StarChild: Book Two

By Sara M. Garringer

After an agonizingly long month, Jewel's missing Guardian, Subaru, finally returns, bringing with him answers to questions that have been haunting her day after day: what really happened the night Magnus was killed, what is the connection between Angel and Subaru, and, finally, why does Subaru hate her so much. Confessions of love, shattering betrayal, and a simple mistake that may be the undoing of someone she cares for. As if that weren't already too much to deal with, the unknown enemy begins to up the ante, determined more than ever to insure Jewel never assumes the throne. With her eighteenth birthday looming ahead, Jewel still doesn't know what her future holds—a crown or a diploma—or if she will even have a future at all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sara M. Garringer
• Release date: Oct 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9780985368623

Sara M. Garringer

Indie AuthorOccasional doodlerProud bearer of the Nerd BadgeTrekkie by MarriageLiving embodiment of irony—love Spider-Man, terrified of spidersI've been writing since the 3rd grade and it's the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. I'm happily married with one son.Twitter: @saragarringerInstagram: @saragarringer

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Garringer/StarChild2 330

StarChild

Book Two

By Sara M. Garringer

StarChild

Book Two

By Sara M Garringer

Copyright 2016 Garringer Publishing

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, lease purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

College Application

Chapter One – Detention

Chapter Two – Confessions of a Teenage Masochist

Chapter Three – First Impressions

Chapter Four – The Talk

Chapter Five – Visitor

Chapter Six – Deal or No Deal

Chapter Seven – Holding Back

Chapter Eight – Secrets

Chapter Nine – Austin

Chapter Ten – Who’s on First

Chapter Eleven – The Reason

Chapter Twelve – Not Enough

Chapter Thirteen – Diplomacy

Chapter Fourteen – Best Laid Plans

Chapter Fifteen – Waking Nightmare

Chapter Sixteen – Haunted

Chapter Seventeen – Aftermath

Chapter Eighteen – Barely Breathing

Chapter Nineteen – Mistake

Chapter Twenty – Emancipation

Chapter Twenty-One – Passing Rites

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Additional Work

Contact the Author

It’s like I can’t breathe

It’s like I can’t see anything

Nothing but you

I’m addicted to you

It’s like I can’t think

Without you interrupting me

In my thoughts

In my dreams

You’re taking over me

It’s like I’m not me

Kelly Clarkson

Addicted

Breakaway

RCA Records 2004

COLLEGE APPLICANT

NAME

Legal Name: Grey, Princess Jewel Elizabeth

Preferred name, if not first name (choose only one): Jewel

Former last name(s), if any: Azaiah

Birth Date: October 1st

FUTURE PLANS

College: Any that’ll take me

Deadline: Before I turn 18

Academic Interests: I enjoy reading books and writing poetry. I can also sing but listen at your own risk

Career Interest: Anything that involves me NOT becoming Queen of Fairy Tale Land

FAMILY

Household

Parents’ marital status (relative to each other): Widowed

With whom do you make your permanent home: Legal Guardian

Relationship to you: Foster Father (sort of)

Occupation: Lawyer. Owns his own firm and everything

Name: Grey, Mr. George Anthony

Parent 1: Mother

Is Parent 1 living: No, she died October 1st seven years ago

Name: Grey, Mrs. Lorelei

Country of birth: Azaiah

Parent 2: Father

Is Parent 2 living: Yes

Name: Azaiah, King Jayden

Country of birth: Azaiah

PERSONAL ESSAY

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your individual background, please write an essay (250 words minimum) that describes a significant personal experience or dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Okay, so you guys want me to write about a personal experience? Well, which would ya like? How about the one on my birthday where these freaky guys with red eyes tried to kill me and these three even freakier teenagers came and saved me? Or maybe you’d be more interested in knowing that I’m not normal, like at all. I’m actually a Starchild which means I can zap people that touch me (or set them on fire) and I can project my emotions onto pretty much anyone around me and force them to feel what I’m feeling or to do whatever it is I tell them to do (and sometimes hypnotize them into making out with me).

And I’m a Princess. As in puffy dresses, sparkling tiaras, and glass slippers. Yeah, maybe in fantasy land. In the real world, my being a Princess means I get to be the poster child for a revolution that’s supposed to bring about peace and equality and that means everyone and their mother wants me dead. Including the freaking people I’m supposed to be saving!!

See, Starchildren are abominations and illegal to create because of how crazy powerful we get. Therefore any and all Starchildren are usually executed right after birth along with their parents. Another reason for people to want to kill me—‘cause I so needed another one.

