Stella, Get Your Gun

By Nancy Bartholomew

SHE'S JUST BEEN SHOT AT, ARRESTED AND THROWN IN JAIL

Trust former police officer Stella Valocchi! But compared to last week, things are looking up. Last week she: a) caught her cop boyfriend in bed with her best friend, b) kidnapped the boyfriend's dog and c) ran for home, only to find the man who once left her at the altar presiding over her favourite uncle's funeral.

This week Stella's hunting her uncle's killer. Being arrested on bogus charges just means she's on target. But to stay there she's got to confront the past–and her former fiance–as well as stick to her guns in the face of shocking family secrets

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers Australia
• Release date: Sep 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781742914619

Nancy Bartholomew

Nancy Bartholomew began writing out of absolute desperation. Stuck in a cookie-cutter suburban subdivision with only toddlers and Thomas the Tank Engine to talk to, she began writing, filling her books with mayhem and mirth and catapulting herself into the middle of more trouble, mirth and mayhem than any soccer mom could handle. Soon, feisty heroines, hunky heroes and assorted wacky relatives, friends and dogs began populating Nancy's imaginary worlds and finding their way onto publishers' desks. Nancy stole early morning quiet hours to write before the kids and work could interrupt. She baked chocolate chip cookies in the afternoons, invited a crowd of kids over to play and wrote at the kitchen table while the chaos swirled around her. Now the boys are getting older and Nancy writes to avoid dealing with the reality of adolescence, you know, teenaged drivers, eye rolling, phrases like "Whatever!" and "I'll do it in a minute!" She lives in North Carolina with her two boys, a large mutt named Bailey, a miniature schnauzer named Maggie who rules the roost, and a very confused bunny rabbit who seems to think she's a squirrel. If Nancy had spare time, her cottage garden wouldn't look like the horticultural equivalent of Girls Gone Wild, her funky, retro house would be halfway clean, and her paperwork would be all caught up. However, we all need something to aspire to, and a clean house is apparently not on her list of Lifetime Goals.

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Chapter 1

In retrospect, perhaps kidnapping Lloyd was a bad idea, not that I regret it. I most certainly do not regret kidnapping Lloyd. It improved both our lives, and I can say that in all honesty, even if my law-enforcement career and reputation have gone straight to the dogs. Before Lloyd, my life was in the toilet, so anything short of the sewer is an improvement. I know what you’re thinking—how can a woman feel her life is on the upswing when she’s just been shot at, arrested and thrown in jail? Trust me, compared to last week, life is most definitely looking up.

Last week I was just a junior patrol officer looking to make detective. All I wanted was my shot at the big time, and thanks to Needle Nose Robanski, I thought I was about to realize this lifelong ambition.

Needle Nose was on a one-man crime spree somewhere in Garden Beach, Florida. He had a nasty knack for waylaying exotic dancers, beating them beyond recognition and then finishing the job with a filet knife. I figured I was going to be the one to catch him. I guess I just didn’t realize it would take more than a bottle of blond hair dye, stiletto heels and a fake leather loincloth to do the job. Undercover police work takes conviction. You have to sell yourself in your perp’s world. You have to be one of them and not just pass as a cheap imitation. So I was out there, selling myself, the night old Needle Nose made his appearance.

The manager of the Solitaire Gentleman’s Club, Alfonso Lewis, wasn’t too pleased with my performance. He kept calling my sergeant and complaining I was bad for business, that I had no customer service orientation. I ask you, did you ever try to conceal a microphone in a padded bra the size of a postage stamp? Do you know what it feels like to have a hard plastic button nibbling away at your right boob while you’re simultaneously bending down to deliver a drink and trying to keep some jerk’s hand from slipping between your legs?

It was a challenge, but I handled it because I was a professional, and because I wanted Needle Nose Robanski almost as much as I wanted the promotion that catching him would ensure.

My partner, Lou Ann Ross, called in sick that night, so the sergeant sent a rookie to man the surveillance van in the parking lot. He didn’t send just any rookie, either; he sent Leon. Leon was twenty-one, maybe five foot six and weighed in at just under 130 pounds. He’d been with a training coach for three solid rotations before someone finally stuck him on our squad and warned us not to give him anything too important to do. Leon was a hair away from unemployment, and I was his last shot at redemption.

