Bluest Dream of Mine

By Alex Liu

Bluest Dream of Mine: A Journey Beyond Boundaries by Alex Liu is a profound exploration of identity, purpose, and the human condition, stretching across the vast landscapes of finance, science, and the intricate tapestry of personal history. Beginning his career in the high-stakes world of finance at Citadel, Liu embarks on an unconventional path that leads him to the realms of medicine and chemistry, seeking a foundation in the tangible truths of the physical sciences. This narrative is more than a career memoir; it delves deep into Liu's philosophical musings, his struggles with mental health, and his quest for understanding within a world framed by the monumental events of World War II. Liu's narrative weaves together the personal and the historical, presenting a tapestry that spans continents and epochs. Through his eyes, we explore the complexities of the Chinese human condition, the enduring legacy of World War II, and the existential battles fought on the fields of mental health and identity. This book is a testament to the power of change, the importance of grounding in reality, and the unending search for meaning amidst the chaos of existence. Dedicated to Rhiannon, Bluest Dream of Mine is not just a reflection on a life lived across the spectra of finance, science, and medicine; it is an invitation to the reader to ponder the larger questions of who we are, where we are headed, and how history, both personal and collective, shapes our journey through life. Alex Liu's narrative is a bold statement on the resilience of the human spirit, a dream blue in its depth and scope, compelling and richly layered, offering insights that resonate with anyone who has ever sought to understand their place in the vastness of history and the intricacies of the human heart.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: May 24, 2024
• ISBN: 9781528963343

Alex Liu

Alex Liu started his career in finance after graduating from Harvard, working at the hedge fund Citadel in Chicago. He went on to attend Columbia University’s program for aspiring doctors and did chemistry research at Tufts University. The transition from finance to science was necessary to tackle the challenges that Alex felt he needed to tackle, as he found in the physical sciences a grounding in reality that was lacking in the subjective world of finance.

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About the Author

Alex Liu started his career in finance after graduating from Harvard, working at the hedge fund Citadel in Chicago. He went on to attend Columbia University’s program for aspiring doctors and did chemistry research at Tufts University. The transition from finance to science was necessary to tackle the challenges that Alex felt he needed to tackle, as he found in the physical sciences a grounding in reality that was lacking in the subjective world of finance.

Dedication

Dedicated to Rhiannon: in the depths of darkness, there came hope.

Copyright Information ©

Alex Liu 2024

The right of Alex Liu to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781528921183 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781528963343 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2024

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd

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Acknowledgement

Acknowledgements to my family for their support.

Introduction

Bluest Valentine

And you know, because of how we met, that is all we ever will be.

Okay – so this was in therapy and the very fact that I was in therapy suggests that I have something I want to share and people may wonder how I am able to have so much to type when they don’t, but the question really is who cares and why do people want to listen? I think I’m mental yeah to be in therapy as slang for a type of viewpoint I take in light of mental illness that I have, but second of all, I think particularly speaking, I see some aspects of the Chinese human condition that is relevant to the framework of all the world history particularly starting from the World War II framework that sets up the modern world today. In other words, I feel that the framework of World War II allied powers fighting for good versus evil still makes sense and is waiting for us as modern nations to find our way back into that framework but in every case it is different and in every case there is this mental element that I can speak of as an expert since I’m actually on these medications for the mind. Why is there actually a mental situation in every case?

Take a step back and see that the world had a phase when allied powers defeated fascist ones, and then the allied powers with capitalism and democracy ran into Islamic radicals who focused on the Christian aspects of allied powers which had previously been sort of private business. As soon as the Islamic radicals challenge the religion of the West as some deep base state that may flip without regard to the way of life of the West continuing in democracy and capitalism, we are in a mental situation since the Islamic radicals are in my view saying the equivalent of they will drive us insane or to adhering to their worldview to see their light, and certainly they will make us see the guilt in our Christian which we may even deny at the beginning since for example me from a Chinese background of immigration, I was born in the USA, but I never thought I was too Christian until I realized the extent to which mental and religious factors are relevant to the history of our times today. The Islamic radicals do not I think have strength to do more than flip the discussion to mental because in the long-run the clash is still in the World War Two lens of allied democracy against the fascist powers that really show a brutality in war in both sides by the end.

However, the introduction of mental factors in this discussion shows a sort of a principled basis of understanding of the past wartime issues like for example with what I know today from all factors, I don’t think at all fascism was there to rise to defeat communism and anarchist communists, and then as fascism happened to get into a misunderstanding with the establishment in Western democracies over who is the real classical West. I think that is total propaganda and it is actually the case that fascists are a branch of communism in the way that is unacceptable by many Americans today when they use the term communism to designate the other, even as many Americans think communism isn’t that bad because I think in the second latter case, Americans mean they met communist people like maybe Mao in China who isn’t that bad, but I wouldn’t consider Mao the best example of global communism since he was more of just a soldier than anything like a liberal. He was as captive to his times as anyone was in China during the start of the Cold War, but I think he did his best to set up a military dictatorship essentially in South China which produced these communist people officials who had a good reputation but they aren’t communism as an ideology which is reflected in ugly terms in America with McCarthyism and still heated discussion on that.

