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  • The Atlantic

    The Evolution of a 20-Year Pen-Pal Friendship

    “I saw her as who I would have been if I grew up on a farm in Apple Canyon Lake. And I think she saw me as the same thing, but reversed.”
    by Julie Beck Mar 08, 2019 7 minutes
    Source: Wenjia Tang

    Every week, The Friendship Files features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

    This week she talks with a pair of pen pals who have been in touch for more than 20 years, ever since they met one summer when one girl's family was on vacation. They discuss how their correspondence evolved from snail mail to social media, the dry spells when they didn't write much, and how their letters served as windows into their very different upbringings.

    The Friends

    Jacquie Holland, 29, a financial analyst in Fort Collins, Colorado
    Allison Lantero, 29, a law student at the University of Notre Dame in Notre Dame, Indiana

    This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

    Julie Beck: Take me back to the very beginning. Did you guys meet each other in real life first? Or were you pen pals from the start?

    We met IRL. Allison’s grandparents and my grandparents were friends. I think they met in church, and then all of our uncles became friends. I come from a dairy-farming family in

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