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Fever Pitch
Fever Pitch
Fever Pitch
Ebook335 pages3 hours

Fever Pitch

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

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“Whether you are interested in football or not, this is tears-running-down-your-face funny, read-bits-out-loud-to-complete-strangers funny, but also highly perceptive and honest about Hornby’s obsession and the state of the game.” —GQ

A brilliant memoir from the beloved, bestselling author of Dickens and Prince, Funny Girl, and High Fidelity.


In America, it is soccer. But in Great Britain, it is the real football. No pads, no prayers, no prisoners. And that’s before the players even take the field.

Nick Hornby has been a football fan since the moment he was conceived. Call it predestiny. Or call it preschool. Fever Pitch is his tribute to a lifelong obsession. Part autobiography, part comedy, part incisive analysis of insanity, Hornby’s award-winning memoir captures the fever pitch of fandom—its agony and ecstasy, its community, its defining role in thousands of young men’s coming-of-age stories. Fever Pitch is one for the home team. But above all, it is one for everyone who knows what it really means to have a losing season.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherPenguin Publishing Group
Release dateMar 1, 1998
ISBN9781440673047
Fever Pitch
Author

Nick Hornby

Nick Hornby (Maidenhead, 1957), licenciado por la Universidad de Cambridge, ha ejercido de profesor, periodista y guionista. En Anagrama se recuperaron sus tres extraordinarios primeros libros, Fiebre en las gradas, Alta fidelidad y Un gran chico, y se ha ido publicando su obra posterior: Cómo ser buenos, 31 canciones, En picado, Todo por una chica, Juliet, desnuda, Funny Girl, Alguien como tú, El estado de la unión y Dickens y Prince.

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Reviews for Fever Pitch

Rating: 3.673436327376117 out of 5 stars
3.5/5

1,231 ratings32 reviews

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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Jun 19, 2022

    If you love soccer, you must read this book. (Translated from Spanish)
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Mar 3, 2022

    This book can only be written by a football fan and can only be read by a football fan or better yet, a supporter.
    The author recounts how he started with this wonderful madness that is football and how his life has come to depend on football, no, how his life has come to depend on his team.
    Many similarities with my life, but the passion, the suffering, the sorrows, joys, etc., can only be felt and understood by those of us who suffer from this "disease" (sorry for calling it that).
    It’s not a book that only recounts football facts; rather, it tells how Arsenal influences the author’s life, and it also provides his opinion on management, transfers, violence in the stands, and everything that surrounds this way of living.
    As Hornby says, "I am a supporter, I have no duty to adhere to the discipline of morality."
    In the reading, there is a lot about Arsenal, too much for me who does not share the author's fondness for that team; by the way, my team is infinitely better than Arsenal and all other teams in the world, BECAUSE IT'S MY TEAM and that is already enough. (Translated from Spanish)
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Dec 10, 2020

    A classic that does not disappoint. (Translated from Spanish)
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Oct 23, 2019

    A solitary type existing within the part of society that accepted him as he is. (Translated from Spanish)
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Mar 6, 2015

    Great book even for the non Arsenal fan. I can totally associate with Hornby's frustrations and joys. One of the few football based books that all fans could read and enjoy. Great to re-live the 80's
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Dec 5, 2014

    Just the type of book I love. Nick Hornby is the master of coming of age psychological dramas, what does it mean to be a man in this day and age is answered in most of his books. I am thankful for his honest and insiteful journey he shares in his books.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5

    Jun 6, 2014

    I wanted to love this. I am a huge soccer/football fan and could relate to the narrator's story of fandom and obsession. However, after 100 pages I didn't really care to read further. There was no sense of stakes, story - and the central narrative was pleasant but also quite linear. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Sep 24, 2013

    Hornby has a conversational and enthusiastic style that makes his writing come alive. That kept me hooked to Fever Pitch, an autobiography about his obsession with UK football (and Arsenal in particular) even though I'm a yank who knows little about the teams and structure of the league. If you've ever been on the edge of your seat during a sports game of any variety (the Phillies are my personal poison), you'll be sure to relate to the author.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    May 11, 2013

    I thought I would never finish a book about football (soccer to Americans), and this is really about football, not in any metaphorical, touchy-feely way, but real football. I loved it. Probably NH's least read yet best book, about footbal and real life and growing up.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Apr 13, 2013

    With football (soccer) season just starting, I thought now was as good a time as any to finally crack open Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch. I've only read one football book before since I've only just gotten into the sport within the last year, but I was told this was a seminal text to read on the subject. I liked it enough, especially the parts that transcended football and applied to fandom in general. One particular discussion in which Hornby explains how he nearly panicked when he realized his wife expected him to stay home from some games to watch the kids while she went to the Arsenal games made me laugh quite a bit. Hornby clearly understands how a fan's mind works, in that you're never more than a few moments away from contemplating a player's scoring play or a heartbreaking defeat.