Oh, wait, here’s a good little tidbit: because I’m a Starchild I can also hear voices—okay, not voices, really just one voice. But every night I used to hear this little boy crying and crying over his father’s brutal murder. Turns out, that voice belonged to one of my Guardians named Subaru who hates absolutely everything about me in every way. And what did I do? I fell in love with him, like head over heels, reasons to write a really sappy heartache-y love song fell in love. Why did I do something so stupid? Obviously I am a glutton for punishment.

Now I’ll tell you a secret that I can’t tell anybody. Subaru is like me, a Starchild. I accidentally found out a while back and he’s been gone ever since. Nobody has seen or heard from him—not here and not back in Azaiah. Every single night my two remaining Guardians fight over whether or not it’s time to officially declare Subaru dead. And with how long he’s been missing, I’m starting to wonder whether that statement is actually real now.

Well, there you have it Mr. College Application Reader Person. There’s your 250 words and then some. Go ahead and cram it down your throat for all the good it’s gonna do me.

Chapter One – Detention

You ever have one of those moments when you just know it’s going to be a bad day? This was my moment.

First period was maybe milliseconds away from starting and instead of spacing out in front of my textbook waiting for the bell to ring so I could space out in that class’s textbook, I found myself staring up at three identically painted faces. All looking more annoyed then someone really should be at seven-forty in the morning.

None of the Triplets had said a word yet and I could already feel a migraine pulsing right above my left eye. Well, to be fair, that might not have anything to do with Marisa, Cleo, and Lexi’s sudden interest in me after nearly two months of nothing.

Though I’d been managing to keep my insane out-of-control powers in check through meditation and embarrassing tips I found when I Googled magical, mystical powers, control, there were times when I still had a hiccup or five. It was getting better, slowly and surely, but more the slowly part then the surely.

I didn’t look up when my ex-best friends circled my desk like angry vultures disappointed to find their prey was still alive. Maybe if I really did just ignore them they’d go away.

Ahem. Marisa said the word instead of clearing her throat.

Well, it didn’t work in third grade, why was I banking on it in eleventh?

I rolled my eyes to look up at her, making the tiny prick of pain kick up a notch. What?

Well? she asked pointedly, drilling her fists into her hips.

Again, I say ‘what’?

Have you heard from Subaru?

Several things always happened to me whenever anyone mentioned Subaru’s name. First, my insides would go all numb and cold like I’d just chugged a mega-size Icee. Second, that part of my body that yearned for him every second of every day would throb a thousand times worse, making my hands and fingers twitch. And lastly, a pair of eyes would flitter across my vision: one red and one green.

I raised my eyebrows at her and gave a short shrug. Why would he talk to me? You’re the girlfriend, right?

But he lives with you. He hasn’t said anything to you or your dad? Anything at all?

No.

"Subaru hasn’t gotten a hold of anyone in like a month and you don’t care?"

It hadn’t been that long. Only twenty-nine days, seventeen hours and four minutes. Not that I was counting or anything.

What do you want me to say, Marisa? I snapped, losing my patience—when the heck was that stupid bell supposed to ring? He’s at home taking care of his mom. Did you try calling the number Ryouko gave you?

Because no one was sure when—more accurate, if—Subaru was coming back, my twin Guardians, Ryouko and Ryuuko, thought it best to come up with a back story to explain his absence, however long that was going to be. The story goes like this: the day he disappeared, Subaru had gotten an urgent call from his foster father that his foster mother had gotten into a terrible accident and was in the hospital. Subaru then went straight to the airport and has been at his mother’s bedside ever since.

Of course I’ve tried it, but it doesn’t work, Marisa scoffed at me, indignantly. Every time I call either nobody answers or they don’t speak English and I can’t understand what the hell they’re saying!

Yeah, that’s sorta what happens when you call a foreign country.

But I thought he lived on an American military base—doesn’t that mean somebody should speak American? pixie Lexi spoke up for the first time in so many weeks.

Finally, the bell rang and Mr. Morgan trotted into the room carrying a giant stack of newspapers.

Hey, guys, I would love to help you out, but class is starting. But I promise, the instant Subaru contacts me, I will drop absolutely everything to come find you and let you know.

Marisa snorted at me. Yeah, I don’t even know why I bothered. Who’s gonna call the only person in the school to get dumped by Amy Ackley as a friend?

