Drawn To You

By Brooke Page

What do you do when your predictable life goes spiraling out of control? When your supposed childhood friend commits the most brutal betrayal, completely gutting you, destroying the life you thought you were meant to have? You make dangerous, careless decisions with your best friend, completely molding yourself into someone you’re not. I thought clubs, alcohol, and promiscuity would numb my pain, sculpt me into the person I should be; strong, confident, alive...
I was wrong.
So now I’m forced to go back home, where the only opportunity to throw my life back on track is located. I never wanted my parent’s wealth or notability, but I’m afraid if I don’t take the flight from Florida to Grand Rapids, I’m going to drown.
But instead of drowning in my own insecurities, I’m being consumed by my boss, Tyler Conklin. His secrets are devouring me, along with his mystery and charming grin. He wants me, his advancements are clear; but so are his exertions to keep me his biggest secret of all.
I’m not sure if I can tolerate being his covert lover, especially when he has so many secrets of his own.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brooke Page
• Release date: Sep 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301376889

Brooke Page

Indie New Adult Romance AuthorMother of two, wonder wife, after school art/pottery instructor, self proclaimed runner, and Indie Romance Novel junkie!

Book preview

Drawn To You

The first book in Conklin’s Trilogy

Brooke Page

Drawn To You

(Conklin’s Blueprints)

By

Brooke Page

Drawn To You

Conklin’s Blueprints

Copyright 2013 by Brooke Page

SMASHWORDS EDITION

All Rights Reserved. This book may not be re-produced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

WARNING

The following story contains mature themes and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

Edited By: Samantha Hondorp

Cover Design By: Perfect Pear Creative

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Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Prologue to Conklin’s Foundation

Special Thanks

About the Author

Acknowledgements

First, I’d like to thank my wonderful family and friends who have encouraged me to write. You all are my inspiration. Thanks to my wonderful husband Andy, who didn’t mind entertaining our beautiful children so I could write more than during nap times and at all hours of the night (even though that is the best time to write!).

Jennifer Ziesemer, you are the best book critique ever! Thank you for pushing me to do this, and for encouraging me along the way. It’s been a crazy process and you have been there for me helping to figure out how this all works. I can honestly say I’d have never gotten this far without you; you are the best my silent agent!

Mom, you are the best beta reader and proof reader ever! Yes, it was embarrassing to discuss some scenes, but you were a great sport!

I’m blessed to have such lovely beta readers, April Petroelje, Kady Gusky, Kristie Filipchuk and Shannon Fischer. Thank you for your sincere and honest input and opinion! Get ready for book two ladies, because it’s going to be a whirlwind!

Perfect Pear Creative, what can I say, you are absolutely amazing. I’m so fortunate to have you design the cover. Thank you for bringing Conklin to life!.

To the most spectacular editor out there, Samantha Hondorp! Thanks for spending the time to help polish my book and make me look good!

Thank you to all of the other indie authors who helped me along the way! I appreciate every one of you taking the time to answer my emails and put up with my fan girl comments and questions!

To the many bloggers who took the time to read and check out Conklin’s Blueprints and post reviews and snippets on your page. With out you getting the word out about Tyler and Becca’s story, this would not have been possible.

Most importantly, thank you to YOU the readers! I hope Conklin’s Blueprints brings you joy, heartache, butterflies, sexiness, confidence, and most importantly the pitter patter your heart makes when falling in love. Sometimes we all need that warm feeling to take over and remind us what life is all about.

Prologue

Tyler

I stood next to a heap of flowers on an end table, dreading to move my eyes past them. I knew there was no way to keep avoiding it. A picture frame next to the flowers held a black and white photo from the 1950s of two people clearly in love. It made me smile. I slowly moved my eyes beyond the beautiful arrangement to only frown again as I saw him lying in the coffin, the only man that I ever had any respect for, my grandfather.

My heart sank.

His cheeks weren’t rosy and his mouth was in a straight line. His thin silver hair was combed to the side and a single rose was in the breast of his black suit pocket. This wasn’t my grandfather. My grandfather was full of life, always smiling with a heartfelt gleam in his eye. I didn’t know this man in the coffin.

I sighed heavily and looked over to my father. He was a man of medium height build with spiky brown hair. His eyes were bright blue. He stood with his hands crossed, probably thinking about the company. I loathed the man, but I had many reasons for that, some more than others.

