Elemental Fear

By Ada Frost

Evelyn Beaumont is a beautiful, intelligent, loving woman. She has an adoring family, a man who loves her and a best friend who is willing to do anything to make her happy. Sound like a perfect life to you?

Evelyn Beaumont:

I hide a terrible secret, one I have hidden from the people I love the most, from the people that love me the most. For the longest time I have hidden behind my shame, silenced by an elemental fear and depravity. I am bound by silence to protect them, to hide what I really am. In truth I can never let my family know what darkness haunts me, I am the key to destroying my family. And I would rather die than allow that.

Warning: This book is about the survival of severe domestic abuse, it’s not pretty, and it is about fear at a level most of us cannot comprehend. Contains severe domestic abuse, violence and strong language.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ada Frost
• Release date: May 4, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311872623

Ada Frost

Hi! What to say about myself...I don't really have anything interesting to offer other than I love to read, and create stories for others to enjoy. I've always been told I have a vivid imagination, I just lacked the confidence to pursue putting it onto the the written page. But finally I embarked on making a single dream come true.I love to read, and write. I only read romance, any genre really, but it has to have a beautiful romance. I also demand a HEA, even if it takes two or three books to get there. Reality is too broken and jaded without having to live through the trauma and angst in a book for it to end unhappily.I would love to connect with readers to hear their views on my work.

Book preview

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter13

Christmas Party

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

He Destroys My World

Saying Goodbye

Acknowledgements

Clutching my favourite new toy, I knocked on the door to my best friend’s house. Only special girls got a baby Jessica doll. I knew this because my friends from school, Becky and Emma, each got one for Christmas, but I had to wait for my birthday. Mummy promised if I was a good girl then the birthday fairy would bring me a baby Jessica.

’Morning, birthday princess, said Jill. She is pretty and my best friend’s mummy. Jill is my step-daddy’s sister. We live in the house next door to Jill, Dominic, and his brother, Elliott. Their daddy died when Dominic was little I think.

Look what I got. I’m the same now as Becky and Emma, I shouted excitedly.

Well, isn’t she beautiful? Jill beamed and lifted my special baby into her arms. You must have been a very good little girl to get such a special present, she cooed.

I began to think Jill would like a baby Jessica. I decided to tell Mummy to get her one for Christmas.

I lifted my hand up to her and spread my fingers wide. I'm five now, that’s not little no more. I’m big now. She needed to know four was little, and being five meant I was a big girl.

"You’re right. Five is such a big girl. Can I have a cuddle from the birthday princess?" She held her arms out and scooped me into a hug, holding me against her hip as she carried me into the house. Elliott was watching television. I gave him a shy wave. He’s Dominic’s younger brother, but only by a year. He was really, really mean, and my mummy said to stay away from him.

Morning, squirt. He ruffled my hair. Happy Birthday.

I lifted my head to watch him walk into the kitchen.

I heard footsteps pounding down the stairs, making me giddy because I knew who that was. I wriggled on Jill’s hip, trying to get down.

He’s coming, don’t worry. Jill laughed, placing me on the floor before she stepped into the kitchen. Then my best friend in the whole wide world came into the room. He was tall and thin, wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

When he saw me, he looked really angry as he shouted, Mum! Mum, something’s wrong.

Jill came running back into the room. What? What’s the matter? she asked breathlessly.

Her. He pointed to me. Where’s my little best friend gone? She– He pointed to me again. "Her…there. She’s a big girl, she has to be five years old. My best friend is four." He held his hand up and spread his fingers wide. Dominic was eleven, almost a teenager. And Elliott was twelve.

I'm five, I whispered.

Oh, Dominic.His mum shook her head in amusement.

Don’t be an idiot, Dom, said Elliott from the doorway into the kitchen. I shuffled closer to Jill.

Shut up, Elliott. Dominic grinned at me. So, who are you and where is my best friend?

How are we related? Elliott asked from the door.

Out, now! Jill ordered.

It’s me…I’m five…I’m your friend, Do-nic. All of a sudden, I felt very shy.

Ah, yes, but my best, best, best friend is only four, he said, placing his hands on his hips.

But I’m five today. It’s my birthday so I’m a big girl today.

Hmm? He shook his head from side to side and looked to the floor.

I felt sad, he didn’t like me anymore. I want to be four again, I whispered, looking up at Jill. He doesn’t like me now.