Communism as an ideology is like communism in Europe where it was the opposite of a soldier leading like Mao, it was Stalin with religious overtones where he was debating with the pope essentially arguing the pope didn’t lead any divisions and that morality shouldn’t be applied to his soldiers who marched through so many miles of war: when people talk protectively of soldiers they aren’t acting so much soldier as the peasantry and the summit of the peasantry in many times and situations is the priesthood. So my point is I didn’t live it that way as a descendant of Europe affected by communism but a descendant of China’s communism affected history even as I grew up centred in America, and the truth of it is I see Mao’s group as having shut down the universities in China for a decade to shut down the plaguing of leftist intellectual ideas by the virulent forms of communism which maybe more tellingly show up as same as what Japan was advocating up to World War Two so race equality achieved by political agitation and reform and fighting, like I recall a film depiction of Japan’s officers boasting to younger officers that the navy would be more tolerant and open-minded and progressive on just about everything in officers by the end of World War Two except they lost to America but also China actually.

Well that was communism what they were talking about there, that people share a project for advancing rights and distribute the gains for the common good, while the opposite of communism is to say for example immigrants are not to take over but are to trust democracy to elect someone and not fight for anything unless it is a clear breach of injustice but instead obey for four years in the USA: that view to the opposite of communism from Japan is what I’d call a constitutional monarchy view from China. So Japan passes itself as fascism that made some mistakes but now is something new like pacificism but I don’t buy that, I see them as previously the fascist branch of communism thought-provoking over how to make best of other people’s stuff like how they wanted to invade China’s ancient civilization, like how they wanted to dominate the world economically starting from the Pacific. Then I see Mao’s time in South China as a military dictatorship set up to block communist ideas from Japan and Mao had shut down the universities in the end to do that, but Mao advocated in South China where he was from that people treat his leadership as a constitutional monarchy where the deal was he would lead but not as a personality cult since the constitution says China must be an atheist scientific state so nobody is God or a means to reach God.

So I got here but did I have going into this any idea of how distorted the world’s perception was on communism in Asia? No idea. So the interim was jumping from wrong conclusion to wrong compromise but I tried my best and then it kind of worked as I think humanists believe in the best of humans to make things work, and the best of humans would be the older generation who gave us this world to inherit, so many of them would be of that generation that fought World War Two, and then went on a side expedition to figure out what that communism thing was about but in the end would conclude the communism thing was like an enemy bishop sowing confusing with religion, and that generation of elders would return us back to a World War Two framework for truth.

That the Islamic radicals show up in the middle of this to make it all mental clearly indicates to me communism was never sufficient to make it mental, communism can perpetuate ancient lies like noble fascists resorting to extremes of classicism to save the Western traditional ways of life in forecasts of being overwhelmed, but communism’s induction of confusion doesn’t mean people start to look in mental places like religion to sort of unnaturally process the lies, and instead people at the USA State Department slowly sort out the communist lies. But communism was considered beaten by Reagan in Europe, where I acknowledged Stalin was a clear communist by my adopted principles of reasoning, and we see communism in Asia was never fully there except in the induction of poverty in South China from Mao’s fighting with the communism issue for direction, but as Deng said, communism isn’t poverty, and Mao’s command of state commanded monogamy in relations was designed to prevent the creation of utopian societies in China like the Oneida Community in the USA to go for utopian communism that would exaggerate the household and create sharing of skilled services like being a scientist. Rather you see in the Mao era peasant literacy increase, strong engineering projects like the Three Gorges Dam and China’s scientists invent the nuclear weapon.

So, there was a functioning scientific community in China through the Cold War and thus not a communist shared like religious science overlay that wouldn’t produce much like maybe Italy after World War Two continues to focus on reconciling an ancient out of date religion like Catholic with modern day common sense that there are laws of science with no exceptions, but the Catholics continue to express their view that they can observe and learn and get smarter and keep observing and learning to construct a fable about somebody divine who did some things and came and just left. That’s all great but how’s Italy doing in the global GDP rankings? Not so good right?

Unless you focus on Northern Italy per capita or include Europe into Italy’s calculation as a conglomerate. The laws of science are not about falsification or logical construction which are a false dichotomy of distraction, but are about the idea that human evolved through natural laws that have nothing to do with the divine but have to do with the human, and so we are here to perceive laws if we evolved laws where in both cases there are no exceptions.

So I explained all the science view from China to show that we can say Reagan ended communism in Europe but China was never really communist in the southern major cities except out of political inexpedient but necessary moves by the leaders, and thus, to put an end to that clash with the world narrative, we say China returned the world-fold with communism in China ending with the Beijing 2008 Olympics when China drove out Japanese communist influence from their colonial legacy in north China where they were making stuff up in history like an invented colonial project of Manchukuo and then running to sort of international currency value exchanges to cash in their points of understanding and decrypting China’s ancient civilization for the world to use for their interests.

Most of it wasn’t even right what they cashed in, but I understand Japan uses what they learned from China to define a sort of Eastern way, and that’s fine by me if they stay peaceful, just if you ask for example Koreans who suffered from their interventions, I don’t really think they the Japanese will stay peaceful without encouragement and so I don’t think they are staying peaceful now because of any reason other than that they have to. Koreans present a data point of people still weak enough to be exploited by Japan and international forces while Chinese are too large to push around now generally speaking, and for a people that had been historically targeted for division exactly because we may be too large, of course we rush ahead to become a country of mass proportions if people were going to do some gimmick to prevent us from natural recovery to what we should be, and call it USA hegemony to prevent people from reaching an arbitrarily defined power level that would threaten the USA as it isn’t all about the USA, disgusting, some Chinese would say. The Chinese would add they are sending people to the hospital to care for in China and all we hear from the USA is this itch to compare who is bigot as an excuse to fight. Nobody is the bigot. And nobody is a bigot but thinking so makes one thus.