Cleo and Lexi both laughed at Marisa’s jab and brushed past my desk toward the back of the classroom. I felt my face blaze and my eyes burn wanting to cry. That was a low blow.

Amy still hadn’t come back to school. She’d had to have two more surgeries due to complications from her burst appendix and even after being discharged from the hospital was told she couldn’t return to school for at least three more weeks.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to her for a long time because of my major blowout with Jeremiah the day Subaru left. Rumor had it he spent all his free time—football had already wrapped up for the season—with her. It wasn’t fair to make her have to choose between us since it was obvious that Jeremiah hated me now so I decided to bow out completely.

What did it matter whether I had friends or not? Wasn’t I doomed to leave this place in less than five months anyway after I turn eighteen?

Mr. Morgan rushed through attendance like always, not even hesitating to mark Subaru’s name with an A even though his name was at the bottom of the list.

Oh, I see your sister’s absent today, Ryuuko, Mr. Morgan said, looking up from his record book. Everything’s alright I hope?

Ryuuko smiled his usual smile and held up his notebook so that Mr. Morgan could read: stomach flu, nothing serious.

Well, make sure you tell her to drink plenty of fluids and hurry up and get better ‘cause we all miss her. Right class?

Nobody responded. Not because nobody liked Ryouko—Dawson and Clint were especially mournful of her absence—more like it was almost eight in the morning and our Starbucks hadn’t kicked in yet.

It was sorta funny hearing Mr. Morgan give health pointers to Ryuuko considering that if Ryouko really had had a stomach problem, he could just touch her neck and make it go away in an instant.

In reality, Ryouko was taking the day off to make her routine visit to Azaiah where she continuously reported to my father, Jayden. The King. She hated having to leave me with only one Guardian to protect me—no offence to Ryuuko or anything—but with Subaru being gone and all, she didn’t have much of a choice.

Okay, guys, let’s go ahead and take out your applications and I’ll go up and down the rows and mark off whether you’ve completed them or not. I’m not going to collect them—if you’ve taken this seriously then you’ll be able to use them for next year when you actually start applying to colleges.

Mechanically, I pulled the stack of papers out of my bag. Last week Center High School held their annual job fair and, as a change of pace, Mr. Morgan told us we had to fill out a real college application for homework. Oh, and we had to take the assignment seriously and answer all the questions honestly.

So I did. I filled it out completely and absolutely honestly.

I stared at the stack in front of me with pure contempt. This was yet another reminder that I was on borrowed time at this school, this town, this life. I could fill out a thousand and one of these and get into every single college of my choosing with full scholarships, but it wouldn’t make a difference. Because I was a Princess, not a girl.

And then I felt it: that weird rush that always flowed through me and enabled me to light my candles without using a match—one of those wacky Wicca things I picked up on the internet.

This did not bode well.

Black scorch marks were rapidly crawling up the edges of the pages. I tried to pat the embers away, but the more I touched them, the quicker they went up. In only a handful of seconds, I was left with a crumpled charred ball in place of my homework.

With my fingertips, I gave the ball the barest of touches. It disintegrated into a fine powder.

Sighing, I blew the black pile off my desk just as Mr. Morgan stopped next to me. Okay, Jewel, where’s your assignment?

I wanted to come up with an excuse, I really did. But my mind completely shut down on me. All I could think of was how much I seriously did not care.

I didn’t do it, I told him, hoping he’d take that as is and leave me alone.

No such luck. You didn’t do it? he asked, perplexed by the idea that his top student had missed an assignment –this was the first time all year I’d failed to turn something in so I suppose he was entitled. Did something happen?

My headache was getting worse. Nope, I just didn’t do it.

Mr. Morgan frowned down at me. Jewel, I’m having a hard time understanding. Did you need more time? You’ll lose some points, but I’ll let you turn it in tomorrow.

I don’t need an extension—I don’t want to do it. It’s a lame and pointless assignment and makes absolutely no sense at all for a History class. And the only reason you’re making us do it is because you’re either too lazy or too stupid to come up with something relevant to teach us.

Let me be honest, the whole time I was making this fun little speech, my brain was screaming at the top of its lungs, "shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" But my mouth decided to ignore that particular message until I’d completed what it wanted me to say.

Mr. Morgan turned a weird red-ish-purple color that made me seriously worry he might be having a stroke or something. Nobody snickered or applauded or anything stupid like that at my comments. I think they were all worried about him keeling over, too.

