My Destinity: Determined women, #1

By Diana Scott

There is no deeper love than that which grows where it was imagined to be vanquished.
She is a young girl like most young girls.
Deluded with love, Gadea expects from life some beautiful children, a home with respect and who knows if some lost drops of love. Well, maybe her inner self harbors a few more... But everything is possible if you use the right tools. What could go wrong?

Judah has no desire to marry. His only obsession is revenge. And of course, staying away from the heart.

• A young woman seeking freedom and passion.
• A young man running from his own demons.
• Two destinies that come together to change everyone's destiny.

Gadea knows that today's love is tomorrow's suffering, but she has fallen in love with Judá, the coldest, most arrogant and distant man in all of Toledo.

In a city where secrets are buried and shames are deceived, there is only one way...

Some readers say

"Toledo in the 1400's is presented to you as never before. It is an exciting story. I couldn't stop reading.  

"I have read all the author's books, but these have left me with my mouth open. They are the best.

"And here I was saying that historical novels were always the same cliché-laden. I love these common ones!"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diana Scott
• Release date: Nov 14, 2024
• ISBN: 9798230243663

Diana Scott

Diana Scott, she lives in Madrid with her husband, two children and a kitty. Each day is for leaving, laughing, and I hope you enjoy reading my sweet, actual and emotional romances. Seven books published in Spanish,  have been sold in twenty countries. More than 100.000 copies distributed in different channels. Her books have been in ebook Top 100 in ROMANCE CATEGORY

Book preview

Unforgivable sins

-Walk! - The order, choked by Haym's desperation, echoed in a thick forest that no longer hid them. The woman continued to flee without materializing a single one of the thousands of stabs that, like burning rapiers, pierced her bulging belly from north to south.

His strength weakened and he almost fell, yet he tried to hide the fine lines of blood that, bordering his crotch like dewdrops in winter, stained his aged shoes a deep red.

Perhaps if they reached the stream the water would hide their scent from the merciless hounds, thought Haym dejectedly and clutching the little one less than a year old, which he was carrying like a badly tied sack of potatoes, on his back. With fear, he focused his gaze on his angel's boots to see a new line of blood staining the worn leather of his shoes. In a complete burst of desperation he wanted to hold her by the waist and carry his young wife as well, but his strength failed him. Three years of poor nutrition in fields that barely yielded a harvest wore out even the strongest of men. With clenched fists he looked up to heaven and blasphemed once and a thousand times against the one who had abandoned him, once again.  Gathering strength he never thought he possessed, he tried again and this time he seemed to have succeeded. His angel held on to his neck with weak hands and the child remained behind his back without falling. With supernatural effort his knees managed to take the first steps, and although with great difficulty, his legs moved forward with the weight of his beloved between his arms and that of his son hooked to his exhausted spine. Sweat trickled down his forehead and his muscles tightened painfully from the effort, but nothing mattered if he managed to reach the river. Little Judah was squeezing him to the point of drowning by the neck to keep from slipping, but Haym was concerned only with the wetness of blood that was beginning to pierce his wife's worn skirt.

-It won't be long now. He said almost breathlessly, but she barely heard him.

The rounded belly barely moved and the arms clung to his neck with weak strength ready to abandon him. She walked slowly, but that was better than nothing, she told herself, trying to calm the fear that gnawed at her insides. He didn't care much about his life because it belonged to her since the day he met her. His angel was a drop of fresh water in a world too destroyed by greed and injustice. He could not afford to lose her. Agnes meant everything. That first time, when he saw her leaning against the cart pulled by a stallion as white as snow and giving that precious gaze to all who passed by, it changed his life. She was a being of light illuminating a kingdom mired in injustice. An angel born from heaven itself, one whose shoes he was not worthy to shine but whom he loved with all the strength of a devoted heart. He loved her that very afternoon watching her pass by and he loved her every morning waking up next to him. His angel saw beauty where it did not exist, even in a foolish and simple Jew like him, he thought saddened to know he was incredibly loved.

