The Book of Humorous Verse
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Carolyn Wells
Carolyn Wells (1862-1942) was an American poet, librarian, and mystery writer. Born in Rahway, New Jersey, Wells began her career as a children’s author with such works as At the Sign of the Sphinx (1896), The Jingle Book (1899), and The Story of Betty (1899). After reading a mystery novel by Anna Katharine Green, Wells began focusing her efforts on the genre and found success with her popular Detective Fleming Stone stories. The Clue (1909), her most critically acclaimed work, cemented her reputation as a leading mystery writer of the early twentieth century. In 1918, Wells married Hadwin Houghton, the heir of the Houghton-Mifflin publishing fortune, and remained throughout her life an avid collector of rare and important poetry volumes.
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The Book of Humorous Verse - Carolyn Wells
The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Book of Humorous Verse, by Various, Edited by Carolyn Wells
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
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Title: The Book of Humorous Verse
Author: Various
Editor: Carolyn Wells
Release Date: December 22, 2007 [eBook #23972]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOOK OF HUMOROUS VERSE***
E-text prepared by Hilary Caws-Elwitt, Huub Bakker,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(http://www.pgdp.net)
THE BOOK OF
HUMOROUS VERSE
Compiled by
CAROLYN WELLS
Author of Such Nonsense,
The Whimsey Anthology,
etc., etc.
NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
TO
ROBERT CHAPMAN SPRAGUE
INTRODUCTION
A hope of immortality and a sense of humor distinguish man from the beasts of the field.
A single exception may be made, perhaps, of the Laughing Hyena, and, on the other hand, not every one of the human race possesses the power of laughter. For those who do, this volume is intended.
And since there can be nothing humorous about an introduction, there can be small need of a lengthy one.
Merely a few explanations of conditions which may be censured by captious critics.
First, the limitations of space had to be recognized. Hence, the book is a compilation, not a collection. It is representative, but not exhaustive. My ambition was toward a volume to which everyone could go, with a surety of finding any one of his favorite humorous poems between these covers. But no covers of one book could insure that, so I reluctantly gave up the dream for a reality which I trust will make it possible for a majority of seekers to find their favorites here.
The compiler's course is a difficult one. The Scylla of Popularity lures him on the one hand, while the Charybdis of the Classical charms him on the other. He has nothing to steer by but his own good taste, and good taste, alack, is greatly a matter of opinion.
And no opinion seemeth good unto an honest compiler, save his own. Wherefore, the choice of these selections, like kissing, went by favor. As to the arrangement of them, every compiler will tell you that Classification is Vexation. And why not? When many a poem may be both Parody and Satire,—both Romance and Cynicism. Wherefore, the compiler sorted with loving care the selections here presented striving to do justice to the verses themselves, and taking a chance on the tolerant good nature of the reader.
For,
"A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it.
Never in the tongue
Of him that makes it."
Which made me all the more careful to do my authors justice, leaving the prosperity of the jests to the hearers.
Carolyn Wells.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The compiler is indebted to the publisher or author, as noted below, for the use of copyright material included in this volume. Special arrangements have been made with the authorized publishers of those American poets, whose works in whole or in part have lapsed copyright. All rights of these poems have been reserved by the authorized publisher, author or holder of the copyright as indicated in the following:
Little, Brown & Company: For selections from the Poems and Limericks of Edward Lear.
The Macmillan Company: For selections from the Poems of Lewis Carroll and Verses from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
and Through the Looking Glass.
Harr Wagner Publishing Company: For permission to reprint from The Complete Poems
of Joaquin Miller That Gentle Man From Boston Town,
That Texan Cattle Man,
William Brown of Oregon.
Frederick A. Stokes Company: Bessie Brown, M.D.
and A Kiss in the Rain,
by Samuel Minturn Peck.
Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Company: For the inclusion of the following Poems by Sam Walter Foss: The Meeting of the Clabberhuses,
A Philosopher
and The Prayer of Cyrus Brown
from Dreams in Homespun,
copyright, 1897. Then Agin—
and Husband and Heathen,
from Back Country Poems,
copyright, 1894. The Ideal Husband to His Wife,
from Whiffs from Wild Meadows,
copyright, 1895.
Forbes & Company: How Often?
If I Should Die To-night,
and The Pessimist,
by Ben King.
The Century Company: For permission to reprint from St. Nicholas Magazine the following poems by Ruth McEnery Stuart: The Endless Song
and The Hen-Roost Man
; and by Tudor Jenks: An Old Bachelor
; and by Mary Mapes Dodge: Home and Mother,
Life in Laconics,
Over the Way
and The Zealless Xylographer.
Thomas L. Masson: For permission to reprint The Kiss
from Life.
E. P. Button & Company: The Converted Cannibals
and The Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook,
by G. E. Farrow.
Houghton Mifflin Company: With their permission and by special arrangement, as authorized publishers of the following authors' works, are used: Selections from Nora Perry, John Townsend Trowbridge, Charles E. Carryl, Oliver Wendell Holmes, John Greenleaf Whittier, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Bret Harte, James Thomas Fields, John G. Saxe, James Russell Lowell and Bayard Taylor.
A. P. Watt & Son and Doubleday, Page & Company: For their permission to use Divided Destinies,
Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink,
and Commonplaces,
by Rudyard Kipling.
G. P. Putnam's Sons: Selections from the Poems of Eugene Fitch Ware and The Wreck of the 'Julie Plante,'
by William Henry Drummond.
Henry Holt & Company: Two Parodies from — and Other Poets,
by Louis Untermeyer.
Dodd, Mead & Company: The Constant Cannibal Maiden,
Blow Me Eyes
and A Grain of Salt,
by Wallace Irwin.
John Lane Company: For Poems by Owen Seaman, Anthony C. Deane and G. K. Chesterton.
The Smart Set: Dighton is Engaged,
and Kitty Wants to Write,
by Gelett Burgess.
Small, Maynard & Company: For selections from Holman F. Day, Richard Hovey and Clinton Scollard.
The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For special permission to reprint from the Biographical Edition of the Complete Works of James Whitcomb Riley (copyright, 1913) the following Poems: Little Orphant Annie,
The Lugubrious Whing-Whang,
The Man in the Moon,
The Old Man and Jim,
Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance,
Spirk Throll-Derisive,
When the Frost is on the Punkin.
The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For permission to use the following Poems by Robert J. Burdette, from Smiles Yoked with Sighs
(copyright, 1900), Orphan Born,
The Romance of the Carpet,
Soldier, Rest!
, Songs without Words,
What Will We Do?
.
Charles Scribner's Sons: For permission to use The Dinkey-Bird,
Dutch Lullaby,
The Little Peach,
The Truth About Horace,
by Eugene Field.
CONTENTS
THE BOOK OF HUMOROUS VERSE
I
BANTER
THE PLAYED-OUT HUMOURIST
THE PRACTICAL JOKER
TO PHŒBE
MALBROUCK
MARK TWAIN: A PIPE DREAM
FROM A FULL HEART
THE ULTIMATE JOY
OLD FASHIONED FUN
WHEN MOONLIKE ORE THE HAZURE SEAS
WHEN THE FROST IS ON THE PUNKIN
TWO MEN
A FAMILIAR LETTER TO SEVERAL CORRESPONDENTS
THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS
SHAKE, MULLEARY AND GO-ETHE
A RONDELAY
WINTER DUSK
COMIC MISERIES