I’m sorry to hear you feel that way, Miss. Grey, Mr. Morgan finally said, in a low, controlled voice. Somehow that was worse then if he’d started yelling at me. But you’ll have plenty of time to tell me all about it when you show up after school today for detention. School ends at two thirty-five; I expect to see you at two forty or you’ll be losing four hours of your weekend for Saturday School. Do I make myself clear?

I didn’t get mad; I really couldn’t at this point, could I? Yes, sir, I mumbled, not looking in his eyes.

Mr. Morgan continued going up and down the rows, marking off those that did the work. I noticed he didn’t make any further comments to those that did not.

The rest of the period, my eyes were Krazy Glued to the notebook in front of me. Even when we weren’t supposed to be taking notes, I did anyway just to have an excuse not to have to look up at anyone. And so I could pretend I didn’t feel Ryuuko’s eyes staring at me from his seat beside mine.

I’m very sorry my class seems to be boring you, young man, Mr. Morgan suddenly said sometime close to the end of the hour. Why don’t you bring your phone up here and let’s see what you think is more important than the Cold War?

To my surprise, I heard the chair next to me scoot out. I looked up and watched Ryuuko walk up to the front of the classroom and hand Mr. Morgan his iPhone.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that. We all got a phone upgrade a few weeks ago. I’d been begging and begging Dad for an iPhone for over a year, but he told me I couldn’t have one because the instant the next latest and greatest phone came out I’d just be begging and begging for that one. He had a point considering that’s how I got my Razor to begin with. But all of a sudden, boom, there’s an iPhone sitting on my bed waiting for me for no apparent reason. Not only that, but Ryouko and Ryuuko got matching phones as well.

It couldn’t have anything to do with how much of a bummer I’d been this past month—excuse me, twenty-nine days—now could it?

Mr. Morgan scrolled up through Ryuuko’s messages. Okay, let’s see here… He paused as he skimmed through the words and his eyebrows slowly, slowly rose to the ceiling.

Before he could decide whether to read whatever Ryuuko had written aloud to the rest of us, the bell rang and the sounds of chairs scrapping and backpacks being zipped filled the room.

Well. Mr. Morgan cleared his throat and handed Ryuuko back his phone. It’s a good thing you and Miss. Grey carpool because you’ll be joining her after school.

Ryuuko nodded then headed back to his desk to gather up his things.

You didn’t have to do that, I chided him once we were out of earshot. You could’ve just waited for me after school.

Ryuuko just shrugged and began walking me to our next class.

Has… I lowered my voice. Has Ryouko made a decision yet? I’d already asked this so many times that it wasn’t necessary to mention Subaru’s name anymore.

He looked down at me for a while as though he were trying to gage what my reaction might be. Eventually he nodded.

I took a deep breath, trying not to show it. And?

He held up one finger then spelled out the word week with his fingers—I’d been studying ASL for a little while; I knew the whole alphabet and how to introduce myself, but that’s pretty much it.

One week. Ryouko was giving Subaru one more week to come back before she finally had him declared dead. Since I knew there was no chance of him ever returning, in one week Subaru would be dead to the world.

What would we tell everyone here at school? The accident was more severe then they’d thought so he decided to stay home permanently? That would work for the teachers and stuff, but what about Marisa and the rest of the Triplets?

Did that mean we’d have to tell everyone that Subaru was dead? My Freshman year, one of the cheerleaders had gotten killed by a drunk driver and the school had this big assembly and memorial service thing. They even blew up her yearbook photo and posted it on the bulletin board in the quad for a few days. Even though he’d really only been going here for a few months, I’m sure the principle would put something like that together on his behalf.

Ryuuko had to pull me to a stop to avoid walking right past our class.

I’m fine, I told him before he asked. I left Ryuuko at the door and found a seat in the back.

For the rest of the day, I never spoke unless forced to and even then said the barest of minimums. Basically, I did everything I could to stay out of trouble and keep my stupid powers in check.

When the bell rang at two thirty-five, Ryuuko and I hauled serious butt over to Mr. Morgan’s class for our detention. I don’t know about him, but I was not looking forward to Saturday School.

Being a creature of habit, I sat down at my usual desk in spite of being surrounded by chairs of my choosing. Ryuuko sat down next to me.

Our brilliant History teacher’s punishment was to make us both write a five-hundred-word essay on the importance of paying attention in class. I’m not sure he realizes just how few five hundred words really are—considering the guy gave us an hour to complete it—but I wisely didn’t argue.

After giving us this life-changing assignment, Mr. Morgan told us he had to step out for a few minutes and that he expected us to respect him by staying put and working while he was gone.

