The Critic Magazine

Opiate of the masses

IN HIS FORMER ROLE as a Vice President of Pepsi Cola, the recently appointed BBC Director-General, Fizzy Timmy, promoted weight gain, hepatic steatosis, cirrhosis, heightened cholesterol and triglyceride levels, insulin resistance, leptin resistance, type 2 diabetes, expanded belly fat, heart disease, pancreatic cancer, colorectal cancer, endometrial cancer and an exciting gamut of dental and gingivitic problems.

Alongside Fizzy Timmy’s roster of ills, the achievement of the Corporation’s highest earner Gary Lineker is modest: hardened and narrowed arteries, cardiovascular disease, scurvy. As an

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