How I Managed To Kidnap Neil Gaiman

By David D Sharp

I'm going to tell about the day I decided to take my own life.

The day I gathered every pill I could find and got in the bath.

The day an award award-winning, internationally best-selling author appeared in my bathroom.

The day everything changed.

A rib-tickling, life-affirming short story about suicide.

Praise for David D Sharp's work:

"Innovative, weird, intriguing and enthralling."

"Engaging and thought-provoking while entertaining with chills and smiles."

"Really unusual, very gripping and so dark in parts."

This is a short story, totalling around 4,000 words. It also includes the bonus short "The Price of Escape", a quirky tale about what happens when you bump into people you knew at school.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David D Sharp
• Release date: Dec 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311832320

David D Sharp

David D Sharp was born in Zimbabwe but has lived most of his life in Scotland. He studied Computer Science at Heriot-Watt University and is a fully accredited geek.David's work is often fantastical, occasionally witty, and has been featured on Shortbread Stories, McStorytellers and Weaponizer.As well as fiction, David has been known to create music, computer games and websites.What readers have said about David's work:"Very clever, well written and witty.""A story that gave me chills and will linger for quite some time.""Really unusual, very gripping and so dark in parts.""I was completely drawn into it and the sting of horror is perfect.""The ending gave me a laugh. A macabre laugh."

Book preview

How I Managed to Kidnap Neil Gaiman

David D Sharp

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2013 David D Sharp

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, lent, re-sold or otherwise circulated without the prior written permission of the author.

All characters and events within this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons or events is purely coincidental.

Table of contents:

How I Managed to Kidnap Neil Gaiman

The Price of Escape

About the Author

HOW I MANAGED TO KIDNAP NEIL GAIMAN

The bathroom is heavy with steam; droplets cling to everything. I lie in the tub, considering my surroundings. At the other end of the bath, the hot tap drips an irregular rhythm, chipping away the seconds.

You know how people often greet you by saying Alright? or How’re you doing?. Well, I always respond in the same way everyone else does: Yeah alright or Fine thanks. The problem is this though — these are lies. I’m not fine. I am not alright. I haven’t been for some time. Nobody wants to hear that though.

My guts give a prolonged growl. I can almost feel my intestines snaking around inside of me, revolting against their contents. I couldn’t face up to the proposition of hanging or cutting myself, so gathered up every pill I could find in the flat, and downed them one after another. Aspirins. Paracetamol. Vitamin C. Vitamin D. Sleeping pills.

For so long now, I’ve felt like I’ve been on the verge of something. On the verge of a promotion. On the verge of meeting The One. On the verge of being happy. Always on the verge — never quite there. I go to the gym three times a week. I arrive at the