Married at First Sight Australia is lockdown TV’s guiltiest pleasure
What happens when you pair up a bunch of obliging singletons based on a mysterious compatibility test and have them lock eyes for the very first time at the altar? Pure, unadulterated chaos, if the Australian edition of Married at First Sight is anything to go by. Based on a Danish format that first aired in 2013, the franchise has become an international hit; it’s cropped up in 29 countries, and the UK version has aired on Channel 4 since 2015. But the Aussie show, the sixth series of which is currently showing on E4, is in a class of its own - and for better or worse, it makes for compulsive lockdown viewing.
The format of the ‘experiment,’ as the contestants are encouraged to call it, is ruthlessly simple. Participants are paired up with complete strangers, based on compatibility criteria that the show’s trio of relationship ‘experts’ - relationship specialists John Aiken and Mel Schilling and clinical neuropsychotherapist Dr Trisha Stratford - claim is highly scientific, but often comes across on screen as entirely arbitrary. She’s super-close to her family, but he’s based on the other side of Australia? Match them up! She hates animals and he’s a farmer? Bring it on! He’s a 29-year-old virgin and she likes an adventurous sex life. Seems ethically sound! (All of these scenarios are genuine storylines from series six).
Then, it’s off to a photogenic Aussie location for a big fat fake wedding (unlike in other international editions of MAFS, the ceremony isn’t actually legally binding), where the couple will meet each other - and their families - for the first time.
If they’re not totally horrified by their new partner (the fourth series saw one bride do a runner after the reception), the couple will then embark on a honeymoon, before spending the next months getting to know their partner and deciding whether they might really be ‘the one.’
If that all sounds a bit too sensible, here’s the twist: once the newlyweds have tied the knot, they continue to enjoy (or endure) weekly meet-ups with all the other couples in the experiment, most often over increasingly boozy dinner parties, where - spoiler alert - the free-flowing alcohol drags lingering resentments to the surface - or gives our lovebirds enough dutch courage to make passes at other people’s spouses, like 27-year-old Jess, who quickly tires of her farm animal-loving, 70s porn star stache-sporting fella Mick and sets her sights on experiment latecomer Dan (“He’s not a snack, he’s a whole meal!” she crows, eyeing him across the dinner table like a particularly intense bird of prey).
The morning after, it’s time for the weekly ‘commitment ceremony,’ where the experts probe our hungover couples’ relationship issues in front of their peers with unrelenting forensic detail. Then, it’s time for the contestants to decide whether to stay in their relationship for another seven days, or cut their losses (and, presumably, minimise their chances of a clothing deal with Australia’s answer to Pretty Little Thing - most MAFS alumni go on to carve out healthy careers as Instagram stars).
It’s enough to make Love Island look like a Guardian Soulmates event - but it’s undeniably addictive. A new 90-minute episode airs each weekday night on E4, and a quick glance at ratings shows that MAFS is the channel’s most popular show right now.
With lockdown starving most of us of low-key gossip and scandal, it’s not hard to see why this no-holds-barred insight into other people’s relationships would appeal to our nosiest instincts. Though the scenario these couples have walked into is unique, episodes often feel like a cartoonishly heightened reminder of pre-pandemic life.
Some couples instantly hit it off (cricketer Cam and his partner Jules are a delight to watch), some are slow burners and others are slow-moving car crashes. Take Ines and Bronson, for example. From the moment the bride zeroes in on her intended’s eyebrow piercing from across the aisle, it’s obvious that this relationship is dead on arrival. When she learns that her new husband used to be a stripper, it’s another nail in the coffin. Still, she’s able to see some positives. “I feel like cutting this photo in half and leaving myself in, because I look so nice,” she muses over her wedding album.
It soon becomes clear that the deadpan 29-year-old is series six’s designated panto villain, especially when she sets her sights on fellow contestant Elizabeth’s husband Sam. On a group holiday to the GC (that’s the Gold Coast in Aussie parlance, not a reference to Gemma Collins) they enjoy a furtive date at a wine bar, where they bond over a mutual love of olives. “I literally love olives,” one muses. “Me too! No way!” the other says.
Madame Bovary this ain’t, and it’s hardly a spoiler to reveal that a mutual taste in hors d'oeuvres does not provide a strong foundation for their ‘affair.’ Indeed, tradie Sam recently revealed that the couple’s subsequent night of passion was completely staged. “Sorry, this is TV,” he responded to one outraged Instagram commenter. “It didn’t happen.”
By now, we’re all aware that reality TV can be as carefully constructed as our favourite dramas, so it’s not exactly a shock to learn that these larger-than-life set pieces have been staged for our entertainment. What is genuinely surprising, though, is that contestants sign up for MAFS year after year, in the face of some truly woeful success rates. An eighth season is expected to air in Australia later this year, but just a handful of couples from the previous seven series stayed together when the cameras stopped rolling.
That 20- and 30-something Aussies are still queuing up to take part in this mad social experiment is either a touching testament to romantic optimism or proof that dating apps are so dreadful, millennials are willing to risk it all on a high-stakes televised blind date instead. The optimist in me wants to say it’s the former, but either way, it’s hard not to fall for this ridiculous romantic saga. With two reunion specials in the works and series seven rumoured to air in the UK later this year, this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
Married at First Sight Australia is on E4 at 7.30pm weekdays and is available to stream on All4