    But unfortunately, I'm not British, and I haven't spent much time at all in England to understand the British affect or culture. I found myself constantly consulting Wikipedia to find out what the heck Hornby was talking about (analogizing two clashing worlds by referencing two apparently very different British soap operas, for instance), and while I think it certainly taught me something about Britain as a result, I didn't really go into the book hoping for that. Further, I think I may have tried reading this too early in my budding football hobby, as I don't understand football tactics nearly enough to really get at Hornby's point from time to time.

    It was refreshing to read that there are people far worse off than I am when it comes to being a fan of a sport or team. While I have a lifelong passion for the Chicago Cubs, and I can certainly recall vividly some of their worst defeats (and I imagine I'd recall triumphs as well, if there were any to contemplate...sigh), I'm not nearly at the level where I can recollect the score of multiple games, let alone who drove in or scored the runs to begin with.

    All in all, a pretty good book, and quite funny at times. I only wish I understood the British and football better.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Apr 10, 2013

    I like football (soccer), I like passion, I like humour and I like good writing. This ticks all the boxes.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Mar 31, 2013

    A serious-but funny memoir of a soccer fan, Fever Pitch is writer Nick Hornby's first book -- a memoir that starts with his first Arsenal (an English soccer club) game.

    Hornby eventually became a hardcore Arsenal supporter and this book covers the impact his sporting obsession has on his life.

    As a Manchester United supporter since the mid 80s I understand (faintly) what he's experienced, though as a writer, I'm also interested in Hornby's references to his fledgling writing career (this was Hornby's first book, written before he became famous, so it mentions his struggles with confidence and depression).

    As a diehard Hornby fan, I found this a worthwhile read, though it's a very different work from his better known works of fiction.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Jan 1, 2013

    If you don't know, Fever Pitch is about soccer and his obsession with it, specifically with Arsenal. (Not Jimmy Fallon and his obsession with baseball - did they use the Red Sox in the movie? I know nothing about baseball.) The book isn't a romantic comedy, either.

    I like Hornby's writing, mostly, including his nonfiction writing on music and books, which are two other things he loves. However, I felt like something was really missing here, and at least part of that is his sense of humor. Soccer seems to be something he doesn't have much of a sense of humor about - and while the point of the book is how it's serious business to him and how his relationship with the sport has undoubtedly been unhealthy at times, a little more humor wouldn't have been misplaced.

    Also, there's honestly not enough of Nick Hornby himself in the book. He talks about how as a child, going to soccer matches gave him a means to communicate with his dad after his parents' divorce. These sections are good. Later, as an adult, he mentions suffering from years-long depression and having failed relationships, but there's not much made of those things. It's hard to get a handle on what was really going on - and saying that his depression was magically cured by Arsenal's winning season is either flippant or disingenuous. We don't have any way to tell which, because while he makes relatively frequent mention of the depression, we don't really find out much beyond that.

    Overall, not a particularly strong Hornby book, but it was an early one (published in 1992), so I guess that's to be expected.

    A quote:

    "They offered me a drink and I declined, so they shook my hand and offered commiserations and I disappeared; to them, it really was only a game, and it probably did me good to spend time with people who behaved for all the world as if football were a diverting entertainment, like rugby or golf or cricket. It's not like that at all, of course, but just for an afternoon it was interesting and instructive to meet people who believed that it was."
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Mar 17, 2012

    I pretty much hate all forms of football. The fact that I read a book about football (to the British, that is: the rest of the world calls it soccer) from cover to cover, smirking, chuckling and at times laughing out loud, attests, once again, to the talent of Nick Hornby as a wordsmith. This book is witty and clever, incredibly insightful about obsession and definitely worth a read!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Mar 13, 2012

