The thing about writing a memoir, says Hayley Holt, is that it forces you to reflect on parts of your past you might rather skim over. Lifting the lid on an extraordinary life was never going to be easy, but it wasn’t the broadcaster’s battle with alcohol or the devastating loss of her first child that took the most courage to write about. Hayley was surprised to find that it was looking back on her childhood that brought up those conflicting emotions.
As a young ballroom dancing champion, she loved her adventurous life, but she’d always known her world was a little different to that of her peers. It wasn’t until she put pen to paper – and removed those rose-tinted glasses – that she began to suspect the “overscheduling” of her younger years and her devoted mother Robin’s relentless enthusiasm for her children had perhaps led her to rebel. Regret and recrimination aren’t the aim of the game, though. Hayley has accepted her intense younger years with a mix of gratitude and grace.
“I used to look at my friends and cousins, thinking, ‘You’re so lucky,’ because it felt like they could do what they wanted and had time to just be kids. For me and my brother, life was totally full. Drama lessons, dancing, elocution classes, talent agencies, auditions, swimming, every sport you can imagine… It was hectic.
“But there are two ways of looking at my childhood. Yes, it was very overscheduled and intense, but I’m appreciative of it because I wouldn’t be where I am now without it. I don’t wish my childhood was any different – it was a lot of hard work, but it was also a lot of fun and adventure.”
It’s a few months since Hayley’s was released, yet it’s only now she can talk about it without being hit by a rush of nerves. She was terrified about how it would be received, which she needn’t have been – has sat near the top of the bestsellers list since it hit shelves and every day her inbox is filled with messages from people who’ve been moved by her honesty. But it was her mum Robin’s response that Hayley was most worried about. Hurting the woman she loves most in the world was the last thing she wanted.