Dominic, stop teasing, you’re upsetting her.

I scraped the toe of my sandal across the soft carpet.

She’s pretty like my best friend, Dominic said. She has the same pretty hair as my best friend.

I twirled my finger in my hair; he always said it was pretty. He liked brown hair the best.

If this big girl can tell me a secret that only me and my best friend know, I will believe her.

I looked up at his smiling face and thought real hard. Then I ran to him and pulled at his shirt so he would bend for me to utter our secret in his ear.

You think Cinderella is the prettiest princess, I whispered. That was a big, big secret.

His eyes shone with happiness. Come here. He held out his arms for me, and I jumped into them. Do-nic gave the best cuddles.

Look, look! I got baby Jessica. I smoothed her dress down. Isn’t she pretty? I told you I was a good girl. Dominic knew how much I wanted her.

She is pretty. Come on, let’s go get your present, buddy. He held out his hand, and we went to the living room. I had to look up at him now; he had grown so much. He was in high school, but he still didn’t mind playing games with me. Unlike his brother, he was never mean to me.

On the coffee table sat the prettiest pink parcel with a pink ribbon around it. Mum helped me wrap it up, but I picked it for you, he said, sitting next to me.

I opened it, and inside the little box was a small gold necklace with the most beautiful glass slipper dangling from it. Wow, I sighed It was just like Cinderella’s slipper.

Do you like it, buddy? He asked, putting his arm around me.

When he fastened it, I turned and hugged him tightly, I stayed beside him on the sofa and wrapped my arms around his waist. I liked it when he sat down, because he didn’t seem as tall. My mummy said he would be a teenager soon, and it was less likely he would want to play with a little girl. Whenever she said that, I always wanted to cry. I never wanted him to leave me.

When I'm bigger like you, I’m going to marry you, Do-nic.

He chuckled.

I’m! I argued.

I was sure me and Do-nic would move in to a big castle and live happily ever after.

Evelyn Seventeen Years Old

My father never wanted me. When my mother announced she was pregnant, she was given an ultimatum. If she delivered a boy, he would stay. If she had a girl, he would leave.

My mum became a single parent at the age of nineteen, and not once have I ever felt unloved or a burden to her. When she met Alan, my step-father, her boundaries were built around us, to protect us, and she refused to allow anyone to break through. She told me later that it took her a while to let him in.

Her fears that he would leave prevented her from trusting him. But he proved he wasn’t going anywhere, and she married him just after my third birthday. Alan and his sister, Jill, inherited the family home when their parents died suddenly. We moved into Alan’s house, and Dad—as I always call him now—bought Jill’s half of the house, and she moved in next door.

Dominic and I quickly befriended one another, while Elliott remained ungracious. He wanted to be out with his friends, not entertaining some annoying little girl.

While Elliott relished hitting puberty and discovering the joys of the opposite sex, Dominic remained ambivalent. I think he found the changing of his voice and body a little embarrassing.

When I was at school, Dominic was living away from home at University. I was a child in the eyes of the law, but my desires for him were anything but childlike. I craved him, with every awakening part of my womanhood. But when he moved away to attend University, I was alone, for the first time without my best friend.

Instead of leaving like his brother, Elliott attended a university twenty minutes away from us. Over time, he and I had grown closer, and he softened a little. He still had his darker moments, but lately, with Dominic away at University, we had gotten along much easier. We were friends.

I startled when a hand landed on my shoulder. I had spaced out yet again instead of revising for my chemistry test Monday. I turned my head to look over my shoulder at Elliott; his brow was compressed, forming a deep groove between his eyebrows.

What’s wrong?

Is that even English? he asked, pointing at my text book.

I glanced at the page and nudged him with my elbow. He always teased me. Graphics and design were his thing. Science was mine.

Eve, listen. Tonight there’s a party at Gareth’s house and I was wondering if you wanted to go? You can ask Sam and Natalie if you want.

I don’t know, I have a ton of homework and mum and dad—

Come on, it’s the weekend. I will help you on Sunday with your homework. I already asked your mum if you could go and she agreed as long as I didn’t let you drink too much. Please. He whined with a silly pouty look on his face.

You know naff all about bio-chemics, so how are you going to help me?

I can pretend to be a nerd for a couple of hours, he said, and I leaned across the bed to slap his arm.

