The Eye of Argon: Scholar's Ebook Edition

By Jim Theis

Where did this story come from? Who wrote it? How did it come to its odd underground prominence? How much do we know about its origins? How do you pronounce the hero's name, Grignr? In this special Scholar's Ebook Edition of The Eye of Argon we learn all there is to know, and then some.

In "One Fine Day in the Stygian Haunts of Hell," Darrell Schweitzer recounts his own encounters with The Eye of Argon in the 1980s and 1990s, and unsnarls the first tendrils of myth and folklore surrounding it.

Then we go "In Search of Jim Theis" with Lee Weinstein as he puts on his Sherlock Holmes hat and tracks the story back to its murky origins, and its author.

Finally, Roger MacBride Allen offers his own "Drippingly Sincere Apology and Bonus Obsessive Analysis," uncovering the deep hidden meaning of everything, down to and including the staple holes in the original publication from whence sprang The Eye of Argon.

And, oh, yeah -- this special Ebook Scholar's Edition of The Eye of Argon also includes the full text of the story, with newly uncovered bonus typos.

• Language: English
• Publisher: FoxAcre Press
• Release date: Mar 18, 2011
• ISBN: 9781936771097

Jim Theis

Jim Theis was the author of THE EYE OF ARGON. He was born in 1953 and died in 2002. He was a few days short of 17 when THE EYE OF ARGON first saw print.

Book preview

The Eye of Argon: The Scholar’s Ebook Edition

by Jim Theis

Smashwords Edition

ISBN-13 978-1-936771-09-7

ISBN 1-936-77109-8

To the best of the knowledge of the publisher, the procedures required to obtain a copyright at the time of The Eye of Argon’s original publication were not followed, and thus, the story was never copyrighted, and remains in the public domain to this day.

One Fine Day in the Stygian Haunts of Hell: Being the Lore and Legend of the Fabled ‘Eye of Argon’ copyright 1987, 1997 by Darrell Schweitzer. Somewhat different versions of this essay appeared in Fantasy Review, Volume 10, No 6., Whole number 103, July/August 1987, and Windows of the Imagination: Essays on Fantastic Literature, 1998

In Search of Jim Theis copyright 2006 by Lee Weinstein. Slightly different versions of this essay appeared in The Wildside Press edition of The Eye of Argon, 2006, and in The New York Review of Science Fiction, 2005 and 2005.

Text by Roger MacBride Allen, comprising the introduction and the essay A Drippingly Sincere Apology, Plus Obsessively Detailed Analysis copyright 2011 Roger MacBride Allen.

FoxAcre Press

foxacre.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the authors.

Contents

The Scholar’s Ebook Edition of The Eye of Argon: A High-Speed Introduction

THE EYE OF ARGON

One Fine Day in the Stygian Haunts of Hell: Being the Lore and Legend of the Fabled Eye of Argon by Darrell Schweitzer

In Search of Jim Theis by Lee Weinstein

A Drippingly Sincere Apology (Plus Bonus Obsessive Analysis) from the Publisher Himself

Online Resources for The Eye of Argon

But Seriously, Folks

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The Scholar’s Ebook Edition of The Eye of Argon: A High-Speed Introduction

This Scholar’s Ebook Edition is one of two editions of The Eye of Argon from FoxAcre Press. The other is the Somewhat Official Competitive Reading Edition, which contains as near as possible to a reproduction of The Eye of Argon as it appeared when it was first released. The Somewhat Official Competitive Reading Edition is available as a free download. The simple instructions on how to get it are available at foxacre.com/argon. The Competitive Reading Edition does not include the essays and explanatory material included in this edition.

The Eye of Argon materialized somewhat mysteriously in the midst of science fiction fandom a bit more than thirty years ago. For decades, no one seemed to know what, exactly, it was, or where it had come from. In order to give some sense of that air of mystery, we hereby first present the story itself, without explanation, followed, in chronological order, by three essays.

The first, by Darrell Schweitzer, relates the early mythology and history of Argon.

The second, by Lee Weinstein, tells of the work by Mr. Weinstein and others to track down the true origins of this unique work.

It should be noted that these two essays are rooted in the time periods in which they were written. They include some out-of-date references which will be readily apparent to the reader. But each gives a fair sense of what was known and believed about The Eye of Argon at the time, and it was decided to leave them largely alone. The authors have restricted themselves to providing brief updates as postscripts to the essays.

The third, most recent essay, by myself, brings the history of the story’s gradual discover up to date. It then analyzes both the text and the appearance of the original document, seeking to tease out more information. I sought to probe some of the deeper meaning―and shallower lack of meaning―to be found in The Eye of Argon. My essay also includes links to various websites that have further information about Argon.

Roger MacBride Allen

THE EYE OF ARGON

by Jim Theis

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire. Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of earth. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, half way through its daily revolution. Small rodents scampered about, occupying themselves in the daily accomplishments of their dismal lives. Dust sprayed over three heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome cargoes of their struggling overseers.

Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian, gasped the first soldier.

Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch! returned Grignr.

A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers vital organs. The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid.