When I saw him pull up, I could only assume that catching Needle Nose must not have been too important to the Garden Beach Police Department. Covering my ass must’ve ranked up there with mundane chores like dispensing parking tickets. Maybe sending Leon was the department’s way of saying that our undercover operation wasn’t paying off. Needle Nose Robanski wasn’t taking the bait and had probably left town.

Still, when I stepped out onto the loading dock of the club a little after 1:00 a.m., I assumed Leon had me covered. I needed a break. I’d just come close to committing a vicious assault of my own, and had Alfonso not been tailing me like a bird dog, I might’ve gotten away with more than just teaching my nasty little customer a few things about respect and anatomy.

I slipped out the back door, shutting it firmly behind me, and paused to catch my breath. Leon, I said softly, believing he was secure in his listening post across the lot, I’m taking a break. I’m gonna sit in my car and eat a sandwich.

I stood there for another moment or two, scanning the lot, and then headed down the steps. It was a beautiful fall night, with a clear sky and bright stars. Living on the Florida Panhandle was heaven to a displaced Yankee. I let myself relax a little. I got careless and that was all it took. Needle Nose caught me off guard just as I inserted the key into the driver’s side door. He slammed me into the hard metal of my car and clamped his thick hand over my mouth.

Don’t fucking move or I’ll cut you, he said. To make sure I took him seriously, he jabbed the tip of his knife into my side, the cold metal nicking my bare skin and drawing a thin trickle of blood.

A surge of adrenaline hit me, dead center in my chest, sucking my heart up into my throat. This was it, the real thing, the moment I’d trained for—a face-to-face encounter with a bad guy.

Needle Nose was huge compared to me. He must’ve outweighed me by seventy pounds and had a good eight inches on my five feet four inches. To make matters worse, he had bad breath and a weapon. I would’ve given anything for my Glock.

I waited for Leon, hoping he’d left the tape running in the camera and on the recorder. I listened hard for the sound of the van door opening but heard nothing. Needle Nose pulled me back against his chest, one arm wrapped around my neck while his other hand held the knife against my exposed skin. He twisted away from the vehicle and began moving toward the Dumpster, half pushing and half dragging me with him.

I knew what would come next; I’d read all the reports. It was always the same M.O. He would take me behind the trash bin, slit my clothes off, rape me, beat me and then cut me beyond all recognition. Good thing I had the full support of the Garden Beach Police Department behind me; otherwise, I might’ve been in trouble.

When Needle Nose rounded the trash bin, I decided not to count on backup. It was time to make my move. Unfortunately, he made his move first. He slipped his knife up behind my bra strap and sliced it cleanly before I could react or even really process what he’d done. It was too late to stop and regroup; I was already taking action, faking a stumble to the left. His knife hand flew out to the side as he cut the strap. He was forced to try to grab me with his left hand.

I used his own momentum to duck back under him, grabbing his wrist as I went, twisting and jerking his arm up as hard as I could. I was rewarded with the sound of ripping tendons and ligaments, followed by a sharp scream of pain as Needle Nose fell forward and I landed on top of him.

I hung on to his thick wrist as he bucked like a bronco. I was riding him and trying to drive the heel of my stiletto into his knife hand when Leon finally materialized.

Stop! he cried in his squeaky adolescent voice. Garden Beach Police! Stop or I’ll shoot!

But Needle Nose never heard him. As Leon arrived, the sharp point of my heel had connected with the meaty flesh of his underarm, sinking in with a sickening squish that forced Needle Nose to drop the knife. Blood began to rain down on the two of us as I fought to control him. The guy wouldn’t quit. If anything, he fought harder, but then, so did I.

I lurched forward, grabbed Needle Nose by his stringy hair, jerked his head back and then, with a force I didn’t know I had, slammed his face into the concrete slab beneath us. His head connected with a sickening thud that seemed to knock the fight right out of him. I smiled as Needle Nose gave up, his body shuddering into an involuntary surrender.