I’m not a nerd. Chemistry is not—

Yeah, yeah, yeah heard it all before big brain. So, are you going with me? His amusement increased at my mock angry face.

As long as you promise not to leave me stranded when you find a hottie to take home. I pointed at him because he had done that to me before. I was glad it had been Dominic’s weekend home so I’d called him to collect me, but the night still ended in my embarrassment.

Only hottie I want to be with is you. Scout’s honour.

I blushed at his compliment but chose to ignore it. You weren’t in the scouts. They would have kicked you out for being a lazy git.

He threw his head back and his throat burst with a joyous rumbling sound. You’re a peach. Now get ready. I’ll order a taxi for seven.

The party was seriously loud and crowded. The music reverberated throughout my entire body and I was sure the pounding in my ears would leave damage. The house was fairly large but the amount of people crammed into it made it seem like a box room. The atmosphere was hazy with smoke. People were drinking and the air was filled with the overwhelming smell of beer and sweat. It was claustrophobic from the start. Elliott grabbed my hand and tugged me through the crowd to a small clearing near the kitchen.

Stay here and I will go get us some drinks. He shouted near my ear, but the music was so loud I could barely hear him. I nodded my agreement and turned to scan the crowd of people.

I remembered some of the party-goers from the rugby and cricket teams Dominic played on. Others were people I had seen around town, some I’d seen Elliott with, but most of them were complete strangers.

A makeshift dance floor was near the DJ, where bodies writhed against one another. One girl had her legs wrapped around a guy’s waist, and his hands were under her skirt. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed. I had a suspicion of what they were doing, but never having done anything like that I couldn’t be sure. Even though I was here with Elliott, I couldn’t help picturing being in Dominic’s arms, and having him touch me that way. My cheeks warmed and a tight tingling sensation spread through my stomach. I watched blatantly as the girl slid her fingers through the lad’s hair tugging him closer to her. Dominic had perfect hair for that.

A clear plastic cup was thrust towards me startling me out of my fantasy. I glanced down into the cup to see, what I assumed, was cola. I grinned at Elliot and took a hearty gulp of my drink to settle myself down. When the burning hit my throat, I coughed and spluttered.

What is that? I shouted, but I knew I couldn’t be heard over the music. I turned to Elliott who was smiling down at me, shaking his head.

I took another sip of my drink and sniffed at it. Rum and cola, I believe. The burning hit my throat again but this time I managed not to cough and make a fool of myself. I scanned the room again, watching the people around me. A lot of them were chatting, but how they could hear anything was beyond me. When I turned to speak to Elliott he had a weird look on his face that kind of unsettled me. He tilted his chin towards my drink then took a small sip of his own. We stood there for a while, as the noise began to lessen in annoyance and I relaxed. Elliott made sure I always had a drink, and as soon as my cup was empty he replaced it with a full one. I have no idea how many I had in the end.

After a while, I felt Elliott lace his fingers around mine, and I smiled at him. I lifted our joined hands because my hand felt strange, like it didn’t belong to me. My movements seemed slower and a happy buzz had overtaken me. I leaned my head against the wall and I knew the smile I had on my face was pretty goofy but I finally felt at ease enough to start enjoying myself.

Elliott stood closer to me and slid his free arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I suddenly felt sleepy so I went willingly into his arms. I rested my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. I rocked my head against his shoulder, my body not quite feeling like my own. Elliott muttered something in my ear but I couldn’t hear what he was saying, his lips moved against my ear and his breath tickled my earlobe but the words were lost in my drunken haze.

His lips tickled my neck, sucking slightly. Both his arms were around me now, and I wasn’t certain when that had happened. Maybe it was a good thing, because my legs were like jelly.

His kisses trailed a path down my neck, then back to my mouth where he gently took me in a soft, seductive kiss. I liked how his lips felt, the hum of happiness floating through my body, so I kissed him back. I became brave and daring, opening my mouth to lick his lips, sucking at his bottom one before I gave it a little bite.

He pulled back abruptly, and the look he gave me almost made me melt like an ice cube on a hot summers day. He leaned forward and I knew he was trying to tell me something but the music was too loud and my head felt fuzzy. I lifted my hand and pointed to my ear, shaking my head. He smirked and took my hand, pulling me through the crowd.

As we stepped out into the fresh air, a wave of dizziness hit me and I stumbled.

