A Man's Life. How to Build Power and Confidence

By James D Paul

This is about getting what you want by making changes in how you think and project, and for men. It is about being attractive, charismatic and influential. It is about moving your agenda forward by being an excellent player of the social game. You will develop specific social skills and a change in attitude, that will greatly increase your confidence. Think of this as a training manual with some theory, and lots of specific suggestions including a section called The Program with exercises and instructions on how to build your own program to maintain and build strength. The book is divided into Inner Game (your psychological state), Outer Game (your social skills), and The Program.

• Language: English
• Publisher: James D Paul
• Release date: Aug 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310154867

Book preview

A Man's Life

How to Build Power and Confidence

by James D Paul

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 James D Paul

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License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Contents

1. Overview

What this is about

Why I wrote this

Getting Started

Ineffective vs effective Paths

Almost no one does the work

2. Inner Game

Goals for your psychological state

Confidence

Openness

Staying Cool

Your values and your story

Exactly what your Inner State should look like

Things that can screw you up

3. Outer Game - Social Skill

Concept of Social Value

Characteristics to Project

How to Be an Engaging Conversationalist

Entering

The Conversation

Gamesmanship

Leadership

Leaving

Mistakes to Avoid

Criticism

How to Handle Rough Situations

Misc Tips

4. The Program

Do this almost very day

Expanding your program

When things get tough

5. Exercises

Exercises to build Inner Game, Story, Values

Exercises: Build your Inner game, Confidence

Exercises: Honing your Outer Game

1. Overview

What this is about

This book is about getting what you want by making changes in how you think and project in human interactions. It is about being attractive, charismatic and influential. It is about moving your agenda forward by being an excellent player of the social game. Following the program I describe, you will develop specific social skills, attitudes, thinking patterns and possibly values. Think of this as a training manual with some theory, and lots of specific suggestions. Use these to build a program tailored for yourself. You can base your program on the program I describe at the end of this book.

Nothing is spoon fed here. To get results and maintain them you need self discipline. Using your own plan you will train to develop and hone skills. Reading a book or taking a class is not training. Performing an action over and over with continuous monitoring and adjustments is training.

When I look at what I want, I find my goals come easily if I have the magic power of making people around me feel good… making the space around me a strong, healthy space. But of course it’s not a magic power, its skill. Some people are naturals at this. They were born with the right biology and learned life's lessons early and easily. But some people, including me, have to put a fair amount of effort into learning and maintaining important life skills that were somehow missed in adolescence. I will tell you how you can learn social skill and the confidence that comes with it.

Why I Wrote this

The gap between ignorance and knowledge is much less than the gap between knowledge and action. – ancient Chinese proverb

Many books tell you to be more confident and some describe how to act more confident. But none tell you HOW to become more confident. I wanted a program - specific actions that I could take to implement some of the great self improvement ideas I read about. I also wanted something customized for me, my quirks and situation. I wanted something focused on technique, with concrete examples - a plan I could act on and that would give me near certain results. I am middle aged, have been successfully self employed my whole life…also single and dating for all but 14 years of my life. Some of my goals are visiting exotic locations, teaching dance there, dating beautiful talented women. Some to building a business where I have sufficient income for my lifestyle but does not consume me - all are part of my overall goal of living a rich exciting life.

I have no celebrity outside a narrow technical field. I’ve done a lot of public speaking around the country and Europe in that technical field. I hold some volunteer leadership positions for non-profits. I raised very successful kids. Some people's qualification for writing a self improvement book is to have stopped drinking themselves into a stupor every day – but that’s not my starting point. Nothing horrible happened to me and I didn't fuck up anything. I just have what is probably a common condition: A thinking man with a nagging suspicion that I should be getting more out of life.

Many social skills I did not develop until later life. My self esteem was low throughout my childhood but greatly improved through my teens and early 20s. I got counseling, became a counselor and trained counselors in that period. I learned that people’s behavior is to a large degree predictable. When they evaluate you, they are looking for clues that they can match to a pattern they recognize. For example, if you dress in a well fitting suit and maintain a strong posture and voice they match that with an image of a powerful person and you will get respect. Wear ill fitting cloths hold your head down and mumble and you will be ignored. People are not intrinsically likable or not likable.

I've been collecting helpful information from dozens for sources for most my life - books, biographies, interviews, and conversations with skilled people. I tend to analyze and write things down. One thing I’ve observed is how intense, unconventional, and disciplined some athletes and stars personal routines are. For several years as of this writing, I’ve implemented, in a serious way, the work I describe in The Program. I'm getting fantastic results, personally and professionally. Friends see that and ask me for advice.

Getting Started

There is no sham or make-believe about the business of self improvement and personal change. It is something to be carried out with an earnest, conscientious, and a persevering soul. I'm assuming some familiarity with contemporary thinking on success on your part because I don't elaborate on all the ideas I present. Here are 11 works whose ideas I draw on:

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey

• The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

• Life is a Series of Presentations, Tony Jeary

• 7 Helpful Tips to Increase Confidence, Kent Sayre

• The Road Less Traveled, Scott Peck

• How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray

• Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are, Amy Cuddy TED talk

• A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, Ekhart Tolle

• What they don’t Teach You in Harvard Business