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Shrines (Nexus 6)
Shrines (Nexus 6)
Shrines (Nexus 6)
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Shrines (Nexus 6)

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Volume 6 of the Nexus - The Third Betrayal

The House of All Faith now faces problems across the world from fascists, governments, religious groups and the business cartels of the Sharpe Foundation - all worried about its growing political, religious and financial power. The Design - the underlying principle of Divine conflict - ensures that a new enemy appears in the shape of the Movement; a faction within the House that worships shrines of Gemma Lewis unaware of the agony they cause their Blessed Prophet; the world's most powerful telepath.

Jillsy Stoker, the girlfriend of the deceased Thomas Lewis, embarks on IVF to have his child using frozen sperm which triggers another avalanche of events that threaten the very existence of the entire family and their friends. With the world's first cyborg taking the stage, the Book of All Faith A.I. declaring its sentience, lethal alien tech appearing in Oxford, the Department of Security penetrating all the secrets of the world powers with their Clothos far-seeing system, fleets blockading the UK, Gemma Lewis and her family and friends are soon fighting for their very existence.

As Gemma and Amy Lewis battle their enemies, the seer, Siobhan O'Grady, has a vision of the Three Fates who order her to leave behind her show and embrace her power to penetrate the Darkness slowly eating away at all their possible future time-lines. Beneath a vision of a shattered Moon, she sees Gemma's dreadful future but she has little time to save her, for she finally unmasks her own terrifying nemesis crawling through Time towards her and uncovers the heart-stopping truth of the Third Betrayal...

LanguageEnglish
Release dateSep 29, 2011
ISBN9781466093034
Shrines (Nexus 6)
Author

Paul D.E. Mitchell

Paul D.E. Mitchell (b1956) has enjoyed a varied career in chemistry, computing, teaching, lecturing, music (as a bassist in numerous bands), and served as a senior Cardiff councillor for 10 years and was elected to the Cariff ward of Fairwater in May 2012. First as a single-father and then as a carer for elderly relatives, he retired from the private sector and politics (temporarily) to concentrate on poetry and bringing to life a complex near-future sci-fi/paranormal series of nine books (set in three trilogies) and three spin-off novels as well as several other genres. Light-Father is doing extraordinarily well and may be made into a film or an anime. Paul is also publishing and editing works by others of a co-operative of independent authors based in Wales and will soon take on a micro-publisher called Wuggles Publishing.

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    Shrines (Nexus 6) - Paul D.E. Mitchell

    BOOK 6 OF THE NEXUS

    Smashwords Edition

    © Paul D.E. Mitchell

    Published by: Paul D.E. Mitchell

    All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise outside of the publisher’s contract and the licensing terms and conditions as agreed with Smashwords without the prior permission of the publisher. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords and purchase your own copy.

    Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

    Chapter 01: House of Glass

    He sets war and discord amongst us yet we revere our Creator for we are weighed in His Balance and forged in the fires of His Design. – Brother Vigil: Teachings p560 verse x.

    Vigil looked up at the towering holograph on the podium with a heart full of hatred and fury. Destroy this abomination! he hissed through clenched teeth. Destroy it!

    It’ll be my pleasure, First Shepherd! Steadfast grinned. He flexed his powerful shoulders then hurled a heavy table with all his might at the holo-tube which shattered spectacularly.

    It’s our turn, Steadfast! Joseph said as he and Andrew both hefted chairs. We’ll take out those projectors.

    Vigil watched with grim satisfaction as the two white-suited Brothers climbed upon the podium and enthusiastically attacked the four expensive holographic projectors until only smouldering stubs remained upon their twisted telescopic arms.

    What do you think, First Shepherd? Joseph enquired as they rejoined Vigil on the floor of the Great Hall.

    What do I think, Brother Joseph? Vigil said bitterly. I think we’ve become a House of Glass. The shrines after the Epiphany were just mere photographs hidden away in cupboards but this - this is on a completely different scale altogether!

    It is and unless we can stop the Movement, Steadfast agreed, brushing some dust from his jacket. We could indeed be facing the schism that the Book and Siobhan predicted.

    Surely with her powers, the Blessed Gemma can tell us whenever a new shrine springs up, Andrew suggested hopefully. And we can shut the Centre down straight away.

    No, she won’t, Vigil sighed. I’ve discussed this with her at length over the past nine months. She insists that we have to solve this problem ourselves – and she’s right.

    But she has to help us! Andrew protested.

    That’s her point, Brother Andrew! She doesn’t have to do anything for us! We owe her not the other way around!

    Yes, you’re right, First Shepherd, Andrew conceded gloomily. If we depend on her for everything then we’re no better than the Movement - but this is so frustrating.

    But it wouldn’t take her long to give us the addresses, Joseph persisted. That’s all we need and it’s in her best interests!

    Brother, you should know better! Vigil chided wearily. Because of the Epiphany, the Transcending, the Betrayal and now the Miracle of Memorial Square, millions are thinking about her at any given moment! She’s a telepath - this focus creates a ‘white noise’ in her mind which she calls the ‘animus’ that drowns out all the ‘signals’ from Movement Centres. She says she could pinpoint them but it would take her months because, as you know, hundreds if not thousands are already on line!

    It’s just that without her help, we don’t stand a chance, Joseph sighed despondently. We just don’t have the resources to locate and rehabilitate thousands! We’ve only been able to discover these three and the five in the States because they were careless!

    Before Vigil could reply, a Sister joined them. I’m sorry to interrupt, she said after glancing approvingly at the wrecked projectors and holo-tube. But the First Shepherd of this Circle has just tried forcing one of the exterior doors. He’s threatening to call the press and the police if we don’t allow him immediate access. He truly is a most obnoxious man!

    Thank you, Sister Geraldine, Vigil smiled, placing a reassuring hand upon her shoulder. Brothers Joseph and Andrew - please escort him up to the Shepherd’s office but don’t let him enter until I get there! I won’t be long. Steadfast, could you ensure that no-one else enters the building until we’re done?

    They may attempt to take the Centre back by force now they know we’re here, Geraldine pointed out nervously.

    They might, Sister, Steadfast agreed. But don’t worry - I’ll make sure our security teams know what to expect.