Anyway, so I think I got this Chinese thing working where now I can look at the USA and conclude a few things. First, if the USA broadcasts a showdown with China over some low-level conflict between interested militaries through the USA media, I tend to view that as an Iran versus USA thing because recall I didn’t detract from a world history centric viewpoint that would say communism came after fascism but both were defeated or lost their use and went away. Thus, I don’t deny that world history now is facing an Islamic challenge, just see I think USA and China are in it together facing an Islamic mental challenge as sure to heck I would love to be declared sane enough to receive less medication as these drugs kick my butt all day. However, I recognize in my position with dual loyalty to China and the USA, I have to make sure I get the medication I need if there’s something and there is, because knowing China and USA very well doesn’t mean I understand Islam well and why those airplanes come in. I mean I can hear Islam out on Palestine and Iranian suffering or something but I can’t react to their ideas since while the logic is there, I can’t agree with the conclusions when I see other Americans right there in front of me and I don’t believe other Americans would be that bad with things they don’t tell me.

So I admit there are Chinese folk who are Islamic in values and interested in helping Iran against the world dialogue so they are interested in a different view on terrorism than the USA hegemony view that Bush laid out way back then when this all happened as a response. Thus, you see I’m not Prince of China even if I can take a Chinese view, or I’d go in there after fascism and communism from Japan had impoverished and undereducated my country, and fire all the Islamic people just because I live in Boston now in the USA and my interests come above theirs. No, I can’t override the interests of other people like that even if I were indeed the Prince in a constitutional monarchy system in China, laid out with Changsha’s Mao’s leadership in the hallowed history of China’s recovery to a new China in the last 70 years which everyone is proud of even if in the last 700 years Europe and its historical satellites vastly outpaced us since Song Dynasty China fell after inventing paper and gunpowder. So, where we are on a mental level right now is the World War Two framework that is my flagship mental approach, and I believe that’s why I’m relevant that I can explain how the world can move to that framework and solve many problems but the moves will be adjustments of the mental, so I anticipate not just attitude changing but that understandings across people will change in reciprocally confirmed ways.

Philosophically speaking I noticed that when I respect other people’s constraints in dealing with me, I give room to their tribe so to speak of people who think like them to judge me with benefit of doubt and give me a better interpretation of what I’m doing than I really deserve credit for but that’s good as I can return the favour to judge them optimistically if I have to later. So a German-American woman may ask me to not make it so Chinese versus everyone else as that is intrinsically polarizing and creates almost a romantic pressure to pair up between Chinese and everyone else and that interferes with her sense of the sacred being separate from the profane as she prefers only to make sacred friends and talk sacred things. So that’s fine. I respect that constraint and so respect the Catholic religion.

Then there is the constraint that I should not go to a restaurant in search for services but only in search for trade like money for food and not for talking or using the restaurant as if it is a government service for restrooms and chatting with other customers. That’s fine, I can respect Hindu moral admonitions on the economy like how Hinduism says people who quit a job before the project is done should pay damages to the boss and a boss who fires an employee before the project is done should pay damages to the employee. So when I talk of these aspects I’m talking of the mental with American experiences of mine so in the Hindu case I am talking of Indian-Americans.

Well, anyway, with all this respect for religions, that is all good, but where is it going? I think it is going to World War Two like I said because of the return of China to the world, and so I view the German-American woman I talked about as mentally disrupted by Islamic radicals today, to the point where she will lose control of her country being the Democratic Party territory to other Germans down the road in some sense of meaning. So the reason I am not in line with the Dems in America despite being from a typically liberal immigrant background is I went to Harvard and graduated in 2008 with a math degree, and so I tend to be just a little more conservative given what I saw at Harvard which I think was world capitalism but mostly not built by China, so that world capitalism is mostly on the American Dollar but see China famously doesn’t want to use the American Dollar as much and so you see maybe by accident me not bowing to the American capitalism in that I refuse to stop fighting Americans of the bad Confederate variety who also use the USA Dollar and try to hide under it. Instead, I reject the dollar as I don’t always accept it especially if it is from a Confederate. Now the laws say the dollar is legal tender in the USA but I list my prices as ten times higher if the USA Dollar is used and I only give a discount on the USA Dollar side on personal favours so I don’t grant them many times. There are all sorts of mall booth vendor tricks.

Anyway, so this is where we are now in history that China cleaned itself up before the USA solved the Confederate problem and China I think is mostly uninterested in USA relationships to Europe, so China with me just views all USA in a bucket we want to guide to the FDR moral leadership at the start of World War Two as a stable point, and we view UK and France for example as a separate buckets. Something like Canada would be viewed as mostly under the UK bucket but I understand if things are different now. Yet using common sense as Chinese I’m not going to pretend like Canadians just appeared out of nowhere in history. So we are here now to be like 1861 with a strong China but for this comparison to hold, how would China have cleaned itself up by the 1800s to allow us to make the appropriate comparison to history today?

