For a Moment's Indiscretion

By KA Moll

With ten years of marriage under their belt, Zane and Jaina are coasting. The little things they used to do for one another have fallen by the wayside. They’ve gotten busy with life. They’ve forgotten to nurture their love and relationship. Even soul mates can stumble on hard times and have marital difficulties.
At 47, both are successful professionals. Jaina is an associate professor in a renowned school of social work. Zane is the pastor of a large congregation. They have two kids, one in juvenile detention, and the other anxious. When Zane joins the faculty of a seminary, in addition to her full-time job responsibilities, she’s short on time, and neglects Jaina.
Enter Amelia, a new faculty member in Jaina’s building. She’s new in town, young, and very pretty. She’s also not at all how she seems. Oh, and she’s very interested in Jaina. When an argument with Zane causes Jaina to storm out angry, she reaches out to Amelia. Of course, she seizes the opportunity. And for a moment of indiscretion, Jaina could lose everything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Triplicity Publishing, LLC
• Release date: Sep 23, 2016

KA Moll

KA Moll was born and raised in snowy central Illinois. The change of seasons touch her soul. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Illinois. In addition, she holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling from Eastern Illinois University. She is a young retiree from state child protective services, where she supervised investigations of child abuse and neglect. KA and her wife have been together for just under thirty years and counting. Their marriage is the wind beneath her wings. She enjoys golf, bridge, and of course–reading and writing lesbian fiction.

Book preview

Chapter Two

Zane set her cup in the dishwasher after a night of drinking coffee and worrying. She opened the kitchen blinds to peer into the driveway—still no Jaina. She dialed again. As had been the case all night, her call rolled to voicemail. She climbed the stairs and paused outside her daughter’s bedroom door, lost in memories. Bonnie Kate had been conceived on their wedding night, eleven years ago, come New Year’s Eve. Those first years had been incredible. Dear God, what had happened to her marriage? The hinge on the front door squeaked. She turned and made her way down stairs. BK’s asleep, she said.

That’s good, Jaina said as she pinned her arms tightly against her abdomen, because we need to talk about something. Her eyes teemed with tears.

Zane nodded toward her office. Let’s go in there, she said. Her shoulders drooped as she made her way to an upholstered chair.

Their eyes met for a knowing instant as Jaina settled onto the adjacent loveseat.

I’m sorry, Jaina choked. She reached over to touch Zane’s arm, but Zane pulled away. I swear it only happened once. It’ll never happen again.

Zane sucked in a breath. I’ve heard that before, she said. Jaina had come close to having an affair just before they were married. But this time, I don’t know if I have what it takes to forgive you. She paused before continuing, we need to decide what we’re gonna tell our kids.

What do you mean, tell our kids? Jaina asked. Her eyes widened. Dear God, no, she implored, not over this. She reached, but again her wife pulled away. I love you, she said, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Please let me explain.

I don’t want the details, Jaina, Zane said, my guess is that you slept with Amelia.

Their gazes locked, but Jaina didn’t respond.

I knew it, Zane said. She’s texting you constantly. She shook her head. And that’s in addition to the hours you spend together at work, she added.

We do not spend hours together at work, Jaina shot back. Our offices are down the hall from one another, that’s all.

Whatever you say, Zane said as tears began a steady stream down her cheeks. I loved you, Jaina, she choked, love you, more than anything. I can’t believe that you would betray me.

You don’t love me like you say you do, Jaina said, not anymore. If you did…

If I did, what? Zane asked.

If you did, Jaina cried, you’d pay attention to me. With that, she ran for the door.

***

Zane watched Jaina back out of their driveway before trudging up the stairs. Thank goodness her daughter was still asleep. She gazed in through her doorway for a moment and then continued on into her own bedroom. It was hard to believe that their little girl was ten years old. It seemed like just yesterday that she was just a baby. And the older she got, the more she looked like Jaina.

What’s wrong Mama? BK asked. She must have heard Zane step down the hallway.

Zane’s eyes were moist with tears when she rolled over to meet her worried gaze.

Mama, what’s wrong with you? she squeaked.

Just sad, that’s all, Zane said. You don’t need to worry.

Where’s Mom? BK asked.