Ryuuko immediately got to work, but I sat there and spaced for a while. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to write, I just didn’t have the energy to organize my thoughts and force myself to think about the task at hand.

I also tried not to think about Subaru, about where he was now and if he was okay. As always, I failed miserably.

And then there was Angel. Did he know the truth about Subaru being a Starchild? He had to have known, right? That must’ve been how he knew so much about me and my funky powers.

But what was the reason for all the secrecy? I understood why Subaru couldn’t tell anyone what he is back in Azaiah—he would’ve been killed—but why not here? Why not tell Ryouko and Ryuuko the truth? They wouldn’t hurt him or turn him in, not after protecting me for so long.

You ruined everything…

Ruined what? What did I ruin by seeing his different-colored eyes? There were so many questions I had and no possibility of getting any answers ever.

I slumped on top of my desk, not bothering to suppress the loud sigh that escaped my lips. I just wanted to go home where I could sulk in the comfort of my own room.

My iPhone buzzed against the wood of my desk and a new message popped up on my screen briefly before going black again.

I picked up the phone and pressed the circle button at the bottom to make the message reappear.

What’s wrong?

My eyes widened when I realized who the message was from. I looked at the desk next to me, puzzled. Ryuuko was watching me with an anxious expression. He nodded slightly at the phone, indicating me to answer his question.

Nothing, I told him in a low voice. We may have been alone right now, but I was worried Mr. Morgan would come back and catch us talking. And I really, really didn’t want to come back to school this weekend.

Another new message—wow he was fast.

Is this about Subaru?

I hesitated, chewing on my lip thoughtfully. Before I could respond, Ryuuko texted me again.

I thought so.

I didn’t say anything, I protested, but my blushing cheeks gave me away like the traitors they were.

You didn’t have to.

You know, you’re going to run up my cell phone bill with all these messages.

That made him smile. We upgraded you to the unlimited plan when we got your new phone. You’re covered.

I scowled at him.

His smiled faded and he sent me another message. I debated on not answering, but I was sure he would’ve found some other way to communicate with me even without his sister here to translate.

Are you in love with him?

Somehow, I had a feeling this was going to come up sooner or later. Secretly, I began wishing for Mr. Morgan to decide to come back and check on us. Maybe he’d take our phones away and save me from having this conversation. It’d be nice, but I knew better than to think Ryuuko would just drop it that easily.

Lying came to mind, but even after lying as much as I have these last seven months, I still sucked at it. Besides, I was getting really fed up with everything.

Yes, I whispered, my voice barely audible. It felt… I don’t know, weird to admit it out loud. Not good weird or bad weird. Just…weird.

He nodded, more to himself then to me. He’d already known; he just wanted me to confirm his suspicions. If Ryuuko knew then Ryouko probably knew as well or he would tell her when she got back home tonight.

Oh, I was so looking forward to that conversation.

Just then, Ryuuko snapped his fingers at me to get my attention and made me watch him hide his cell phone in the side pocket of his cargo pants. I frowned my confusion at him and he pointed to my own phone.

Oh! I realized, snatching the phone out of sight just as Mr. Morgan reentered the room. I shoved it into the front pouch of my sweater, masking the gesture by pretending to scratch my knee.

Mr. Morgan didn’t notice; he resumed his place behind his desk and began reading a newspaper.

We both went back to our essays. I don’t know about Ryuuko, but I finished mine in ten minutes, barely paying attention to what I was writing—school is a sanctuary of learning blah, blah, blah; I will never interrupt the process again, blah, blah, blah.

I flipped my essay over and began doodling randomly on the back. It was an excuse to keep my pen moving so Mr. Morgan wouldn’t feel obligated to provide me with another assignment to fill up the remaining time.

My mind drifted back to the short conversation between Ryuuko and me. I waited for the mortification and shock to settle in at having just made a humongous confession, but it didn’t. Somehow, I was pretty okay with Ryuuko knowing.

I suddenly realized that that had been the most I’ve ever really spoken with him before. Sure I’d found myself alone with him a lot more frequently nowadays, but we’d never really talked. That felt strange to me considering I already felt really close to him.

I began to wonder things like what went on in his head, how he felt about this assignment of protecting me.

Why he couldn’t talk.

Well, I suppose I knew the reason behind that. Ryouko told me about what happened when they were kids, about that little girl who had been so abused and traumatized Ryuuko into silence. But that had been such a long time ago. Shouldn’t he have gotten over it by now or was I just being callous?