    After the three Brothers had left, Vigil went to the media room with Geraldine to meet the forensic IT teams. They were all trust-worthy High Circle members who specialised in combating the ceaseless hacking directed at the House. It wasn’t just the onslaught on the House servers by the Foundation and world governments - they’d taken it personally that their hitherto secure internal systems were now being compromised by the Movement.

    You all know what you need to do, he said, bowing formally with his right fist clenched to his chest and the fingertips of his left hand pressed to his forehead. For the Blessed Gemma’s sake, find a way of identifying those Movement Centres or the House is lost.

    As you wish, First Shepherd, they all murmured in unison, returning the formal House bow.

    Vigil climbed the stairs from the foyer to find Joseph and Andrew waiting for him at the door to the Shepherd’s office. They were denying access to two extremely agitated Brothers who turned on him as he approached.

    The first was Brother Terence, the First Shepherd of the Centre. He was a small wiry man with a self-righteous and supercilious air that Vigil immediately disliked. He had a neat little moustache, a pointed chin, thinning black hair and an irritating nervous habit of tapping the fingertips of both hands together. From his demeanour, Vigil guessed that Brother Terence didn’t exactly approve of an Asian man leading the House of All Faith.

    Ah, First Shepherd of First Circle, Terence said, refusing to return Vigil’s formal House bow. You honour us with your presence. Perhaps you can explain why the Brothers and Sisters of the High Circles have chosen to force the Centre doors when Brother Bernard here or I would have happily provided you with a set of keys! There’s a lot of damage to the locks and the alarm systems will have to be repaired, he added in a patronising tone that irked Vigil even further. Perhaps you could… enlighten us as to the reason for this… somewhat over-hasty action, hmm?

    Brother Bernard, the bearded Second Shepherd, took a small but significant step away from his First Shepherd as if Terence was about to detonate under Vigil’s stony glare.

    There were financial irregularities that needed investigating, Brother Terence, Vigil said bluntly, dispensing with the man’s formal title. Furthermore, we have determined that the computers in your media room were being used to target Islamic sites in direct contravention of specific instructions by the First Council not to do this! This Circle and others have inflamed religious conflict across the entire globe in the last nine months and at least twenty deaths and over a hundred serious injuries are directly attributable to your Movement’s actions!

    You’re being overly dramatic, First Shepherd, Terence said with affected patience. We were merely engaged in missionary work but you know how easily these Moslems get offended!

    Andrew placed his face close to Terence’s. Of course they get offended! That wasn’t missionary work - you were hacking images of the Prophets onto Islamic sites! Damn you - I lost a good friend in the Istanbul riots, he added, displaying the orange cord bracelet of penitence on his wrist. Brother Amos was one of my old crew in Manchester and my first convert to the House.

    We are sorry for your loss, Bernard interceded in a placatory tone. You have our word we did not intend to incite…

    We have also discovered that your Great Hall is two metres shorter than the hallowed length, Vigil interrupted icily. Every Great Hall is built to the exact proportions of the church at Saint Madoc’s to honour the Prophets’ victory over the Second Satan – we would never get those sacred dimensions wrong! Thankfully the Design revealed to us the reason for that anomaly – a false wall no less. Would you elaborate, Staff Guardian?

    I regret to report, First and Second Shepherds of Circle One Zero One Three, Steadfast said formally. That we have just destroyed four expensive projectors that emerged from that false wall and a large holo-tube upon the podium. The system was displaying unacceptable and corrupt images of the Blessed Gemma. The House of All Faith has few rules, Brother Terence, but you and this Circle seem to have gone to considerable expense and effort to break every single one of them!

    Terence shrugged his thin shoulders nonchalantly. The Balance will out, Staff Guardian of First Circle. I am well aware that images of the Prophets are ‘forbidden’ by the First Council, he said, miming the quote marks. But the Higher Circles wilfully misunderstand our Movement. We installed those devices merely to aid in the education of our own humble Circle.

    We did not properly place the items in the accounts, Bernard continued smoothly. Because we thought, rather naively, that the auditors at Saint Madoc’s might... um, misinterpret the educational purpose of these devices. He adopted a look of pious guilt. We apologise for our lack of faith in you. We will of course, adjust and resubmit our accounts immediately and if we could be allowed to access our offices and the media room, we can, of course, correct our errors and personally reimburse Saint Madoc’s.

    Steadfast muttered a sulphurous comment under his breath as Vigil stepped forward to place a hand on Bernard’s shoulder and look him straight in the eye. I’m afraid I cannot allow you access to your files or your computers, he smiled thinly. Until we have completed a thorough investigation then we will interview you, the rest of the Circle and all the Apprentices individually.

    Bernard’s eyes widened in apprehension: B-but that will take ages, he protested shrilly.

    Indeed it will, Brother Bernard! But those who stray so far from the Path Transcendent require our undivided attention to return you unto the Path! The Blessed Prophets would not thank us if we left you to wander friendless and alone when the House is your One True Home, now would they?

    What do you want of us, First Shepherd? Terence demanded sullenly. We exist solely for Synthesis and Revelation.

    I doubt that. I want you to go home to ponder your actions and the deaths that resulted from those actions! Brother Steadfast will escort you out. We will renew this Circle of Faith as soon as our investigations are complete and the Great Hall is restored to its proper blessed proportions. Hear me, both of you – you have allowed a great evil to enter this sacred place! The Child of Dark has whispered in your hearts and you listened.

    I see, Terence said bitterly. I see, to our shame and regret, that you do not understand us! What you see is not the Child of Dark or some demon at work: it is merely the needs of our more provincial members made real. Surely, the Great Architect cannot possibly take offence at the homage of our humble Circle to His Prophets? All that separates the First Council from those of us in the Movement is the method of our adoration. There is no Darkness here save what you wish to see or bring with you.

    Vigil had had enough of this dissembling. How would any of us dare to presume to know the mind of our Creator? he snapped. You are talking to a Founder, one who witnessed the Domain and the Transcending of the Prophet Thomas! This Circle will only reconvene when we are satisfied that you understand the magnitude of your error and have repented. Shame on you, Brother Terence! Shrines had almost corrupted the young Prophet before and had they succeeded, all would have been lost!

    Bernard was about to protest but Vigil raised a hand to forestall him. Be at peace, Brother! he said sharply. I saw the doctored image of the Blessed Gemma in your Great Hall. There can be no excuse or doubt as to the intention behind those alterations to her dress and her breasts - what I saw was a blasphemy; a sexualised composite of archangel, Madonna and slut. Deny it if you will but the stench of the Three Satans could not have been stronger in that defiled Hall! I felt as if I was in their presence again.

