Dean into lifting her punishment. When that didn’t work, he’d present Eula Dean with a large bouquet of yellow roses, take her to dinner at her favorite restaurant, and promise to help make his daughter more lady-like. It usually worked. Eula Dean would relent and end up letting Sarah visit his shop.

However, Eula Dean’s acquiescence wasn’t without its consequences. While he missed Sarah’s presence in the shop when his wife went on one of her rampages to make a lady out of their daughter, Rufus also knew that he’d pay for his interference with the punishment. Eula Dean stopped speaking to him for days on end. She ignored his presence at breakfast, lunch, and dinner as well as in the bedroom. She’d still cook and clean for him, but entertainment in the form of conversation was another thing entirely. She refused to communicate with her husband other than sharp stares or exaggerated sighs. She wanted to remind her husband in an obvious way just who was in charge in the Harris household. Eula Dean could be very determined when she set her mind to accomplish something, no matter what it was or whom her actions affected, Sarah reflected.

Sarah remembered asking her father after one of her mother’s fits, as he used to call them, if he was going to leave and find a nicer family. She was scared because her mother seemed particularly angry that she’d changed into the jeans that she hidden in her gym bag, then snuck off to the shop instead of coming straight home from school to help her fix dinner. Later that night, when she and her father entered the house, Eula Dean was waiting for them.

Her mother’s eyes moved coldly up and down her body. She stared at her grease-streaked jeans and T-shirt without comment. The little vein at her mother’s left temple popped out and began to throb, but she didn’t say a word. Her accusatory stare and rebuking body language said it all. She’d crossed her arms, then she gave Rufus a long hard glance as if she was waiting for an explanation from him. When one wasn’t forthcoming, she snatched Sarah up by the arm and dragged her into the bedroom.

Damn it, Girl! Eula Dean said. cussing at Sarah for the first time in her life. You tryin’ to kill me tonight? Here I am, tryin’ to make a little lady out you ‘n’ you doing your level best to be a little man. What wrong with you ‘n’ your daddy? Is you both crazy? She sat down on the bed, then yanked Sarah across her lap. She pulled her jeans down, took a belt, and whacked her backside five times. I done told you before, you a girl, not no boy. I want you to act like it! They ain’t no more going with your daddy to the shop to repair no cars, Sarah Ellen Wright! You hear me?

Yes, Mama, Sarah replied in a muffled voice as she sniffed back her tears.

Eula Dean shoved Sarah off her lap and stood upright. She towered over Sarah, then pointed at her dirty clothes. I wants you to throw them boy clothes away, little girl. Right now! Don’t you come out of this room! I wants you staying here ‘n’ thinking ‘bout what I just said. Eula Dean slammed the door, then strode down the hallway into the master bedroom.

Sarah heard her mother yelling at her father. She listened to her father’s attempts to calm her mother, but none of them worked. Her father gave up trying to reason with her mother and grew silent. After five minutes of silence, she could hear his bare feet as they padded down the hallway to the living room. That night, Sarah snuck into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Rufus heard Sarah open the refrigerator door and joined her in the kitchen. Here, Girl, you eat this. He handed her a sandwich that he’d made for the occasion and watched her eat it and gulp down a glass of milk.

Daddy, are you gonna leave us ‘n’ find a nicer family?

Her father frowned when she asked the question about leaving Eula Dean. He stared into her face for a moment as if he was trying to read something in it. Baby Girl, if you old enough to question your daddy, you ain’t too young to hear the answer. He sighed heavily as he continued to read her worried face. I loves your mama even if she ain’t so nice all the time. She gots a real good heart. She gets to thinking hard on something…like making you be a lady. It makes her crazy that you ain’t. She want you wearing dresses ‘n’ staying away from the shop.

Sarah stopped eating the sandwich to groan at her father’s words. She’d heard them before and hated hearing them again. I hate dresses, Daddy. I don’t wanna wear ‘em. I like my jeans ‘n’ I like repairing cars.

Her father shrugged. I knows you do, Baby Girl. I likes you being there too, but your mama need our help. You doesn’t leave a body when they needs your help, Sadie. It don’t matter how tough it gets to live with ‘em, you don’t leave. Sooner or later, they comes around to your way of thinking. I ain’t leaving you or your mama, Sadie, less she asks me to go. He read the relief in her eyes and smiled at her. He patted her shoulder, then stood up and yawned. I is sure tired tonight. Be sure you wash your plate an’ turns off the kitchen light, Sadie, he remarked over a shoulder as he trudged down the