Hey, watch yourself, Angel. His strong arms circled my waist and pulled me close. I snuggled into his arms. I think it’s time I took you home. Alan is going to kick my backside for letting you get this pissed. I could hear the amusement in his voice as he stroked my hair while holding me safely against his hard chest.

Ilikethis. I knew my words were slurring together.

Me too. I’ve wanted to hold you like this for a long, long time. His voice quavered slightly as if saying it made him nervous. I liked being held by him this way, I felt safe and warm. Elliott was slowly becoming one of my favourite people to be around. He still had his dark moments where his behaviour worried me, but as soon as they came they disappeared. He had said once, when I talked to him about his moods that, being around me helped him.

Hmm. I snuggled into his warmth, his chest vibrated with merriment.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up the next day with a killer hangover, I was tucked in my own bed. When I came out of my room to the bathroom, Mum was walking down the hallway.

I hope your hangover is a killer today, because I cannot believe you came home in that state. You’re only seventeen, young lady. When I trust you to go to parties, I do not expect you to be so drunk you cannot even stand.

Sorry, I sighed.

Eve, I don’t want to be an ogre about it, I just want you to be safe.

It was my fault, Aunt Marie, Elliott interrupted. He’d stepped into the hall, surprising me. I shouldn’t have let her drink so much.

I admit, young man, I’m a little disappointed in you, but she needs to take responsibility for her own actions.

No, please Marie. It really was my fault. Don’t be mad at her. he charmed her with one glance, the one that he knew would get him out of any trouble. I’d seen his allure work so many times on Jill, teachers and particularly girls at school, it was almost laughable. But for some reason him having to plead my case was rubbing me the wrong way.

I’m standing here, you know, I snapped. You’re treating me like a child. I got drunk, I have never drank like that before, and I admit it was a mistake, but Jesus…I didn’t kill anyone.

"Watch your tone, Eve. I’m your mother and I love you. It’s my job to worry, it’s what I do. And, yes, you are a child."

Yeah, but come on, I make one mistake, it’s not like I do it every weekend. I feel like sh…rubbish, so I won’t be doing it again. Not anytime soon, anyway. I lifted my gaze to look at her, and smirked.

Ooh, you cheeky...Evelyn Grace, you will be the death of me. She kissed my cheek and tapped my bottom, then leaned over to Elliott and grabbed his chin in her hand. Refrain from alcohol the next time you take my daughter on a date.

It wasn’t a date, I called out louder than I intended.

My mum turned and looked at me softly, then back at Elliott, whose chin she still had in her hand. Not to you, maybe. She said it quietly, but I still heard her. She kissed Elliott on the cheek and left us staring at one another. Suddenly it felt a little awkward, being alone with him. Even Elliott seemed nervous. He put his hands in his pockets and toed at the carpet with his shoe. I wish…I’d like to, you know. The apprehension on his face was adorable. He lowered his head and stared at his shoes a moment, before his shoulders lifted with a deep breath he looked me square in the eye. Take you out…like on a date. He looked up at the ceiling, then at the wall, anywhere but directly at me.

You kissed me, I whispered, remembering last night.

It was amazing, best kiss I’ve ever had.

My face heated so much I thought for sure steam would be coming out of my ears.

Did you...like it? he asked.

Nervous butterflies swarmed in my stomach, I clenched my fists at my sides, willing myself to suck in a breath.

He took a tentative step forward. Can I...can...I really want to kiss you again.

He closed the space between us, cupping my cheek so softly the touch was barely perceptible. I closed my eyes, leaning into his hand, loving the soft silkiness of his hands and the gentle caress of my cheek.

I’m going to kiss you now. If you don’t want me to, you have to say so. Okay?

I stared into his crystal blue eyes; they alone were captivating. I lifted my chin and met his lips with mine. He cupped my face with his hands and slowly slid his fingers into my hair as he deepened our kiss. His lips were so soft and gentle. I had no idea what to do with my hands, so I held them at my sides while he controlled our first sober kiss.

Too soon, he pulled back and I slowly opened my eyes. He was staring at my mouth with a complete expression of awe. My lips curved into a shy grin, but my eyes prickled with sadness because I hadn’t felt the sparks I usually experienced when simply dreaming of a kiss with Dominic.

I’ve dreamed of doing that for so long, he uttered, gently pecking my lips again as if he couldn’t keep himself away. A guilty sickness built in my stomach. He was incredibly sweet, so why couldn’t I like him the way he wanted me?