    Bernard bowed his head in genuine remorse. We meant no disrespect! he pleaded. The House declares the Blessed Prophets to be our Guiding Lights on the Path Transcendent - we of the Movement merely wish the Blessed Gemma to lead us onto the Path as our Gatekeeper and our Herald! The bare walls of the Great Hall are not enough to reflect our faith in her!

    The bare walls of Saint Madoc’s were not enough for Ashcroft either, Vigil reminded him sharply. I stood before that black and blood-stained altar; I fought hand-to-hand with His Dark Disciples; I was alongside the Blessed Thomas when he brought down the Third and Greatest of all Satans! I have no need of images!

    Terence pressed the fingertips of his hands together again. So you keep saying, First Shepherd, he said slyly. You were there! All we have are these images!

    Sole Scriptura. Sole Fide! Joseph intoned suddenly. Can’t you understand you do not need these damned shrines? The Blessed Gemma is a telepath, Brother - she has enough to deal with without thousands of you babbling inside her head! You all know how the Design moves against us - it wants you to corrupt her! It wants you to create a schism! Why can’t you see this? You’re…

    Vigil motioned for Joseph to be silent. Enough, Brother, he said calmly. He drew out two orange cord bracelets from a jacket pocket and presented them to the two men. It is time for our penitent Brothers to leave. We will question them later as to the other Centres that have fallen into shadow.

    He bowed formally to the two fuming Brothers and the others reluctantly followed suit forcing both Bernard and Terence to respond in kind before Steadfast gently but firmly herded them out of their own Centre.

    Vigil went to the office windows to watch the two Brothers conduct an animated conversation before getting into Terence’s car and driving away. Steadfast soon returned with a worried frown on his broad open face. That Terence is something else, he observed. He scares the crap out of his lap-dog!

    It’s obvious Brother Bernard was brow-beaten into this sacrilege, Vigil agreed. We will have to expel Brother Terence: he’s an intelligent man but I sensed something other than the Movement and the Design at work behind those eyes of his – I could feel it. He would never betray the Movement but I think Brother Bernard might – with a little persuasion.

    The Annual Conferences are due in June, Steadfast said thoughtfully. If there really are thousands of Movement Centres out there then enough of their First Shepherds could force a vote against you and Brother Allbright. That’s when they would logically make their move and stirring up global opposition to the House is a perfect diversion. They have over ten weeks to prepare while we’re tied down with fire-fighting on every continent.

    Only ten weeks? Vigil sighed, clasping his hands behind his back as he stared out of the window. It’s going to take that long just to salvage the eight Centres we’ve identified when thousands, maybe tens of thousands have become Movement!

    We have got to come up with a way to identify them en masse, Joseph said grimly.

    And we have thousands of Centres waiting to be inaugurated! Steadfast said sombrely. We can’t put them all on hold. Our membership has been soaring since the Miracle!

    And it’s the Miracle that’s aided the Movement! Andrew pointed out. How can we stop them if Gemma won’t help us? Aleph and his IT people are struggling as it is because we’ve prioritised the Book and the financial systems. We need the resources of the Units to help us track down the rest of the Movement Centres before the Council elections.

    The Book had to be a priority, Vigil said grimly. Brother Terence and the Movement are feeding on our failure to continue the Great Synthesis and the Great Revelation. Aleph assures me the Book will definitely be online on Wednesday – then we’ll have the resources we need as the Book can help us.

    Good - because we’re dealing with powerful external influences here, Joseph said. Think about it: the speed at which the Movement has spread isn’t natural. The Child of Dark is not manifest yet and Gemma reports that no other supernatural forces at work so it has to be the Design moving against us.

    Yes, the Design and its agents are hard at work in the hearts of those of the Movement, Vigil agreed. People like Brother Terence will leap willingly into the Abyss but we can’t abandon those like Brother Bernard who pass into darkness through no fault of their own - so what we do is we organise, Brothers – we organise, we fight back and we pray!

    Chapter 02: Cousins, Mutated

    Gem, are you okay? Amy Lewis asked as she and Gemma set up their recliners in the back yard of the Lewis family home at 32 Ayr Street. "You still look awful!"

    I feel awful! I couldn’t sleep again because of the shrines, Gemma said grimly as she flopped down onto her recliner. She placed her hands behind her head and gazed up at the sky. But I’m glad you talked me into sunbathing – I love it out here.

    The air was pleasantly warm and humid as the remnants of the recent thunderstorm swept northwards past the straggling drab towns of Cwm Crwys and Bwlch further up the valley and briefly shrouded the brooding peaks of Mynydd Callineb. Flagstones and tiles steamed gently as the bright spring sunshine blazed down.

    Amy recoiled as the stigmata suddenly flared powerfully in front of Gemma’s face. Amy knew that the mind-wrenching phenomena did not physically exist - it was merely her own brain sensing Gemma’s psychic talent but as with most people, focusing on the stigmata made her feel disoriented and nauseous.

    Sorry about that! Gemma apologised as it faded. I forgot to scan the area before we came out - I can’t think straight with all these Movement people twittering in my head. She placed a hand reverently on one of the two standing stones next to her. "But I always feel at peace around these - they dull the animus when I’m this close to them. I even hear them singing to me sometimes – like I’m more in tune with what they are."

    Well, is it okay to sit out here? Amy prompted, gazing fearfully up at the back windows of the houses of Cairn Terrace that overlooked the yard. Jillsy reckons my bikini is a bit on the revealing side and we still have a lot of paparazzi around.

    Don’t worry - the two Department agents guarding the back lane are having a cigarette two doors down and there’s nobody at home in Cairn Terrace who can ogle you. There are no long lenses, mikes or sniper rifles pointed at us and that House-ninny next door is out shopping with her kids.

    Oh, thank God for that! Amy said gratefully, stretching out on her recliner. Honestly, that woman gives air-heads a bad name! She drives your mum mental. So how is the animus now?

    Bad. There are hundreds more Centres praying to me every month, Gemma sighed wearily. Vigil just shut down one in Manchester but that makes only eight they’ve found so far. It’s getting to me - last night I dreamt I was trapped inside one of their bloody holo-tubes!

    We’re all worried about you - especially after what happened last time when those people started praying to you!