    Although I love Nick's fiction I'm not really a fan of football, so I abandoned this book after a bit. I tried skipping through to find the biographical bits, and then I realised the book is a biography really.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Aug 29, 2010

    I have often wondered what makes people (well, mainly men) spend ever increasing sums following football teams, getting royally ripped off while the players get richer and further away from their fans in every possible way........This novel (though it's not really fiction) goes some way to explaining the mindset of the fanatical fan. Hornby brings a warming combination of laddishness and intellect to the subject, and even if you don't like football there are some good jokes here. I particularly liked the gloriously improbable proposition of picking a favourite dismissal to take to a desert island. Wonderfully eccentric, but I knew exactly what he meant.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Aug 8, 2010

    Read it to get me in the mood for the new season, and it worked a charm - done without much fanfare and really effective, full of 'ah, yes, I know that' moments, in a good way. Strange now to read about Arsenal in their pre-Wenger days when everybody hated them (I certainly did).
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 20, 2008

    An original memoir, written entirely around various football (soccer) games. Well-written, completely engaging, and only slightly too focused on football for a non-fan, Fever Pitch takes you down the road with Mr. Hornby from youth to adulthood. When I picked this book up to read it, I thought it was a novel. He held my attention so well, I devoured it in a matter of days, reading only in brief glimpses. Great for commuting or reading in snippets, as it's divvied up into brief chapters matching the games he's chosen to write about here. Well balanced, plotted, and easily read, with plenty of chances to recognize your own obsession as he describes his own.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Nov 19, 2008

    Hornby writes a memoir of his life through the prism of his fandom of the Arsenal football club. Each entry starts with a particular football match but spins out from there to include details of Hornby's life, family, career, and how the fate of his team reflects the ebb and flow of his life. It's a great personal analysis of fandom, sports obsession, and group identity. If you've seen either of the films supposedly based on this book keep in mind that this is a memoir not a novel and there is no "love triangle" element in which a man is caught between the sport and a woman.

    Even though this book has been adapted into two different movies that make it out as a love triangle among man, woman, and the sport he's obsessed with, this book is not a novel. It's a memoir about soccer in the same way that Rocky is about boxing or Jaws is about a shark. Hornby uses memories of his beloved Gunners matches as a launching point to tell stories of his life, his obsession, and worldview. He also examines English culture and sporting life as it changes over the course of his life. A funny and insightful memoirs, this book is NOT just for sports' fans.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Aug 5, 2008

    I recommend this book to those who wouldn't mind understanding a football fanatic's obsession/experience, since it might just give insight into one's own obsessions.

    [Be advised: the Barrymore/Fallon movie "based" on this book bears little to no resemblance to it. The only similarity is that there's a guy obsessed with a sport.]
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    May 9, 2008

    another "commuter bus read"

    Hornby's always a good read, this one was dampened by my utter lack of knowledge of the English soccer realm. Entertaining none the less.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Sep 1, 2007

    You wrote: As an Arsenal fan myself, I'm bound to be biased but Hornby writes with such an extraneous topic coverage that it becomes a book filled with stories and anecdotes that certainly any bloke would laugh with. Covering events such as the Hillsborough disaster with such compassion and delicacy which equal the joy and excitement of Anfield '89, every page is brought to life through his own storytelling. I loved it but the film was crap in comparison. Stick with this one and you won't regret it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Mar 31, 2007

    A must read for anyone with an obsession. Hornby's? Arsenal football. Reading about his life at (and thinking about) the pitch should resonate with anyone with an equal, though different, obsession (sports or otherwise).

    For those Tull fanatics, substitute albums, group members, concerts, pre- and post-concert gatherings and sightings for championships, players, matches, and pub discussions. In doing so, it may be a frightening self revelation. The extent to which obsessive behavior melds into daily life is eye opening. The mention of a memorable lyric to someone here. ("It's only the giving that makes you what you are.") The humming of a favorite tune there. (For a Thousand Mothers in my case.) The proud exclamation of history witnessed. ("I saw Tull perform A Passion Play in its entirety!") The demonstration of years of devotion. ("When I first saw them play, Clive and Glenn were still in the group.") The glory. ("I still have my copy of Rolling Stone that featured Ian on the cover.") The agony. ("I was devastated when Ian released Walk Into Light. Where was the acoustic guitar? What was with all that Vettese keyboard crap?") It all sounds a bit like Hornby and his mention of big wins, devastating losses, and total domination of his life by Arsenal football.

