Even in a good marriage, being first lady is the worst
BEFOrE every campaign of Barack Obama’s political career, he knew he needed Michelle’s buy-in.
Even though she gave the go-ahead each time, the former president writes in his recent memoir, A Promised Land, she set boundaries around her involvement in any campaign and made it clear when she wasn’t happy. With Obama away from home so often – first in Springfield, illinois, and then in Washington, dC – the bulk of the domestic duties fell to her, he writes, and that’s not how they had envisioned their partnership.
When it came time for his biggest ask – What did she think of him running for president? – Michelle said no. But after some time passed, they discussed it again. When she asked why he needed to be president, Obama said that if he pulled it off, “the world will start looking at america differently,” he writes. “i know that kids all around this country – Black kids, Hispanic kids, kids who don’t fit in – they’ll see themselves differently, too, their horizons lifted, their possibilities expanded. and that alone … that would be worth it.”
His appeal worked. “Well, honey,” she told him. “that was a pretty good answer.”
Michelle’s probing questions and hard lines weren’t an inconvenience for an ambitious politician; rather, they echoed what first attracted Obama to Michelle. “the weird thing was, i liked … how she challenged me and kept me honest.” the lesson here is that, even in a relationship labelled “couple goals” and viewed as highly aspirational, conflict is natural. it’s how you navigate it – not how much of it you have or how far apart you might initially seem – that determines a partnership’s strength.
Overall, Obama’s memoir is a portrait of how an unlikely presidency came to be, how Obama dealt with political adversaries, what he achieved and what was left undone. amid the nitty-gritty dissection of how government does (and doesn’t) work, and doses of yes-we-can idealism, the book also explores what happens to a marriage when one person’s dream thrusts both partners into the public eye. Michelle agrees to a presidential run, but neither she nor Obama fully realises what they’re signing up for. among the unwelcome surprises