    I was only a kid back then but I’ll never forget what I did at Black Ridge! Gemma said bitterly. "But when they all pray to me now, there’s too many of them plus all those fascist retards who want me dead or sterilised! I could filter out the animus subconsciously when I was little but I can’t do that now because all their thoughts and prayers are directed at me! Blessed Gemma, make me well again! Blessed Gemma, heal my son’s rash! Gemma, do this! Gemma, do that! If the House gets taken over by the Movement, I could go completely nuts - it’s that bad!"

    Amy swallowed nervously as she vividly recalled the two armoured personnel carriers rising into the air and being reduced to clouds of ionised gas merely by Gemma willing it to happen – the prospect of her cousin going insane was a terrifying one. So what about using one of those Lawson helmets? she suggested. You said it blocked everything out when you were kidnapped.

    Gemma paled as she looked at her cousin in horror: "I could never do that again, Amy! Ugh! It’s like asking a normal person to go deaf, blind, mute and paralysed all at once!"

    "Okay, okay! Can’t you just knock out the shrines then or at least tell Vigil where they are?"

    "I could but I can’t and I won’t."

    Huh? Why not? He could shut them all down for you. I bet he’s still nagging you to support the House more.

    Gemma sighed heavily and stared up at the complex cirrus formations overhead and past them on into the Pleiades. He doesn’t nag when he comes round to see me, she said, the best part of her mind adrift amongst the beauty of the star-birthing and glowing nebulae. "He’s under tremendous pressure from the First Council to get me more involved in House affairs - I am their Blessed Gemma after all! He knows that Movement Centres are starting up faster that I could detect them and if I did destroy the projectors they’d just get new ones so we just talk about general stuff, music, philosophy, politics – the Design… "

    Good for him. Jillsy and Dad were run ragged when they helped the House out in the beginning.

    I know but they enjoyed it, Gemma shrugged. "It got the House established as a proper religion and they even set up a mediation centre at the UN. If I help the House now they’ll depend on me to do everything for them and that’s exactly what the Movement wants! So many Brothers and Sisters think I owe them a favour just because they’ve made me a ‘Living Prophet’!"

    Vigil does his best to protect you, Amy pointed out. But the Movement isn’t the only thing on your mind, is it?

    No, it isn’t, Gemma admitted as she fingered the small greenstone tiki set on the black thong about her neck - it had been bequeathed to her by Ross White, the New Zealander who had sacrificed his life to save hers in Digwell Street. Austin Crowe e-mails me every day ever since he moved into Llewellyn Street six months ago - he’s almost as annoying as the Movement! I wish he’d give it up - I’m not interested in boyfriends!

    You may be a goddess, Gem, but you’re a dreadful liar. You know he can handle what you are so why not go out with him? Look how happy Alicia is with Aaron these days!

    You know I can never have a normal relationship and neither can you! Gemma said bluntly, turning to regard her cousin. "I know what people think when they realise you aren’t wearing novelty contact lenses. Alicia is tougher than the average normal only in a purely physical sense but because she’s a Lewis, people like those Angra Mainyu gunmen still target her."

    "Oh, them, Amy huffed, folding her arms. They went for her because they couldn’t get at you. They deserved to die!"

    Nobody deserves to die, Amy! Vigil tried to negotiate a truce with their leaders but it’s pointless, Gemma said, stifling a yawn. "They will never accept me as Ormuzd because I’m female so they insist I’m a ‘destructive spirit’ to be exterminated in a holy crusade - and then Pomeroy was instructed to make an example of them even though she knew I’d spiked their guns!"

    "I bet she enjoyed killing them, Amy said angrily. Auntie Claire played hell with Charren - Al did not need to see that."

    No, she didn’t, Gemma agreed. "Charren can dress it up all he likes but he had those two men publicly executed."

    I think so too but he won’t take her and her Shield Group C off protecting us so we’re stuck with her.

    She’s good at what she does, Gemma sighed, stretching her arms luxuriously. She takes the pressure off me. Too much so – that’s why I missed their knives! I wish Drew was here instead of her but he’s too busy as Charren’s second-in-command.

    "I hate the way she looks at me and Jillsy."

    Tell me about it. She’s expert at shielding her thoughts but I can get past her blocks if I want to – I think she actually gets a buzz out of me rooting about in her brain. She’s a disciple of Ambrose all right: full of perversion and violence.

    Ugh! I don’t want to think about her any more! Amy said, making a face. Let’s get back to your Austin!

    "My Austin? I wish you and Mum wouldn’t encourage him! What if I do go out with him or even marry him? It would be cruel for the both of us because I’m immortal."

    That’s not medically proven yet!

    "I know my own body and I can tell you I will not age once I hit twenty but thanks to Memorial Square, I know the limits to my power now and I’m happy with that."

    What do you mean you know your limits? Amy asked, puzzled. You stopped a world-wide storm system in its tracks… Her voice trailed off as she stared at her cousin. "You said yourself that you have no limits… I mean the storms stopped… um…"

    Everything has limits, even me, Gemma smiled kindly. "I’m still recovering from that and I still get stiff from the bullet wounds I picked up in Digwell Street, don’t forget."

    Gemma had changed into white micro-shorts and bikini top so Amy could clearly see the white scars to her chest and left thigh and the three red scars on the underside of her right forearm that Tamsin had inflicted which had never healed properly.

    It’s not just the Movement animus that gets to you, is it?"

    "No, it’s because there’s so much sheer hate directed at me all the time, I don’t feel much like a goddess."

    "But you really are Ormuzd! Amy insisted loyally. In Digwell Street and in the Square, I saw you as millions of ordinary people see you, Gem – not everyone outside the House hates you!"

    True, I keep forgetting that, Gemma conceded with a resigned smile. Anyway, where did Mum get to?

    Huh? Why can’t you ‘take’ where she is?

    I keep telling you: I popped a few fuses in Memorial Square, Gemma said irritably, rubbing at her forehead again. It’s taking time to heal so I keep ‘taking’ and projection to a minimum plus I have to work harder when I’m this close to the stones.

    "She’s only gone next door. She booted me out to give Jillsy a break because apparently I’ve been ‘mooning’ about the house too much and you needed dragging out of your bedroom…"

    Amy’s cheeks reddened as Gemma gazed candidly into her cousin’s strange but beautiful eyes of pale cerulean blue. "Poor Amy, you’re so confused! You’ve been fixating on Jillsy when she’s trying to find a new male partner and… oh, that!"

