BLACK OPS

OUR DRIFTBOX TIMING equipment is broken. Or at least I think it must be. If it’s right, this BMW M340i xDrive has just ripped down the quarter mile and obliterated its claimed 0-100km/h acceleration time. Four. Point. One? That’s three-tenths quicker than what BMW says it will do. That’s even quicker than a current BMW M3.

And it’s not even an M car. Well, not a real one anyway. It’s the latest job from BMW’s M Performance arm that aims to inject some hot-blooded engineering from the M division into regular cars. This gives us a stepping stone between each range on price and performance. And we’re discovering that you’re getting a lot of the latter.

So we line up again on Heathcote Raceway’s drag strip to try and repeat the magic. I run my left finger up the drive-mode pad, pressing Sport along the way to turning DSC off. I yank the fancy crystal gear lever sideways to engage its Sport shift program and