I was a little disappointed when he didn’t rally. My energy was still in fight-to-survive mode and I didn’t want to stop, not yet at least. I was in touch with my violent side and I was thinking I liked it. I was thinking I’d come a long way from the mousy little girl who joined the academy on a dare. I was riding the crest of an adrenaline high, and finally I was one with Clint Eastwood, Sylvester Stallone and Demi Moore. This was good versus evil. This was karma delivering a massive dose of cosmic justice. This was my life…and I loved it.

Are you all right? Leon was staring at me, his face frozen in a terrified grimace of bravado and something else I couldn’t quite read. He didn’t make a move to help me, just stared, mouth open and eyes wide.

Leon, why are you just standing there? Quit pointing the gun at me and help me cuff the son of a bitch!

Leon’s face was scarlet. He lowered his weapon, tried to reach for the handcuffs and struggled without success for thirty seconds.

Put the gun in your holster, then take out the handcuffs, I said, feeling the impatience rising to the point of boiling over. You did call for backup, right? I demanded.

Backup? He sounded as if he were repeating a foreign language.

Yeah, you know, where they send some help to take this dirtbag to jail?

Leon had the cuffs now and handed them to me, turning his head aside as he did so. Yeah, I’ll do that right now. He started to key his mike, leaving me to try to cuff a now writhing Needle Nose all by myself.

Leon? I said.

Yeah? He looked back at me for a second, then down at the ground like a schoolkid.

Would you mind securing the suspect’s weapon first, then helping me get the bracelets on before you call?

Leon lurched forward and grabbed the knife from the ground. Once he’d tossed it out of harm’s way, he grabbed the suspect’s bleeding arm and jerked it awkwardly in my direction, his head averted as if touching the wounded man was extremely distasteful.

Leon, I said, watch what you’re doing! What is wrong with you?

I started to swing my leg off of Needle Nose and pull him up, but Leon was too close, hovering over me like a forty-pound baby robin.

Ma’am? he said, his voice even squeakier than before.

What is it, Leon?

Um, do you know that you’re naked? he asked.

I looked down, saw the girls flying free in the night air and remembered Needle Nose’s deft handiwork.

I looked back at Leon. Is that a problem for you, Leon? I said. Because I am fully aware of that fact and will attend to it once we have secured the suspect.

He gulped. I pushed up and tried to stand, pulling a screaming, bleeding Needle Nose along with me. Leon attempted to help, but accidentally tripped me in his attempt not to look at my tits.

That is how I wound up in the examining room next to Needle Nose at the Bay County Medical Center.

It’s only a sprain, the doctor said. Keep it wrapped and you’ll be back to normal in a week. He looked at Leon’s uniform shirt, buttons straining across my chest, and then back at the clipboard he held out in front of him.

So this was an undercover thing, huh? he said.

No, Doc, I answered. I always wear a loincloth with my shirt. It makes it so I can run faster and leap tall buildings in a single bound.

He glanced back at me, or rather at my breasts, and swallowed. You need anything for pain?

They don’t, I said, and my foot’s fine, too.

His face reddened and he left without another word.

Stella, my sergeant said, why’d you do that? He’s only a kid.

I looked at the sergeant and grinned. I don’t know, I said. I guess I just couldn’t help myself. Did you see how red his face got?

The sergeant rolled his eyes. Stella, you gotta work the public-relations angle here. What’s Pete gonna say when I tell him how you acted?

That got my attention. You’re not going to tell Pete, Randy, I said. I’m serious. He doesn’t need to hear about tonight from anybody but me, okay? Let me tell him myself.

The sergeant sighed. Stella, I gotta work with the man. You only gotta live with him. He’ll go easy on you, but me, I gotta cover my ass. How’s it gonna look, me letting you get hurt on your first undercover gig, huh? Besides, it’ll be all over the department by tomorrow. You can’t keep a thing like this quiet. I’m putting you in for a commendation.

I frowned. I don’t want a commendation, Randy—I want to make detective.

Randy rubbed the five-o’clock shadow that made his already dark skin seem three shades darker. You gotta be patient, Stella. You’ve only been with the department, what, four years?

I nodded, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach. It was the good-old-boy system that kept me and Randy from getting ahead and he and I both knew it. It had nothing to do with time in or how well you performed.

Just try, all right, Randy? He nodded and held the door open while I hobbled out. Leon brought your car over, he said, and handed me the keys.