One June day in the year one thousand three hundred and eighty, years up, years down, in a smelly Barcelona, she represented the sweet peach blossom that she stole for herself. Since her birth, and that was twenty years ago, synagogues were considered dens of the devil, and as such, their members were children of the devil. Possibly some of that was true, because he was leaving the Jewish quarter on his way to his master's house to take the breast head and other extraordinary gifts to the lord of the fief, when the Christian angel crossed his path and, devilishly in love, he could no longer forget her. His soul harbored the law of Moses, she that of Christ. They lived in separate quarters, traded separately, ate different foods, wore different clothes, yet there they were, in love against any royal decree.

The Inquisition was implanted in Aragon one month in the year 1242 and still continued firmly seeking justice where it was not needed. He was not baptized nor belonged to the Christian church so he would not be judged as a heretic but as a transgressor, but his Inés, she was a woman of the majority related to one of the minorities, her penalty would be death at the stake for interdenominational adultery. They would burn her like a dog equating her fervent love to simple sexual relations of a filthy prostitute. A filthy baldoned transgressor of her marriage to Christ. No, she would not be forgiven.

Haym bit his lips trying not to howl with rage, the Inquisition acted on a complaint, and he knew perfectly well who had betrayed them. That wretch would rather see his daughter dead than in love with a knave like him. And if carnal relations between them were totally forbidden, what compassion could that little fruit of such an unworthy union expect. She held the almost fainting body tightly in her arms while she turned her face to kiss Judah's little hands that clung like claws to her neck. With the best of luck all three would die with an accurate thrust to the heart and without much pain.

-Haym... -She spoke with barely a whisper but he ignored her once again. He had to reach that damned river, that was the only priority. Haym... -She repeated again with great effort and raising her chin to look him in the eyes but he continued to be careful not to run into the leafy trees of the forest. Haym, you have to stop.... -she cleared her throat with a dryness in her throat.

-We are close. He answered confidently and without looking at her. He knew her too well to know what she intended. When we reach the river we will walk along the bank until we lose them. The water will hide us from the hounds and erase the footsteps. He answered confidently even when his legs, exhausted by the excess of luggage, trembled and he almost fell down.

-My love, stop... -She implored with tears in her eyes.

-Woman, you don't know what you're asking for. He replied angrily.

-You must give me the opportunity to kiss our son one last time. The young woman commented pleadingly but he flatly denied as the sweat on his body caused the small body behind his back to begin to slide. Love... -This time his delicate trembling hand came close to her hard sweaty face and he deigned to look at her for the first time.

-No!" he shouted in frustration. We'll make it. You can't do this to me. You're not going to abandon me. Woman, I have not risked our lives for you to decide to get rid of me. We will go to Castile and raise our children in new lands. We will have another life, no one will find us.

-My belly no longer moves....

-Fantochadas! Soon... Soon..." He said, looking toward the horizon for some hope. Little Judah's grip left deep scratches on his neck before he slid down his back and fell face first to the ground.

Haym turned and looked uneasily at the innocent body strewn in the moss. He tried to pick it up and continue his march but his legs told him that that was as far as they had gone. His knees dug into the ground like a knight in front of his lord and with trembling arms he laid the body of his angel on the ground and then fell exhausted at his side. Little Judah fell asleep right where he had fallen while she barely breathed. The new night was steadily approaching and the father tried to find the mental agility that fear had mercilessly expelled. Hands clutched at his head pleading for some idea, something to offer him a little hope.

-My love... -Her voice was barely a thread of life fading away.

-He replied without looking at her.

-You must leave. Inés' voice sentenced a solution that her heart refused to hear.

-No!

She asked for the impossible, he would never leave her. Their destiny was written the day he asked her to run away together. No, he would not leave her. The tyrannical fate would meet them on the same deathbed. With the utmost tenderness he caressed her delicate forehead. Love made them take the risk and flee to Martorell to live together an illusion that only lasted three short years.

-Love of my life, you must leave." Inés spoke and he smiled ruefully. She continued to ask for nonsense.

