MISSISSIPPI LEARNIN’
“Remember,” Art said. “You move for the barges. They don’t move for you.” He was talking to Hansi, our designated captain, who was at the helm. Art, the instructor from Fun ‘n The Sun Houseboat Vacations, mostly spoke in memorized soundbites, seasoned with friendly snark. But on this point, we could tell, he was serious.
It is rule number one of the Mississippi River: Industry First. No matter what we were hoping to do here with fly rods, binoculars, cameras, and coolers full of food and beer, the Mississippi is a working river. Stay out of the way of the barges, and mind the red and green buoys that mark the main channel.
The morning was dark with a low overcast, amplifying the drama of training. But it was almost over: The marina’s pontoon boat popped out of a side channel, matching our speed and slipping alongside, ready to take Art back to the dock and leave us alone on the houseboat.
“Keep it between the buoys,” Hansi recited.
“Yep,” Art said. “Wisconsin red, Minnesota green.”
We all nodded seriously. We’d spent the night on the docked houseboat, and had watched the training DVD—but right after an absurdly large meal of grilled burgers, corn on the cob, and assorted pasta and potato salads, washed down with a variety of ales. This protocol refresher was a good idea.
“And don’t hit one,” he added, tired-sounding.
“They’ll open this boat up like a sardine can.” Then he stepped out of the cabin and onto the pontoon boat.
“I didn’t tell him I’m colorblind,” whispered Hansi.
The pontoon pulled away, and we were on our own in the channel. Hansi gripped the helm. A red buoy surged in the current just off the
