Perception and Deception: A Mind-Opening Journey Across Cultures

By Joe Lurie

Perception and Deception is an engaging and insightful introduction to cross-cultural communication in a globalized world. Joe’s infectious curiosity in uncovering and understanding cultural differences will help readers, no matter their profession, age or cultural background, gain a fuller appreciation for the richness of human diversity, and the multiple things that can go wrong when trying to communicate across cultures.

Perception and Deception: A Mind-Opening Journey Across Cultures, is an entertaining, eye-opening and easy-to-read book that contains dozens of intriguing intercultural experiences, gathered from Joe’s research and his decades living abroad and managing Berkeley's International House, one of the largest, most diverse living centers on the planet. In an informative and enticing manner, the author explains how he discovered that his perception of a situation could be “deceptive” when he looked at it simply through his own Lens. Joe’s growing self-awareness of the impact of culture is clearly illustrated through his humorous stories and striking culture clash examples from news reports across the globe. Better yet, these stories are indexed by culture! Joe also shares pearls of wisdom about perception, perspective and the nature of "truth" from his rich personal collection of proverbs and sayings from around the world.

You, your students, colleagues, clients, friends, and family will all enjoy this entertaining and insightful book, published by Cultural Detective.

Cultural Detective® is a tool that helps people better understand their own cultural filters and those of others. It provides a process to work with people from different cultures in ways that bring out the best in each person, and harnesses the value that diversity can add to a team, organization, or community. Cultural Detective® is a collaborative project among over 130 authors worldwide. The series is used by multinational businesses, universities, NGOs, religious communities, professional associations, and individuals to improve their cross-cultural competence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joe Lurie
• Release date: Sep 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9780970846334

Book preview

Perception and Deception

A Mind-Opening Journey Across Cultures

Joe Lurie

Copyright ©2015 by Joe Lurie and Dianne Hofner Saphiere

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Cultural Detective® Nipporica Associates LLC

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Visit our Website at www.culturaldetective.com

Smashwords Edition ISBN: 978-0-9708463-3-4

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Also available in paperback ISBN: 978-1512113266

DEDICATION

For Donna Rosenthal, my wife and journey-mate: your writer’s wisdom, perspective, and support made Perception and Deception come to life.

And to our young nephews and nieces: Cy, Katie, Charlotte, Maya, Elias, Ari, Moriah, and Daniel, for whom the magic of the world's cultures awaits.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEDICATION

FOREWORD

by Ambassador Martin Brennan, Retired

AUTHOR’S PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

Smelling Lions…But There Were None

CHAPTER ONE

African Awakenings

CHAPTER TWO

Close Encounters of a Cross-Cultural Kind at the University of California, Berkeley’s International House

CHAPTER THREE

Seeing US Americans Through the Eyes of Others

CHAPTER FOUR

Words That Conceal, Words That Reveal

CHAPTER FIVE

Minefields and Mind-Openers in the News

CHAPTER SIX

Misperceptions: Maxims and Musings from Around the World

Prejudice: Racial Superiority is a Mere Pigment of the Imagination

AFTERWORD

Bridging Cultures, by Dianne Hofner Saphiere

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joe Lurie

PRAISE FOR PERCEPTION AND DECEPTION

FOREWORD

by Ambassador Martin Brennan, Retired

Shortly after we arrived in Kigali, Rwanda, in 1977, my wife and I hosted a lunch for her Rwandan hospital co-workers. As the dessert disappeared from the table, our guests glanced at one another and announced that they wanted to thank us for our hospitality. They stood up in unison and began clapping, singing, and dancing.

We’d never seen anything like this back home in California. After a moment, my surprise morphed into distinct cross-cultural concern. What was happening? And more importantly, what should we do? Were we expected to sit and smile? Sit and clap? Stand and clap? Or—heaven help us—join the dancing?

If only Joe Lurie’s much-anticipated book had been available back then, I’d have recognized that this was an ideal moment to go with the flow and enjoy crossing cultures. Perception and Deception is a book of revelation and illumination, sparked by the wisdom the author gleaned while experiencing the world as a Peace Corps Volunteer, international program executive, intercultural teacher, trainer, and consultant.