I’m not sure, Zane answered, adding, she’ll be back in a little while.

BK’s eyes filled with tears. The tension in their home had been ramping up over the past few months in tandem with her anxiety. Her grades had dropped and she’d lost interest in playing her piano. She was a bright child and had sensed her parent’s problems. Are you two having a fight or something? she asked.

Zane hated to have this conversation without Jaina. She nodded. Yes, honey, she said, your mom and I had an argument. She pulled her daughter in for a hug and kissed her forehead. But I don’t want you to worry, she continued, because everything’s gonna be okay. She hoped that it would.

***

Jaina unlocked the main entrance to the School of Social Work and stepped inside. There was no sign of anyone else from her department in the building. That was no surprise. After all, it was quite early on a Saturday morning. She made her way to her office, needing time alone to think.

I thought I might find you here, Amelia said softly as she slipped through the crack in the door.

Jaina looked up, perturbed. Just go, she said.

I just wanted to apologize, Amelia said, but you weren’t answering my texts or calls.

Dear God, Jaina sighed, please don’t tell me that you called my home.

Just once, Amelia admitted, but don’t worry, no one answered.

Haven’t you caused me enough trouble? Jaina asked. I need you to leave me and my marriage alone.

Amelia bristled. It takes two to tango, darlin’, she said as her gaze locked on.

Jaina looked away. Just go, Amelia, she responded softly. I’m begging you to please leave me alone.

***

Zane heard the front door open. She had been staring at her sermon for well over an hour. Within seconds, there was a soft knock on her door. Come in, she called out.

Jaina turned the knob, but paused briefly before stepping inside. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

BK’s staying with my mom, Zane said. I pick her up tomorrow night. She took a breath and continued, I thought that would give us time to sort things out.

Yeah, Jaina said softly, good idea.

They held each other’s gaze during a period of silence. Eventually, Zane spoke. I moved into the guest room while you were gone, she said softly.

Can’t we talk about this? Jaina asked. We could see a counselor, maybe Pastor Kate. She knows us, knows where we come from.

Zane shook her head. I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you? she asked. I mean really, after this, how would I ever get to the point where I could trust you again?

Jaina sat down on the sofa. I don’t think it’s too late, she said softly. I love you, Zane, she continued, I know that it’s not too late for us.

I can’t talk about this right now, Zane said with a sigh, I’m not prepared for tomorrow. Her eyes returned to her sermon. I have to try to clear my mind so that I can write, she added.

Okay, Jaina said with a nod. Later then? she asked hopefully.

Yeah, later, Zane said. You think about what you want to tell our kids in the meantime. I plan to stop by to see Jonah tomorrow after I get done at church. Only twelve and in detention, he needed contact with his family.

Jaina cocked her head. "After you get done?" she clarified.

Zane looked up. Yeah, she said in her kindest tone, I thought it might be better if I go alone for a while. She swallowed hard and took a sip of coffee. I wasn’t sure whether you’d attend on your own or not, she added, but if you do, Community United might be a good option.

Of course I’ll attend, Jaina said. Her voice cracked as she spoke, that’s who we are.

Zane met her wife’s gaze. Like I said, she repeated, I wasn’t sure. She resolved to not look up until her office door clicked shut.

***

Zane stepped into the narthex well before sunrise that next morning. She couldn’t stand it any longer.

In separate rooms, she and Jaina had been up and down most of the night. She headed for her office, but somehow ended up in the church library, the place she had proposed to her wife. She sat down on the sofa, her elbows resting on her knees and her forehead in her palms. Dear God, she begged out loud, please help me. I don’t know how to go on without her in my life. She hiccupped a soft sob. And yet, without trust, she continued, what good is our marriage?

Pastor, an older woman’s voice called out, is that you in the library? If so, she continued, you’re in awfully early this morning.

Yeah, it’s me, Zane called back.

By the time she looked up, Irene was occupying the doorway. Is everything alright? the church secretary asked.

Zane nodded. Everything’s fine, she said, I just didn’t get a chance to prepare yesterday. I came in early to run through my sermon a couple times. It was the truth. Yesterday had been a total loss.

Irene’s eyes narrowed as she rested her hand on Zane’s shoulder.

