Married at 12, a mother at 13: a Malaysian child bride's story
A Sarawak native from the Penan tribe in Malaysia, Mary, now 14, is just one among hundreds of children from the state's indigenous communities to have married before reaching adulthood.
From 2011 to 2016, the Sarawak Council for Customs and Traditions recorded 1,472 child marriages among non-Muslim bumiputra, a Malay word for "natives".
Mary frequently uses the Malay word bahagia, meaning "happy", as she talks about her marriage while seated on the corridor floor of her family's longhouse in the village of Long Menapa.
The tribe she belongs to, the Penan, were traditionally nomadic but have settled in the village in the longhouses, a traditional form of elongated and narrow housing raised on stilts, where families live side by side. About seven years ago, the tribe converted to Christianity.
A normal day for Mary involves hanging around with her neighbours and relatives, while looking forward to the weekends when her husband returns home from work at an oil palm plantation.
During the week, 18-year-old Franky Peter travels out to work at a palm oil plantation nearby, while his wife Mary, 14, stays at home. Photo: Sherlyn Seah alt=During the week, 18-year-old Franky Peter travels out to work at a palm oil plantation nearby, while his wife Mary, 14, stays at home. Photo: Sherlyn Seah
Mary's husband, Franky Peter, is 18. They married in July 2018 when they were 12 and 16 respectively. After a simple church wedding, Peter moved into Mary's family home. Their relationship began at the start of 2018. Originally from another village, Peter travelled to Long Menapa to play soccer with friends, who then gave him a tour of the village where he met Mary.
"I thought: 'Wow, she is beautiful'. When I went home I could not stop thinking of her," Peter says, laughing. After five months of dating, he popped the question.
While the marriage was out of love, Mary initially refused Peter's proposal as she wanted to continue studying. "I wanted to study further and not marry, but my husband got angry. He asked: 'Why? Because our parents already know that we are together, and to them we are already considered married'."
Mary ultimately said yes due to Peter's persistence, but emphasises she was not upset with him.
She says marriage is a "good thing" for her, even though child marriages have received negative publicity online. "To us, marriages are good. It's our belief that it's God's will, to fall in love and get married. And so be it."
Her grandfather, Tadang Anyop, agrees. "For us the Penan people, this is the way of life since our ancestors' time. As long as these two like each other, they want to get married, let them marry."
The couple makes the most of their time together on the weekend. At their leisure, they wander around cosy Long Menapa by foot, visiting friends in other longhouses. Photo: Sherlyn Seah alt=The couple makes the most of their time together on the weekend. At their leisure, they wander around cosy Long Menapa by foot, visiting friends in other longhouses. Photo: Sherlyn Seah
About three months into the marriage, Mary became pregnant. When she went into labour, she did not know what was happening.
It was July 2, 2019. Mary was resting at home when she felt her stomach stir. "I was surprised. I felt like I was going for a number two, but when I went to the toilet and felt pain in my back, I realised I was actually ready to give birth," she recalls.
As the household descended into chaos, Mary set off for the hospital, with her father at the wheel, accompanied by her husband, sister and grandmother-in-law. But with the hospital 270km and a six-hour car ride away from the village, they did not arrive in time, and Mary's son was born in the cramped vehicle.
Her grandmother-in-law cut the umbilical cord with scissors grabbed hastily from home, while an ambulance waited at the nearest meeting point to ferry Mary to the hospital.
"Everything felt like a blur," says Mary. But there was no stress throughout the process, she adds. "I felt very happy that I had a baby, and, after giving birth, I just felt relieved that the pain was over."
The Penan people view childbearing as a blessing, even for young couples. But Mary adds that she was unaware of the risks of teenage pregnancy. It was only when she went for her first antenatal check-up at a district clinic that she learnt that pregnancy could be harmful for girls her age.
Parenthood has been a whirlwind journey for Mary and Peter. Their love for their son is evident, from the way they call him malaikat (angel), to how their phones' galleries are filled with his photos.
However, one month after the birth of their son, the couple let Mary's cousin adopt him, as she had been unable to conceive after two years of trying. Luckily, she lives in the next longhouse, and Mary and Peter are able to see their son whenever they want.
* Names have been changed to protect identities
Reporting for this article was done in December 2019 in Sarawak, as part of a final-year project at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information at Singapore's Nanyang Technological University. The full package of stories can be viewed at theageofchange.net
This article originally appeared on the South China Morning Post (SCMP).
Copyright (c) 2020. South China Morning Post Publishers Ltd. All rights reserved.