    Hornby writes with such wit, such self deprecating humor, and yet, with an insight that leaves an impact. Fever Pitch provided a quick and enjoyable read. Highly recommended.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Feb 22, 2007

    This retrospective journal of an ardent soccer fan was a big hit in the UK when it was first published in 1992. The appeal of the book is by its nature limited. Few outside the UK would grasp many local references. Indeed, a long-standing interest in English League football is almost a prerequisite to understanding.

    Still, Fever Pitch remains one of the most thoughtful books written about any sport. The phenomenon of obsessive, lifelong adherence to an English football club (in Hornby’s case, Arsenal) is vastly different to the US experience of following a football or baseball team. In the US, people go to sports events for pleasure, to have a good time, often with their families. In Britain, attendance at soccer matches is a predominantly male thing, a matter of serious, intense identification with the team, not pleasure in the game.

    Hornby explores this intensity with real knowledge borne of personal experience. It is wholly irrational, but…. as he dryly observes, young men develop obsessions while young women develop personalities. He also argues, interestingly, that the boredom, disappointment and anticlimax accompanying regular football watching are a focus, an outlet for the depressive feelings that are part and parcel of dull, southern English suburban life. It’s not only extrovert feelings that need expression!

    One wonders how Hornby will update some aspects of his story. For most of it, Arsenal are a team with more potential than achievement, and even their real success in the early 90s looks like being short-lived. Hornby still sees Arsenal as the team everyone loves to hate.

    So what does he say now that Arsenal have risen to the level, in several successive years, of glamorous European superstars? The team everyone loves to hate? Arsenal?
    Love them!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Feb 6, 2007

    Simply the best sports book ever written, because it doesn't really discuss what happens on the field. No, it asks a deeper question: Why do so many people care so much about a team of rich men who play a boys' game? Why do we put such value on sports teams? It's a gripping tale of obsession — and the need to belong. Fantastic. Oh, and it's about Arsenal, too. That makes it even better.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Sep 13, 2006

    Having been forced into being an Arsenal fan from an early age (I blame my older brother), I have to admit the deep shame of not having read this book until now. The book is really a sort of memoir - Hornby can mark all the major events of his life by what was happening with the Gunners at the time. I found his musings hilarious, and I love Hornby's upfront and honest style. This is not just a book for Arsenal supporters or football fans, it is a book for anyone who has ever had an obsession that has dominated most of their lives. he also has some pertinent remarks to make about the less savoury aspects of football, and the state of the beautiful game today. Very enjoyable - one you can dip in and out of easily too.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Aug 31, 2006

    This book is the reason I am an Arsenal fan. This is a semi-autobiographical survey of football and football culture through the modern ages. At times hilarious, informative, and just plain awesome this book is a must for any fan of football.
    I do have to say though that despite its awesomeness the book does drag in small portions. I own that this is completely because of my lack of knowledge on football as a whole so I can't knock off too many points for that, but as it wasn't as enjoyable for me as it could have been I've rated it a 4.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Aug 17, 2006

    Made obsession acceptable
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Aug 13, 2006

    Lots of laughs, lots of soul searching and a great deal of irrational fanaticism. An insight into what makes some people tick.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Aug 3, 2006

    i love this book (even if i'm not really an arsenal fan). well-written by a clearly obsessive fan, its apologies for being so in the text were not needed, really. it's hilarious, well-knowing and overall a good, fun read.

Book preview

Fever Pitch - Nick Hornby

INTRODUCTION

SUNDAY, 14TH JULY 1991

It’s in there all the time, looking for a way out.

I wake up around ten, make two cups of tea, take them into the bedroom, place one on each side of the bed. We both sip thoughtfully; so soon after waking there are long, dream-filled gaps between the occasional remark - about the rain outside, about last night, about smoking in the bedroom when I have agreed not to. She asks what I’m doing this week, and I think: (1) I’m seeing Matthew on Wednesday. (2) Matthew’s still got my Champions video. (3) [Remembering that Matthew, a purely nominal Arsenal fan, has not been to Highbury for a couple of years, and so has had no opportunity to watch the more recent recruits in the flesh] I wonder what he thought of Anders Limpar.