I’m fine, Zane repeated. She flashed a hopefully reassuring smile and forced more pep into her voice. It wasn’t just Irene who would sense that something was wrong. Longtime members of her congregation would as well. What in the world was she going to tell them?

Alright, Irene said, if you say so. They had worked together for nearly fifteen years and knew each other quite well. How about I brew us some hazelnut coffee? she asked.

Sounds good, Zane said with another forced smile. They walked across the hall to their adjoining offices. I’m shutting my door, she added.

That’s fine, Pastor, Irene said softly, I’ll knock.

***

Zane swigged down the rest of her coffee as she peered out her office window. The sky was bleak, branches were bare, and leaves swirled in the wind. She slipped on her robe and adjusted her clerical collar. When she opened her office door she found Irene at her desk. She had waited for her instead of going on in as usual to take her seat.

Jaina’s not coming? Irene asked.

Zane shook her head as she met her secretary’s gaze. No, not today, she said as they walked toward the sanctuary. In all these years, Jaina had hardly missed a Sunday. As Zane stepped toward the altar that morning, she was overcome by the realization, that regardless of the outcome, their lives would be forever changed.

***

BK called out, Mama, as she ran to meet Zane at the door. She wrapped her arms tightly around Zane’s middle and squeezed.

Hey there, sweetie, Zane said as she lowered down to her daughter’s level. What’s going on?

I don’t want to go anywhere, BK cried, but mom says we have to.

Zane set her jaw and fingered through her daughter’s dark brown hair. That’s not something you need to worry about, she said. Where’s your mom?

Upstairs, BK answered. She’s packing our clothes.

Zane held a breath and exhaled slowly. What are you doing home so early? she asked.

Mom came to get me, BK answered. Oh, she added, and Grandma wants you to call her. Since Zane had gotten so busy, she wasn’t as good at stopping by or calling.

Okay, Zane said in her calmest tone. She opened a package of Oreos and poured a glass of milk. Go pick out a movie, she instructed, I need you to stay put while your mom and I talk. She waited to be sure her daughter was fully engaged before going up.

***

Zane heard what sounded like a dresser drawer slam shut as she reached the top of the stairway. She paused to gather her thoughts before continuing down the hall. Another one slammed as she opened the master bedroom door. What are you doing? she asked sharply.

Jaina’s swollen eyes met hers with a glare. I can’t do what we did last night, she choked.

Well, I can’t sleep beside you either, Zane responded.

Fine, Jaina choked, then we’ll go.

"There’s no we about this, Zane shouted. It’s you who screwed up. Her head throbbed with increasing pressure as she continued, I won’t allow you to punish our daughter for what you did on your own."

I hate you sometimes, Jaina sobbed.

They glared through teary eyes for an extra moment.

Yeah, I’d say so, Zane choked. You made that crystal clear when you slept with someone else. She resolved to not break down as she turned toward the door. Leave or don’t leave, she added, I don’t care anymore. She paused to regain composure before adding, but if you go, you go alone.

Chapter Three

Jaina tossed her Introduction to Child Welfare textbook to the center of her desk and dropped into her chair. She loved teaching, but today had been awful. She had bumbled through her lecture, given the wrong assignment, and at one point nearly broke into tears. She glanced at the clock. Three-hours to pull herself together before her Social Work Issues and Trends class. That group of students wouldn’t be nearly as kind.

Jaina exhaled as a soft knock sounded on her door. God, not Amelia again, she muttered. The woman had already stopped by twice that morning. Come in, Jaina called out.

Amelia opened the door a crack and peeked in. Did class go okay? she asked. You looked upset when you came around the corner.

Jaina sighed as she made eye contact. Amelia, you have to let this go, she said in as kind a tone as she could muster.

I was just concerned about you, Amelia continued as she stepped into the room.

It was a onetime thing that’s never going to be repeated, Jaina said. We have to find a way to work in the same building without setting each other off. She looked down to boot her laptop.

I know, Amelia said, it’s just that…

Jaina shook her head and looked up, Don’t say it…

Amelia met her gaze with teary eyes. Okay, she said softly as she turned toward the door, I won’t, but you know I want to.

Amelia hadn’t been gone ten minutes when the next knock sounded.

Come in, Jaina called out. It was more of a bark than an invitation to join her.