-My angel... I will never leave you. Death will find us together. Do not ask for what I will not fulfill. My love for you never knew any reason. Haym wiped those sweet tears she was shedding with the candor of her lips. We will die together. That is our destiny. Your God and Adonay have proposed it, and I only want to remain by your side forever.

Lovingly she stroked his calloused hand and slowly brought it down to her bulging belly for him to feel.

-He is no longer moving and God wants him to go with my son.

Haym closed her eyes, hiding from the harsh reality. The blood that was already spilling out in a large puddle between her skirts screamed an end she refused to accept.

-Then your God must take us together. Haym's firm voice would have sounded even authoritative if it weren't for the fact that he carefully rested his head on her bulging belly, accepting the soft caresses she gave to his tangled hair.

-Judah needs you. You must fight for him.

Haym denied with her face pressed against her rounded belly so as not to show the tears that flooded her eyes. She pressed her lips together trying to hold back the tears. He loved her above all else, he could not abandon her.

-It's my fault," he said to himself, overwhelmed with grief.

-To have fallen in love with you with all my heart? Yes husband, it is." She tried to joke but the dryness of her throat provoked a cough that made Haym jump from his place to lift her from behind. Agnes took advantage of her position and wrapped her face around her man's, who no longer hid the intense tears that were running down his cheeks.

-Neither the baby lying in my womb nor I can follow you, but you must try. Judah needs you, if he were found....

She did not finish the sentence, Haym knew perfectly well what would be the end of the fruit of a heretic and a transgressor.

-I can carry both. He answered with conviction and tried to stand up, but his exhausted legs trembled at the thought of carrying so much weight again.

-You can hardly handle little Judah. Husband, you must go. I will pray for your freedom.

-No!" he shouted more to himself than in reply. I can't.... I can't live without you. Don't ask me to, you are my mistress, my love... my life... Don't you understand?

-I beg you to save our son's life," she pleaded maternally.

-And do you ask me to kill mine? My angel, the torture of your fault will be the greatest of my condemnations. I cannot breathe if you do not encourage me.

-Whenever you see Judah, I will be there. A part of me will live by your side, our love runs through his veins. The man denied, trying not to listen, but she said with certainty. You must go. Time is running out.

The barking indicated that she was right. She had to save at least one of her children.

-I can't, I can't... -she sobbed, trying to make her pleas reach one of her gods. Whoever it was.

His heart was pounding uncontrollably and he even wished it would stop beating right there and then and free him from such a heartbreaking decision. How could he leave her in the forest with her child in her womb to save another one who was barely walking? He tried to think but he couldn't, she was right. Judah was the only one with a chance of survival.

-Inés discovered her doubts and took the opportunity to order.

-No... no... -he muttered as the barking got closer, No! he shouted, clenching his head tightly.

-Please... -She begged and he howled like a wounded and torn wolf before accepting his defeat.

Slowly he approached the body of the little boy, who was sleeping in the damp moss.

-Let me kiss him one last time. Said the young woman as she saw him wrapped in her arms.

Haym brought it to his lips and was about to get up when tears and despair overcame him and he clung to the woman's body with both sons between them.

-I can't. I love you too much. Don't ask me. He said crying like a disconsolate child.

-Go with God. A thousand times I would rewrite such a sad ending if it meant that I would be loved by you again.

Haym kissed her lips wet with tears and with his heart broken into a thousand pieces he held tightly the only thing he had left in this life and walked with slow footsteps looking for a solution that did not come. Twice he looked back hoping she would call him but she did not. Lying on the hard floor she closed her eyes and never opened them again.

Freedom

With his soul torn apart, he could barely walk. At first he just walked but then he trotted like a runaway horse ready to lose his life if necessary. She was right, Judah should hide in a safe place, but not him. He would protect his son and then return to his wife. His life existed only because his angel lived in it. Judah would go forward as one of the many orphan children of the kingdom of Aragon, he thought saddened. He felt it in the depths of his soul and hoped that, someday, the little boy would forgive him, but living without his Agnes was not an option. It would never be. He gave his life to her that first time he whispered her name after giving himself to love and he would not let her down. Without her there would be no tomorrow to live or smile to dream. Confident in himself he ran through the forest of lush oaks and oaks, and such was his optimism that he almost fell into the icy waters of the river.