These thoughts nagged at me until the hour was finally up and Mr. Morgan set us free. The jerk didn’t even ask us to turn in our essays.

That was more for your benefit then mine, he told us smugly. I want you to look over it as a reminder of the importance of education.

We thanked him—me vocally for the both of us—then left the classroom. The second we were outside the building, I wadded up the lame essay and tossed it in the green recycle bin. Ryuuko mimicked my actions then led me through the quad toward the parking lot.

My thoughts nagged at me again, causing my feet to drag a little. There was so much I suddenly wanted to know and I knew once we got in the car we wouldn’t be able to talk. And since Ryouko would most likely be home when we got there, we wouldn’t have a chance to be alone together until the next time she had to leave for Azaiah.

Why was I so obsessed with knowing everything I could about Ryuuko? Probably because I’d never get any of the zillion questions I had about Subaru answered so I’d take what I could get.

Um, Ryuuko, I began, my voice taking on a nervous quaver that I tried to suppress.

He turned to me, eyebrows raised questioningly.

I lost my nerve. Will Ryouko be back at the house when we get home?

He thought about it then gave an uncertain nod. Translation: I think so, but I’m not sure. See, I was getting better.

Oh, okay.

I walked past him toward the car, eyes on the ground in front of me.

Ryuuko surprised me with a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. I turned around to face him. He gave me a look that clearly said he knew that that had not been the question I’d meant to ask.

I squirmed uncomfortably, looking away. Forget it; it’s none of my business.

His cool hand touched my cheek and turned my face back toward him again. This time his expression was encouraging, welcoming. Ask me anything, it said.

I chewed on my lip again then went for it. I was sort of wondering… I mean, Ryouko told me about what happened when you were both kids and I… I don’t understand why you still can’t talk.

Ryuuko’s mouth formed a perfect silent oh. Unconsciously, he brought a hand to his face and began lightly chewing on his thumbnail pensively. It was a gesture I’d seen multiple times from his sister, but never him. He looked uncomfortable.

See? I said, my voice taking on that high octave it does when I get nervous. Like I said, none of my business—morbid curiosity, nothing more. Let’s just forget I asked and go home.

I was about to start heading for the car, but he stopped me again, shaking his head and waving a hand in the air, trying to tell me it was okay that I’d asked. It certainly didn’t feel that way to me, but I waited, watching warily as he withdrew his cell phone from his pocket.

It was very different from the classroom. He started and stopped a lot. A few minutes passed before he finally lowered his phone and nodded at me.

My own phone vibrated in my pocket not even two seconds later. Tentatively, I fished the device from my sweater and unlocked it to read the message.

The day that happened, I was afraid to open my mouth, worried I might start screaming and never be able to stop. A few days passed before I realized that I couldn’t speak anymore. I’ve completely lost my voice.

I had been right before—I shouldn’t have asked. But that stupid curiosity kept me going.

What about when you think? You hear your voice in your own head, right?

Surprisingly, Ryuuko shook his head. He returned to his phone with even less confidence then before.

I don’t hear a single voice when I think. My thoughts are a combination of all the voices I’ve heard my entire life reciting them back to me. Some are louder and more clear then others like Ryouko’s, yours and, until recently, Subaru’s. Each voice I can name, but none of them are my own.

I read his message several times, each time more shocked and confused then the last. "You… You hear my voice in your head but not your own?"

He nodded.

God... All I could think of was how terrifying it must’ve been for him not to know his own voice. He must’ve felt so… incomplete.

Yet he always had such a warm, kind smile on his face every day, even on days when I was a royal witch with a capitol B to him. He had never been anything but gentle and sweet and all the while he was going through something so horrible, so maddening.

Then another thought came to me. I started thinking about that first time I’d slept in Subaru’s room so many months ago. The soft crying—that scared little boy who called out to me, begging me to help him. A small terrified voice that nobody could hear, but me.

If I could hear that boy, could I hear Ryuuko’s lost voice?

Even after Angel stopped being my Mentor, I still kept training by myself late into the night when I couldn’t sleep. After blowing up three candles—I really don’t need to go into details, do I—I finally managed to light the wick and release some of the pent up energies inside me. Of course it did burn the candle down to a super heated puddle in about twenty seconds, but I still did it. I may not have been practicing long, but I hadn’t had any experience whatsoever when I reached Subaru or Angel for that matter.

Maybe…

Slowly, I stepped closer to Ryuuko, my eyes focused on his. He frowned at me confused, but he didn’t step back. He watched me as I