    Yes, that! Amy said, breaking into an excited grin. She’s asked Rupert to organise the artificial insemination in the next day or so – she’s going to have Dad’s baby!

    That’s brave of her after what happened - I hope she knows what she’s letting herself in for, Gemma nodded. The stigmata flared briefly in front of her eyes. She’s also telling Mum that you sneak into the bathroom to peek at her when she’s in the shower… ouch! she gasped. "That was sharp!"

    Amy’s cheeks were bright red as she glared at her sheepish cousin. "As we were so useless in the Square, we’ve been practising at focusing our empathy fields, she said pointedly. I’d rather you didn’t snoop into my private feelings - it’s not fair!"

    Okay, sorry, just switch it off – it’s so powerful! Gemma said, sitting up on the recliner. That’s better! You know I don’t ‘take’ your thoughts because of the pain it causes you but I can’t keep strong emotions out any more than I can filter out the Movement. Besides, Freidh made a real big impression on you…

    Yes, I love her! Amy burst out, clenching a fist over her heart. There, happy now I said it? I can’t stop thinking about her!

    Of course we all know you love her and as we owe her and Mena a lot for saving you, I check up on them whenever the veil alignments allow. It’s tough over there but they’re both alive and well despite the heavy fighting around the Havens.

    Please, could you merge me with Freidh? Amy asked hungrily. I don’t care how much it hurts me!

    For the hundredth time: no! Gemma said firmly. It won’t help either of you and she has her hands full right now just staying alive. The trouble is you’re attracted to Jillsy because she you see in her all the things your Dad fell in love with.

    "I can’t help it - she’s so kind and gentle and… pretty!"

    You know in your heart she’s just a substitute for Freidh.

    I know, I know, Amy admitted quietly, hanging her head in shame. "It’s just me being stupid and wanting things I can never have - like Freidh crossing over or Dad coming back - I know he’s everywhere because of the Transcending but that doesn’t help me when my mother calls me a freak on TV. She…"

    Oh, forget it! Gemma said sharply. She does that to protect Jay and Janice from the CP and the media! You see, I also ‘eavesdrop’ on the Fomaults from time to time to see if old Uncle John and his ‘guest’ have resurfaced yet. Your Mum may look pretty hard-nosed on TV but she’s sits in her bedroom with the family albums and cries her heart afterwards.

    "I don’t care if she does feel guilty! Amy said, wiping at a sudden tear. She thinks I’m a freak and she’s poisoned the twins against me – the last time I phoned, I heard Jay telling the staff that he didn’t want to talk to a stupid mutant. Uncle David was the only one with any time for me but then Uncle John went and killed him in London!" She paused as images of her rescue from the Department Headquarters flashed through her mind - especially her father’s three friends who fought the Aberration with nothing more than raw courage and baseball bats.

    Where’s Dad and Tamsin go to then?

    Tamsin’s gone to Donald Street with your Dad – Derek’s talked her into posing for some sketches he’s entering into the final of the UK Comic Art Competition tomorrow.

    It’s amazing he’s got this far at his age, Gemma smiled, her eyes brimming with sympathetic tears - there was no escaping Amy’s emotions and the aching loss in her heart. It can’t be easy for him as he’s the most ‘normal’ of us all yet he still needs bodyguards around him all the time like Alicia. It’s impossible for them to make friends outside the House.

    "Shit! This sun is feeling a little too warm, Amy declared with some alarm. She consulted her wristwatch and studied the sensor readouts carefully – all modern mobiles and watches were required by law to include UV sensors and alarms. Okay, not too bad, she said, relieved. The factor forty will be okay."

    Gemma wriggled into a more comfortable position to enjoy her iced orange drink as Amy fiddled with her micro-player. I see you’ve been downloading some Go-Mad tracks so I take it you haven’t heard their latest single yet?

    Huh? No, not yet. Why?

    Go-Mad have just affiliated to a fascist group that’s split off from the CP, Gemma explained patiently. Check out the lyrics! She gestured idly with her right hand and Amy’s mobile buzzed indicating that a download was in progress.

    Amy scrolled down the text, her face falling. "Jesus, not them as well! I am so tired of this crap, she said eventually. They have no business here, let’s not hesitate in fear, strip off their mutant wings, then see what freedom brings… they’re singing about us!"

    Gemma put on a pair of sunglasses and placed her hands behind her head as Amy spluttered to an enraged halt. I’m past caring, to be honest, she shrugged. They’re insects to me. She paused to look over the top of her sunglasses at her anxious cousin: "Oh, don’t give me that look! The shrines are not making me go all superior again - I’m not going to melt their recording studio or anything vengeful like that – Go-Mad are just naïve."

    Don’t let your mum find out about them, Gem, Amy advised, switching her phone off. She’s happy enough getting all those psychology articles to work on at home.

    "Mum has curiosity value being my mother and Susan knows the editors - she can be very persuasive!"

    She’s lucky to find a friend on the same wavelength as her, Amy smiled. Tamsin loves having her around too.

    My little sis still needs therapy and Susan is good at what she does, Gemma agreed. Tams’ nightmares are really awful. She’s still having flashbacks to when the Voice was controlling her and wakes up some mornings convinced she’s covered in horse blood. Mum needs Susan around right now as well.

    I know – I just wish your mum wouldn’t keep taking all this rubbish in the media to heart. It’s pointless.

    That’s the problem - even though the Government, the Agency and the House do their best to stop it, Gemma grimaced, swirling the juice in her glass. She can’t help herself – she takes every insult personally and she has done for ages.

    I’ve seen her crying when she watches Vixen, Amy sighed. She needs to get out of the house like I did last week.

    Did you enjoy the tour of the stones with Jimmy?

    You bet! Amy grinned. I nagged and nagged and he needed a break from the lab as well. He’s great fun to be with. He’s talked me into trying to translocate again. I think I might be able to control it now I understand the physics of it a little better.

    I think so too, Gemma grinned, tapping her temple with an index finger. "You were lucky in Mena’s world, mind - you should have exploded within minutes from the quantum shear. I reckon it had to be your dad protecting you from the Domain so that you could help Mena and Freidh."

    "Maybe but I don’t want to go through that again, Amy said. Could the Nexus have crossed me over?"