Oh, great! You let him drive it?

Randy smiled. Stella, you gotta have more patience with Leon. He’ll get the hang of it sooner or later. Besides, he added, Leon was the only guy left on the squad tonight. We’re short-staffed. I had no other option. I never thought this—

Don’t worry about it, Randy. I know you were doing the best you could.

I hadn’t told him about Leon and I wasn’t going to—nope, that was something I was saving for a personal face-to-face with the rookie.

All right, I said. Whatever. Just don’t call Pete. Let me go home and tell him myself. Maybe I can make him see it in a positive light. I’ll tell him I tripped.

Stella, Randy warned, he’s the best officer in the department. He’s gonna find out.

Yeah, but maybe I can cushion the blow for him first. I grinned. That is one of the benefits of the job, you know. I get to keep the loincloth, and the girls at the club taught me a couple of moves I didn’t even know were physically possible. Maybe I can try my act out on Pete and he’ll—

Stella, Randy said, just go home and stay off your foot! I don’t want to see you back at work for a week, okay?

My plan exactly, I said, and grinned at him as if I really meant it.

You gotta get up early to fool a cop like Pete O’Brian. He had a nose for trouble and would spot a lie a million miles away. I had to be more than a little clever.

I plotted Pete’s ambush the entire way home. He’d be asleep, naked like always, and I’d take him by surprise, slipping between the sheets, running my tongue all over his sexy, strong body. What man could resist a little midnight rendezvous?

I could tell him about Needle Nose later, and then he could strut around and tell me how he should’ve been there to take care of me. I could act as if I really needed him to save me from myself, which might not be too much of an act given the night’s events. I could even play the whole thing down, so he wouldn’t get jealous. I knew Pete would be just a little bit jealous. He always wanted to be the hero. One day I might break him of it, but not now. For now, I’d just keep training, honing my skills and trying to keep Pete from ever realizing that I was getting to be one hell of a cop. He’d come to accept me as an equal, maybe, one day, just not now.

I shook the negative feelings off and drove. I had the next couple of hours all planned by the time I turned into the trailer park. Pete might not like assertive, even aggressive, females on the job, but in bed it challenged him. Sex with Pete was great.

I cut the lights, turned off the engine and coasted to a stop in front of our single-wide trailer. Pete loved surprises, especially naked, under-the-covers surprises. Well, he was going to see a new side of me tonight, all right, the blond exotic-dancer temptress was on her way to blow his mind in a way he wouldn’t soon forget.

Too bad my partner, Lou Ann, beat me to it.

I saw her car sitting on the pad next to Pete’s Jeep. Had she heard about Needle Nose and come to tell Pete? I hopped out of the Camaro and let the door shut quietly behind me while I fumbled for my house key. She could have listened to the scanner and heard about me being hurt. She came over to reassure Pete and wait for me, I told myself, but the explanation didn’t quite fit. In the first place, why would Lou Ann and Pete wait for me in the dark? Secondly, Lloyd was sitting on the stoop and there was only one reason why Lloyd ever sat outside on the stoop.

I walked slowly across the grass to the trailer, my heart pounding hard against my chest. There was a very dim light flickering in the master bedroom. As I drew closer, the not so gentle shaking of the trailer walls crumbled my frail tower of denial.

I walked up to Lloyd and patted him on the head. He looked up at me with huge brown sympathetic dog eyes and whined.

I share your pain, I whispered. Is this why your real mom left?

Lloyd licked my hand and looked away. I’d struck a nerve. We both knew, in our heart of hearts, that the only reason Pete kept the little black-and-white spotted mutt around was that he hoped maybe one day Tracy would come back for him. He never said as much, but you could tell. It was all in the way he ignored the dog but refused to get rid of him, or in the way he sighed sometimes and said, Tracy used to… Before now, I’d prayed Tracy never returned to claim her prize. Now I realized why she’d left in such a hurry, never to return.

Lloyd whined again, reclaiming my attention by butting his head against my leg. The only time Lloyd camped out on the back steps was when Pete and I had sex. Lloyd’s nerves couldn’t take it. He always tried to jump up on the bed and rescue us from ourselves. This distraction seriously irritated Pete, so Lloyd got shoved unceremoniously out the back door, where he waited with an almost unbearable level of trembling separation anxiety.