Through poignant stories, comparisons of proverbs, insight into gestures, and gems of cultural-specific wisdom, Perception and Deception brilliantly illustrates the contrasts between cultures and our propensity to misinterpret unfamiliar cultural realities. To quote Joe’s favorite African proverb: The stranger sees only what he knows. We view the world through the blinders of our cultural assumptions.

Had I been able to don Joe Lurie’s cultural lenses while serving in the diplomatic corps in Asia, Africa, and Europe, I would have seen and understood so much more about what was really being communicated, although unsaid. I might have received the deeper cultural messages that escape one who hears largely what one is used to hearing, and sees mostly what one is used to seeing. I would have better understood culture’s influence on prejudice, stereotyping, status, and identity.

Joe Lurie conveys insights he’s honed over decades of keen observation, research, and literally tens-of-thousands of conversations around the world. I’ve had the good fortune of being with Joe on some of these forays. One evening, when we were lost in Edmonton, Canada, Joe asked two strangers for directions. They turned out to be Japanese students and, within seconds, we were engulfed in a discussion of how people from different cultures give directions.

I once described to Joe how my hosts abroad often loaded food onto my plate despite my protestations that I was satiated. I relegated this phenomenon to the strange quirks of foreigners—a universal category, because at times, we are all foreigners. Eyes twinkling, Joe elucidated that in the US, a clean plate signals we’ve done our duty and wasted not; while, in much of the rest of the world, an empty plate signals that the guest is still hungry. Fulfilling my US culturally instilled duty merely triggered guilt both in me, the guest (How can I allow this food to go to waste?), and in my host (How can I leave this guest hungry?).

I didn’t fully appreciate the pervasive influence of culture until I met Joe. Inspired by his work, I launched a course in cross-cultural communication at the University of California, Berkeley. When I was called to a diplomatic assignment, I asked Joe to take the reins. This ranks among my best decisions ever—akin to asking Fred Astaire to teach dancing. The course has become a popular mainstay under Joe’s tutelage.

Speaking of Fred Astaire, my wife and I joined our dancing Rwandan guests as best we could. Our response proved to be culturally appropriate. Our initial trepidation in the next hour of dancing was transformed into friendship and community.

That afternoon I learned another Joe Lurie lesson: showing respect for another culture is infinitely more important than doing it right. During his visit to Tokyo, President Obama may not have bowed in the inimitable style of the Japanese, but the fact that he made the effort when greeting the Emperor elicited accolades from the people of Japan. Those who wondered why President Obama would bow to anyone from another country could benefit from Perception and Deception, a mind-opening exploration of the pitfalls of seeing other cultures with eyes wide shut.

For you, the reader, no matter your background or age, this exceptional book will expand your perceptions of other cultures—and your own—in fresh and exciting ways.

—Santa Margherita d’Adige, Italy

EDITOR’S PREFACE

The team at Cultural Detective is extremely pleased to bring you Perception and Deception, an entertaining and enlightening read. Its goal matches that of our larger series: to build respect, understanding, and collaboration across cultures.

I met Joe Lurie several years ago, in a facilitator certification workshop for Cultural Detective in Berkeley, California. Joe is a memorable guy: a consummate storyteller with a booming voice and a jovial sense of humor. His stories seemingly span every culture and just about every situation you can imagine. He talks with people about things I would never think of mentioning (for example, how often they wash their under-garments, or in what contexts talking about sex is okay). A conversation with Joe is both hugely educational as well as full of belly laughs; he is a delight.

Imagine my pleasure when Joe asked me to work with him on this book, summarizing some of the major learning he’s gained throughout a lifetime working across cultures! You are reading this book, no doubt, because you’re interested in cross-cultural communication. Perhaps you straddle multiple worlds in your life, work with a team of people from distant locations, or love to travel. Whatever the reason for your interest, I know you will enjoy reading this volume as much as I have.