    Gemma studied her cousin intently as the raw emotion and images of Freidh washed through her mind again. Maybe – that’s what Professor Ziemann and his students want to find out, she declared, deliberately changing the subject: When they came to check these two out, his students were so terrified of me that one of them actually peed herself when she saw me! I don’t like the way he disrespects Myrfyr either - Myrfyr should be working for the council not that creep, Roxworth.

    Roxworth won’t let Myrfyr or Ziemann inspect that old chest Kirkwall found in the Old Vicarage, Amy said thoughtfully. It’s just spite because he can’t open the base compartment!

    The famous Chest of Bishop Geraldus! Gemma exclaimed. "I’d almost forgotten about that! Roxworth doesn’t want to cut through the inter-locking brass and wood pieces in the base because he knows he could destroy a priceless artefact. Myrfyr was right to suspect something important about the Nexus was hidden in it – there is a journal but I can’t scan it. What’s the matter now? Is there something wrong with your drink? If Mum finds out you’ve been at her gin again, she’ll go mental."

    Nothing’s wrong - it’s just warm - I should have added some ice, Amy sighed, wrinkling up her nose. Heather turned me onto gin and tonic so I love the stuff! She made to get up but halted as a crackling lump of ice formed in the air above her glass. It plopped into the drink which immediately began to bubble furiously forcing her to set it down upon the flagstones. A thick white mist flowed over the rim of the glass. Hey, Gemma! she chided. "I wanted water ice not dry ice!"

    Ha! Sorry, Amy, Gemma chuckled as the last of the chill vapour dissipated. "I’m practising too! Do know how hard it is for me to focus on such a tiny volume of space? It’s like a normal person dissecting viral DNA with a jack-hammer."

    I wouldn’t know, Amy shrugged, taking a cautious sip. Since I’m not normal, am I? Hey, thanks - this tastes great now! She finished her drink then laid back down on the recliner to gaze up at the sky and sigh contentedly. "There’s some amazing cirrus up there but I’m glad Jimmy isn’t here to spoil the mystique of it with physics. Oh, I forgot to tell you - after the tour of the stones, I went with Jimmy to visit Alec Mussel over at Black Ridge. He’s amazing, isn’t he? He’s gone through so much!"

    He has, Gemma murmured drowsily. It’s a shame his ex-wife is still milking it as the ‘former wife of the world’s first cyborg’. She is such a total bitch! That Quentin Sharpe must’ve spent a fortune keeping her out of prison.

    Amy said nothing but turned onto her side to study her remarkable cousin, her eyes travelling hungrily along her long legs, taught stomach and her breasts

    Gemma squirmed and removed her sunglasses to glare at her cousin. "Stop it, Amy! I’m trying to chill out here and you’re fantasizing about kissing me everywhere! Pervert! I’m not fifteen for another month and a half and you’re thinking that! Huh, you’re a right one to talk about respecting privacy!"

    Telepath! I can’t help it, Gem, Amy retorted, slumping back onto the recliner and covering her eyes. You have great legs and a waist to die for! I feel like a whale with these thighs.

    Pfft! Stop fishing for compliments! You know you look drop dead in that bikini and if I was a guy or gay, I’d be drooling all over you. There - that’s what you wanted me to say, wasn’t it?

    Um… I just… no, it’s… um… how’s Austin doing? Amy flustered - she was desperate to change the subject yet unable to stop the erotic thoughts and images involving her younger cousin from flashing through her mind. "I mean what about a date? Hey, not me! Are you going to date him?"

    Stop babbling about Austin! Gemma snapped. For God’s sake, Amy, let’s talk about something other than sex otherwise I swear I’m going to chuck a bucket of cold water over you! Focus! What did Jimmy tell you about translocation last week?

    Okay, Amy conceded, still mortally embarrassed. He says I can basically exist in two places at once and if I can hold the target in my mind and work up the courage to ‘let go’ of the start-point, I can translocate. He thinks my talent is a kind of n-dimensional overlapping of spatial points on a subconscious level.

    Okay, so let’s say you’re holding an image of Auntie Claire’s kitchen in your mind then… Gemma’s eyes widened as she stared at the empty recliner. "Well, that’s one way to get out of an awkward situation!" she laughed.

    Chapter 03: The Prophet’s Whore

    It’s good to see you again, George! Jillsy Stoker said warmly as Hannah Lewis escorted the former journalist into the back room. Thanks for coming to see me at such short notice.

    I can make you a cup of tea if you like. Hannah offered. She found her heart fluttering after she’d inhaled his peculiar but arousing lavender scent in the hallway. He used to suffer from a genetic disorder that produced a foul bodily odour but this strangely enticing perfume had been a wry gift from Zhara, the original Ormuzd, who had spent her last two weeks of life in his arms. It was always a source of family discussion how such a powerful being could fall in love with such an unremarkable little man who had now attracted a new and equally exotic lover.

    No thanks, I’m fine, he smiled, sitting down in an armchair and relaxing. He ran a hand through his short and thinning brown hair then took out a handkerchief to polish his gold-rimmed glasses. Despite wearing a tailored, designer suit, he still managed to make it look crumpled and ill-fitting upon his wiry frame. Setting up the new Agency offices in Hong Kong was a nightmare, he said, replacing his glasses. The Chinese Government is close to outlawing the House – they’re nervous because nearly ten percent of the population are wearing white suits!

    I didn’t realise it was that big out there! Jillsy exclaimed.

    What Gemma did in Memorial Square really made an impact - Cardman, Cardman and Tully have offices now in all the major cities, he grinned. "We’re huge and the House keeps us really busy there – and in the Middle East and in the USA!"

    What brings you back to Pontybrenin? Jillsy asked.

    This was supposed to be my week off and I had planned to come here anyway to spend some time with Rebecca! he said with an ironic smile. But now I have to link up with Hermes to promote Siobhan’s new autumn series and help Brian and Emma renegotiate our contract with the House. Don’t worry, we can spare all the time you need to discuss your pregnancy!

    Why are you renegotiating your House contract? Hannah asked, sitting in the chair next to him. I thought it was solid.

    No contract is solid these days, he shrugged. "Why do think we’re investing so heavily in property? Because House fees make up almost three quarters of our income, we’re always prioritising for them which loses us potential but time-sensitive clients. We’re expanding all the time as the House grows but we can’t expand easily into non-House areas because of our ties to the House and the fact that the Foundation is blacklisting us globally. We do manage to pick up a few companies who feel threatened by Maeth and his multi-national cartels but not enough to diversify."