And in three easy stages, within fifteen, twenty minutes of waking, I’m on my way. I see Limpar running at Gillespie, swaying to his right, going down: PENALTY! DIXON SCORES! 2-0! ... Merson’s back-heel flick and Smith’s right-foot shot into the far corner in the same match ... Merson’s little push past Grobbelaar up at Anfield ... Davis’s swivel and smash against Villa ... (And this, remember, is a morning in July, our month off, when there is no club football of any kind.) Sometimes, when I let this dreamy state take me over completely, I go on and back, through Anfield ‘89, Wembley ’87, Stamford Bridge ’78, my whole footballing life flashing before my eyes.

‘What are you thinking about?’ she asks.

At this point I lie. I wasn’t thinking about Martin Amis or Gérard Depardieu or the Labour Party at all. But then, obsessives have no choice; they have to lie on occasions like this. If we told the truth every time, then we would be unable to maintain relationships with anyone from the real world. We would be left to rot with our Arsenal programmes or our collection of original blue-label Stax records or our King Charles spaniels, and our two-minute daydreams would become longer and longer and longer until we lost our jobs and stopped bathing and shaving and eating, and we would lie on the floor in our own filth rewinding the video again and again in an attempt to memorise by heart the whole of the commentary, including David Pleat’s expert analysis, for the night of 26th of May 1989. (You think I had to look the date up? Ha!) The truth is this: for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.

I would not wish to suggest that the contemplation of football is in itself an improper use of the imagination. David Lacey, the chief football correspondent for the Guardian, is a fine writer and an obviously intelligent man, and presumably he must devote even more of his interior life than I do to the game. The difference between Lacey and me is that I rarely think. I remember, I fantasise, I try to visualise every one of Alan Smith’s goals, I tick off the number of First Division grounds I have visited; once or twice, when I have been unable to sleep, I have tried to count every single Arsenal player I have ever seen. (When I was a kid I knew the names of the wives and girlfriends of the Double-winning team; now, I can only remember that Charlie George’s fiancée was called Susan Farge, and that Bob Wilson’s wife was called Megs, but even this partial recall is terrifyingly unnecessary.)

None of this is thought, in the proper sense of the word. There is no analysis, or self-awareness, or mental rigour going on at all, because obsessives are denied any kind of perspective on their own passion. This, in a sense, is what defines an obsessive (and serves to explain why so few of them recognise themselves as such. A fellow fan who last season went to watch Wimbledon reserves against Luton reserves on a freezing January afternoon on his own - not in a spirit of one-upmanship or some kind of self-mocking, laddish wackiness, but because he was genuinely interested - recently strenuously denied to me that he was eccentric in any way).

Fever Pitch is an attempt to gain some kind of an angle on my obsession. Why has the relationship that began as a schoolboy crush endured for nearly a quarter of a century, longer than any other relationship I have made of my own free will? (I love my family dearly, but they were rather foisted on me, and I am no longer in touch with any of the friends I made before I was fourteen - apart from the only other Arsenal fan at school.) And why has this affinity managed to survive my periodic feelings of indifference, sorrow and very real hatred?

The book is also, in part, an exploration of some of the meanings that football seems to contain for many of us. It has become quite clear to me that my devotion says things about my own character and personal history, but the way the game is consumed seems to offer all sorts of information about our society and culture. (I have friends who will regard this as pretentious, self-serving nonsense, the kind of desperate justification one might expect from a man who has spent a huge chunk of his leisure time fretting miserably in the cold. They are particularly resistant to the idea because I tend to overestimate the metaphorical value of football, and therefore introduce it into conversations where it simply does not belong. I now accept that football has no relevance to the Falklands conflict, the Rushdie affair, the Gulf War, childbirth, the ozone layer, the poll tax, etc., etc., and I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who has had to listen to my pathetically strained analogies.)

Finally, Fever Pitch is about being a fan. I have read books written by people who obviously love football, but that’s a different thing entirely; and I have read books written, for want of a better word, by hooligans, but at least 95 per cent of the millions who watch games every year have never hit anyone in their lives. So this is for the rest of us, and for anyone who has wondered what it might be like to be this way. While the details here are unique to me, I hope that they will strike a chord with anyone who has ever found themselves drifting off, in the middle of a working day or a film or a conversation, towards a left-foot volley into a top right-hand corner ten or fifteen or twenty-five years ago.