No falling to Mongol invasion but that’s so 1300s for China. No falling to Japan and the Manchus tag team but that’s so 1500s. It must be instead of the disastrous Opium Wars dominating dynamics from 1837 through 1860s, we Christianized China in the same period like the European Council of Trent in 1545-1563 to internally reform the European Catholic approach first in response to complaints and protests to take away their steam, and so with respect to China, we responded to the internal Christian Taiping unrest around the 1860s by liberalizing notes on the European religions that we took as elites in Chinese, so I had plenty of notes from Christian studies and Christian rock and roll popular culture that probably helped me excel in studies in school, and I released that to all Chinese because if they want to be Christian so bad, they should know what they are getting into based on my notes. This release of Chinese notes on Christianity from the outside had the effect of ending the caste system in China that I didn’t even know was there with low-caste Chinese being forced to accept world as is without any notes.

And then with the release, China became Christian where I think Christian just means they believe in the divine right of the ideal spiritual monarch as a symbol of the state but in terms of the scripture of Christianity and my notes on it for example, I think what I did was actually propagate Buddhism like at the end of Chinese Journey of the West classic, Buddhist scriptures are spread through China after a 16-year pilgrimage to India by a Chinese monk. So ,I think we actually made Chinese Buddhist because Buddhist is like the notes on the West from the outside with a keen eye from observation including even living among the West as an immigrant but always as an independent-minded immigrant who doesn’t play along to rules he doesn’t understand.

However we call all notes on Christianity not just Buddhism but Christianizing China because in any situation with harmony in two ways of seeing God like Jewish and Christian in the Western Christendom way, it always seems Christian culturally. In any two religion system I think of true harmony that system can accept Christian cultural art and even artificial intelligence generated modern art, and so in China we have firstly Taoism as what we learned from an expanding web of quantitative approaches to USA liberal arts colleges so like Harvard studies, and secondly, Buddhism as our notes on Christianity from the outside so like church studies plus especially high school story studies of literature. The openness to literature angles comes from the Buddhism study of Christian from the outside fitting perfectly to let an immigrant understand his coming-of-age in high school and relate that view to Christians in America in that journey in school who may not know anything about Taoism and Buddhism except that I can tell you it’s like light and crystals like snowfall and makes us think of God. And so on the Eastern Taoist and Buddhist pathways, we don’t judge other people’s ways on religion if it is evident they are making effort and all their effort is just for God not for extending fallacies in reasoning to science. The so-called idol of Buddha is just a giant snowfall. It’s very natural.

Anyway, if we go back to the German-American woman and her religion of Catholicism that restricts my sacred and profane views and her Democratic Party, in context of the Civil War timing that seems implied, I would think she finally decides to go to join the Trump Republicans like Lincoln in the North as the Christianized Chinese like me are just observing now like alien vessels positioned above Earth wondering whether or not to intervene. She would make the move to join the Lincoln Republicans not because of me but I can observe it because we crossed paths with similar nearby topics on our minds while younger. Obviously, she makes the decision to join the Republicans because she heard at some level the Chinese have made ground in recovering from mental illness in an individual in me but also as a group working together.

So she hears that God has moved on to make the Chinese the chosen people, and that is unacceptable to her as someone who could have been chosen religiously from her point of view, but instead chose to help Germany instead only to see God move on from her difficulties with Germany to go work with the Chinese, so you can see here her conception of God is science-based but also myth-based that God is with whoever is making the most science discoveries at the leading edge which may not be in scientific journals but may be just in some outlet that connects to everything else.

Yeah, so the Chinese recovered from death of mental illness and are back, so what are you gonna do, what are you gonna do, if the Chinese come for you, bad Chinese, bad Chinese, I sing like the song bad boys about the cops in the USA like how some Irish guys suddenly talk like they jump out of reality pull a fiddle do a little dance and sing a little bit and finish up. We didn’t destroy death we just shipped death to the mental ward and we became sort of like his psychiatrist to change roles. That being said, the advantage of the Chinese side with two religions may be that we can believe in scientific laws with no exceptions but there is an aspect of disadvantage in that we remain outsiders in that information doesn’t propagate that way to include us with the laws as they are and human beings as they are; so for example a different way to say what I’ve been presenting is given a nation like the USA, religion is how people talk internally like they usually speak to their kids about Jesus and moral lessons and faith, but literature is how the people talk externally to show their side to immigrants who come here, yet the Chinese come here and adhere to the external-orientation of literature like how I said I embrace high school literature like JD Salinger writings on the stream-of-consciousness and then the Chinese confirm their external views of Christendom nations by learning Buddhism which I claim is just notes on the Western particular Christianity from the outside.

However the Chinese are not treated to the inside so it is unwise for us to lower our defences to treat everything from a coincidence with people as God talking to us for example because information doesn’t propagate that way to include us. To illustrate my point, I claim Buddhism in India may have started as notes on Christianity from the outside by Indians like Siddhartha but then it became clear India would be integrated into the West as insiders and so Siddhartha’s clan gave those notes to the Chinese to continue as documented in the famous Journey the West classic in China about the 16-year pilgrimage to China. This situation may arise from the common sense I point out of some Indian women who look exactly like Greek women if the Indian women dye their hair for example, but with the laws as they are and human behaviour as it is, we just be Chinese and don’t try to change things we don’t understand.