You’re perfect. He put his forehead against mine and let out a long breath that feathered across my damp lips. Can I take you out, on a proper date? he asked. Dinner, cinema…somewhere I don’t have to shout and I can hear you.

I should say no, put some space between us but the hopeful glint in his eye forced me to accept. I’d like that.

Four Weeks Later

I followed Elliot through the trees, a sickening fear burning in my stomach. It was summer, and Dominic had returned home from University for a few days, turning Elliott into an unbearable grouch. We had done nothing but argue. He would storm away, hissing and bitching at me for spending too much time with his brother.

I tried to reassure him that I had simply missed my best friend, but even I didn’t believe that. Elliott knew as well as I did that my heart belonged to Dominic, and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t make my friendship with Elliott more than what it was.

You have to give it time, Eve.

Elliott. I signed, watching as his back tensed.

No, listen. When he isn’t here, we’re great. You have to stop letting him spoil everything. He turned, and the hurt shining in his gaze staggered me. I knew he was at a place I wasn’t even remotely at with regards to his longing for me. I tried to feel something more intense for him. But it wasn’t there.

I’ve tried.

No! No, you haven’t, he shouted.

I stumbled back, shocked and frightened by his sudden rage. He slid his hands through his hair and he pulled hard.

I’m going. I turned to walk away from him, leaves rustling and branches snapping underfoot. His large hand wrapped around my bicep hard, tugging me to face him.

"Do not walk away from me. He gripped both my arms in his unforgiving hold and shook me. When I’m talking to you, you listen."

Elliott, let go. My voice trembled, and I internally berated myself for seeming so weak. I struggled and yelped when his hold tightened. Ow, you’re hurting me.

You have to stop making me look like a fool. I refuse to let you leave me for him.

His face was inches from mine, his breath hot on my face as he fired his bitter words at me. I didn’t know how to react; he’d never done this before.

Elliott.

Shut the fuck up. He doesn’t want you like I do. You’re a child in his eyes. Stop being so fucking stupid.

Get off me, I shouted in his face, hating the pain his words caused. I winced when his nails bit into my skin. Why are you doing this? You’re insane.

And who is at fucking fault for that? His shoulders began to shake. I love you, Eve. His grip loosened; I fought against releasing a relieved sigh as the pain subsided.

I like you, but it isn’t like that.

No, no buts. Just say you love me. Please. His eyes begged with me. And my heart hurt for him, he had urged me on more than one occasion lately to say I loved him, but the words would never come. I knew I would never want him the same way as I did Dominic, but I enjoyed his friendship.

You’re one of my best friends.

No, he screamed and slammed his hands against my shoulders, sending me stumbling backwards. I flailed my arms around, catching my balance before I fell to the ground. I lifted my gaze to his, and immediately fear hijacked my senses. His eyes were demonic. I tried to escape his wrath, and gained three steps before he grasped me around the waist.

Get off, let me go. Elliott, stop! I screeched, my heart racing. I gasped for breath as he hugged me tightly to him, sobbing and pleading into my hair. I want to go home, I cried out.

Through the thick wall of trees, I could see the path back to our garden.

Please let me go, I begged quietly. Everyone will be wondering where we are. Dominic will wonder where we are.

Always Dominic. He raged and threw me to the floor. My hands slapped against the rough undergrowth and stung with prickles of pain. I cried out when my knees were stabbed by unforgiving branches. I glanced over my shoulder to see Elliott bearing down on me.

I opened my mouth to plead with him when a loud cry echoed through the woods and a large figure barrelled toward us, slamming into Elliott.

I watched as Dominic tackled him to the ground and raised his fist, bringing it down with brutal force against Elliott’s jaw.

The rage on his face was terrifying. I screamed and begged for him to stop, but nothing penetrated their frenzy so I turned and ran to get my dad. The moments that passed were a complete blur. I stayed in the house and watched as Dad sprinted in the direction of the woods. I sat watching at the window, scared of what could happen.

A bruised Elliott eventually emerged through the thick trees. I ran through the garden to him and put my hands out to hold him, but he just scowled at me, wiping at his bloodied lip.

