4 Go to Dumdumland

By Patrick Edgeworth

When four kids are magically whisked away to Dumdumland, where everyone seems stupid, they find out the only way they can get home again is to go on a crazy journey to a bloodthirsty Giant's cave. On the way they meet devious animals, land locked pirates, Goth fairies, a million year old dinosaur and a drum playing kangaroo. Only to discover a secret which could free the local people from a life of fear. But the news only angers them and puts the kids in danger.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patrick Edgeworth
• Release date: Apr 10, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476140650

Patrick Edgeworth

Patrick’s first stage play Boswell for the Defence was a hit for Leo McKern in London's West End and throughout Australia.A second play Love Julie starring Millicent Martin and Anne Charleston toured England to rave reviews. This was followed by productions in the U.S. and South Africa. Retitled Girl Talk for Australia it had a hugely successful seven month tour with Jacki Weaver.Over the years Patrick has written for many Australian TV dramas. From Homicide to The Man from Snowy River from Matlock Police to Blue Heelers.He co-produced and wrote most of the award winning series Cash & Company and Tandarra for the Seven Network which was screened on London Weekend TV and sold world wide.Movies produced in Australia include Raw Deal, Road Wars, A Sting in the tale and the Awgie winning children's feature film BMX Bandits starring Nicole Kidman.The movie script for a comedy/drama Amorous Intrigue about the life and times of Restoration playwright Aphra Behn. has been optioned by Richard East productions. As has the play it is based on.His musical Georgy Girl about the sixties Pop Group The Seekers opened in late 2015 in Melbourne and was a smash hit. After three and a half months it transferred to Sydney where it ran for two and half months. It is now playing at the Casino in Perth.

Book preview

4 go to Dumdumland

written by

Patrick Edgeworth

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2012 Patrick Edgeworth

Cover by Michelle Dybing

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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CHAPTER ONE: The adventure begins…

I fart at thee!

Mia is the eldest of four kids – she’s ten and the others are eight, six and four – so she has more than a few ways of saying she’s upset with someone. But this is different. Not farting, of course. Everybody farts. Especially boys. But using it as a put down – that is new. And it’s in such an old book. And she can’t ask her parents about it because she isn’t supposed to be in Dad’s room trying to see where they’ve hidden the Christmas presents this year.

And she certainly wasn’t supposed to spin around in his new revolving chair. Well, new to him. He’d picked it up at a garage sale for next to nothing along with a box of bits and pieces. And her foot wasn’t supposed to hit the box. And the box wasn’t supposed to fall off the desk and spill everything on the floor, so that a book opens with the words I fart at thee! looking back at her.

Then she realised it wasn’t a normal story book, it was a copy of a very old play. And that meant somebody has to come out on stage and say those words in front of everybody. Wicked! She’d love to do that.

Mia’s younger sister Sami peers in and says something they both know so well it doesn’t need saying. But she says it anyway. Which is why little sisters are not always as popular as they might be.

Mia, you’re not supposed to be in here.

I fart at thee, says Mia, desperate to give the phrase an airing, as it were.

Sami is puzzled. Fart at the what?

"Fart at thee!

The…? Sami waits for Mia to finish the sentence.

Don’t you know anything? Thee means you. It’s what they used to say in the olden days. So, I fart at thee meant, I fart at you.

If they meant you why didn’t they say you?

This throws Mia for a moment. But as somebody who thinks she knows everything, she has to give it a shot. I guess they were just dumb then. I mean, in the olden days they didn’t have Cocopops or Ipads or anything.

They were so Dumb, says Sami enjoying the sound it makes. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

They must have lived in Dumdumland, says Mia as she clambers back into Dad’s chair, pushes her foot against the desk, and sets it spinning.

Yes, says Sami enjoying the game. I bet in Dumdumland they’re so dumb they put ice cream in their ears because they can’t find their mouths.

And they wear their underpants on their head and their hat on their bum, says Mia flying around.

I want a go. I want a go, says Sami and launches herself into the chair beside Mia, their bums battling for space. Meanwhile the chair, with a mind of its own, decides to stop.

I want a ride.

It’s Claudie their youngest sister, who they both love. So they squeeze her in without a fight. Crammed together, what they need now is someone to spin the chair.

Crash! Freddie always comes into a room as if he is going out through the opposite wall. Sometimes he bounces off things. Today the chair is in his way. Kapow!

Freddie! cry three accusing voices.

What? says Freddie picking himself up from the floor.

Spin the chair for us, says Mia.

Why should I?

Because you’re bigger and stronger than us.

He isn’t – being even younger then Sami – but Mia believes in working with what she has. And Freddie