Well good morning to you too, the dean said with a raised eyebrow. They were about the same age and had been friends since college. Jaina had encouraged her to apply for the job. Got a minute? she asked.

Sure, Jaina responded with a forced smile, come in, boss.

Dr. Crestwood smoothed her skirt and sat down. Ya’ll want to tell me what’s going on? she asked. The tension down this hallway is thick enough to cut with a knife.

Oh Anna, Jaina sighed, I can’t. Not right now. I’ve got class in a little while and if we talk, I’ll cry.

Anna’s gaze softened. Alright, she said, we’ll talk later then.

I could stop by tonight, Jaina offered, if you guys aren’t busy. She was ashamed, but needed to talk to someone.

We’re not, Anna responded without hesitation. Her eyes narrowed like they did when she was pondering something. We’ll order pizza, she added, and I’ll make a salad.

Sounds good, Jaina said. She had eaten alone in her motel room last night. Are you sure Gabe won’t mind?

Not at all, Anna responded, she’s on nights now. She glanced over her glasses. I’d be happy to teach your two o’clock class, she offered with a kind smile, that is if you trust me.

Of course I trust you, Jaina said, but I’m alright.

***

Jaina dialed the familiar number, the same one that she had been dialing throughout the day. This time she opted to leave a voice mail. Zane, could you please at least answer my calls? she recorded. I’m going to give you time to listen to this voice mail and call again, she added before hanging up.

In fifteen minutes, she redialed. She peered out her window, staring vacantly at the students as they made their way by. Please don’t raise your voice, she begged. I just need to talk with you for a minute. It’s been a terrible day. The silence that followed was deafening. Tell Bonnie Kate I love her, okay? …And Zane…I love you too…Please don’t hang up…Zane…

***

It was after six when Jaina topped the hill, spotting the high-pitched gables in the distance. She had been to Anna’s country home more times than she could count. Gabe had built it for her late wife, but it suited Anna as if she had built it for her. Two elegant Tennessee Walkers trotted up as Jaina got out of the car. They peered over their split-rail fence and nickered. Well hello there, Jaina said.

I haven’t fed them yet, Anna hollered from the porch. Her long black hair was pulled into a ponytail and she wore a cowboy hat. She tossed Jaina an overripe yellow apple as she glanced toward the pasture. Join me, she said. She called for her horses to follow. When they did, she shook her head and smiled. My girls sure do love their sweet feed, she said.

Jaina took a deep breath as she stepped into the barn. She had always loved the smell of alfalfa and molasses. Well, who’s this? she asked. She reached into the first stall to pet the third equine’s muzzle, and then jerked her hand back, almost nipped.

Watch it, Anna cautioned as she secured a grip on the black gelding’s halter. This is Atticus, she said. He’s young and quite lacking in manners with regard to his mouth. Atticus, meet Jaina. She held firmly to allow Jaina to pet the star on the equine’s forehead. Gabriel just up and brought him home one day last week, she said. Thank goodness we have a good sized barn. Anna palmed an apple into the two-year-old Tennessee Walker’s mouth. It’ll be your turn to go out in a minute, fella, she said. You’re still earning our trust."

Can I help? Jaina asked.

Sure, Anna said. How about you toss each of them two flakes of hay while I scoop sweet feed and fill their water buckets?

You got it, Jaina responded as she pulled down a bale and freed the flakes with wire cutters. In that moment, she almost, but not quite, forgot how miserable she was. She missed Zane and her daughter so much. Jonah too, but she had gotten used to not seeing him as often. The detention center had strict visitation guidelines.

Anna looked up. I saw Jonah on my way home today, she said. She had been seeing him for counseling since his first serious attempt to burn down his house. Adoptees often brought significant issues into their adoptive homes. Seeing Jonah had been a favor to Jaina and not a good decision on either of their parts. She knew when she’d done it, that it wasn’t a good idea to do therapy with friends and family. It was too difficult to remain objective. Being Jaina’s boss had complicated the matter even further. She wondered if Jonah might have done better had their boundaries not been so blurred.

Jaina shook her head. I don’t know how you do that, she said. You just pluck a thought or a worry from my mind and start talking about it.

"You know exactly how I