The Perfect Service to Make Everyone at the Airport Hate You
With sincere apologies, I need to ask you to imagine yourself arriving at the airport. Freshly expelled from whatever mode of transport brought you there, you are probably at least a little bit harried. Maybe you’re running late or you’re wrangling small children. Maybe you are weighed down by an overstuffed tote bag and a roll-aboard that could burst at any moment because you are opposed in principle to paying $50 to check a bag. The stink of anxiety sweat has begun to emanate from your person.
Waiting for you once you enter is the center of much airport melodrama: the TSA line. What you will encounter there is anyone’s guess. You might hand over your ID to an agent and swing your bag onto the luggage scanner’s belt near instantly, or hundreds of people might be in line in front of you. Can your laptop go in the same bin as your purse? Is your cardigan a shirt that you can continue wearing, or is it a jacket that needs to be removed? You’ll find out when you find out, usually when someone with a badge yells at you.
Travel can be one of life’s great joys, but the airport is, at its absolute best, a necessary obstacle to the eventual reward of visiting loved ones or experiencing a new place. At worst, it’s a “,” in the words of my colleague Ian Bogost, riven with long waits, bad food, surprise fees, cramped quarters, spontaneous schedule changes, and lots of people acting like absolute unsocialized freaks. All of this chaos is
