The Atlantic

The Evolution of a 20-Year Pen-Pal Friendship

“I saw her as who I would have been if I grew up on a farm in Apple Canyon Lake. And I think she saw me as the same thing, but reversed.”
Source: Wenjia Tang

Every week, The Friendship Files features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with a pair of pen pals who have been in touch for more than 20 years, ever since they met one summer when one girl's family was on vacation. They discuss how their correspondence evolved from snail mail to social media, the dry spells when they didn't write much, and how their letters served as windows into their very different upbringings.

The Friends

Jacquie Holland, 29, a financial analyst in Fort Collins, Colorado
Allison Lantero, 29, a law student at the University of Notre Dame in Notre Dame, Indiana

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.


Julie Beck: Take me back to the very beginning. Did you guys meet each other in real life first? Or were you pen pals from the start?

We met IRL. Allison’s grandparents and my grandparents were friends. I think they met in church, and then all of our uncles became friends. I come from a dairy-farming family in

You’re reading a preview, subscribe to read more.

More from The Atlantic

The Atlantic4 min read
Hayao Miyazaki’s Anti-war Fantasia
Once, in a windowless conference room, I got into an argument with a minor Japanese-government official about Hayao Miyazaki. This was in 2017, three years after the director had announced his latest retirement from filmmaking. His final project was
The Atlantic5 min read
The Strangest Job in the World
This is an edition of the Books Briefing, our editors’ weekly guide to the best in books. Sign up for it here. The role of first lady couldn’t be stranger. You attain the position almost by accident, simply by virtue of being married to the president
The Atlantic2 min read
Preface
Illustrations by Miki Lowe For much of his career, the poet W. H. Auden was known for writing fiercely political work. He critiqued capitalism, warned of fascism, and documented hunger, protest, war. He was deeply influenced by Marxism. And he was hu

Related