Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Sage How to be a confident, elegant, visionary, authentic and witty woman

By Susanna Atkinson

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Sage is a transformative journey into becoming your best self. This concise yet powerful guide equips women with the tools to embrace confidence, cultivate meaningful relationships, and lead with authenticity. Covering everything from personal growth and self-improvement to building lasting friendships, a happy marriage, and a balanced social life, this book offers practical strategies for achieving health, happiness, and impact. Whether you are navigating challenges or seeking inspiration, this book is your companion to creating a life of purpose, grace, and success.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Susanna Atkinson
• Release date: Jan 23, 2025
• ISBN: 9798230257103

Book preview

By Susanna Atkinson

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 Autonomy

Proactive vs Passive

Be needed vs be liked

Small kindness, big impact

Offer a helping hand whenever you can

Worldly success brings freedom

Back in action

There’s always a way

Chapter 2 Retrospection

Put your poker face on

Life could be too harsh

Socializing freedom

Leaving some space for nothing

Wealthy friend vs Poor friend

Just be relaxed

What’s you weak point

Chapter 3 Self-discipline

Workouts works better than plastic surgeries

You are what you eat

Deep work

Don’t Be Intimidated by Low-Quality Hard Work

Worry box

5 Skills for self-improving

Be a minimalist

The key one-hour in the morning

Say No to pretentious self-discipline

Chapter 4 Revision

Don’t take it personal

Time is never kind to anyone

Stand up for yourself

No more apprentice mindset

Shake off your arrogance

Never act like a people-pleaser

Chapter 5 Self-consistent

Tips for public speech

3 witty answers

Say Yes to kindness

Be logic and cut to the chase

Fake it until make it

Get the motive

Listen more, talk less

Altruism in communication

Chapter 6 Effortlessness

Turn conflicts into collaborations

Break the silence

6 traits of healthy relationships

Upward Socializing

Just not the right time to let it go

Skip the weak spot

The truth about friendships between adults

Keep something to yourself ONLY

Chapter 7 Authenticity

Be resilient

I’m not a baby-sitter

It’s OK to be misunderstood

Elegance will always be preferred

Chapter 8 Self-Healing

Zero tolerance to nonverbal abuse

Run away when marriage makes you a maid

Choose your future husband wisely

Dating vs Marriage

Finding self takes efforts 

Who’s mama’s favorite kid

Life’s full of surprises only if you live long enough

It’s supposed to pay off

Chapter 9 Confidence

Happiness is a dog’s tail

Truth about love

Vanity, Satan’s favorite sin

Family won’t hold you back, but chores will

Manage family like you run your business

Chapter 10 Freedom

Get rid of the helpless anger

See yourself through yourself

The impossible triangle

Dignity in marriage

Don’t mess with messes

Chapter 1

Autonomy

PROACTIVE VS PASSIVE

This is the only thing I regret.

It happened 20 years ago when I was 24. At an industry conference, I met a head-hunter who asked if I was interested in interviewing for a secretary position to the general manager at a very prestigious company. It was an incredible opportunity, but it also meant giving up my stable job and leaving the familiar city I lived in. I hesitated for a long time and eventually backed out. The reason, looking back now, seems utterly ridiculous—I had rejected myself before even attending the interview. I doubted everything about myself, from my height to my English skills, from my personality to my professional qualifications.

The head-hunter, a man about my age, couldn’t understand my decision. He said to me, Susanna, before others reject you, could you please not reject yourself first? Could you be a bit more proactive? No opportunity is going to beg you repeatedly.

I felt ashamed but still didn’t take the job. I continued as a journalist in a routine manner.

Five years later, when I was 29, the founder of that same company visited my city on a business trip. By coincidence, I was assigned to interview him. I listened as he talked about the company’s rapid growth, flipping through stacks of background materials, and felt a flood of emotions.

At the end of the interview, I joked, Five years ago, I almost became your secretary.

He immediately replied, You still can. Would you like to try? The position now is higher than secretary—it’s an assistant to the general manager.

I was taken aback by his quick response and stammered, Ah, let me think about it. My current newspaper job has been treating me pretty well.

He shook his head and said, Opportunities won’t wait for a third time. He added, The head-hunter who reached out to you back then? He’s now one of the best in his field.

The founder left without leaving a business card, like in the movies, saying, If you change your mind, come find me anytime. That was the second time I missed an opportunity to join a rapidly growing industry.

In the following years, I witnessed the decline of print media and hit the ceiling of my career. Those were tough times, but they completely transformed my character. I became someone with courage written on my chest—proactive and positive in everything I did.

Being proactive doesn’t mean acting recklessly. To me, being proactive means thinking ahead, taking action, reflecting afterward, and solving problems actively. That’s what true proactivity is.

Not sure whether you should do something? Just do it. At worst, you’ll make a mistake and learn from it, which is still better than regretting it later.

Not sure whether to connect with someone? Go meet them. If it doesn’t feel right, walk away. It’s far better than judging prematurely.