Happy with the discovery of the cold waters, he skirted them and walked for a long time until he came across something similar to a cave that could well be a wolf cave, but he cared little for it. Tiredness dominated his body and despair for his Inés gnawed at his troubled soul. With fear chilling his blood he slowly entered. His right hand held the rapier his father had given him that day he had become a man and with the other he clutched the little boy sleeping in his arms. Scared, but hopeful, he bit his parched lip and clutched the little one tightly. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the cavern. The musty smells and cold encased in the thick stones surrounded him but he still continued to walk rapier ahead. His breathing relaxed as he saw the end of the completely empty walls.

-No one. He said, loosening the tight grip on the little boy.

With infinite care he made a bed for him with some dry leaves and laid him down behind a huge stone that would protect him from any curious onlooker. Judah settled down to enjoy the night and he kissed him on the forehead before asking his forgiveness for abandoning him. He ran without rest. Twice he slipped in the icy water of the river and once he skidded in the dung of a wild boar. The night's cold was beginning to numb his bones but Haym flew like the wind. The shoes, tired of living hurt the soles of her feet but she did not stop, she would get to her and drag her if necessary. They would live or die, but together.

His breath stopped when he heard the barking of dogs in the distance. They were there, he thought as he kicked up the mud under his feet. Maybe it was only one, he said to himself as he ran like desperation itself. He managed to spot them and, drawing strength from where there was none, he rushed to meet them, but they rode off on their horses in the opposite direction without even getting a glimpse of him. The night wind moved their cloaks like victorious banners. One was the priest confessor of Inés, the one who one day had denounced them, and the other was none other than her despicable father-in-law.

Without thinking that if they turned around they might see him, he ran the short distance to her who, with her tunic in tatters, was sprawled in a huge pool of blood. Fear overcame his reasoning and the cold of the water still dripping down his worn shirt froze his muscles. If the bastards left in a hurry without their loot it could only mean one thing. Desperately he walked the short remaining distance when his legs made him slip for the last time. Blood covered the entire belly where his son lay.

He fell to her side and in exasperation cradled her in his arms rocking her back and forth to wake her up. He screamed, cursed and begged but she never woke up.

-I'm sorry... don't leave me... please... don't abandon me...

He begged heaven to give her back to him and promised all the impossible to hear the sound of her voice once more, but the kingdom of heaven would not open. Weeping ran down her face and her head, heavy with pain, rubbed over her still warm body. The salt of his tears mingled with the blood of his beloved and such was his cry of despair that the forest fell silent as a sign of respect and the stars hid in sorrow before the one who died for love.

The sobbing did not end and she was on the verge of going mad. She wanted to run, to find those wretches and tear out their hearts with her hands, just as they had done with hers. After hours of feeling like he was dying and suffering beyond what was humanly bearable, he buried among leaves and some earth the body of his beloved and that of the child that was in her womb. Both were pierced from left to right by a sharp rapier like a filthy slaughter pig. They did not even wait for a trial...

Would she be a black-haired girl like her mother? Would she have that deep gaze or maybe her beautiful smile? he asked himself empty inside thinking about his unborn child.

-Why? Why... -He muttered feebly as he knelt in front of the raised mound of earth and cried the last of his tears.

He took a deep breath and tried to say a prayer but these were not the words that came out. With a broken soul he began to recite that poem that she dedicated to him with so much love.

"Count Olinos got up early on the morning of St. John,

to water his horse on the shores of the sea.

As the horse drinks it sings a beautiful song:

the flying birds stopped to listen;

walker who walks stops walking;

navigator who navigates the ship returns there.

From the highest tower the queen heard him sing:

-Look, daughter, how the little mermaid of the sea sings.

-It's not the little mermaid, mother, she doesn't sing;

is the voice of Count Olinos, who is grieving for me.

-If for your love I pity him, I will have him killed,

that to marry you he lacks royal blood.