1968-1975

HOME DÉBUT

ARSENAL v STOKE CITY

14.9.68

I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.

In May ’68 (a date with connotations, of course, but I am still more likely to think of Jeff Astle than of Paris), just after my eleventh birthday, my father asked me if I’d like to go with him to the FA Cup Final between West Brom and Everton; a colleague had offered him a couple of tickets. I told him that I wasn’t interested in football, not even in the Cup Final - true, as far as I was aware, but perversely I watched the whole match on television anyway. A few weeks later I watched the Man Utd-Benfica game, enthralled, with my mum, and at the end of August I got up early to hear how United had got on in the final of the World Club Championship. I loved Bobby Charlton and George Best (I knew nothing about Denis Law, the third of the Holy Trinity, who had missed the Benfica match through injury) with a passion that had taken me completely by surprise; it lasted three weeks, until my dad took me to Highbury for the first time.

My parents were separated by 1968. My father had met someone else and moved out, and I lived with my mother and my sister in a small detached house in the Home Counties. This state of affairs was unremarkable enough in itself (although I cannot recall anyone else in my class with an absent parent - the sixties took another seven or eight years to travel the twenty-odd miles down the M4 from London), but the break-up had wounded all four of us in various ways, as break-ups are wont to do.

There were, inevitably, a number of difficulties that arose from this new phase of family life, although the most crucial in this context was probably the most banal: the commonplace but nevertheless intractable one-parent Saturday-afternoon-at-the-zoo problem. Often Dad was only able to visit us midweek; no one really wanted to stay in and watch TV, for obvious reasons, but on the other hand there wasn’t really anywhere else a man could take two children under twelve. Usually the three of us drove to a neighbouring town, or up to one of the airport hotels, where we sat in a cold and early-evening deserted restaurant, and where Gill and I ate steak or chicken, one or the other, in more or less complete silence (children are not great dinner conversationalists, as a rule, and in any case we were used to eating with the TV on), while Dad watched. He must have been desperate to find something else to do with us, but the options in a commuter-belt town between 6.30 and 9.00 on a Monday night were limited.

That summer, Dad and I went to a hotel near Oxford for a week, where in the evenings we sat in a deserted hotel dining room, and where I ate steak or chicken, one or the other, in more or less complete silence. After dinner we went to watch TV with the other guests, and Dad drank too much. Things had to change.

My father tried again with the football that September, and he must have been amazed when I said yes. I had never before said yes to any suggestion of his, although I rarely said no either. I just smiled politely and made a noise intended to express interest but no commitment, a maddening trait I think I invented especially for that time in my life but which has somehow remained with me ever since. For two or three years he had been trying to take me to the theatre; every time he asked I simply shrugged and grinned idiotically, with the result that eventually Dad would get angry and tell me to forget it, which was what I wanted him to say. And it wasn’t just Shakespeare, either: I was equally suspicious of rugby matches and cricket matches and boat trips and days out to Silverstone and Longleat. I didn’t want to do anything at all. None of this was intended to punish my father for his absence: I really thought that I would be happy to go anywhere with him, apart from every single place he could think of.

1968 was, I suppose, the most traumatic year of my life. After my parents’ separation we moved into a smaller house, but for a time, because of some sort of chain, we were homeless and had to stay with our neighbours; I became seriously ill with jaundice; and I started at the local grammar school. I would have to be extraordinarily literal to believe that the Arsenal fever about to grip me had nothing to do with all this mess. (And I wonder how many other fans, if they were to examine the circumstances that led up to their obsession, could find some sort of equivalent Freudian drama? After all, football’s a great game and everything, but what is it that separates those who are happy to attend half a dozen games a season - watch the big matches, stay away from the rubbish, surely the sensible way - from those who feel compelled to attend them all? Why travel from London to Plymouth on a Wednesday, using up a precious day’s holiday, to see a game whose outcome was effectively decided in the first leg at Highbury? And, if this theory of fandom as therapy is anywhere near the mark, what the hell is buried in the subconscious of people who go to Leyland DAF Trophy games? Perhaps it is best not to know.)

