Lying Awake
Written by Mark Salzman
Narrated by Linda Stephens
4/5
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About this audiobook
Mark Salzman
Mark Salzman (b. 1959) is an award-winning novelist and memoirist. The son of a social worker and a music teacher, Salzman grew up in Connecticut and studied Chinese language and philosophy at Yale University. After college, he spent two years in China, learning martial arts from some of China’s most renowned teachers, an experience he documented in his bestselling memoir Iron & Silk. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, director Jessica Yu, and their two daughters.
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Reviews for Lying Awake
246 ratings15 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Protagonist Sister John of the Cross is a Carmelite nun living in a convent near Los Angeles. In 1982, she has been there for thirteen years and is going through a “spiritual desert.” She then starts experiencing a vast period of creativity, writing poetry for hours at night, and publishing a book on the contemplative life. This is a period of spiritual awakening. Sister John believes these new visions and out of body sensations are a consequence of her faith.
As she pours water into a bowl, ‘‘The motion of the water as it spiraled toward the basin triggered a spell of vertigo. It was a welcome sensation; she experienced it as rising from within, as if her spirit could no longer be contained by her body.’’
This is an unusual novel that looks at the relationship between the sense of self, mind, and soul. It explores the relationship between the spiritual self and neural functioning of the brain, as she is eventually diagnosed with a neurological condition. She must then decide whether or not to treat this condition medically, and if she does, whether she risks becoming another person entirely from the person she believes herself to be. She does not want to let go of her mystical experiences, and her creative writing, which she sees as giving meaning to her life.
‘‘I can’t bear the thought of going back to where I was before. I prayed and scrubbed and went through the motions with no feeling of love, only a will to keep busy. If the surgery were to take my dream away, everything I’ve gone through up to now would seem meaningless. I wouldn’t even be able to draw inspiration from the memory of it.’’
She consults a doctor and a priest, but neither is particularly sensitive to her dilemma. It is important to note that Sister John of the Cross decided upon this name after the Spanish mystic and poet, Saint John of the Cross, author of the poem ‘‘Dark Night of the Soul.’ Sister John must navigate her own “dark night” as she decides whether or not to go down the medical path.
From reading psychology, I understand that this is a very real problem for many individuals. Inner life and imagination can be released through many outside influences, including disease and neurological dysfunction. The person’s sense of the self is intimately involved, and it is difficult to separate what is internally originated versus externally imposed. They may resist being “cured.”
This short novel engages readers in exploring the spiritual dimensions of the self. The author has brilliantly illustrated Sister John’s desires, doubts, fears, and internal struggles. It depicts monastic life in a much more realistic manner than some I have read recently. I do not think one needs to be a follower of religion to appreciate this book and empathize with Sister John. I found it extremely thought-provoking. I am stopping now before I write a review that is longer than the book! - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Lying Awake. Mark Salzman. 2000. A beautiful novel! Sister John of the Cross has lived in a small Carmelite monastery for years doing as all the other nuns do: following the rule, praying, and working. Her prayer light takes on new meaning when she begins to have incredible visions of God filled with ethereal colors and light. These visions enhance her prayer life beyond measure and allowed her to be more giving to her sisters, but they are accompanied by intense headaches. Her mother superior insists that she see a doctor. After numerous tests, the doctor informs her that she may have a form of epilepsy and should have surgery immediately. Sister John begins to question her visions and wonder if the visions are caused by the epilepsy rather than God’s grace. What will it mean to her if she has the surgery and the visions stop? I don’t think I have ever read a book that shows the daily life of a cloistered nun as well as this one does.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mark Salzman's LYING AWAKE is a short but compelling novel about life inside a contemplative order of nuns in Los Angeles. It's "heroine" is Sister John of the Cross, formerly Helen Nye, of Steubenville, Ohio, abandoned by her alcoholic mother, raised by her grandparents, and deeply influenced as an adolescent by a charismatic nun-teacher. Sister John's background is revealed gradually, as we learn of visionary migraine "spells" she has, now twenty years a nun, resulting in in episodes of writing - poetry and essays - which become important sources of income for her convent and Carmelite order. Medical tests find her "condition" can be "cured" by an operation, and therein lies the crux of Sister John's story. The stories of various saints are woven into her story, an element that will appeal perhaps to the more devout or knowledgeable. I was quickly caught up in this slim, tightly constructed little novel and finished it in just a couple of sittings. It brought to mind, of course, Ron Hansen's fine novel, MARIETTE IN ECSTASY. Mark Salzman is a good writer and this is a compelling and absorbing read. I will recommend it highly, especially for Catholics.- Tim Bazzett, author of the memoir, BOOKLOVER
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Lying Awake is the story of a Carmelite nun who has lived decades in her convent in a life expressed in loving service.
When she begins to experience mystical visions and a profound sense of love and union with God, she is overjoyed with the deepening of this relationship. She writes and publishes poetry in these states.
However, these visions are accompanied by headaches, perhaps migraines.
When she is medically examined for these headaches, her doctor finds a small, benign tumor which can be safely removed - but may also be the source of her mystical visions.
The story of Sister John is told with compassion, love and a deep sense of humanity. The language used is clean and efficient, but honors the life and then the upheaval of Sister Joan's circumstance. The nature of service to God is carefully considered in a way that is fascinating and moving.