So the Indian-American man who told me not to use people for services but to trade instead also taught me his Buddhism since it lives in him as his history and heritage from India. To go though and to say you want to understand all the religions: that isn’t my purpose as a writer. I do so incidentally to browse the religions. I do though want to understand all the world’s literatures as when a younger man in full health I wanted to travel everywhere in the world and be a guest in all the homes, and so now I try to do so in books instead. I don’t think there will be a USA Civil War as the Democrats have nothing to hide if they like China and maybe were planning on not freeing Chinese slaves or something, being Ivy League Chinese math folk actually mostly in northern cities with the Ivy League university settlements, as I don’t think we need to take offense if there’s plenty of China for all including those who identify as Harvard Chinese now as free men, and see they as Democrats didn’t take offense at me for my refusal to accept USA dollars from Confederate attitudes.

And we see the Republicans still have their moral German-American higher ground and so the political map now naturally shifts to the 1870 Franco-Prussian War as a set of issues but I see that as between Chicago and Toronto of the Great Lakes cities in USA and Canadian dialogue where it’s like that AC/DC song Who Made Who? as in we aren’t entirely sure who is French or who is German, but certainly the French side is the heroic one if we were to replay the myth of that war, so I would say probably Chicago knows me a little better as the French, and so Chicago isn’t Republican which we just said was German-American. Instead, Chicago is Obama campaign.

And maybe it truly is Putin’s Kaliningrad Oblast folk in parts of Toronto, since that would make them Prussian, but I think the majority of good folk in Toronto are singing the USA anthem at hockey games when the fuse goes out for some reason. And we hear them. Thanks Canada. So if it’s Obama in there, I think we could venture a classical moment and say in presentable robust terms, it’s NATO versus Putin for a free Prussia with Obama’s NATO being Rome and Putin being Mongolian Empire so these are the dudes we evicted from China but they have become like a different variety of mental illness coming for the West where I reach to personal experience to explain. The recent break for me mentally was 2010 so the second year of the Iranian Green Revolution, and I’ve gotten over that so maybe a free Persia movement exists in China actually even as it clashes with USA unfortunately through China’s low level military encounters with the USA, but for the second wave mental it must be concurrent to 2012 court encounters by me protesting my condition mostly, revealing Putin does have a sharp element to him since in 2012 I think I showed if China is largely innocent, it must be Japan that is crazy to blur the lines of justice and uncontrolled behaviour, and that ultimately shows truth to the Mongol narrative.

The Chinese if you believe our history are said to have defeated the Mongols through assimilating them, but I understand now that’s still a lot of work to defeat them and that doesn’t defeat the other Mongols outside China set on conquering Europe so what the Chinese really did was like the equivalent of moving the USA power from Harvard to West Point military academy to confound Mongol rule since the Mongols could control China’s intellectual merchants easily as outside rulers with the sword but the Mongols could not control China’s officer corps if it focused as proto-industrialists and with this we achieve two aims as Song Dynasty China was said to right before the industrial revolution, so a true defeat of Mongols would be to make an industrial revolution in China but in the 1300s to show an increase in iron production domestically.

If that had happened, we wouldn’t be talking USA history anymore though, or even the Franco-Prussian War, but we would be talking about the survival of the Byzantine Empire as NATO Turkey ally to the USA. However, let us focus on the USA interpretation of field of action since we can mark the Chinese accounting of history from 1300-1870 as just building a lot of homes for Chinese to live in so to create rom for a large population growth which happened anywhere in absence of a Chinese ability to do a real industrial revolution back then, so the Chinese may have done something right which is they did what their said they did so they integrated their Mongolian rulers to reason on Chinese norms to remove the façade of tyrannical rule.

Anyway, if we go back to 1870s thinking, if we think China was more or less innocent on where the world was headed in 1870, we’d think something was off about Japan and maybe that Japan had turned Mongol then in the Fall of the Song Dynasty in 1271CE but it’s hard to probe these areas as China because Korea and Taiwan remain hot spots for China and that’s because Japan controls those regions today with USA muscle enforcing International Law there today.

So the overall setup is Japan is Mongol yes from unclear circumstances but for USA muscle to be used there it must be something openly opposed to USA being Putin controls NATO ally Turkey, so the SAT high school aptitude test metaphor is Japan to China is like Turkey to the USA. My theory would show that Mongolian Empire Putin’s control of Japan would be insufficient to defend Japan overall but if he controls Turkey, he can use NATO to defend Japan from China, and so this makes for odd conclusions including if many things travel under the flag of NATO or general pan-West patriotism in the USA itself. So that China is free and the USA is free from Civil War partisan politics problems doesn’t mean NATO is free--NATO is closest related to the UK Empire today but it isn’t the same, just you’d have a hard time justifying cheering against NATO if you are a generally western values person from Anglo-American roots for example. That isn’t the case with me as I introduce Chinese ideas so I can say that true, the USA is coming from Greco-Roman Egyptian roots, but in the current set up I think we are believing in the book overall of all books so there can be no confusion as the definition of a book is that it isn’t just mappings but takes you from point A at the beginning to point B at the end so I think there’s no ambiguity intended.

With this said, I don’t think there will be a Franco-Prussian War outright in politics maybe but there will be tensions that I notice as just a Chinese observer and that may be really more between Athens and Istanbul than anywhere else as we are still in a mental realm here and we will be as long as Japan is on China’ conscience and it will be. It will be as long as Asian Americans in America push against NATO before we can repair these problems and they will not as China but as individuals who are Asian American. My own experience is not worth talking about but when it affects other people it becomes mental and becomes worth talking about if the environment is mental that we live in due to the challenge of Islamic radicals to the USA order which isn’t just religious war as society dealt with that a long time ago. The new challenge rather is religion outside of nation states so like financial wars but it gets tipped into that state by the phenomenon of religious radicals.