You’ll find a wealth of stories and proverbs in this book, both items that are central to the Cultural Detective Method. Cultural Detective is a tool that helps people better understand their own cultural filters and those of others. It provides a process to work with people from different cultures in ways that bring out the best in each person, and harnesses the value that diversity can add to a team, organization, or community.

Cultural Detective is a collaborative project among over 130 authors worldwide. The series is used by multinational businesses, universities, NGOs, religious communities, professional associations, and individuals to improve their cross-cultural competence.

Please visit us at: www.CulturalDetective.com

AUTHOR’S PREFACE

When the first Europeans arrived in Africa and the Americas, some brought casks of red wine. Seeing these strangers drinking blood perhaps shocked some indigenous peoples, who may have considered them deranged barbarians. On the other hand, others like the Masai of East Africa, who frequently drink cows’ blood, may have wondered what kind of cows these strangers without color owned.

Through my years working and traveling with strangers from over 100 countries, I’ve discovered that by relying on one’s experiences and filters, a perception can actually be a deception. To a mother who chews food before feeding the puree to her infant, an ad for Gerber baby food is bizarre. A Chinese elder who spits on the street is disgusted at seeing an Australian tourist blowing her nose in a tissue, then shoving the mucus-filled tissue into her purse.

Contrasting values across cultures, such as those mentioned above, are represented by the cow I chose for the cover of this book. The Masai, like many ethnic groups in Africa and in some other parts of the world, use cows for dowries because they represent wealth. Among Hindus, the cow is considered divine, so sacred that it’s often cared for in old age, and eating beef is forbidden. How strange this taboo appears to the many meat-eaters around the world who associate the cow with hamburgers, steak, or ribs—a divine dinner. But for many Hindus consuming a holy cow for dinner would be a disgrace.

I was inspired to write Perception and Deception because, for years, I’ve observed that seeing often can be deceiving— our experiences cause us to interpret a situation from our own point of view. When an Iraqi journalism student visited my office, he didn’t sit with me at the table. I didn’t realize that by standing, he was conveying respect. When I was the only foreigner on a boat with Tahitian fishermen, they often raised their eyebrows. Were they surprised, skeptical, or using eyebrow language to say yes? On a subway, I saw the back of a baldhead and wondered: monk, punk, or patient?

After reading this book, when you perceive someone or a situation as peculiar, irrational, or offensive, I sincerely hope you’ll pause before drawing quick conclusions. When we don’t understand what is normal in another cultural context, our perceptions may be deceiving and may lead to misunderstanding that provokes laughter, tears, anger, or even violence.

With the increasing ease of international travel and mass migration, and with Tweets and YouTube videos going viral in seconds, the dangers of miscommunication across cultures are intensifying. In our interdependent world, more than ever, it’s important to take time to understand the assumptions and intentions behind someone’s words and actions.

Is the diplomat’s hug an insult or a sign of warmth? When a man tells a prospective bride, You’re fat! is that a slur? In some cultures, it’s a compliment. Is the oncologist wearing a headscarf because she’s a devout Muslim, or just having a bad hair day? During a business negotiation, is direct eye contact a sign of respect, disrespect, or aggression? Most anecdotes and observations in this book are drawn from my experiences with students, colleagues, immigrants, and friends from around the world. In some cases, I’ve changed names or modified circumstances to respect their privacy. But these are all true stories. I hope they are as revealing for you as they have been for me.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I’m deeply grateful to Dianne Hofner Saphiere for encouraging me to write this book, for her invaluable editorial support, and for Cultural Detective serving as my publisher. Dianne’s consummate intercultural expertise, including her magnificent work with Cultural Detective, is an inspiration to me and to many others.

I thank Maurice Brenyah-Addow, Muhammed Ali Shahidy, Dr. Laurence Michalak, and Ambassador Martin Brennan for their contributions; Ariane Zambiras for her patient and sensitive help with French food expressions; Chia-Ying Pan for her careful Chinese translations; Linda Sarkis for her advice about Arabic speech characteristics; Roshan