There is a short story by the American writer Andre Dubus entitled ‘The Winter Father’, about a man whose divorce has separated him from his two children. In the winter his relationship with them is tetchy and strained: they move from afternoon jazz club to cinema to restaurant, and stare at each other. But in the summer, when they can go to the beach, they get on fine. ‘The long beach and the sea were their lawn; the blanket their home; the ice chest and thermos their kitchen. They lived as a family again.’ Sitcoms and films have long recognised this terrible tyranny of place, and depict men traipsing round parks with fractious kids and a frisbee. But ‘The Winter Father’ means a lot to me because it goes further than that: it manages to isolate what is valuable in the relationship between parents and children, and explains simply and precisely why the zoo trips are doomed.

In this country, as far as I know, Bridlington and Minehead are unable to provide the same kind of liberation as the New England beaches in Dubus’s story; but my father and I were about to come up with the perfect English equivalent. Saturday afternoons in north London gave us a context in which we could be together. We could talk when we wanted, the football gave us something to talk about (and anyway the silences weren’t oppressive), and the days had a structure, a routine. The Arsenal pitch was to be our lawn (and, being an English lawn, we would usually peer at it mournfully through driving rain); the Gunners’ Fish Bar on Blackstock Road our kitchen; and the West Stand our home. It was a wonderful set-up, and changed our lives just when they needed changing most, but it was also exclusive: Dad and my sister never really found anywhere to live at all. Maybe now that wouldn’t happen; maybe a nine-year-old girl in the nineties would feel that she had just as much right to go to a game as we did. But in 1969 in our town, this was not an idea that had much currency, and my sister had to stay at home with her mum and her dolls.

I don’t recall much about the football that first afternoon. One of those tricks of memory enables me to see the only goal clearly: the referee awards a penalty (he runs into the area, points a dramatic finger, there’s a roar); a hush as Terry Neill takes it, and a groan as Gordon Banks dives and pushes the ball out; it falls conveniently at Neill’s feet and this time he scores. But I am sure this picture has been built up from what I have long known about similar incidents, and actually I was aware of none of this. All I really saw on the day was a bewildering chain of incomprehensible incidents, at the end of which everyone around me stood and shouted. If I did the same, it must have been an embarrassing ten seconds after the rest of the crowd.

But I do have other, more reliable, and probably more meaningful memories. I remember the overwhelming maleness of it all - cigar and pipe smoke, foul language (words I had heard before, but not from adults, not at that volume), and only years later did it occur to me that this was bound to have an effect on a boy who lived with his mother and his sister; and I remember looking at the crowd more than at the players. From where I was sitting I could probably have counted twenty thousand heads; only the sports fan (or Mick Jagger or Nelson Mandela) can do that. My father told me that there were nearly as many people in the stadium as lived in my town, and I was suitably awed.

(We have forgotten that football crowds are still astonishingly large, mostly because since the war they have become progressively smaller. Managers frequently complain about local apathy, particularly when their mediocre First or Second Division team has managed to avoid a good hiding for a few weeks; but the fact that, say, Derby County managed to attract an average crowd of nearly seventeen thousand in 1990/91, the year they finished bottom of the First Division, is a miracle. Let’s say that three thousand of these are away supporters; that means that among the remaining fourteen thousand from Derby, there were a number of people who went at least eighteen times to see the worst football of last or indeed most other seasons. Why, really, should anyone have gone at all?)

It wasn’t the size of the crowd that impressed me most, however, or the way that adults were allowed to shout the word ‘WANKER!’ as loudly as they wanted without attracting any attention. What impressed me most was just how much most of the men around me hated, really hated, being there. As far as I could tell, nobody seemed to enjoy, in the way that I understood the word, anything that happened during the entire afternoon. Within minutes of the kick-off there was real anger (‘You’re a DISGRACE, Gould. He’s a DISGRACE!’ ‘A hundred quid a week? A HUNDRED QUID A WEEK! They should give that to me for watching you.’); as the game went on, the anger turned into outrage, and then seemed to curdle into sullen, silent discontent. Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of the football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.