Otherwise, plenty of people fall in love and go crazy and risk everything and lose everything I think and plenty of people go to Harvard and get ordered by their world to leave. If it is indeed true that Asian Americans in the USA are clashing with things that travel under NATO, then we return to the World War Two Framework I talked about where China is here to move the NATO Allies including Canada, France and the UK to the right places, and we cannot condone Asian Americans if they side with Japan outside of this framework. If they sided with Japan as a country that wants to move on and repent that’s fine. But I’m getting a sense that isn’t the case here.

So I end up siding with what is the weaker party with all things in place here in the local environment, and that is of course the Wall Street taking on the Catholic Church where Wall Street starts French, the Catholic Church German. So I gather if I am here maybe I truly didn’t do too well on Wall Street, but I found out the USA is a globalist country by design so I didn’t do too badly once I joined the Democrats who could enable me, and on the whole, there is a name for Wall Street, I think that’s the Greeks. So as a Chinese I reflect on Roman history and how the Catholic Church was built in Rome and I view that whole process as the building of a Church on the Roman Colosseum legacy of bloodsports so something about the religious design of ethics based on criminal law applications, but the true Greeks in Rome would oppose all that and do Christian things like save babies left to die in hills by latter day Greek Spartan equivalents, so maybe the Greeks were like the Roman police, then the Roman power was emanating from the Colosseum athletes and gladiators like the Roman Army.

And I think there is some insulation between Chinese and that Roman army today, so Wall Street itself doesn’t let Chinese run into direct contact with Catholic Army guys in America, for fear of a direct clash even if Chinese think they get both sides of the USA Civil War as Republicans and Democrats and Chinese like me think we even joined the Democrats and worked with them, since the reality must be really we only worked with the Greeks but that was a journey and nobody skips grades in such a journey but it is one I have no regrets on taking.

But yeah if Wall Street takes on the Catholics with their differing ideas of what is risk, Greek fighting Roman is Franco-Prussian War in 1870, where you’d think USA can overpower such dynamics to side with the France if both USA parties are with an anachronistic powerful Chinese back then in 1870, but actually the East Coast is less important now so the USA police Greek side warns off the Chinese and thus holds back the USA society from testing the USA’s own army loyalty to mainstream USA ideals on a cultural split across many levels that can described as a Greco-Roman clash, so this obviously means concurrent to a Franco-Prussian War in 1870, the USA has a power clash internally but does not wish to make it structural like laws versus nation, so instead it becomes Obama’s Midwest Army level versus the USA Southeast Army level.

Thus in conclusion, I was wrong to have concluded we were already past the Civil War but right in that I am best modelled as Chinese not American, and you can see the key point here is that I interacted with Greek legal level on the Northeast Coast who prevent me from having direct interaction with the USA Southeast Army religious body level, and this benefits the Northeast because effectively we mobilized the legal system in the Northeast to sue the Southeast at the same time as we politically fight them in democracy with debates and army like how Trump is already being legally charged in courts in New York. For me to risk direct contact with the army of the Southeast is to risk the ability of the USA to claim me as part of their legal team to sue Trump in America means as maybe the Southeast has ways to deal with me to sweep me out of agreement with the Northeast legally speaking since I show as Chinese.

So then we see the army part of the Northeast is Wall Street, but the army part of the Midwest is hedge funds space which is opaque and does have something to do with Israel today which I gather is just a different attitude from white people to treat Europe’s dealings with Islam as the problem, and to kind of let off the Japanese or treat as them as non-representative of Asia which makes them become my issue as China. So a lot of what seems prejudice or racism to an Asian man growing up in America like me expecting a clean slate is actually not racism but just the fact that Asian people in the past used similar modes of expression for a while to immigrants here who are Asian and then attacked everyone as Japan, and so Asians are treated badly or at arms-length if you fit some profiling. But the people who go for Israel don’t treat Asians that way so it’s nicer at the beginning and the interactions run deeper.

In truth though, at the scale of the problems we are looking at here, it seems the new Greek layer so to speak of Northeast laws directly clashes with Asian American interest group stances because the Greek layer I helped build in my life experiences that let me speak so freely here--that Greek layer is based on submission to Jesus for me and so there’s an Islamic values aspect of as there were Chinese Islamists like the sailor Zheng He in the Ming Dynasty which fought a serious war against Japan in the Koreas from 1592-1598. The problem is Japan’s view and the Asian American view to be honest would see the Islamic submission as favouring Jewish or even adopting a Jewish position which is unacceptable to modern Japan’s conception of what Asia is, and there are technical factors here like how the Quran Islamic holy book came directly from the Jewish interpretation of the Torah and not from the New Testament, but most of all, the issue at hand is that I am not exercising my self-defence rights against the most rigid so let us say Catholic or Roman masses of the Northeast to correct myself, because I am accepting an unequal relationship with what they perceive as a continuing God they see in me, and I do that because it is acceptable to me as a form of chivalry towards their hosting of me in America with occasional guidance here and there.