I loved this book, and will reread this many times over. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This concerns a nun who, after years of failing to experience God's presence in the convent, begins to have periods of heightened spiritual awareness in which she receives insight into the nature of God. She writes these down and they are published in a successful book. However, at the same time she experiences frequent migraines and is eventually diagnosed with a form of epilepsy which may account for her spiritual experiences. She then has to decide whether to have the surgery that is offered to "cure" her.The tone of the novel is gentle, pre-supposing the value of cloistered nuns praying for the forgiveness and salvation of the whole world. However, I found the constant emphasis on self-effacement and the suggestion that it was somehow wrong to expect God to invest in a personal, intimate relationship with someone who seeks this above all to be ultimately depressing.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Somewhere outside present-day Los Angeles - cloistered inside a Carmelite convent - Sister John of the Cross spends her days in contemplation of the divinity of the Lord. While the pace of life within the walls of this holy place has remained unchanged for centuries, Sister John has dedicated her life to the service of others. She has used her God-given talents to bring recognition to her sisters and to her convent by writing inspirational and religious poetry. While she has spent her many years there honoring God and His many blessings, she has also experienced something not many people ever have.She alone witnesses visions of such dazzling grace and spiritual intensity, that she is viewed as a modern-day prophetess by many of her sisters. These visions are both extraordinarily powerful and profoundly insightful, and Sister John has even gained some small measure of fame from within the community of Los Angles because of the brilliance of her poetry. However, despite her growing prominence as an author and poet, Sister John still remains humble and counts herself extraordinarily blessed to have had such wonderful experiences and gives all glory to God. However, sooner or later Sister John will eventually face a very human dilemma.For years she has suffered from debilitating headaches, sharp pain that usually accompanies Sister John's miraculous visions. When a doctor reveals that her headaches may actually be a sign of something more dangerous, she faces a devastating choice. Because if Sister John's spiritual gifts are just physical symptoms of a serious illness rather than signs of grace bestowed on her, will seeking an earthly "cure" mean that her soul will ultimately become bereft; or that God will eventually forsake His faithful servant?I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book. In my opinion, it was a delightful story and I really appreciated this poignant glimpse into a life spent within a convent. I will say that I have always been interested in reading anything that involves living the cloistered life. I would certainly give this book an A+!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A young woman who had an unhappy childhood, abandoned by her mother, grandfather died and teased for being fat enters a monastery. She has visions and spiritual experiences. She is writing a book of these experiences and is invited to Rome. She also suffers terrible headaches. The visions and the headaches are because of temporal lobe epilepsy and can be surgically repaired.
I like this story because I like this authors writing. It was a quick read, not a lot of words but what there are are put together well. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Meh. It's a short book with lots of small chapters so I didn't have trouble getting though it. But I was left with a bit of a "meh" feeling at the end. I'm not a Catholic but I thought maybe a realistic look at the life of a Carmelite nun might have some appeal. I didn't find the characters to be real, however. They're all pretty much 'super-spiritual' in a way that to me was unbelievable. Perhaps that just reflects my lack of understanding or my distance from this theology. I do think that most people would regard the nuns' practices as somewhat bizarre and hard to believe that Jesus would have envisaged that this kind of life would be an appropriate response to his ideas (not that I'm an expert on such things!).
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This was not my typical style of book, but I was pleasantly surprised by it! I liked how the character perservered through her ailments! It was very interesting to read
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5May 2009 COTC Book Club selection.
Sister John of the Cross has been writing beautiful poetry for the past three years inspired by her intense, transcendent experiences of God which are accompanied by excruciating headaches. As the headaches become more painful and more frequent, Sister John visits a doctor who diagnoses her with a small tumor which has been causing epileptic seizures. Sister John must then wrestle with whether or not she should have the tumor removed and the authenticity of her previous experiences. This is the kind of book, I would never have picked up if we weren't reading it for book club. It's much more character driven than plot driven with interesting meditations on what it means to pursue a contemplative life and what constitutes authentic religious experience. I was also fascinated at the behind-the-scenes look at the life of a contemplative nun. I'd be interested in learning about how Salzman did his research. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A nearly perfect meditation on faith and holy doubt in fiction form.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What it means to truly connect with God; book leaves you with the questions. Recommended.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5What a powerful little book, especially since it was written by a self-proclaimed agnostic, writing about the inner mind of a middle-aged nun. You really have to suspend all belief, as you go through this book, that it is a novel and not a memoir. Sr. John of the Cross thinks that she has found the spirituality she has been seeking for decades only to find out that it has been falsified by a brain tumor, the cause of her epilepsy. She is a wonderfully developed character, supported by clear and resonating prose. A wonderfully short and engrossing novel.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The brevity of this novel makes it even more powerful. It is the story of a very devout Carmelite nun who experiences deeply religious visions, only to learn that they may have been caused by recently-diagnosed epilepsy rather than by faith. It is thought-provoking and poignant.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Sister John is a nun in a monastery in Los Angeles. After a long period of spiritual dryness, she begins experiencing visions and feelings of closeness to God. However, along with the visions, she also experiences headaches that grow progressively worse. When she finds out that she has a type of epilepsy that causes visions, she must decide whether or not to have the surgery that will cure her, but may also take away her visions.