There’s a saying: The difference in life resources between being proactive and not proactive is 30 times.

I believe the gap might be even larger because every step you take builds the foundation for the next. If you’re 30 times behind in the beginning, it could amplify to 90 times later. When it comes to doing things, I don’t encourage others to take it slow. In our fast-paced era, seizing opportunities and learning quickly through trial and error is the most efficient way to grow.

Here’s my personal experience: of all the things I actively pursued, 70% were successful. Those successes became stepping stones that elevated me to a new level. Over time, these incremental changes turned into a transformative leap. The way I think now is almost unrecognizable compared to how I thought 10 years ago.

Take it slow is not wrong, but it refers to patience, not passivity. Since the pandemic in 2020, nearly every industry and individual has been impacted. But we can still actively adjust our mindset and organize our work and life, rather than passively accepting circumstances.

I’ve deliberately placed this article at the beginning of this book. After the age of 30, we must learn to be as calm as still water when waiting and as swift as a rabbit when seizing opportunities. Patience in waiting and decisiveness when opportunities arise.

Only those who live proactively and fully will become the fortunate ones of this era.

BE NEEDED VS BE LIKED

When I first started working, I really wanted to be well-liked. Every time I went on a business trip, I’d bring small gifts for my colleagues and tried my best to please everyone. However, my female manager once told me:

"I hope you’ll focus more of your energy on your work. You’re here to deliver results, not to make friends. Don’t spend so much effort trying to gain everyone’s approval. People dislike you for three main reasons:

You may have certain unlikable habits, which you can reflect on and correct.

Your values don’t align with theirs. You can’t change that because everyone has their own values, and you’ll never be able to please everyone. So, connect with those whose values align with yours, and maintain distance from those whose don’t.

Many people dislike you simply because you have something they don’t. It could be something as small as a better parking spot or a nice outfit, or as big as a promotion or a happy marriage.

Once you understand these three points, you’ll stop focusing on others and instead concentrate on being your best self."

My experiences later in life have proven my manager’s words to be true countless times.

It’s better to be needed, respected, and trusted than simply to be liked.

Being liked is how children make friends: I’ll give you my favorite snacks and toys so you’ll like me, and we can be best friends. You also need to share your snacks and fun stuff with me, and you can only be nice to me. If you play with other kids more than with me, then we’re no longer friends.

For adults, while we might appreciate each other’s kindness and hold a good impression of one another, feelings alone are not enough when it comes to important matters. Adults care more about whether their interests and needs are met.

In social relationships, it’s far more effective to focus on being useful in certain aspects than to waste energy trying to be liked.

Relationships built on mutual benefits last much longer than those based solely on good feelings.

SMALL KINDNESS, BIG IMPACT

While traveling on a business trip in Europe, I saw a woman at Railway Station sitting on the ground, crying her heart out.

I thought to myself, for someone to cry so openly in public, disregarding all sense of face, she must be experiencing immense pain. People walked past her, some pausing momentarily and exchanging glances with me, but like me, they hesitated to ask her, Do you need help?

I didn’t want to disturb her, so I pretended to look at my phone while standing nearby. As she gradually calmed down, I cautiously approached her and said, I’m at the gate next to yours, catching a train at 4:30. If you need any help, feel free to come find me.

About 20 minutes later, just as I was about to board, the woman walked over to me. She said, Thank you for asking me that. It made me feel a lot better. Safe travels.

Then she headed toward a different boarding gate. Just before she entered, she turned around and waved at me, like a dancing tree swaying in the wind.

In that moment, my heart felt incredibly warm.

Socrates once said, Nothing is more joyful than being alive, yet nothing is more arduous than being alive.

Everyone has moments when they break down unexpectedly. I used to think that help was a grand concept, something that required significant actions to be meaningful. But the woman at the train station made me realize that sometimes, all it takes is a simple word of encouragement or a small act of kindness to make a big difference for someone.

Don’t hesitate to express simple feelings—You must be tired, I’m here to listen, I know you did your best, or I understand how you feel. These words may seem insignificant, but they truly have the power to warm someone’s heart.

Expressing yourself is also a form of proactivity.

OFFER A HELPING HAND WHENEVER YOU CAN

I once messed up a situation despite having good intentions.

A friend asked me to help her relative, who was sick, by reaching out to a doctor I knew. Honestly, I felt awkward about it. The doctor was an acquaintance who had already done me a favor in the past, and helping a friend’s relative—someone she didn’t know at all—was asking for a favor two degrees removed. Still, I couldn’t say no to my friend’s request and contacted the doctor on their behalf.

The outcome? The relative complained that the doctor wasn’t warm enough, and they voiced their dissatisfaction to my friend. In turn, my friend resented me for not handling things properly.

This awkward situation ended our friendship.

I reflected on this: when helping others, you should act within your capacity. If you’re unable to do so, it’s better to refuse outright.

This isn’t cold-hearted—it’s clear-headed.

If you take