The key point here is the submission where the submission to God then must be submission to their educational system when I have another one working fine being the Chinese one. Jesus then is education and works out of education so what is the magical God-like brilliance that comes out of education and has to do with loving? It must be role-playing like how as a little kid I liked to do imaginative roleplaying story games with other kids as we played board games of related topics like Dungeons and Dragons choose your own adventure games. When one person finds another person’s voice in your head and dreams, you’ve attained that Christian level, I think. So that’s like the magic of role-playing is mathematics the prize of basic education, and it’s embodied in the loving aspect of what Jesus was remembered as a teacher, because I guess Jesus was the first to prove that there was an infinite in math so there’s a God and it has to do with love which I don’t think though he showed was infinite in his time on Earth as documented.

So see me, I defer to the Western maths as I know even though individually math guys may be dumb as rocks in the West just from seeing how they do facial expressions, collectively they work together to the point they always have someone really sharp there knowing the math or math reasoning better than me and see the key point is they are convinced Jesus is real in their heads today from doing sports together or something that aligns their minds together. I don’t have that faith as I’m not able to be that good at math in their way to observe people who stand for certain ways of thinking or reasoning or belief or loving or sense of personality. I can only generally appeal to Jesus when I feel a sense of love but that’s like in a story. But my deference to Western math is viewed as submission by the Japanese type Asian Americans and thus unacceptable I think by their principles which I know too as I have known their way for a period of time as they occupy this world too.

That’s because I do generate Eastern Chinese math which doesn’t go to competing with them to generate alternative role play or sports coordination or something; instead, I turn the generative Eastern Chinese math back to God which I perceive and end up anticipating what the Western math people will do or say, and so then it’s easier to defer to them if I see their religiously motivated demands coming. So, my Eastern Chinese math is adventure travel I think but I only just got started since previously when I was younger doing Asian American things like Japan’s famous leisure travel I was not doing it with math, but just taking in wonders and awe like anybody else would. Adventure travel starts with a swim across the English Channel in metaphor and then I realize what I mean by turning Chinese math I generate back to God is that it’s not about love for me which is human to me, but about creation.

So God gave the Western folk that love thing which motivated all this risk taking and science and ships and buildings and war machinery and valour and medicine, and nursing, and spacecraft, but for the Chinese we got one thing so far which is the creation thing and that is we don’t believe in luck, so we are lucky in what we don’t believe, and eventually we figure out why things are happen if we can’t be satiated by the fool’s paradise of luck explanations. Now you do see Western folk give up on the Chinese and say it’s in fact luck. That’s when they go to fight the Trump in the Southeast, since what is the matter that makes Western folk fight each other if I can deal with the Western folk fine up here? I can deal with Northeast Wall Street political army, Midwest hedge fund political army, and Northeast legal army with the last group more like what I need to defer to so Northeast spooks since they are all about the law in the end. Nothing magical in what they do except they understand the reasons for things a little better so they are like the London School of Economics motto.

Well, anyway, obviously the Asian Americans can get along with the Southeast Trump way while they aren’t satiated if I map things to history like to 1870 and say it’s after 1865 so everyone should be happy as the Civil War is over so nobody should fight. So therefore, I think Southeast Trump is not submissive so he may blame Islam but at the same time he seems to be okay with Asian Americans where to get along with him they’d have to submit to him in other ways just looking at his attitude. For a clean non-Islamic angle though I go back to saying the Midwest hedge fund way is Israel and open-minded on Asia and softer on Asia as a whole than average. I mean I can view it as China should have contained Japan better in the shared neighbourhood but we try our best and sometimes we don’t know how or don’t have the means to do the noble thing.

So the submission I’m showing towards Western maths even when I can do Eastern maths is same as what creationist philosophy does to defer to and not argue with Western Christian constructs, so China’s economy basically does not seek to overturn the USA stock market but to build its own stock market, and that net effect from just picking up signs and cues means we copy the USA including its corporate setup when we could do it our own way and just know we can outcompete the USA then and overturn the USA. However, we slow down to copy the USA instead especially on corporate ways which are really uniquely culturally American. This type of submission is not Islamic since I don’t want to get involved to disturb the outlook of Northern pro-Israel Lincoln Republicans who don’t find history funny as they are serious people, so I call it the UK line of the courage to be loyal, so China’s loyalty to the USA comes about from immigration factors yes but also a recognition that the Christian God helped China when we didn’t have it together like the Earth sheltered us before we returned to the Sun as dwellers of the Sun. The Earth shelters everyone but we knew we came from the Sun that ultimately powers the Earth that is like the USA while the Sun is like China. Taoism includes nature studies.

Anyway, yeah then to explain Trump’s thing of being able to accommodate Asians who don’t want to be submissive to Western maths but yeah are okay to let Trump lead in his sort of verbally bombastic banner, I think that’s because Asian Americans who don’t identify Chinese on choice are fundamentally in another sports tradition from the West Jesus ways which I can see as a sports education tradition, and so yeah I believe it that Asian Americans from Japan have a sports God they uphold and maybe that’s the same as the Islamic God by virtue of where everyone is positioned. Submission by itself doesn’t mean much though except the Asian Americans seeing my submission as unacceptable just means Asian Americans think their sports God doesn’t want me to hold back my Eastern maths when by their logic, China should have upon affronts from America shown who is the boss man by now. But there’s nothing to show as nothing is recorded because there is no incident and not desire to make such an incident on our part.