The bastard probably wanted his father to die. He wanted the power of the company, the freedom to do whatever he wanted with it. He no longer wanted to hold the title of Robert Conklin Jr., not that it mattered because everyone called him RJ. I never understood my relationship with my father. He never wanted to be around us as children, yet he had to dictate our lives when it came to decision making.

My mother stood silently next to him, green eyes peering down at the floor. Her blond hair cascading past her shoulders. She would miss Robert Senior as well, just as she had missed my gran, Eleanor. They were the best part of the man she married. She gave up a long time ago on my father. Sometimes it felt like she gave up on all of us. I could see part of her flask hanging out of her handbag. I shook my head; my mother, Mary Conklin, was a drunk. It was obvious to anyone who knew her. The only good thing was that she was a happy drunk. I think she drank so much just to deal with RJ. I couldn’t blame her. Between me and my brothers, we had caught him cheating a number of times. RJ was a man of power and wouldn’t be caught dead in a divorce. He could easily charm anyone he wanted to, and women normally caved to his seduction. So she tried to make the best of her life; with all the money, she was doing pretty well. She knew her place, to look pretty and maintain a social status. She was his trophy wife, and he treated her exactly the opposite as my grandfather treated my gran. She was treated like a possession, not a lover.

My older brother, Nathan, was talking to a small group of business associates who came to pay their respect to the man who built the largest architecture and construction firm in the Midwest. Nathan was probably informing them how Conklin Architecture, Construction, and Design was going to make a monument in honor of Robert Conklin Sr. in front of the Grand Rapids and Chicago buildings. Nathan turned his head to look at me with a half-smile and sad blue eyes. I nodded back to him and then looked back at the lifeless man in the coffin. Goodbye Papa; we had fun. Say hi to Gran for me. I slowly turned with a sigh, not wanting to feel any emotion.

Then I saw her. One of the many reasons why I hated my father. She was gorgeous. In her early 40s, she had dark red curly hair and bright green eyes, eyes that narrowed into slits like a snake when she wanted something. I saw them often, and I knew what those eyes demanded, especially when she directed that look toward me.

My face frosted over as I glared at her. I didn’t want to deal with her now. Or ever for that matter. I went into the hallway and leaned back against the cool wall. I closed my eyes and huffed out a big breath of air.

Tyler? I felt a gentle hand on my elbow and peered down to see Margo’s green eyes staring at me with sincerity. I guess I didn’t escape quickly enough.

What the hell are you doing here, Margo? Did you fuck my grandfather too? My tone was short and painfully quiet.

She ignored my blunt comment. Don’t take that tone with me Tyler. I’m here for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you and your grandfather were close, she said sternly. She never tolerated my attitude.

Yes, I’m fine, I snapped, looking toward my feet. She gently put her hand on my chin and pulled my face to look at her. Do you want me to make you feel better? Her green eyes went into those familiar slits. My breath hitched. What a whore. Why? Did you pity fuck my dad already? I’m not in the mood to be your sloppy seconds this time, I said gritting my teeth.

Her eyes narrowed even more, and she suddenly pushed me against the wall, slamming her body into mine. I could feel her chest heaving through my blue dress shirt and silver tie. No Tyler, I’d only pity fuck you, not your jackass of a father. I looked on either side of the hallway. No one was watching. I quickly lifted her and rushed into the coat closet across from us, pressing her into the wall. My breathing was ragged. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but it was the only situation I could control at the moment.

Margo looked at me with intense eyes and threw her mouth onto mine. It was so forceful and feral, but I didn’t want her lips on me; I only wanted one thing, and I couldn’t give a shit who it was from at that point. I took my hand and pushed her face back against the wall. We don’t kiss… remember? I breathed in her face. She tilted her head and started to undo my belt buckle. She willingly gave herself to me; this was not something she had ever done before. It was always for her pleasure first, then mine. But today I was going to use her as she had always used me.

I walked out of the closet straightening my tie. I saw Nathan standing in the main entry about 20 feet away. He was looking down as though heavy in thought. Then he saw me out of the corner of his eye. His shoulders shrugged, and his head cocked to the side with a slight frown. Margo came out of the closet behind me, and as if she could read my mind, she didn’t say anything. She just simply walked past me back into the funeral hall. Nathan noticed and sighed. I shook my head at him as if to say, I don’t need your opinion, not today, knowing he knew what I had just done with our old nanny.

I turned to walk out the back exit, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. I had already said goodbye to the only person who deserved it. Goodbye Papa, we had fun. Say hi to Gran for me.

