The Dearly Departed

By Betsy Haynes

Betsy Haynes weaves another tale that keeps readers laughing all the way to the end. Most of the time the Colby family ghosts, known as The Dearly Departed, are no trouble at all, but when Granny Thistle's ghost becomes riled over ghost-hunters poking around in her family's Antiques and Junque Shop, looking for her and the others, she turns the family business into a riotous atmosphere.

Also check out Betsy's SANTA'S DIARIES three book series: THE NEW FANGLED CHRISTMAS, THE NORTH POLE VIRUS and SANTA'S STOWAWAY. They are about the many troubles Santa has to deal with to get the deliveries made on Christmas Eve.

To find our more about Betsy's many accomplishements check out her site at www.betsyhaynes.net.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Betsy Haynes
• Release date: Nov 7, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465760326

Betsy Haynes

I've been an author most of my life. I've published 79 books, one of which was made into a Saturday morning tv series, another made into a Saturday evening tv movie. I currently teach jubenile writing for UCLA on line.

Book preview

THE DEARLY DEPARTED

Betsy Haynes

Smashwords Edition

Copyright Betsy Haynes

Chapter 1

GRANNY THISTLE TAKES A RIDE

There went Uncle Morton, whirling around the living room again with a big grin on his face. He was all by himself, but he held his arms up in the air as if he were dancing with a partner.

Susannah smiled and went right on dusting. The ghost of Aunt Gladys was here. Aunt Gladys visited Uncle Morton every Thursday afternoon, and he would slick down his hair, dress up in his best suit and put a stack of records on the old Victrola. Then around and around they would go. Today they were dancing the Tango with its quick, jerky steps and dramatic deep dips.

Susannah, age eleven, was very much alive, but Aunt Gladys was one of the Dearly Departed, as the Colby family ghosts had come to be called. Susannah’s mother always said that the reason their spirits remained among the living was because they couldn’t bear the thought of leaving all of their loved ones. The Colbys were a happy, close knit family who lived in a rambling New England farmhouse well past the edge of a tiny town in the hills of New Hampshire and ran an Antiques and Junque Shop in their barn.

Aunt Gladys had once been a Radio City Music Hall Rockette until she met Uncle Morton, and from that day on the two of them thrilled audiences with their beautiful, gliding ballroom dancing. Besides Aunt Gladys, there was Granny Thistle. As a young girl she had been The Beautiful Theresa, a daring acrobat who crossed the high wire on a unicycle in Captain Ezekial Grundy’s Daredevil Circus and Wild Animal Show. There was also Madd Maxx, who had been The Beautiful Theresa’s younger brother. At age thirteen he had joined Captain Grundy’s circus himself to become one of the world’s youngest and greatest--though ill-fated--daredevils. The last member of the Dearly Departed was Mumps, who had been Susannah’s fat faced cat.

Most of the time, the Dearly Departed were no trouble at all. They came and went, visiting one family member or another most politely and with the greatest consideration for everyone concerned. But every now and then something went wrong and one or another of them got slightly out of hand. As Susannah dusted, she had the feeling that one of those times was about to occur. In fact, it was more than just a feeling. The evidence was right there before her eyes, written in the dust on the coffee table in Granny Thistle’s scrawly handwriting.

PUT THEM BACK!

Susannah dropped her dust cloth and rushed into the library where her mother sat at an ancient roll top desk entering figures into a desktop computer which held all the accounts of their antique business.

Mom, did you take another box of Granny Thistle’s circus things out of the attic and put them up for sale in the shop?

Her mother looked up with a sigh and slowly nodded.

But you know how upset she gets, Susannah insisted. Do we HAVE to sell her things?

I’m afraid we do. You know how terrible business has been lately. We really need the money.

Poor Granny Thistle, thought Susannah. It was bad enough that The Beautiful Theresa had to get old and wrinkled and lose her teeth so that every time she said her own name it came out Thistle. But for the family to have to sell her things now that she had passed on, it was no wonder she was upset.

Granny Thistle will just have to understand, Mrs. Colby said sadly. Besides, she really has no use for them now...

Her words were chopped off in mid-sentence by a woman’s scream. It had come from the direction of the barn, and Susannah and her mother hurried outside to see what had happened.

Leaning against the barn door, right under the sign that said ANTIQUES AND JUNQUE SHOP was a short, plump woman with reddish blond cork-screw curls and a pushed in face that reminded Susannah of a Pekinese dog. She was shrieking and pointing a trembling finger toward something that seemed to be floating through the air.

It was Granny Thistle’s pink silk parasol! The one she had carried in the circus. And it sailed right past Susannah and made a bee-line for the house.

The woman was bug-eyed with fright. I...I was going to buy it, she sobbed. And suddenly it jerked itself out of my hand and just...just FLOATED AWAY!

The woman looked as if she might faint, and Susannah’s older sister Nell, who had been minding the shop, came racing out looking confused, which didn’t surprise Susannah. Nell’s joy in life was composing romantic poetry, no matter what else was going on, and she had her notebook filled with poetry tucked under one arm. By this time the whole Colby family had gathered to see what all the commotion was about. Uncle Morton, and probably Aunt Gladys, hurried out of the house. Gramps hobbled around from the back porch where he had been dozing in the afternoon sun. Mr. Colby and his oldest son Eric slammed shut the hood of the old pickup truck and rushed toward the barn with wrenches still in their hands. And little Alan, who was only four, peered cautiously over the front porch banister.

Mr. Colby handed his wrench to Eric and moved forward with take-charge strides. What seems to be the trouble, Ma’am?

The woman calmed down some and she told him how the incredible pink parasol had refused to be bought and had floated out of the shop and off toward the house.

‘Doggone that Granny Thistle! shouted Gramps, shaking a fist in the air. She’s the most cantankerous, mule-headed old lady ever to draw a breath."

The woman narrowed her eyes and glanced suspiciously at each family member. Then she asked in a nervous voice, Who is Granny Thistle?

Pay no attention to Gramps, said Mr. Colby in his most soothing voice. He gets a mite confused sometimes.

Dad! Gramps is not... Alan began in an insistent voice.

Mr. Colby scooped Alan