Paul Heiney

Excuse the brown smears down the page but those mud-coloured streaks were once my own rich red life’s blood. I have been having a go at sewing, hence ruddy drips from punctured finger ends.

Apparently, sewing is the new baking when it comes to top rating television. What they get up to with a bit of cloth and a needle leaves me in awe. I mean, they can actually sew in a straight line! You should see mine; like a dog piddling