Chapter 1

Becca

I sat in the large confines of first-class on an afternoon flight to the Gerald R. Ford International Airport, taxying around the runway. I was headed home to Grand Rapids, Michigan; where my new career as a junior architect for Conklin Architecture, Construction, and Design was located. I finished my Master’s degree in Architecture from Florida State University about a year ago, but had just recently received my license and started applying for jobs. I wasn’t exactly ready to grow up after I graduated, and neither was my best friend Jamie. I was smiling down at my phone because she sent me a text.

Sitting next to any hotties? I can’t wait to join you in a week! -Jamie

Jamie Rae and I were suitemates freshman year of college, and we’re instantly friends. Jamie liked to have a good time, being the perky, fun-loving caramel haired, brown eyed beauty she was. But unlike most people, she could handle school and partying. Jamie rarely had to study and had more trouble making up her mind about what she wanted to do with her life. She constantly changed majors but finally decided on a traditional marketing degree.

Ashlynn was our other roommate and my childhood friend. Our mothers were best friends, and since neither of them worked, we were always together, whether it was at the park, the beach, getting our nails done, or shopping for things we didn’t need. Our parents were prominent leaders in Grand Rapids. My father owned most of the buildings downtown. Ashlynn’s father was the DA. We both were well off, but Ashlynn glorified this more than I did. I had a sense of pride and didn’t want people to know who my family was when they met me. I wanted people to like me for me, judge me for me, and see me for me, not for whom my family was.

Ashlynn was the opposite. She used her name to get whatever she wanted. She could be extremely fake and dense, but at the same time I’d take pity and stick up for her when people talked about her behind her back. She was my friend, regardless of how shallow she could be. I only tried to see the good in her. Jamie couldn’t stand her, and I’d even try to convince Jamie that Ashlynn was really a good person… until she stabbed me in the back.

My ex-boyfriend, Connor Prince, was every parent’s dream for their daughter to marry. He was studious and quiet; and would give his heart willingly. His hair was very short and blonde and always styled perfectly with gel. He had bright blue eyes and an angelic baby face. He was meticulous about his appearance. You never know who you are going to run into, he would constantly say.

We met in our History of Architecture class in my second year. I was running late and crept in, not realizing he was sitting in the seat next to me. We always sat in the same area and slowly got to know one another throughout the class. I never thought he would go for me. I had my own self-esteem issues and always thought guys saw me as friend material and that I was never pretty or skinny enough for any of them. But his appearance didn’t intimidate me as much once I got to know him. Eventually he asked me to study one night, and then the rest was history.

We were best friends, and he was my first love. I would have done anything for him. My parents loved him and would always talk about us getting married and having kids. He would shoot me his precious smile and say, Only if she says yes. My parents devoured this. Jamie liked him, although she thought he was a bit boring sometimes and that I should find someone who could bring more passion to the game, but she knew I loved him. Everyone was ecstatic and thought we were a good match.

Everyone, - except for Ashlynn. She had a funny way of showing it too. She would make very subtle comments to me. You don’t think he’s just after you for your dad’s money do you? or Wow, I guess I never thought you would be the type he would be into, lucky you, and the most hurtful one was, You better hit the gym to hold his interest.

So I had 30 pounds I could lose, emphasis on had. I lost the weight after Ashlynn took him from right under my nose.

At the beginning of our final year in college, the air got weird between Connor and me. We didn’t talk as much, and we weren’t as intimate as we had used to be. I took it as he was finally starting to see me for how I saw me--an awkward duck that had stubborn hair and some baby fat. I was no size two, and Ashlynn constantly reminded me of it. Some nights I’d cry about my insecurities. Connor would always tell me he loved me, but when he stopped focusing so much on my body during sex, it felt like it was being done just for his release.

Then the week before first semester finals I found out why he had felt so distant. I came home directly from my morning classes because my afternoon class had been cancelled. I told Ashlynn about this the prior week because I was pissed the prof wouldn’t be providing a review for one of the most important classes of my degree. I remember her eyes widening and then her voice purring, You should just go to the library and study instead of class. I hummed and hawed at her thought, but never said I was going to.

