WHERE WE’RE GOING WE DON’T NEED ROADS…
You join us in a remote cottage in the woods, where pizza and beer have just been consumed. Well, Ollie Marriage turned up with kegs thoroughly shaken in the boot of a Defender. There was a minor kitchen detonation when they were unpressurised, but it would have been rude not to have toasted our safe arrival in a location known only to lost ramblers, murderers and able readers of OS maps.
Welcome to a world beyond. To a world of grease in your winches, grit in your britches and army surplus. Outside lurk today’s four most capable off-roaders. Representing Europe we have the Land Rover Defender and Mercedes-Benz G-Class, from America the Ford Bronco and Jeep Wrangler.
Normal practice would be to take them to a quarry and see which one fell over first. But that lacks ambition. And genuine jeopardy. So instead we’ve come to the remote byways of mid-Wales, and more specifically the Strata Florida off-road trail. The sort of place where men wear camo and Land Rovers fear to tread. But that’s tomorrow. Tonight it’s warm and snug on a cold, howling winter’s night. The log burner is roaring and as we need to choose who drives what, Ollie Marriage has come armed with socks…
OM: It’s not Christmas. Quite. But I’ve pinned socks up, each with a key in. Go ahead and choose.
JR: Smells like these haven’t been washed since Christmas 1987… but who cares because I’ve got the Defender! Shall we pack up and go home now gentlemen? *insert smug face emoji*
I’ve got a… verruca! Only joking, I’ve got the Bronco. The one that I wanted, until I
