Jadis Orchestra Black

I am the world’s worst consumer. Not only have I made more than my share of disastrous purchase decisions, I’m also inexplicably luckless: If there’s one defective sample or repack in an inventory, it will find me. I’m also a deceit magnet, and I’m spineless: More than once in my life, I have made abominable purchase decisions solely to please a manipulative salesman or a disinterested third party (read: girlfriend). There is abundant photographic evidence that I don’t know how to shop for clothes, my glasses are wrong for my face because I trust the advice of opticians with bad or no taste, and the less competent/more antagonistic the barber, the likelier I am to say “Great job, I love it” and tip them 50%. If I were smarter, I might actually be rich by now, or at least comfortable.

Thus, I regard my career in consumer journalism as one big cosmic joke. Everything about me fairly screams: Take my advice at your peril.

And yet: Owing in part to my history of mistakes, I have learned a few things about : the art of forcing oneself to acquire an acquired taste. Like kimchi. Or Pimms No.1. (God protect us from Nos.2 through whatever.) Or Ives. Or bad-sounding audio components, the awfulness of which, we are assured, is the price to pay for their excellence in other regards, which usually turn out to be utterly unquantifiable..)