Then I would say Trump’s use of barbaric sounding language could be viewed as his submission to his God since he elevates his choice and needs above the audience before him. And finally, the sports Gods from Asia Japan would see the Chinese holding back of our Eastern maths the same as not using magic while Japan maths maybe is more sports not magic, so the dichotomy is sports versus magic, where Jesus had both sports and magic miracles for the Western sports folk. However, the anti-West Asian Japan crew may be more heavily weighted to sports and not to magic. So it’s like we start all on the Horde Orc side in the Blizzard popular Warcraft game when I was a kid, but then upon acquiring fire and lightning, I make temples of fire and lightning which use up almost all of the credits I got upon acquisition of those new talents. I think this is like if the Ming Dynasty Chinese didn’t collapse in 1644 so we held onto the turf under what later became Vladivostok in what looks like outer Manchuria, so we make a tiger community in China inclusive of Prussian Catholics where what they believe is their business in Church recitals since I think I understand nonfiction spirit animals just got to believe things, while I am a fiction spirit animal as a dragon so I don’t need to believe anything, I’m an atheist by choice in that I chose to be born this way I think at some level.

If we go to Japan’s point of view, it is a little more difficult, but when I talk to Asian Americans there is nothing but warmth and good feeling on the whole. As to where I left this north versus south thing in the USA on Trump, I think I did my duty to break that up actually, and what you have left is the Asian American Japan centric view so the tension is the bad USA and how it goes after the Asian Americans in Japan redemptive formation, where you ask where the Chinese are now, well the original Chinese are with me now in China’s view, so I think Asian Americans naturally are going to try to help Canadians among what are known as poor white communities in the USA but they will run into white nationalists just like back in 1937, the Japanese invaders ran into Chinese Nationalists but that’s a repeat or a pattern that people have to process as human beings since of course in 1937 I think the Chinese were right and the Chinese helped set up the United Nations in 1945 and I believe in 1937, the Chinese city of Shanghai had surpassed Tokyo in GDP or was just really important economically so China was already coming back and just chose to deal with communism in the open while openly fighting all those problems. We were not a basket-case by then. Sometimes there’s talk of development but that’s Asians in the USA really speaking for Japan’s somewhat difficult situation right now inclusive of their bet on diaspora living on a large scale.

Chapter 1

Forbidden

All right, hold on – things get forbidden in society because other people know more things than they tell you so we don’t want to go around assuming other people don’t know anything. So in my case here recall the therapist young woman was the impetus for a lot of this soul-searching on why I was out of touch with society on mental matters like religion can be, because she said I had crossed some lines to push a relationship inappropriate to the therapeutic setting but I never intended that, though after she started pointing it out I could see why she did. But see I had like momentum in that direction so I couldn’t like back out while saving face and furthermore, at the same time I felt if she didn’t handle it that way when she was in control of the situation, I wouldn’t have been outed with that much raw emotion behind me that I had been trying to hide as I too knew it wouldn’t work on face value. The raw emotion there was because I had been lonely a long time from mental matters and she really did come into my mind and matter scenario there to understand my head and what was going on for her professional responsibility.

Anyway, tell you what, I think what I was talking about with respect to China in the last segment with Taoism and Buddhism as what they meant to me – all that is what China means to my ancestors and explains how I ended up here in the USA with parents from China deciding immigrate here as I wasn’t part of that decision seeing as I was born here. Sometimes in the year past, the parents would talk hypothetically about what would have been if they had tried out the USA or Canada and then moved back to China when I was a minor and had to go along with them in order to participate in China’s boom.

Thus, to understand the China dimension first that dominates my life story if it were to come up, I went to explain a few things about how a normal Chinese family could prosper in the end and come to America after living under Mao and this is important because people sometimes look at propaganda posters from China during the Cold War and don’t know what’s going on there but it seems like communism. Anyway, it is not as superficial as it appears though that I just embrace China because my family is from there and ignore doing the noble thing for the USA which is to reciprocate the kindness shown here over time.

Instead, I argue on the China civilization lens I championed up to now, in my particular setting, we seem mobile as people through history with past lives moving us around through a history of past lives where here I’m thinking like the British actress Rachel Weisz in the Mummy film series with her past life in Egypt’s court fighting it out and not necessarily Buddhist reincarnation theories involving people reborn as animals even. However, there are definitely multiple past lives over time if I let me theory here naturally unfold. So my theory is that my family seems to have the underlying structure of Marcus Linius Crassus’s Roman Legion stumbling into China after being defeated by the Parthians in today’s Iran territory, where that legion was destroyed but some survivors may have made it to China.

See back before the age of mass media, many times, people didn’t know what people looked like as a helpful Starbucks really bright guy told me before I lost my mind to a nervous breakdown one time and blamed the world on him, so maybe the real Marcus Linius Crassus hid in battle formations and escaped to China since he was pretending to be just a regular soldier while his poor body double got molten gold poured down his throat by those cruel Parthians to impart a lesson on the Romans that would set the stage for a bad afterlife maybe. The Parthians think ahead.

Anyway suppose that history happened as it was recorded, and Marcus Linius Crassus who was Julius Caesar’s mentor stumbled into China, then he would grow old in China potentially serving as a mercenary for China or even joining with Huns to fight China a little bit, and then just die, but his soul doesn’t return to Rome in this theory but reincarnates into China again and again through time until it’s 1982 and Crassus’s spirit becomes one with my dad leaving China for New Jersey to study physics in the USA where of course there is prior reincarnation to set the stage but the reincarnation is confirmed with that departure from China in 1982 to start anew in the