Jesus The Vampire Slayer

By Scott Webb

Evangelical Christians get a clue! Jesus defeating Satan was easy, but Vampires are way trickier. That’s because they go back 2,000 years before Christ. Now their diabolical tactics are exposed in this newly released ebook.

Curious how Vampires tampered with Christianity? Simple. Early scribes twisted the story. How? By muting personal transformation in this life with focus on the afterlife and the return of Jesus flying back on a horse. Chapters include:

Chapter 3 – Vampires in Israel

Chapter 4 – Vampires in Rome

Chapter 5 – Vampires and the Soul

Chapter 6 – By what process did The Word become flesh?

Chapter 7 – Vampires versus The Devil

Chapter 9 – Alpha Vampire

Chapter 10 – Vampires and The Secret

Chapter 11 – Dorothy the Vampire Slayer

Chapter 12 – Recent Vampire Sightings

Many years in the making, this ebook investigates evangelical Christianity at its roots. Millions of Americans await the return of Jesus and watch world events unfold as if by prophetic destiny. But wait! What if the unseen hands directing events for thousands of years were actually Vampires? This quick read will open your eyes (blinded until now) and then change you – for the better! Readers with a soul will laugh out loud and want their friends to be in the know.

The only risk is that if you don’t read it, Vampires will stay in power behind the scenes with their "wars and rumors of wars." Only YOU can stop Vampires, today, once and for all.

AUTHOR NOTE: Previous exposure to basic Christian themes helpful. All reviews appreciated.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Scott Webb
• Release date: Sep 6, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465795465

Scott Webb

Scott W. Webb graduated from Wheaton College, Chicago, 1981 with a degree in philosophy. He is the father of two grown children, Art and Maddie, and grandfather to two, Kaden and Hannah. He worked for the Anchorage Daily News in Alaska for seven years before moving to Nashville, Tennessee in 1990 after his wife signed a developing artist deal with Star Song Communications and then with Curb Music. In 2000, he became interested in "health and wellness" and opened a private colon hydrotherapy office in 2001, where he is in his 14th year. In 2006, he wrote the book, "Inside Poop," about his experiences and learnings as a colon hygienist, which has a five star rating on Amazon. He has authored other books on a wide variety of topics and been published in ACRES USA and Massage magazine.His other interests include history, gardening, raising chickens, and a wide range of home fermentation projects.

Book preview

JESUS THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Scott Wright Webb

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

JESUS THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is licensed for your personal enjoyment and benefit. If you discover that this book is as awesome as we expect you will, forward the link so your friends can purchase their copy at Smashwords.com or Like it on Facebook. If you are reading this and did not purchase it, please visit Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Table of Contents

Forward by the Author

Chapter 1 – Long, Long Ago

Chapter 2 – Vampires

Chapter 3 – Vampires in Israel

Chapter 4 – Vampires in Rome

Chapter 5 – Vampires and the Soul

Chapter 6 – By what process did The Word become flesh?

Chapter 7 – Vampires versus The Devil

Chapter 8 – What else?

Chapter 9 – Alpha Vampire

Chapter 10 – Vampires and The Secret

Chapter 11 – Dorothy the Vampire Slayer

Chapter 12 – Recent Vampire Sightings

Chapter 13 – How to Pray and Slay

About the Author

Recommended Reading

Additional Author Comments

Illustrations by Unknown; Illustrator of Henry Davenport Northrop's 'Treasures of the Bible', 1894

Dedicated to the teachers of Sunday school.

The message only changes slightly, but it doeth change.

Forward by the Author

WWJD?

For generations people have relied on other people to teach them what is true and what is false. With the rise of the Internet, communities have made contact with others they would not otherwise rub shoulders with in a thousand years. Young adults today have been asking questions and finding answers from sources previously unavailable to them. Even children are coming to parents asking about things taught as fact, which have proven to be doubtful. Skillful parenting today is daring the art of discussion, less about discipline, as old and ineffective family paradigms are being overthrown from the bottom-up, again.

The particulars here in this book are a few things which adults should have known. If you are a parent, then you might start paying attention as much as your kids imagine you are. Prepare now. Get ahead of the curve before your children find out on their own what’s up; that is, how much you are not paying attention.

When kids stop believing in Santa Claus, it does not translate that the adults must stop enjoying the spirit of Christmas. If the New Testament books in the Christian Bible have been tampered with, that does apply pressure on the Sunday school to investigate, but it releases pressure if you actually think about it. If Vampires are to blame, not ordinary humans, then maybe Christians in America can finally get off their antidepressants, you know, be set free. Popular religious teachings might be factored in the solution, as well as understanding the causes.

One could say that Jesus himself anticipated world interconnectivity coming like a thief in the night. This is what he did to the people of his day, was to blow their minds and most did not appreciate it. Why? He provided new information.

Then Jesus flew back to Heaven, but he has since grown weary of watching humanity through endless banks of telescopes and blinking monitors, plus he is exhausted from shaking hands at the pearly gates and kissing babies. Really, seriously, why go backwards? As soon as humanity quits believing, he can get back to what matters; a little woodworking, a little wine, and a little hanging out with friends. He traded in the horse for a Harley long, long ago, even before motorcycles were invented.

The classic movie, The Wizard of Oz, has also improved from advanced technology. For decades a family could watch it on television only one time per year and now we can replay every line on YouTube 24/7. Most viewers don’t recall Dorothy’s response when the wizard confessed to her that he is the great and powerful Oz. The humble little man standing there tells her that he is one and the same with the image projected onto a ball of flames. He states with hesitation while looking her in the eye, I am the great and powerful Oz.

What does Dorothy reply? If we couldn’t rewind, her response would fly right past us. I don’t believe you! she said. Why say that? Because the script writers knew that’s how people are. We desperately want to believe, but can’t. What can’t we believe? That a fantastic god-like being was formed from the image of an ordinary human, not vice versa. We prefer the fantastic all-powerful neighborhood bully because we’ll do almost anything to get him on our side. The Fantastic is a motivator many need to take action.

Isn’t that what Jesus, the humble carpenter said: "I am the great and powerful Oz.? And many replied, I don’t believe you." It is actually the fault of Jesus for not better preparing the message; that many of his followers would one day lose their way. Not one day many would lose their way, but that one at a time, believers grow weary and slip out without mentioning they won’t be back. If Jesus spoke from flames at their church, they’d be back.

Believing can have diminishing returns, you know, like that the wizard will return riding in a balloon one day soon bringing loads of cake. Children demand to know the facts before belief, during belief, and after belief – in light of the larger world community and the Internet.

Back when I myself solidly believed, I heard the idea that people share molecules with every human being that has ever existed. I felt a tinge of awe that the same dust molecules once clinging to the sandal of Jesus Christ could