I think we Arsenal fans know, deep down, that the football at Highbury has not often been pretty, and that therefore our reputation as the most boring team in the entire history of the universe is not as mystifying as we pretend: yet when we have a successful side much is forgiven. The Arsenal team I saw on that afternoon had been spectacularly unsuccessful for some time. Indeed they had won nothing since the Coronation and this abject and unambiguous failure was simply rubbing salt into the fans’ stigmata. Many of those around us had the look of men who had seen every game of every barren season. The fact that I was intruding on a marriage that had gone disastrously sour lent my afternoon a particularly thrilling prurience (if it had been a real marriage, children would have been barred from the ground): one partner was lumbering around in a pathetic attempt to please, while the other turned his face to the wall, too full of loathing even to watch. Those fans who could not remember the thirties (although at the end of the sixties a good many of them could), when the club won five Championships and two FA Cups, could remember the Comptons and Joe Mercer from just over a decade before; the stadium itself, with its beautiful art deco stands and its Jacob Epstein busts, seemed to disapprove of the current mob even as much as my neighbours did.

I’d been to public entertainments before, of course; I’d been to the cinema and the pantomime and to see my mother sing in the chorus of the White Horse Inn at the Town Hall. But that was different. The audiences I had hitherto been a part of had paid to have a good time and, though occasionally one might spot a fidgety child or a yawning adult, I hadn’t ever noticed faces contorted by rage or despair or frustration. Entertainment as pain was an idea entirely new to me, and it seemed to be something I’d been waiting for.

It might not be too fanciful to suggest that it was an idea which shaped my life. I have always been accused of taking the things I love - football, of course, but also books and records - much too seriously, and I do feel a kind of anger when I hear a bad record, or when someone is lukewarm about a book that means a lot to me. Perhaps it was these desperate, bitter men in the West Stand at Arsenal who taught me how to get angry in this way; and perhaps it is why I earn some of my living as a critic - maybe it’s those voices I can hear when I write. ‘You’re a WANKER, X.’ ‘The Booker Prize? THE BOOKER PRIZE? They should give that to me for having to read you.’

Just this one afternoon started the whole thing off - there was no prolonged courtship - and I can see now that if I’d gone to White Hart Lane or Stamford Bridge the same thing would have happened, so overwhelming was the experience the first time. In a desperate and percipient attempt to stop the inevitable, Dad quickly took me to Spurs to see Jimmy Greaves score four against Sunderland in a 5-1 win, but the damage had been done, and the six goals and all the great players left me cold: I’d already fallen for the team that beat Stoke 1-0 from a penalty rebound.

A SPARE JIMMY HUSBAND

ARSENAL v WEST HAM

26.10.68

On this, my third visit to Highbury (a goalless draw - I’d now seen my team score three times in four and a half hours), all the kids were given a free Soccer Stars album. Each page of the album was devoted to one First Division team, and contained fourteen or fifteen spaces in which to glue stickers of the players; we were also given a little packet of the stickers to start our collection off.

Promotional offers aren’t often described thus, I know, but the album proved to be the last crucial step in a socialisation process that had begun with the Stoke game. The benefits of liking football at school were simply incalculable (even though the games master was a Welshman who once memorably tried to ban us from kicking a round ball even when we got home): at least half my class, and probably a quarter of the staff, loved the game.

Unsurprisingly, I was the only Arsenal supporter in the first year. QPR, the nearest First Division team, had Rodney Marsh; Chelsea had Peter Osgood, Tottenham had Greaves, West Ham had the three World Cup heroes, Hurst, Moore and Peters. Arsenal’s best-known player was probably Ian Ure, famous only for being hilariously useless and for his contributions to the television series Quiz Ball. But in that glorious first football-saturated term, it didn’t matter that I was on my own. In our dormitory town no club had a monopoly on support and, in any case, my new best friend, a Derby County fan like his father and uncle, was similarly isolated. The main thing was that you were a believer. Before school, at breaktime and at lunchtime, we played football on the tennis courts with a tennis ball, and in between lessons we swapped Soccer Star stickers - Ian Ure for Geoff Hurst (extraordinarily, the stickers were of equal value), Terry Venables for Ian St John, Tony Hately for Andy Loch-head.

And so transferring to secondary school was rendered unimaginably easy. I was probably the smallest boy in the first year, but my size didn’t matter, although my friendship with the Derby fan, the tallest by several feet, was pretty handy; and though my performance as a student was undistinguished (I was bunged into the ‘B’ stream at the end of the year and stayed there throughout my entire grammar school career), the lessons were a breeze. Even the fact that I was one of only three boys wearing shorts wasn’t as traumatic as it should have been. As long as you knew the name of the Burnley manager, nobody much cared that you were

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