My Life As A Small Boy

By Wally Cox

This heartwarmingly funny book provides an idealized depiction of American comedian and actor Wally Cox’s childhood.

In the author’s own words, “Nothing has been left to the imagination. The raw truth about such things as catching colds, geography class, and box tops is laid out in embarrassing detail.”
“As in the best of books, you are torn between tears and laughter in many places in this gently-written but nevertheless powerful book.”—Worcester Telegram

• Language: English
• Publisher: Golden Springs Publishing
• Release date: Jan 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9781786257871

Wally Cox

Wallace Maynard “Wally” Cox was an American comedian and actor, particularly associated with the early years of television in the United States. He appeared in the U.S. television series Mr. Peepers from 1952 to 1955, as well as several other popular shows, and as a character actor in over 20 films. He was also the voice of the popular animated canine superhero Underdog.

Book preview

This edition is published by PICKLE PARTNERS PUBLISHING—www.pp-publishing.com

To join our mailing list for new titles or for issues with our books – [e-mail]

Or on Facebook

Text originally published in 1961 under the same title.

© Pickle Partners Publishing 2015, all rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means, electrical, mechanical or otherwise without the written permission of the copyright holder.

Publisher’s Note

Although in most cases we have retained the Author’s original spelling and grammar to authentically reproduce the work of the Author and the original intent of such material, some additional notes and clarifications have been added for the modern reader’s benefit.

We have also made every effort to include all maps and illustrations of the original edition the limitations of formatting do not allow of including larger maps, we will upload as many of these maps as possible.

MY LIFE AS A SMALL BOY

BY

WALLY COX

With Illustrations by the Author

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS 5

DEDICATION 7

INTRODUCTION 8

HOME 9

CHAPTER ONE 10

CHAPTER TWO 14

CHAPTER THREE 16

CHAPTER FOUR 20

CHAPTER FIVE 23

CHAPTER SIX 26

CHAPTER SEVEN 31

CHAPTER EIGHT 34

SCHOOL 43

CHAPTER ONE 44

CHAPTER TWO 46

CHAPTER THREE 49

CHAPTER FOUR 53

CHAPTER FIVE 58

CHAPTER SIX 63

CHAPTER SEVEN 73

CHAPTER EIGHT 78

THE END 83

REQUEST FROM THE PUBLISHER 84

DEDICATION

To the memory of

JACK GOODMAN

INTRODUCTION

In my youth I knew clearly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a square-jawed detective who flew airplanes around and caught criminals by swinging through the trees, using only his superior musculature, his keen bowie knife and his pet lion.

Where did I go wrong?

Are the nation’s schools to blame? Here we have a spiritually All-American boy. Why does he not end up talking loudly and carrying a big stick? Why do we find him, after fully half of his three score and ten have passed, a crass and craven mummer?

In strict observance of contemporary rules for answers to this sort of question, I delve deeply into the childhood of the afflicted in this volume. Nothing has been left to the imagination. The raw truth about such things as catching colds, geography class, and box tops is laid out in embarrassing detail. I blush to admit that as a livid case history for the files of serious students of adult delinquency, this book has few peers.

W. C.

HOME

CHAPTER ONE

Money is all very well, but when I was a child, box tops were the most valuable currency printed or stamped in the whole world. They were the sole keys to a whole bunch of marvelous things. It is true that there are some things that money can’t buy, but when I was a boy you could get most of them with box tops.

For instance:

I learned from the comic-strip advertisements in the funny papers that for one Post Toasties box top and a dime to cover cost of handling and mailing I could get a booklet filled with wonderful things, such as the actual secret code used by Inspector Post to communicate with his lieutenants.

It was not our wont to consume Post Toasties, so I had to cajole my mother into buying some, promising to eat it (or them) whether I liked it or not. Hotly, I tore the top off the box before it ever left the grocery store, wrote the necessary letter and waited for an eternity, at the close of which the booklet actually arrived, just as they had said it would.

Before we go on, I know you’re dying to know the secret code, so I’ll explain it to you if you’ll promise to reveal it to no one, as it would seriously hamper Inspector Post in his work of shooting bad guys if just everyone knew it.

The code operates as follows: You take the word you want to write and insert a meaningless letter between every letter in the word. Excellent example: House could be spelled Haolumsee.

I need not tell you that knowledge of such secret means of communication makes all the difference in the apprehension of desperate criminals, and I am honored to have been entrusted with its mysteries at a tender age. And so are you.

But almost more important than the code were the other treasures listed in the booklet as obtainable with box tops. There were some fairly cheesy things, such as paper emblems and so forth, obtainable with one box top, but nothing that I really wanted. The really swell things cost anywhere from four box tops on up to a couple of years of eating nothing but dry cereal from morn till night

And there’s where the hitch came. I don’t remember what the family reaction to Post Toasties was, but I never even got two box tops to rub together after that first magic one. So I never got the genuine simulated squad-car two-way radio, although I longed for it until the pages of the booklet were become as dust.

There were other disappointments.

Tom Mix made most of his world available to us boys through the medium of Ralston box tops. Ralston, a hot cereal, cut even less of a swath in our eating habits. Don’t get me wrong: both cereals were good. But ours was an incurably bacon-and-egg home at the time. So I got my one box top out of Ralston, and that was it. What I got was absolutely divine, but the frustration of not being able to get the rest of the stuff in the catalogue was unbearable. Among other things that I got was a booklet containing a silhouette of Tom Mix in ceremonial regalia with dots all over his body indicating the fifty-three or so wounds received in pursuit of guys who injure you if you catch them. The nature of the tool used to make each wound was divulged, as was the name of the bad guy who did it and the jail sentence he received if he was lucky enough to live. Tom Mix had an orifice for practically every miscreant in town.

I know of no other hero whose deeds have been thus catalogued, and this list of delicious facts was available only through box tops. No amount of plain money could get it for you.

Eventually, as time wore on, I came to realize that I was strictly a one-box-top man, doomed to receive information instead of objects. I was just born unlucky. If there had been box tops for grapes or hamburger, I could have had most of the swell things in the world. However, even for one-box-top boys, life could be quite exciting.

I got my cub reporter’s certificate from Dick Steel, the boy reporter, and my junior-birdman badge from somewhere. But the best thing I got was the Little Orphan Annie secret code.

I can see you now, jumping from your seat, shaking your fist, and claiming that I already had the Inspector Post secret code, so this was no climax at all and an affront to Inspector Post. But I must ask you to be seated and to try to control yourself in the future. Leave these things in my hands.

True, the Little Orphan Annie secret code was useful for communicating with other operatives in the neighborhood, as was that of Inspector Post. But the rich, significant difference was that it could be used for deciphering the secret messages broadcast at the close of the Little Orphan Annie radio program. These messages gave a hint as to what was going to happen on that program the following night, so it was very painful to listen to them without knowing what they were all about.

Appropriately, since it was the most valuable thing obtainable with one box top, the box top was the most difficult to obtain. Strictly speaking, it wasn’t a box top at all but the aluminum seal from inside a can of Ovaltine. Now Ovaltine is an excellent source of vitamins and this and that that the body needs, but since it tasted and looked like something you’d quaff for

Reviews for My Life As A Small Boy

[merrymary_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A wonderful, gentle, humorous look at life at the turn of the last century as experienced by a small boy. Wally Cox isn't familiar to most people anymore, but he was a terrific actor in the "Walter Mitty" mode - a small, timid man with a lightning quick mind.