Don't have him killed, mother, don't have him killed,

that if he kills Count Olinos

together they will bury us!

-Let him be shot to death

and throw his body into the sea!

He died at midnight;

her, to the roosters crowing.

To her, as a daughter of kings,

buried at the altar,

and him, as the son of counts,

a few steps further back.

From it grows a white rose bush;

of it, a hawthorn grove.

One grows, the other grows,

the two are going to get together.

The queen, full of envy,

both had them both cut;

the gallant who cut them

she cried and cried.

A heron was born from it;

of it, a strong sparrowhawk.

Together they fly through the sky,

together they fly hand in hand".

My Count of Olinos.... She said after loving each other and he answered like a fool in love. My angel, I am no count, but for your love I will become a sparrow hawk. And laying her down on her humble bed they loved again....

Leaning over the grave he wished he had enough courage to kill himself but it was then that the sound of the leaves moving reminded him of his recent promise.

-Save Judah! -She pleaded with the voice of the wind.

-Save Judah! -murmured the dry leaves of the oaks.

-Save Judah! - repeated the elves of the forest. 

And me, my angel, who will save me?

––––––––

Dawn was beginning to dawn but he did not hurry, Judah would still sleep in the cave and the wicked marched the other way. Exhausted he looked at the deathbed for the last time and begged for enough strength to keep breathing.

––––––––

-It's not fair... -she commented, wiping her rosy cheeks.

-Life often hides its justice... Let's continue with Haym... -Said the grandmother looking at the waves dancing in the wind behind the horizon.

-But he could...?

-Calm down, child, everything in its own time.

––––––––

Haym reached the cave and watched behind the rock as his little one slept oblivious to his new situation. The blood running down the open belly of his beloved still flooded his crystallines, and in response to such desolate visions, deep retching erupted from the center of his gut and coursed through his stomach looking for a way out. Discomposed he ran towards the entrance and fell to his knees with his body bent in two. His guts tried to free themselves but barely released a few drops of thick yellow liquid from his mouth. Three days they had been on the run and almost two without a bite to eat. With hatred coursing through her veins and grief anchored in her heart, she pressed her hands to the point of pain and tugged at her tangled hair while cursing loudly. A pair of robins fluttered away, fluttering their wings in urgent haste, but he cared little. If someone discovered him or if those bastards returned to finish the job, he was already dead, his heart would not bleed no matter how many rapiers those wretches thrust into his body. In the depths of his being he even wished that something like that would happen and that the terrible pain that was tearing his soul apart would end once and for all. He wished he could die and accompany Inés wherever she was. His irresponsible actions had led to the death of the love of his life. He had loved her from the first moment he saw her. She was as beautiful as she was sweet, there was not a drop of evil in her delicate curves. All of her represented the ultimate beauty. Nymph-like body with a heart laden with delicious goodness. Reckless youth led him to desire her who had been denied to him by nature and by religion.

Oh my angel, who would have imagined that your own father would order the death of the one he called the light of his eyes, he said to himself, observing on his own hands the dried blood of his Agnes, that which he refused to clean because it was the last trace of his beloved in his body. With his strength exhausted, he managed to stand up to fulfill a promise he would not escape from and the only one that would keep him alive. To protect Judah.

She entered the cave and lay down next to her son, curled up in a ball in the cold dawn. She warmed him with her embrace and cried again, but not for Inés or for her unborn child, this time not for them, but for her own selfishness. This time it was not for them but for his own selfishness. How could he reach Castile when he only wanted to die?

The post

The little one asked for his mother several times but the ten months of age made him quickly forget his interest and focus on the little animals in the forest. Haym knew that the problems were getting worse as hunger took its toll on a little body that did not understand misfortune and only wished to calm the roar of his insides.

Both crossed the Llobregat river by the Pont del Diable leaving behind a Martorell that gave them shelter for three loving years. Also left behind was the forest and the wall of Igualada where he found refuge for one night. The population, diminished by half because of the plague and the lack of harvest, was suspicious of any stranger, no matter if he