You know when you get that feeling that something just isn’t right? Well, that feeling made me walk right past the library and to our apartment. And there they were, in my bed. I saw Ashlynn’s long blonde hair against her naked back with her head tipped back straddling someone. I recognized the tattoo on his ankle. It was Connor. I was speechless and couldn’t move. My feet felt like they were stuck in concrete. I just stared at my childhood friend riding my boyfriend, the man I was going to marry and have a family with. As Connor slowly sat up and went to kiss her neck, he opened his eyes and gasped, pushing Ashlynn to the side and stuttered my name, Bec-Becca… It almost sounded like a plea. Suddenly my legs were no longer in concrete but felt like they were in sand. I back peddled to the front door unable to move fast enough or take my wet eyes off Connor. Ashlynn’s face slowly turned and a hint of a smile crept to her lips. Then I saw her fake shocked look that I knew too well. She wanted this to happen. She knew I’d come home and find them. She always wanted Connor because I had him, and she always had to have what was mine.

I remember sinking to the old wood chips on the side of our apartment complex, not being able to breathe. Feeling my heart break was the worst pain I’d ever felt, and I was sure that nothing would ever compete with its torture.

Jamie was furious. She wanted to throw Ashlynn’s things on the side of the road and change the locks. Who does that bitch think she is? I told you she was never your friend, Becca! Friends don’t do that to each other! And in your bed, really? She needs to get the hell out of our place! She didn’t understand my somberness toward the situation. I had cried, been broken, and was finally given the explanation I’d always thought: he was never going to love me because I wasn’t as pretty as Ashlynn, because I wasn’t as thin or as elegant as her.

Connor called me over and over, wanting to apologize and talk about it. I knew he felt bad and guilty, but I could never handle highly emotional situations. I couldn’t stand seeing the pain in people’s eyes; nor could I bear to show my own pain to them. When I finally felt strong enough, I answered my phone and told him to not worry about it; and that I understood we weren’t meant for each other. He was nervous and anxious and didn’t seem to believe me, but agreed we were done.

Ashlynn knew I wouldn’t be able to completely cut her out. She had taken advantage of my forgiveness many times. She knew she had power over me ever since we were little kids. I couldn’t swallow the thought of my best friend taking my boyfriend deliberately.

I somehow convinced Jamie that Ashlynn didn’t need to leave. School would be over soon, and I could cut her off completely then. It wouldn’t have been so awful living with her if Ashlynn and Connor hadn’t started dating officially. Ashlynn threw it all in my face too. She would always tell me when they were going out together and how she would be staying at his house. Whenever she came home from a night with him, she would brag about how wonderful her night was and how her life couldn’t be any more perfect. It took all of Jamie’s patience to not deck her by the end of the semester. I simply tried to focus on school work; and tried to avoid Ashlynn as much as possible. The only good part of the horribly fucked up situation was: Connor refused to come over to our place. Probably because Jamie would rip his dick off and shove it down his throat. Her sneer at him made me smile for the first time in weeks.

Once Ashlynn moved out to go start her adult life with Connor, Jamie convinced me to start having fun with her. The night before our graduation Jamie yanked me off the couch and said, You’re not doing this to yourself anymore. We’re going to take a break from the real world and party our asses off. We’re going to be the hottest chicks in this town and run this city. I don’t give a shit if you think this is possible or not. I’m so sick of you being controlled by that monster in your head that says you aren’t good enough for anyone or anything. Her endearment broke my streak, and I decided it was time to stop sulking and finally go into a not giving a fuck stage.

My family wasn’t happy with my decision to stay in Florida. I got every speech from, You’re not being responsible, to It’s time to grow up, to I’m sorry Connor hurt you, but this isn’t how to handle it, and the best one, Your father can get you any job you want if you come back to Grand Rapids.

I hated the last one the most. I hated the fact that because of my last name I could snap my fingers in Grand Rapids and get whatever I wanted. Well I wanted my own life, not one that would be controlled by my name.

So Jamie and I got an apartment downtown by all the clubs. We both got jobs at the local gym; and worked our asses off for two hours every day; then went out at night. My body got slimmer, and I turned into someone I didn’t know. I wasn’t afraid to approach a guy at a bar. Granted, I had to have a few drinks in me at first, but they no longer intimidated me. Soon the guys started to come on to me. It didn’t take long either. Jamie kept telling me I was a sex goddess who just needed to come out of her shell and live a little.

Then I did something awful and brought a guy home. I didn’t even know his name. I remember I woke up and he was putting his clothes back on. He turned to me and said, Thanks for a great evening, and left. I felt so guilty and sheepish. Jamie came in and sat on my bed.

Well he was a looker. Nice grab last night.

