Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure

By Hannah Johnson

It's that Halloweeny time of year, and Howie, Arthur, Kristy, and Cora are on a mission to create the perfect haunted house event at the store in order to win over new customers.

Turns out, it's not as easy as it sounds -- especially when you're trying to charm the town's most popular (and terrifying) arts 'n crafts blogger into writing your store a favorable review. And it just gets worse when that blogger insists that her wild child ten year old son be given creative control over the entire situation.

There's no way around it: October just got stressful. Fortunately, Howie & Co. are super chill and not at all prone toward panicking.

... Yeah, that might be a lie.

The characters from Know Not Why return in this romp full of workplace turmoil, eerie coincidences, sexy mummy costumes, and even more bantery friendship antics than ever before.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hannah Johnson
• Release date: Nov 9, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311142450

Hannah Johnson

Hannah Johnson lives in Alaska, where she likes to watch lots of Netflix and write essays about how Jane Eyre and Bertha Mason should be best friends. Her books and stories usually involve inordinate amounts of whimsy, at least a little magic (or yarn), and lots of dorky heartfelt conversations. She has a master’s degree in English and a fairly eclectic sock collection. Sometimes those socks have old fashioned bicycles on them, or pigs, or pink ghosts. She is exceedingly awkward at writing about herself in third person.

Book preview

Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure

By Hannah Johnson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 by Hannah Johnson

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedication: For my Know Not Why readers, some of whom asked for more Howie & Co. Your readership is truly one of the great joys of my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You all rule.

+

The world has descended into chaos.

Foggy, shrieky, hideous chaos.

And so Howie does a thing he never thought he would do. He grabs his reindeer antlers out from under the counter, and he puts them on his goddamn head.

That’s right.

Howie the Reindeer strikes back.

It has come to this.

Kristy, he says, tugging on her sleeve. Well, her white bandage. It has become suddenly, abundantly clear that it is not in the realm of human decency to ask someone to dress up as a sexy mummy. What are we gonna do? We—we gotta fix this, right?

I told you, Kristy says faintly. I told you this would happen.

One of the kids starts screaming extra hysterically. Howie raises his voice over that oh-so-delightful sound and tries to throw in some devil-may-care cheer, all like, Ha ha ha, what a hilarious happenstance we have stumbled into! All like, This is definitely a charming misadventure, and not the lowest moment that has ever happened in these four walls. Well, it’s not too late, buddy! If you want to just—you know, bust out that sparkly blue number—

But instead of listening, she just turns and disappears in the direction of the kitchen, leaving him to this pit of misery.

Okay.

That’s okay.

It’s fine if this is the first time in history that Kristy Quincy, Actual Disney Princess, has denied help to a friend in need. Definitely not a sign that THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON THEM or anything.

Although if the apocalypse was upon them, well, it would probably look a lot like this. What was once a perfectly boring arts ‘n crafts store has turned into a hell pit. The lights are all off, save for a strobe light aggressively flashing on and off. (Why did they decide the strobe light was a good idea again?) Dry ice has cast a malevolent fog all over the place.

Kids are crying and screaming.

Probably because Frankenstein’s monster just burst in from outside mere seconds ago, the erratic light illuminating and obscuring its nasty, stitched-up face (and extremely shiny hair).

Cora, who is currently covered in like forty pounds of werewolf suit, leaps over to Frankenstein, and that sets off a whole new round of screaming from bystanders.

Hobo Ghost Arthur wanders around the room strumming his guitar (tonight’s soundtrack consists exclusively of Taylor Swift ditties in creepy minor keys) and then looks really freaked out whenever a kid bumps into him.

It is just not good.

And then Howie feels a hand on his shoulder, and there’s Amber beside him: a much-more-terrifying-than-usual Amber, what with her zombie face and her bloody white nightgown and her incredible rat’s nest of angry feminist hair, but at least it’s Amber. Amber, he has always suspected, knows how to fix anything.

And then he realizes all at once just what the solution is.

He and Amber are the only ones who can diffuse this crapfest with an act of Halloween spirit so benign that it couldn’t even scare the world’s timidest toddler. Now that Kristy’s gone, they’re the only ones who can end this.

We have to do it, he mutters numbly, even though he’d rather chop off his own antlers. You know. If they were real antlers, rather than just headband antlers. He thinks that really speaks to the gravity of the situation. A guy doesn’t just willingly part with his own antlers, right?? (These thoughts, he registers dimly, do not make a whole lot of sense.) The point is: he would rather do anything than this.

And yet he knows. It’s the only option.

Amber looks at him with the bittersweet but wise resolve of Galadriel. She nods, a slow and wistful nod, and reaches over to take his hand.

Arthur, Howie calls, with the gravitas of ... some other Lord of the Rings person. Sean Bean, let’s say. Not actually a bad choice, since, like a Sean Bean character, Howie Jenkins is probably fated to die.

Of humiliation, but still. Like death by axe or arrow, it won’t be pretty.

As Arthur takes in the sight of Howie and Amber, the comprehension dawns on his face. He abandons his awkwardly macabre cover of We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together and crosses the room. Once he reaches the stereo, he gives Howie one last solemn look ... and he presses play.

Howie takes Amber’s hand in his.

Here we fucking go.

TWENTY-FIVE DAYS EARLIER

It’s not really a huge surprise that Cora Caldwell is bonkers for Halloween.

But Howie does not anticipate just how bonkers.

No one could anticipate just how bonkers.

He and Arthur show up to work a little late one morning. The longer the store lives on like some ungodly and unkillable demon, the more relaxed Arthur becomes about his policy on arriving to work two hours before they open.

Especially when there’s more important stuff to do at home.

Like, say, in the bedroom.

And the shower.

And then the bedroom again.

And then, briefly, the kitchen, before Arthur’s ‘We eat at this table’ prudery kicked in.

What a nerd.

They’re teetering dangerously close to late when they show up at the store. But at least they’re both in a good mood.

Turns out, crazy things happen when you leave arts ‘n crafts stores unsupervised.

They step

Reviews for Toil & Trouble

[Alma ZM · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So deliciously beautiful and heart warming! This is a kind of sequel to “Know not why”, so be sure to read that beforehand. I do think this story is perfect for those who loved the characters from the novel like myself because this so character driven and not much plot. But if did love them you have to read this one, it’s funny, heartwarming and cute.