You’re a good boy, Lloyd, I said, and bent to pet him again. Now you stay here and let me handle this. Only I didn’t have any idea of what I was going to do, or how I was going to deal with my partner and my boyfriend betraying me. It was one thing to stay tough on the outside, but inside I was shaking harder than Lloyd.

I slipped into the kitchen, padding barefoot across the floor in an attempt to catch them unaware. This stealth was completely unnecessary. You could’ve driven a truck through the quaking trailer and not disturbed Pete and Lou Ann. When I reached the doorway, he had her up on all fours in the center of our bed. Her enormous breasts swung back and forth as he hung on to her hips, driving into her with everything he had.

You’ve been a bad little girl, haven’t you? he snarled, slapping her fat butt with a loud crack.

Lou Ann was pleading. No, Daddy, don’t spank little Lou Ann!

Bad girl! Pete cried, and brought his hand down again with a sharp smack. Bad, bad girl!

Oh, I’d say she isn’t the only bad kid in the classroom, I said.

They jumped apart, Pete shoving Lou Ann so hard she collapsed in front of him with a gasp and had to struggle to flip back over.

I don’t know when I pulled the gun out of my pocketbook. All I know is, I was standing there and it was in my hand, and the violent side of me was in complete control again.

I wouldn’t move, I said, when Pete appeared to be considering it. Really.

I aimed and put the first bullet into the wall beside his head.

Pete froze and put his hands out in front of his body like a traffic cop. All right, baby, all right. Now, just calm down. I can explain.

Fuck you, Pete! I said. You can’t explain fucking my partner any more than Lou Ann here can explain fucking my boyfriend, can you, honey? I put the second bullet into the mattress six inches away from her thick left thigh and was rewarded with a terrified shriek.

How long have you two been meeting like this? I asked, trying to recall all of Lou Ann’s recent sick days.

Baby, I swear, this was the first time! Pete said. Now baby, really… He started to shift toward me, and I lifted the gun, aiming it dead center at his chest.

Do you feel like trying me, sweetheart? I asked. Because I don’t care if you do. Dead is dead, but I’m thinking I just might take the family jewels instead. Wouldn’t that give you a little more to think about? Wouldn’t that be just the right thing for this particular occasion? I lowered the gun a few millimeters and smiled as his balls shrank up behind his already invisible penis. Bad boy, I murmured. Bad, bad boy!

I looked over at Lou Ann for a fraction of a second, knowing Pete would make a move if he found an opening. So, you tell Dave and the kids you’re fucking Pete, or did you save that for me to do? I asked her.

Lou Ann’s face paled. Oh, Stella, don’t do that! she cried.

I could feel my body begin to tremble with rage and grief. I couldn’t stay in the trailer too much longer or I really would hurt somebody, like maybe myself.

So what did I do to deserve this, Pete? I said, looking back at him, never moving the Glock from its target.

Baby, you didn’t have a thing to do with this…. he began.

Damn straight, I didn’t, I said. And I never will, not ever again. I backed up a step. That’s the trouble with weak men, I said. They can’t handle strong women. You and Lou Ann ought to be perfect for each other.

I kept walking backward, keeping Pete in my sights, daring him to leave the bed before I turned and walked out of his life forever. I took in every detail of the room, memorizing everything, the way Pete and Lou Ann looked together naked, the way the sheets and blankets puddled in a heap at the foot of the bed, the fear in Lou Ann’s eyes and the blank look on Pete’s face. I was forcing myself to commit the unthinkable to memory so that I would never, ever be tempted by Pete’s charm to forgive him and start over. No, this was a lesson I was going to learn and never need to repeat, a lesson I’d somehow forgotten to learn from other lovers in the past and one that was almost killing me now.

I felt the shaking begin to get worse as I closed the kitchen door behind me and stepped out onto the stoop. I almost tripped over Lloyd in my hurry to get down the stairs and escape before anything worse could happen.

He yipped as I squashed his paw and stared up at me with his huge dark eyes.

You were trying to tell me, weren’t you? I said as I passed him.

I kept on