The enthused barbarian swilveled about, his shock of fiery red hair tossing robustly in the humid air currents as he faced the attack of the defeated soldier’s fellow in arms.

Damn you,barbarian Shrieked the soldier as he observed his comrade in death.

A gleaming scimitar smote a heavy blow against the renegade’s spiked helmet, bringing a heavy cloud over the Ecordian’s misting brain. Shaking off the effects of the pounding blow to his head, Grignr brought down his scarlet streaked edge against the soldier’s crudely forged hauberk, clanging harmlessly to the left side of his opponent. The soldier’s stead whinnied as he directed the horse back from the driving blade of the barbarian. Grignr leashed his mount forward as the hoarsely piercing battle cry of his wilderness bred race resounded from his grinding lungs. A twirling blade bounced harmlessly from the mighty thief’s buckler as his rolling right arm cleft upward, sending a foot of blinding steel ripping through the Simar-ian’s exposed gullet. A gasping gurgle from the soldier’s writhing mouth as he tumbl-ed to the golden sand at his feet, and wormed agonizingly in his death bed.

Grignr’s emerald green orbs glared lustfully at the wallowing soldier strugg-ling before his chestnut swirled mount. His scowling voice reverberated over the dying form in a tone of mocking mirth. You city bred dogs should learn not to antagonize your better. Reining his weary mount ahead, grignr resumed his journey to the Noregolian city of Gorzam, hoping to discover wine, women, and adventure to boil the wild blood coarsing through his savage veins.

The trek to Gorzom was forced upon Grignr when the soldiers of Crin were leashed upon him by a faithless concubine he had wooed. His scandalous activities throughout the Simarian city had unleashed throngs of havoc and uproar among it’s refined patricians, leading them to tack a heavy reward over his head. He had barely managed to escape through the back entrance of the inn he had been guzzling in, as a squad of soldiers tounced upon him. After spilling a spout of blood from the leader of the mercenaries as he dismembered one of the officer’s arms, he retreated to his mount to make his way towards Gorzom, rumoured to contain hoards of plunder, and many young wenches for any man who has the backbone to wrest them away.

-2-

Arriving after dusk in Gorzom,grignr descended down a dismal alley, reining his horse before a beaten tavern. The redhaired giant strode into the dimly lit hostelry reeking of foul odors, and cheap wine. The air was heavy with chocking fumes spewing from smolderingtorches encased within theden’s earthen packed walls. Tables were clustered with groups of drunken thieves, and cutthroats, tossing dice, or making love to willing prostitutes.

Eyeing a slender female crouched alone at a nearby bench, Grignr advanced wishing to wholesomely occupy his time. The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence dancing over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as

Reviews for The Eye of Argon

[fitakyre · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

We've all seen movies that are "so bad it's good." I never thought a book could accomplish that same level of horrible wonderfulness, until I read this work. I fell into the dilemma everyone else had in what rating to give it. On one hand, it is just worst book ever in the world. The worst writing ever. The worst typos ever. The worst use of a thesaurus ever. I am convinced that people who are learning to write should read this work at some point in order to learn what NOT to do. But on the other hand, it is just so entertaining, so ambitious, so wonderful. After all, any book that has a chapter 3 1/2 and 7 1/2 deserves all the praise in the world. I would never recommend this book to anyone ever. But seriously, I recommend it.

[wwwwolf-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Grignr the Ecordian is a barbarian. He goes to a town. He gets arrested and thrown to a dungeon. He rescues a fair maiden from a bunch of evil priests, grabs a fantastic jewel and escapes.You've heard that tale, right?Now imagine the same tale written by a teenager with rather slippery typewriter keys, and a certain level of blindness for grammar and vocabulary to begin with. Instead of doing the competent things, Jim Theis chose to do the next best thing: just enough juvenile incompetence to make things funny enough.This is *just* the sort of hilarity everyone needs. I actually picked up writing myself because I read some of this story years back, and felt that I could definitely do better. Writing isn't something that should be reserved to people who actually *know* their stuff. We're all learning. We're all making steps toward greatness. Everyone should write. The guy who wrote this story clearly had fun writing a story like this, and that's all that really matters. The story became a cult hit, and not undeservedly - it's a good balance between stupidity and readability. And apparently while the author never wrote anything else of note, he was a good sport about the infamy. An example to us all.It's just a short novella, of course, so I'm giving it 4 stars of sheer comedy and one deducted star for the fact that the guy never wrote more of this stuff. Also, I love the foreword in this edition and I'll give hats off to everyone who tracked down the author and the actual copies of this piece. This is how history is made.

[jimroberts_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The Eye of Argon is a work everybody should be aware of.The prose is breathtaking. The emotional impact is such that you will frequently pause to wipe the tears from your eyes.Do you like rugged adventure, noble barbarians confronting effete civilisation? Read The Eye of Argon.Do you like tales of searing passion? Read The Eye of Argon.Do you want philosophical musings on the nature of time? Read The Eye of Argon.Whatever you normally read, enrich your life by reading The Eye of Argon. You will never regret it.There is an excellent summary at Wikipedia which also gives a link to the full text.