ARIES
WHERE YOU’LL FIND THEM
At the front of the drink queue.
FIRST THING YOU’LL NOTICE ABOUT THEM
They’re literally shaking from consuming too much coffee.
BIGGEST FLEX
They were always picked first in PE.
BIGGEST WEAKNESS
They have absolutely no patience whatsoever.
WHAT GIVES THEM THE ICK
People who can’t take a joke.
MOST POWERFUL WEAPON AT THEIR DISPOSAL
Not giving a single fuck.
SOURCE OF COMFORT
They’ve got a back-up energy drink in the fridge for emergencies.
CURES BOREDOM BY
Reminding people that their answer won pub trivia last year; reading brutal restaurant reviews; drag racing the car next to them.
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE
An Aries demanding a rematch after they’ve lost at cards.
WHAT THEY’D DO WITH THEIR LAST $100
Send boxes and boxes of tissues to someone whose feelings they’ve hurt as a passive-aggressive gesture.
TAURUS
WHERE YOU’LL FIND THEM
Napping.
FIRST THING YOU’LL NOTICE ABOUT