    I imagine you must be busy with the riots, Jillsy smiled as he politely refused a plate of biscuits. Channel Six and the Sentinel reckon the House seems to be entering some sort of crisis.

    The Book predicted a schism and so does Siobhan, he said, taking off his gold-rimmed glasses to polish them again. "Our job is to make sure the House survives the schism – it’s as simple as that. Vigil briefed me last Saturday about the latest developments. They’re struggling to identify the Movement Centres because the Movement is extremely sophisticated and amazingly motivated since Memorial Square. Now here’s the sinister part: he can’t understand how everybody in the affected Centres all agree to worship holographic images of Gemma simultaneously. He thinks it smacks of the Design or the Child of Dark at work."

    Vigil has told us it’s not just my poor Gemma they’re praying to, Hannah said wearily. "I hate seeing all the cruel caricatures and articles about us in the media but the thought of having hundreds of thousands of people worshipping us is worse! Gemma merged with me yesterday to show me what she’s going through. The only way I can describe it is like being stuck in this giant glass cube with millions of little faces pressed up against the glass staring in at you – the noise of their thoughts and prayers! – so much adoration and sheer hate - and there are cracks in the glass that worry me, she shuddered. Thank heavens I’m not telepathic."

    I thought Gemma was looking tired lately, Tully nodded. "Vigil told me the two Centres in Birmingham also had images of Amy, Thomas, Tamsin, you and Jillsy on their systems but none of Siobhan and the Friends. They don’t seem to rate us Friends much and they absolutely hate Siobhan – apparently they call her the Great Betrayer because of what happened in Digwell Street."

    I still find it hard to trust her, Hannah admitted. And she let Kerridge be taken at the Brenin instead of her, remember!

    "Siobhan had no choice, Jillsy retorted angrily. Look at how she tortured herself for two years about Digwell Street and she’s suffering now because she let Kerridge be taken! She’s terrified of what reached through time for her at the Brenin. She’s convinced it was her nemesis but she’s determined to protect us and I believe her, Hannah, I really do - I’d trust her with my life!"

    I hope it never comes to that, Hannah said, shaking her head. "It’s just that her power is so far beyond my comprehension that it worries me. She can see and alter the future - I can’t imagine the pressure on her to act or just stand by and let a child die in front of her if it meant more people would survive in the future. Bearing that sort of responsibility would drive me insane."

    It’s why she devotes so much time to her show and to her side business of finding missing persons, Tully said sympathetically. She’s burying herself in helping people with small visions to shut out the larger ones. He licked at his dry lips. I’m sorry but can I change my mind about the tea? It’s getting muggy again after that storm - they don’t seem to clear the air these days.

    Jillsy quickly put the kettle on and returned to her chair. Back to the House, George, she said decisively Gemma won’t help them so how will they find these Movement Centres?

    "Aleph is working on it over on the Stevenson’s Estate and Gemma might find this really interesting: the full Book AI is scheduled to go back on line at noon on Wednesday!"

    Really? Hannah exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. It’s about time - they’ve had a basic system up and running for over eight months but without that AI it’s been no better than Magnum Libris, Tri-mage or any other interactive encyclopaedia out there.

    Once it’s online, I’m sure the Book will help them sort out the Movement, Tully said. It’s still the most sophisticated artificial intelligence in history or it was before Simone sabotaged it. The Book was already a life-form in my opinion and look at the edge it gave the House in the financial investment markets!

    Will the Magnum Libris be the Book’s nemesis, do you think? Jillsy wondered. "Everything seems to have one these days thanks to the Design – even us. Mine was definitely Helen!"

    I think mine has to be Nigel Slater of RM2, Tully laughed. He’s like a shadow: everywhere I go – even China – he’s there trying to undermine the House and the Agency. Brian is convinced that Quentin Sharpe is his nemesis and Emma thinks Maeth’s PA, Sally-Ann Fields, is hers! Anyway, the Sharpe Foundation wants the same financial advantage as the House and the word is they’ll have their own AI online as part of the Magnum Libris system soon. Aleph even suspects Simone will launch it at the same time as the Book to upstage the House. The Foundation will finally have their precious ‘Book of No Faith’ fully up and running!

    The Book of No Faith? Are they seriously going to call it that? Jillsy laughed. "Mind you it is a pretty accurate name considering how cynical it all is."

    It’s what the net bloggers call it, Tully shrugged. It’s got quite a following but for all the wrong reasons. Because it automatically attacks or tries to undermine everything the House and the Book does, it’s become a parody. It’s supposed to be an encyclopaedia of human knowledge and freedom of thought but nobody trusts a single ‘fact’ in its database.

    No, lots of people swear by it, Jillsy disagreed. "I surf the net enough to know that it’s designed to feed into the CP and every other anti-House, anti-us sites all the time. It shouldn’t have taken the House nine months to fix the AI! I thought they had the best programmers around!"

    Trust me, they’ve done well, he said. I’ve seen the Book servers and they’re incredible pieces of kit – the most advanced on the planet - but Simone did them some major damage. Vigil and Brother Law, the House legal wizard, are hoping that the full AI will undermine the impetus of the Movement especially if they can restart the Great Revelation project. They reckon that their failure to achieve the Great Revelation is at the core of what’s driving the schism. For whole Centres to defect without dissent there must be some serious disaffection amongst the Lower Circles – it can’t be all down to the Design waving some magic wand.

    We’ll see about the Book, Hannah said sceptically. I can’t see Siobhan being pleased to see it back as it blamed her prescience for the failure of the Great Revelation. Um, George? You seem distracted. Is Rebecca keeping you awake?

    Tully did a double-take at the change of topic before he replied. Not really though she did spend the night watching me sleep - which I still find odd - but I’m getting much better at reading lips. She sends her love. There was a slight pause: "She’s also convinced that the Child of Dark is about to act - and warns us all that we should all be wary of the golem."

    A golem? Hannah said, her eyes wide with surprise. "Does she mean Maeth? Meath’s father christened him Albert Edward Maeth as a joke – it was a reference to golem legend that Jakob Grimm made famous. The word ‘aemaeth’ which means ‘divine truth’ was written on the forehead of the golem to bring it to life and rubbing out the first syllable leaves ‘maeth’ or ‘death’ and the golem returns to lifeless clay."

