Swift Shifts

By Les Broad

In a similar style to the earlier 'Two Galaxies', this trio of unconnected but funny science fiction stories have been well received by those who have read them. The first tells the story of Gordon Swift and his financial benefactor, a master criminal of violent tendencies, and how things go very wrong indeed. The second story could hardly be more different; it is the tale of two musicians who spend their days in a determined attempt to drink their way through their accumulated wealth, and their mission to create a whole new musical genre encouraged by a huge flying rabbit with big teeth.
The third story is about two manual labourers who, by mistake, are assigned to technical jobs on the moon; those jobs are of course way beyond their abilities and they manage to cause chaos in no time at all.
They're not to be taken too seriously, but are intended to be enjoyed; they should make you laugh.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Les Broad
• Release date: Oct 4, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465850232

Les Broad

That picture isn't me. It's my much-loved Border Collie bitch, who I lost to a spinal tumour in April 2011. She deserves this memorial.I was born a very, very long time ago, very close to my mother in England. Now I live in Wales, which isn't England but is part of the UK. I've written all sorts of stuff, but mostly science fiction. It's sort of believable sci-fi - maybe it can't happen today, but might tomorrow, you know? The sci-fi novels are all on the theme of 'first contact' and the first one is being given away free. You'll have to pay for the others. Sorry.I've got other novels, short stories and things that are supposed to be funny too but whether they are is your decision, right?Some of the books are based on real incidents - I know they are, because they happened to me. There are five in total, I've released two, two are being tidied up and the last one won't be finished for a while yet. If you read one, remember it all happened to me and that I don't mind being laughed at. I'm used to it.A while back I released a free book, 'Top Of The Shop'. (If you're a writer you might want to read it. I'll say no more.) I've since released another one, 'Tea, Drums And Speed'. So now the first sci-fi novel is free, 'Top Of The Shop' is free, and there's a free volume of short stories. I must be mad, giving this stuff away. Mind you, it hasn't stopped me giving away a book of political thoughts. If you're from Wales, or British, or even interested in Welsh politics, it might be worth reading.There's also a free book about some films that appeal to me. You might find it interesting but I thought it would be a bit cheeky to want money for it. Have it on me.There's one little thing I don't understand. Of everything I've put on this site, I think the stories in 'Swift Shifts' are the funniest, yet it's the title that's looked at least often. Why is that, do you think?After a gap of several months I've now added a new three-story volume of funny stories. To balance this, there's a thoroughly miserrable one on its way!A word or two about my pricing strategy might be worthwhile. A lot of people on this site (and I apologise if I've got this wrong) quote prices that are just a bit cheaper than you'd see in a bookstore. I don't do that. Ebooks don't have production or distribution costs, so why should you, the book buyer, have to pay even a tiny share of something that doesn't exist? Isn't it better to spend, say, $3 on three little books than on just one? I want you to enjoy what I've written, and at a realistic cost to you that I can live with. Simple, isn't it?I'll add to this from time to time - there's no point saying everything at once, is there? You'd have no need to come back, would you?

Book preview

SWIFT SHIFTS

A Trio Of Funny Sci-Fi Stories

Les Broad

Published by Les Broad at Smashwords

Copyright 2011 Les Broad

Discover other titles by Les Broad at Smashwords.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

The first of this trio of stories is about Gordon Swift, an entrepreneurial sort of chap who runs an interplanetary parcels delivery service. His business is financed by someone who might be a kind-hearted philanthropist, or he might be a vicious thug. When our hero asks for more money to make his spaceship fly faster the scope for things to go disastrously wrong is hugely increased. And we all know that if anything can go wrong, it will.

SWIFT SHIFTS

Gordon Swift had always been a bit of a maverick. That was why he was never going to be happy as a delivery pilot for the Government Transport Service, shuttling cargo back and forward to the moon for a monthly salary.

So he'd borrowed some money, bought himself his own transport ship – old, but more or less reliable – and dreamed up his trading name, 'Swift Shifts'. He thought it was clever and amusing. He also invented a marketing slogan, 'Moon, Mars & More', even though he'd never been to Mars and actually going anywhere else was impossible.

To enhance his marketing effort he had his business name and the slogan painted on the sides of his ship. To increase the impact he had lights fitted so that the words could be illuminated in the blackness of space. Of course, there was nobody out there to see that informative display but that didn't trouble Gordon at all, if only because it never occurred to him.

To his wife Daisy's great approval, Gordon employed an assistant. Helping the disadvantaged, Daisy called it because Jamie McScott was a long way from being the sharpest tool in the box. He was able to heave cargo about all day, apparently getting neither tired or bored, and he could, Gordon asserted, be relied on to stay awake on long trips to watch out for trouble. That's all Gordon asked of him, but he didn't bother about the staying awake on trips bit: it wasn't necessary. Gordon never mentioned that to Daisy though.

Daisy also approved of Gordon's stated ambition: he insisted he wanted to become the biggest independent transport contractor, running a fleet of shiny, new ships to the settlements on Mars and undercutting the Government fleet. It's why she'd married him, although progress towards that lofty ideal seemed, she had to admit, to have slowed, quite a lot.

What Daisy most assuredly would not have been at all enthusiastic about was Gordon's other, and very much unofficial, employee. Gordon was very careful to ensure that his wife never even became aware of the existence of another employee, official or otherwise. That was pretty much entirely because Loretta Legworthy was the real co-pilot on Gordon's trips, even if Daisy sat at home being comfortable with the 'fact' that Gordon was flying with Jamie for company. She wouldn't have been so much comfortable as rabidly homicidal if she'd know it was a woman with whom her husband was sharing all those long, dark, lonely trips. And she'd assumed that Gordon was always so tired because poor little Jamie wasn't actually much help!

Gordon, being a careful chap, always made sure that Jamie was well out of the way when he was supposed to be on a trip with his boss. During those periods Jamie lived in a cave – south-facing with a pleasant sea view; Gordon wasn't heartless – in the far north west of Scotland. The lad felt at home there.

From Daisy's perspective life was acceptable enough. Her union with Gordon hadn't been blessed with offspring – she blamed a low sperm count – and that was now unlikely to change because the necessary physical activity had become extinct and immaculate conception was at best highly improbable. But Gordon worked hard, brought in a decent if modest income and had taken on the extra stress of employing somebody she thought