Hold It 'Til It Hurts

Written by T Geronimo Johnson

Narrated by Corey Allen

"The magnificence of Hold It 'Til It Hurts is not only in the prose and the story but also in the book's great big beating heart. These complex and compelling characters and the wizardry of Johnson's storytelling will dazzle and move you from first page to last. Novels don't teach us how to live but Hold It 'Til It Hurts will make you hush and wonder."-- Anthony Swofford, author of Jarhead "This rich and sophisticated first novel brings together pleasures rarely found in one book: Hold It 'Til It Hurts is a novel about war that goes in search of passionate love, a dreamy thriller, a sprawling mystery, a classical quest for a lost brother in which the shadowy quarry is clearly the seeker's own self, and a meditation on family and racial identity that makes its forerunners in American fiction look innocent by comparison."-- Jaimy Gordon, National Book Award winner for Lord of Misrule "Hold It 'Til It Hurts is the kind of impressive debut that marks its author, T. Geronimo Johnson, as a writer with a career that bears watching."-- Stuart Dybek When Achilles Conroy and his brother Troy return from a tour of duty in Afghanistan, their white mother presents them with the key to their past: envelopes containing details about their respective birth parents. After Troy disappears, Achilles-always his brother's keeper-embarks on a harrowing journey in search of Troy, an experience that will change him forever. Heartbreaking, intimate, and at times disturbing, Hold It 'Til It Hurts is a modern-day odyssey through war, adventure, disaster, and love, and explores how people who do not define themselves by race make sense of a world that does.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Recorded Books, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 6, 2013
• ISBN: 9781470366421

T Geronimo Johnson

Born and raised in New Orleans, T. Geronimo Johnson received his MFA from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and his M.A. from UC Berkeley. Welcome to Braggsville was longlisted for the National Book Award, the Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence, named one of the 10 books all Georgians should read by the Georgia Center for the Book, and won the Ernest J. Gaines Award for Literary Excellence. His first novel, Hold it ‘til it Hurts, was a finalist for the PEN/Faulkner Award. He lives in Berkeley, CA.

[timbazzett · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

T. Geronimo Johnson has written a modern epic that is "Homeric" in both its scope and theme. Johnson's stunning debut novel boasts a warrior hero named Achilles Conroy who has just returned from the war in Afghanistan, a conflict that has obviously left him scarred emotionally and mentally. His younger brother, Troy (more Homer), fought in the same US Army unit with Achilles, and has returned a decorated 'hero' by virtue of a daring, if foolhardy, rescue of a wounded comrade from a minefield. Achilles was there too, but only to protect his more impulsive sibling. Although equally brave, he received no medals.

The Conroy brothers return to their home in western Maryland just in time for the funeral of their father, killed in an automobile accident. Achilles and Troy are black; their adoptive parents are white. Immediately after the funeral, their mother presents them both with blue envelopes containing information about their birth parents. Achilles refuses to open his, but Troy takes his and disappears. Ever his brother's protector, Achilles goes looking for Troy, beginning a lengthy odyssey which takes him to New Orleans, where he stays with Wages, his former squad leader, and meets Ines, a wealthy, aristocratic woman who ministers to the homeless and drug addicts of the Big Easy. Ines looks white, but Achilles learns she is black, a confusing conundrum for him, since he has been trying to nail down his own racial identity all his life. While looking for Troy, Achilles is duped, beaten and robbed. His search for Troy then takes him to Atlanta just as Hurricane Katrina is bearing down on the Gulf Coast. More dangerous escapades in Atlanta, where he encounters dark drug lords, junkies addicted to and dying from "crunch." He visits morgues and tenements. Ines joins him in Atlanta, but then they must go back to New Orleans, where they see firsthand the awful destruction from the storm, and wade into the mess to try to help the unfortunate poor who were abandoned by the authorities to sink or swim. Like Homer's Odysseus, Johnson's Achilles takes the long way home and in the course of his journey, the reader gets an often disturbing look into the darker side of combat-damaged soldiers. There are several scenes of graphic cruelty, violence and sex that are not for the faint of heart. The fact is, however, such scenes are necessary if one really wants to understand what war does to young men, how it can change them, and permanently damage them.

As far as the military experience is concerned - the camaraderie, the language, the intensity - Johnson has somehow managed to get it right, and I mean dead-center right. There is no mention in the author's bio about military service, so I have to assume the guy has just done his homework. The language, the sexual fantasies and allusions are all there - too authentic and graphic to quote here. But he also tells of the closeness, along with promises they make -

"... the promise to stay in touch, start a Myspace page, have an annual reunion. Achilles knew the desperate promises wouldn't hold ..."

Johnson also knows that having survived the crucible of combat can sometimes make life more precious than anything. When, at a funeral, people speak of going to 'a better place.'

"... no one said it to his face, as if they knew Achilles wasn't buying. Once you were shot at, there was no better place to be than alive."

There is much here about black and white, about racism, about cultural identity and how skin color and its varying hues and darknesses can make a difference. But in the end this is an examination of what it means to be a human being, and how environment, parentage and outside influences (especially violent ones like war, murder and natural disasters) can shape and mold a person, whether it be for good or bad.

If there are any flaws to be found in Johnson's modern version of the Odyssey, it is perhaps that the denouement goes on a bit too long. But I could be wrong in this. Because, considering all that Achilles has been through, the novel's final line is nothing short of perfect: "God, to be alive."