Jamie I feel awful; he totally used me.

Becca, you used him too. She said with a major DUH sound.

Then it hit me like a stone from a slingshot. No one would ever use me again because I would use them.

So that was our life for a year. A bit much like a man’s life, but it seemed to numb my pain and cure my insecurities about myself. Those men saw something in me that was attractive. So attractive that they would hold me and squeeze me and tell me everything I wanted to hear to get me to say yes to them. So what if it was just for the night? I didn’t want another Connor, another person to leave me for my best friend or another girl who was prettier and had more to bring to the table than me.

Our madness stopped when a guy I brought home was a little too persistent. He was very rough and knew exactly what he wanted. I wasn’t feeling it and tried to subtly stop him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Thank God Jamie had brought home his friend who heard me yelling and came in and yanked him off me. He spat, Not fucking again you dick! and apologetically looked at Jamie and dragged him out of our apartment.

After a night of crying in Jamie’s arms, I had come to the conclusion that I needed to stop numbing my struggles with the lifestyle we created and start my life. Jamie agreed, a bit reluctantly at first, but she knew I needed it and that, in the long run, it would be best for her as well.

The next two weeks I filled out every application I could find to anywhere. The best opportunity I had was to my horror, Grand Rapids, Michigan, my lovely hometown where my family would devour my attention. But I had to take it before I spiraled out of control again. Jamie miraculously found a job the very same day in Grand Rapids. We decided it was fate and would get an apartment together in the city. I tried to push out the thought of my father having any part to do with it, but they had no idea I was applying for jobs, so I figured I had done it on my own.

So here I sit waiting for my flight to take me in hopes to a new beginning instead of reliving a past. I had changed so much from when I lived at home with my parents to going away to college. I didn’t want to return to the sad little girl with no self-esteem and no faith in her capabilities. But I didn’t want to be the girl who succumbed to a boyfriend like I did in college, and I dreaded being the careless I just don’t give a fuck girl I was in my first year out of school. I needed to become part of all three and not just one.

***

My mother insisted that Roger, her driver/butler, would come pick me up and take me to my new apartment. I normally would refuse this, but I loved Roger. He was the only person who kept me sane in my parents’ house. He was like the grandfather I never had. He was always formal and polite but knew exactly what to say when I had been put down by my family.

I jumped up to hug him as he came out to open the door to the black Lincoln Navigator. His face turned red, and he hugged me awkwardly. He was never comfortable when I would hug him. He never wanted to look like he was crossing a line with his employer. But I didn’t care, I loved him, and he would always have to put up with it from me.

How was your flight Miss Stine? He asked formally, as he started to pull out of the parking space.

It was alright; a little bumpy in the middle, but we made good time. I shrugged.

He smiled at me through the rear view mirror. Well we’ll arrive at your new condo in about 20 minutes. The movers should be nearly finished. Mrs. Stine insisted they unpack all of your belongings apart from your bedroom and bathroom boxes.

This infuriated me. I didn’t need someone to unload my things. Thank God she told them to back away from my personal belongings. I would hate the thought of someone pulling out my lacy undergarments.

She still doesn’t know when she’s overbearing, does she? I grumbled. I saw Roger’s lip curl in the mirror. He knew my mother was crazy over protective and controlling. He had to endure listening to her comments about my siblings and myself. I normally got the negative comments, whether they would be about my weight or my drive. She never straight out said I was fat, it was always just little comments like, You look a little heavier in this picture, or Don’t worry honey, most of the girls in your grade are just really skinny. What kid wouldn’t think of this as being called fat? The worst was, You will slim down once you hit middle school, don’t worry. I don’t think I had ever expressed to her that I was worried; she was the one who had to have the perfect child.

All in all, my mother did love me and wanted the best for me. She just had a roundabout way of showing it.

We arrived at the River House Condos in the timely matter that Roger predicted. It was at least 30 stories high, and my father had insisted on gifting me my first year’s rent. Little did I know he actually purchased a two bedroom, two bathroom lofty condo versus one of the apartments.

I grabbed my bag before Roger could get to it and made my way to the entrance. Roger followed me to make sure I made it to the 28th floor and wanted to be sure I felt comfortable.

Can I help you with anything, Becca? He said with his hands held behind his back.

I searched the extravagant condo and sighed. This was too much. I wanted to do this on my own, but my parents were already controlling the situation. As soon as I was settled into my job, I would sell the condo and find something on my own.