This is your fault, you silly bitch. He pushed me to the side, swiftly glancing over his shoulder. He had blood rushing from his nose, a cut above his eye, and purple bruises swelling over his jaw, eye, and chin. Foliage was tangled in his dark hair, and soil stained his shirt. His face crumpled and he wrapped his arm around his ribs. Dad appeared, clambering over the thick shrubbery. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked from Elliott, to Dad, and back into the trees.

Where’s Dominic? I asked quietly as Dad passed. Elliot grumbled and stormed away.

What happened? Eve, I’ve never seen Dominic so wild. Did Elliott do something to you? Are you okay?"

Dominic…he…he…misunderstood. Elliott would never hurt me. I lied, I knew in that moment Elliott had the ability to hurt me. But I had hurt him, and right now I wanted to be his friend and stop his pain.

Dad simply pointed into the woods. He’s in there.

I looked back at the house to check that no one was watching before I ran into the woods as fast as my legs would take me.

Dominic! Where are you? I heard a twig snap behind me and turned. Dominic! I said again in a breathy whisper. When I caught sight of the man I had loved my entire life slumped on the ground amongst the dirt and decaying leaves my heart shattered.

I’m so sorry, Eve, I...when he...I know I shouldn’t have but, oh God. He leaned forward, his head in his hands and started to tremble.

I ran forward and fell before him on my knees, pulling him from his perch into my arms. I stroked his hair, soothing him.

Shh. Please, Dominic, this was my fault.

In a quick movement, he was out of my arms and cupping my face with his hands. No matter what you do or say to that shit-head, you do not deserve that. I will never let him hurt you, Eve. He won’t do it again, I swear.

I held his gaze, his eyes glistened with tears. The man before me was absolutely beautiful. In that moment, there was only one thing I needed. I lifted my hand to his cheek and caressed it. He melted into me. His hands moved into my hair, pulling me closer to him. My stomach fluttered and flipped with butterflies as his soft lips pressed against my forehead.

I think you should go, he said in a hushed tone".

It was wrong and although I knew it was wrong, fear of losing this moment ripped through my heart. I couldn’t break the contact. I wanted more. I pressed myself against him and lifted my head to press my lips to his. I wasn’t prepared for the heavenly heat of his soft velvety mouth stroking mine. I parted my lips to claim more of him and was rewarded by his silky tongue. A tear streaked down my face into our joined mouths. Salty tears moistened our connection. I pulled away, sobbing into his chest as the magnitude of events bolted through my mind.

We can forget this ever happened, he whispered into my hair. It doesn’t mean...anything. You’re upset. It doesn’t mean anything. Please don’t cry.

I gripped his shirt and sobbed, knowing I had just lost the only man I would ever love.

6 Weeks Later

The party was loud, but this time instead of being mainly Elliott’s friends they were friends of mine from college.

Get a room, you two, boomed a male voice, from the other side of the room.

I lifted my head, which felt incredibly heavy on my shoulders. I didn’t know his name but I had seen him around college. I felt Elliott’s hand slide from under my dress and I looked down, frowning because I hadn’t realised it was there in the first place.

He leaned forward and kissed me, his mouth harder than I would’ve liked against mine, but it was nice to be kissed, and I liked how he held onto me. His possessiveness made me wanton. Dominic’s rejection had cut me so deep I was sure I was slowly dying from the wound. My heart was a shattered mess, and I needed a distraction. Elliott had done precisely that with his persistent begging and pleading to be forgiven for his behaviour in the woods.

At first, I was adamant I wanted nothing to do with him. But his constant attention was at war with Dominic’s distance. He had pushed me from his life, hidden away at university making his distaste for our shared kiss obvious. When his mum visited him, she would make excuses as to why I couldn’t go with her. Pathetically I was desperate not to miss him so much and Elliott provided a distraction.

I slowly opened my heavy eyelids and through glassy eyes stared at Elliott. Dark eyes bore down on me, they were devouring me, his presence was swallowing the air between us. I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips back to his. I wanted to forget. I wanted the pain of rejection to go away, I had experienced Elliott’s desire for me through his kisses and I craved that sensation. I didn’t want to be discarded by my best friend and only true love. I had a craving to be a desired woman. I hadn’t stopped him when he kissed me. I admit I returned the kisses, with as much gumption, but my heart was still with Dominic. I wanted to numb him from my heart. But the more I tried the more my desperation grew. I drowned my aching heart in alcohol.

