Your writing critiqued

‘Execute.’1 The Officer pulled the trigger, sparking the night sky.2 It punctured3 the forehead and burst through the back of the skull.4 The corpse collapsed onto the grass. The Officer shifted across5 to the next prisoner on her knees.⁶

As the Officer took aim, Roger, further along the line of prisoners, subtly glanced across at the Officer7 taking aim at his comrade.8 He counted four of them left, including his best friend, Ritchie, trembling beside him.⁹

‘Ask the question again,’ a voice in the Officer’s earpiece, loud enough for all to hear,¹⁰ commanded.¹¹ He aimed his smoking gun at the new target’s face.¹²

‘What were you searching for?’ The Officer spat. The woman looked past the shaft of the gun, up at the officer’s emotionless face. The thin glass across his left eye, relaying information to him, was illuminated by the headlights from his squad car parked a few metres behind. The beams lit past the Officer, revealing a vast field. The acres of flat land were only broken by a rocky hill a few hundred metres away. They were miles from civilisation – nobody would have heard the bullets.