January
Thought about how describing a dream immediately shows up its symbolic value—“I was ineptly taking part in a production of his and he did not give me any help …”—and realized (over again?) that that is what writing does: an incident, once it is described, has more than its own value, as the language refers symbolically to a great deal more.
Plan: they talk about putting some old-growth forest in the back corner of the yard.
“I did happen to notice the crescent moon and was charmed by it.”
(father in letter)
“(May we move to first names?)”
(C.P. in letter)
For lunch—a huge potato and a glass of milk.
A hard piece of writing needs to be cushioned in among other pieces for me to work on it.
He likes an illustrated dictionary, and he likes to look at pictures of handsome women in the dictionary, the latest one he has shown me being the president of Iceland.
(father)
Outstanding business in outlying districts.
Sincerity—I must be sincere as I write it, though I may be adopting another persona as I write it.
Dogs appearing in stories and poems by women.
But what woman can help writing about dogs?
February
Jesus—“ancient philosopher”?
Jefferson spent evenings preparing a preliminary extraction of Jesus’s words from extraneous matter, and read it nightly before retiring. From Monticello, he carried on a voluminous correspondence on religious subjects with John Adams.
Was led from Jefferson’s Bible to The Five Gospels as prepared by the Jesus Seminar (The Search for the Authentic Words of Jesus).
Jesus as “sage from Nazareth”
shutter bangs and his breathing stops momentarily (man napping on sofa).
A wound on her knuckle? No, chocolate.
At last, near the turning point of the fiftieth year,—Once, she thought she could be president, then she thought town supervisor, then saint—
And only now, in her maturity, does she begin to play Beethoven, though less well.
Now it was Beethoven, though less well.
When she was eating dinner, when she was very tired, her silverware would get stuck in her mouth.
The cluster—of anger, Zen, the Bible, Jefferson, The Five Gospels.
Restlessness—not ready to die yet (“not to die” meaning only not to go to bed and read an easy book).
In good health, still relatively young, terribly afraid of confinement, loss of freedom, from disability, pain,