I love you, he mouthed, I closed my eyes and forced back the tears that wanted to flood from my eyes. I wanted to remind him we were just friends. Kissing him was a cruel mistake, and I needed fresh air to sober up. Leading him on wasn’t fair, and I was turning into a crazed idiot. So far he had been okay with being friends again, but tonight something in him was different. I took another sip of the potent drink Elliott had gotten for me and stared at his fuzzy form, leaning my head against the wall behind me. My head felt foggy. My limbs were heavy and were not co-operating.

Elliott pressed me harder against the wall with his body, his hips pinning me in place, my dress hiked up and exposing an inappropriate amount of thigh. I moved my hand from his shoulder and started to pull at the hem of my dress. I had a goofy smile plastered on my face and giggled for no apparent reason. Elliott’s eyes changed and the smirk he offered me was a little predatory.

My insides screamed at me to push him away. But I liked the warmth of his body and the strength he possessed holding me there. I gasped in shock when his hand circled my wrist and placed my hand firmly over his erection. We had fooled around before our break up, but it was usually him touching me—my boobs, my thighs. I let him touch me without my knickers on, but I found it too embarrassing to relax, so rarely enjoyed it. Usually he would touch me for a while and then finish himself off. We did the touching and fondling but I never got the release other people bragged about.

Pulling me through the crowd he motioned towards some stairs.

I took the first step and almost fell, but before I hit the ground, he scooped me up and carried me. I buried my head in his neck hiding my embarrassment. It quickly turned into a serious fit of giggles as I struggled to catch my breath.

When I looked up, we were in a room; it was dark and the only light was from the street lamps outside casting a yellowy orange glow around us. The thump of music from downstairs surrounded us. I scowled because I couldn’t work out how I had gotten up the stairs. Maybe I flew. I giggled again, thinking I could fly. It looked like a boy’s bedroom with all the trophies and football posters.

Isitbedtime. My words came out a garbled mess.

Elliott’s reply had a sinister lilt to it. Something like that, Angel.

He moved me towards the bed and when the backs of my knees hit the mattress, I automatically sat down. He kissed me on the neck as I looked around the room and I shrugged my shoulder to stop him. He slid his arm around my back and pulled me to him, my shoulder hitting his chest. He slid his other hand up my stomach, over my breast, and up to my neck. With his thumb, he tilted my chin towards him and his mouth descended quickly and forcefully. I kissed him back for a while, but then pulled away suddenly, as everything started swirling and blurring. I blinked and opened my eyes wide to clear my vision. I jerked my head from side to side to see if that would help but it only made things worse.

Lie down for a bit, he ordered.

I turned, my movements seeming exaggerated, taking extra effort. I cupped his cheek for being so thoughtful, then slumped down in an unladylike manner. I immediately wanted to curl up and go to sleep. I closed my eyes and my bones seemed to dissolve. My body felt almost liquefied.

I felt the bed rock and something warm press against me. Soft hands unzipped my dress and I shimmied myself out of it, wanting the soft cotton of my favourite pyjamas, but all I felt was cold. I tried to move, but suddenly something heavy was covering me, so I forced my eyes open.

Hey, beautiful girl.

Hmm, need sleep, my jammies, I slurred, trying to push him away, but he immobilised me by holding my wrists at the side of my head.

Not yet, Angel. First let’s play for a bit.

I felt his lips on mine and turned my head away from him, not liking the sensation. Ell-ot.I was so tired, my body drained of energy with his heavy weight upon me.

Sssh, just enjoy it. He trailed his mouth down my neck and continued to the swell of my breasts. Fucking perfect, I heard him whisper before his tongue licked at my nipples.

When did I lose my bra? I tried to speak again but it came out a garbled moan instead. I wriggled, trying to dislodge his hold on my hands.

Ell-otssstopit. Again my jumbled words sounded like a moan. I tried lifting my legs for leverage, but he had me pinned. I wanted to fight, I wanted to push at him, but my mind wanted to rest, it wanted to shut down, slowly reality was slipping away.

Please, I begged for him to leave me alone.

You don’t have to beg, sweetheart. I’ll make it good, I promise.

That’s not what... I slurred before my vision blurred. If I closed my eyes for

Reviews for Elemental Fear

[Laura Hahn Fields · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I couldn't finish this book. I found the main character completely unrelatable, and her decision making baffled me. The whole thing felt contrived and bizarre.