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CONFIDENTIAL NOTICE: For Internal SuperEvilSkiCorp Distribution Only

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Undoubtedly, we’re all cognizant of the impending threats to our business model: Backcountry skiing is growing more popular, snowboarding has plateaued, climate change is throwing the weather out of whack…and most importantly, our bread and butter—the Baby Boomers—are hanging up their skis for good. Despite their insistence on living forever, they will all soon be dead or at least incapable of much beyond

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