    It’s more than just a joke, Tully pointed out. Maeth was a family name bestowed by local Jews that the family once persecuted in Europe hundreds of years ago.

    Well, golem or not, Maeth wants to wipe us and the House off the face of the Earth, Jillsy said angrily.

    I don’t know if she does mean Maeth, Tully replied thoughtfully. Rebecca raises the word ‘enigmatic’ to a whole new level. I have asked her to explain what she means but she refuses to elaborate but, to be honest, I don’t think she can – her prescience was nothing compared to Siobhan’s. Anyway, she says she’s glad to have me home for a while even though she loves giving her little performances at the White Dragon.

    She’s been doing that Guinness stunt for decades now, Jillsy chuckled. I thought she might have grown out of scaring the crap out of tourists and street-traders. Mind you, all the other ghosts and poltergeists are still around when they should’ve faded away after the usual five-year peak. Mike Sifford and his councillors are happy – tourism revenues are through the roof.

    She thinks the stones are causing it but she’s not sure, Tully shrugged. She says there’s some kind of ‘energy’ that powers the manifestations but it’s not fading like it usually does – in fact, it may be building. Anyway, she didn’t materialise in the White Dragon last night so Ken rang to play hell with me. He says he’s almost got enough money from the T-shirts and souvenirs to start searching for her remains up at Cath Palug. Sifford has secured permission to excavate the clearing and Jacob Gates has agreed to re-intern her and Josiah at Capel Cairn so the hunt is on.

    I don’t like the idea of a bone hunt, Hannah frowned. I think Ken and Kath are being really ghoulish about this.

    If they do find the graves, will it really help her pass on? Jillsy asked. Hang on – the kettle’s boiling.

    She returned with their three mugs of tea and settled herself down. Well? she pressed. Will it help her pass on? Josiah didn’t hang around so why is she still here?

    She’s convinced the Creator is punishing her for fighting Ashcroft against the Will of the Design, Tully explained. He paused to drink some more tea. "She and many other spirits still walking the Earth somehow retained a trace of corporeality after death so they’re chained both to this world and to their counterparts in the Interstices - but don’t ask me how or why. The stones somehow help them to manifest in this valley - which is how it got its reputation for being haunted, of course."

    I remember you telling me now, Jillsy nodded. Didn’t she also say it could have been some future Design ensuring that she was there at the Brenin to help Gemma?

    "She did but she’s fading slowly - she hasn’t the strength to approach Gemma now let alone merge or interact with her like that. I hope they do find her grave at Cath Palug – at least she’ll see one injustice put right before she fades completely."

    What else is on your mind? Jillsy demanded suspiciously, her eyes narrowed. Come on, spit it out.

    "It’s just that I have some really bad news, he said reluctantly. IC Uno and the rest of the media rats are setting up shop in town to do another hatchet job on the family and us Friends - which is suspicious timing to say the least - and secondly, he added, turning to smile sympathetically at Jillsy. There’s no easy way to say this, Jillsy, but Helen Jenkins was released this morning!"

    What! Jillsy exploded, turning crimson and spilling some of her tea. "My bloody stalker’s back on the streets? If it hadn’t been for Tamsin, that crazy bitch would’ve cut my throat!"

    Well, they couldn’t keep her under lock and key for ever, Tully explained delicately. "The Foundation kept funding all these ‘experts’ to prove that she presents no danger. She’s just been interviewed by Vixen and the Herald already and what she said about Tamsin was off the charts - the woman is mad, bad and nasty - she has a real grudge against your daughter, Hannah."

    I’ve got to sort something out with Charren, Jillsy said in exasperation. "I need more protection - that woman is lethal! She’s definitely my nemesis! No doubt about it!"

    What was the point of Jillsy giving evidence if the courts let her straight back out onto the streets? Hannah said angrily.

    Jillsy paled at the memory of her former lover pressing the knife blade to her neck. She’s the only one who isn’t affected by my powers or Amy’s, she groaned. We’re defenceless against her! The Design created her that way to get rid of me just like this Child of Dark appeared out of nowhere to neutralise Gemma!

    We all have our opposites though Siobhan’s seems to be hidden in the future, Tully said fatalistically, selecting a biscuit and dunking it in his tea. Rebecca hasn’t got an opposite possibly because she’s largely incorporeal. That was how she was able to tip the balance against the Balance, if you like, at the Brenin and then again in Digwell Street when she forced everyone out of the White Dragon in time to save Gemma! She still has power even though she’s a ghost - I don’t think Kirkwall will ever forgive her for smashing his windows like that!

    Whether we like it or not, the Design is moving against us with the Book coming back to life, Hannah sighed, counting the points off on her fingers. "The schism is progressing in the House; the Movement is distracting Gemma; the press have suddenly appeared in force; Jillsy plans to get pregnant and then - bam! - her stalker gets released! I bet you the Design will also prompt the Child of Dark to act soon and we may also have some new enemies like this ‘golem’ out there. Are you sure you want to go ahead with the pregnancy with all this Design stuff starting to happen?"

    Given what happened the last time, Tully interceded. "With that abortion by Gemma, I agree, Jillsy - are you certain you want to do this? What if the Design corrupts your foetus again?"

    If I stay within the valley under the influence of the stones, Jillsy said defiantly. "I know in my heart the baby will be fine."

    There’s a possibility it will have powers like Thomas or you or a combination of both, Hannah said. You could give birth to a baby that’s as far in advance of Gemma as she is to me.

    The papers have speculated on an off the past few years what would have happened if my last child had gone full term, Jillsy shrugged, indicating a pile of newspaper cuttings on the table. They’re still speculating about the possibility of frozen sperm existing - the Herald reckons the Department has it while the Express is saying I’m sleeping with Graham - I am the Prophet’s Whore after all. She paused as a chill of foreboding ran down her spine. "The thought that the Movement is praying to images of me makes me puke! How dare they?"

    Tully pursed his lips and drummed his fingers on the armrest for a few seconds before exhaling heavily. There’s also a serious risk that they may start worshipping the baby as well.

    I don’t give a shit what they do! Jillsy exploded. "I want this baby – it’s all I have left of Thomas! He may have transcended and is now part of me but I’m selfish, I suppose. I don’t want the whole of Existence to have him - I want him here so I can hold him in my arms or

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