No Roger, I’m fine. You can go ahead and leave. Go do something fun, I’ll tell my parents you stuck around and helped me out for a few hours.

Roger smiled at me and turned to leave. I’m sure he was going to head straight home. He loved doing whatever my family asked of him. Fortunately my parents were always wonderful to their staff and did everything they could to make them feel comfortable and a part of the family.

I explored the condo once Roger left. It had 15-foot ceilings throughout the space and was very modern. Sleek, light gray walls covered the living room with a large white brick electric fireplace. The floors were a very dark black hardwood with a large area rug in the middle of the white leather furniture. The kitchen was just past the living room painted with red walls and black cabinets and stainless steel appliances. There was an island counter that had white and gray speckled granite and four black bar stools.

Just past the kitchen there was a dining area with a round glass table with eight black chairs surrounding it. In the middle of the table there was a bouquet of lilies with a note:

We are so happy you are back in Grand Rapids. Congratulations on the job.

We love you.

Mom & Dad

The card made me smile. They really did mean well. They were okay with having things done for them. My mother was fine with hiring people to move her things and clean up after her and drive her around; I wasn’t. I wanted to take care of myself. One day I was going to have to figure out how to tell them this. I put down the note and continued on throughout the massive space.

There were hallways going off the living room and kitchen leading toward each separate suite. Each bedroom had an attached bathroom with a bathtub and walk-in shower. The counter tops were crystal white and the cabinets were black. My bedroom had the same sleek gray walls as the living room. My mother purchased fancy matching furniture and décor for the rest of the rooms. Off the deck was a hot tub made of concrete with fake exotic plants surrounding it. It was very serene with the view of the city, and I pictured myself spending most of my free time out there.

Across from each room was a study. My mother had made sure my drafting table and supplies were all neatly organized within the room. This was no good to me. Now, I had no idea where anything was. I knew she was trying to be helpful, but the woman was maddening.

There was a flat screen television hanging in the corner of the study and a wide fluffy chair with a matching ottoman. I sank down into the oversized sofa chair and stared at the ceiling. How did I ever think I was going to be able to do this? Coming to Grand Rapids and not having my parents try to control my life? I was 24, and they had picked out a condo and bought all new furniture and handed it to me. And I let them! I needed to find my voice in this city. Maybe I should just take off and leave. No, that wouldn’t solve anything. And Jamie had already committed to moving her life out here. I couldn’t leave her. She was the only thing stable in my life that didn’t drive me insane.

I casually got up and went into my bedroom to unload my belongings. Once I felt half way in order I heard my stomach growl. I forgot about getting food. I called and ordered some take out, figuring I could save half and bring it to my first day of work tomorrow for lunch.

Ever since I was little my relationship with food wasn’t normal. With my mother constantly comparing me with everyone else’s little girls, including the perfect Ashlynn, I was always afraid to eat in front of people. This would lead to not eating at all; then binge eating later. Unfortunately, this would be why most of my life I wasn’t the perfect size two, but closer to an eight. I only got a grasp on normal eating habits when I was off with Jamie on our own. She ate all the time and managed to stay skinny, where I had to hit the gym twice as hard and really stay away from all the good stuff. Jamie would give me shit if I didn’t eat and would force me to sit with her and eat a healthy meal. It was good for me; it made me drop that extra 30 pounds I had always carried with me. I’d have been happy to lose another 10, but for some reason it just wasn’t going to budge. I swear it was all in my ass. Jamie always gave me crap saying she would give anything for it. I just thought it was huge and added a size to my jeans.

Connor never said anything about my weight, which was a good and a bad thing. He never said I needed to lose it, but then he never said I was perfect for him either. Either he really didn’t think I was appealing in that way or he just didn’t think to tell me. This caused me to be so self-conscious. I hated taking my clothes off with him around, and the lights were always off. It didn’t make a difference to him either way. I guess he didn’t care as long as he was getting some.

I still never felt comfortable in a bikini or clubbing outfits. Jamie would always encourage me, telling me I was beautiful, and I needed to stop thinking otherwise. Ashlynn was a lot like my mother, comparing me to other people and telling me it was okay that I didn’t look like them.

My salad arrived, and I immediately took half of it and put it into a container for work. When I went to open the fridge I gasped. My mother had filled it with food. I was shocked. Does this woman

Reviews for Drawn To You

[naomi barrett · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Pretty darn good was a great read enjoyed it alot.