The Longest Relationships of Our Lives

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siblings—the third oldest, and the second of three girls—Carlita Gay loved the distinction of a big family and that everyone was exposed to so many personalities. Though she saw her family less after moving away from her hometown, going to therapy as an adult helped Gay, now 33 and an executive assistant in New York, understand “how much of a refuge my siblings can still be” because of their deep context and shared history. In particular, they were some of the few people who could understand her experience of growing up biracial in a “mainly white” part of Minnesota. “I had a perspective of ‘Maybe I’m alone’” in trying to make sense of how her racial identity developed, Gay told me, but over time she realized that her siblings could relate to both that general experience and how it played out within their family. “If anyone could