Love, pop and energy! Is this the perfect formula for a Eurovision winner?

Grab a miniature flag, slap on a grin and prepare yourself for pre-written, faltering gags from the hosts falling on the deaf ears of a rambunctious audience … yes, Eurovision is upon us.

Whether you’re allured by the kitsch – or watch it under duress – at least one song each year will spark the thought: “Even I could write something better than this!”

Well, dear Eurovision lovers/sceptics, we are here to help guide you through the process. We have analysed all 1,371 Eurovision finalists over almost seven decades, poring over the ingredients of the winning, second- and third-place entries, for genres, gender, groupings and mood, to come up with the perfect Eurovision song recipe.