No Ordinary Days

By Christopher Robin

 

This book was written while in motion…..campground…tent…5th Wheel

trailer…basement…my mother's house….fleas…ghosts…melancholy…my record collection….small town libraries….animals…typewriters…tiny post offices….this is a book about rage…and gentleness….it is about privacy and other archaic concepts…..this is a book about staying human…it is sacred and stupid, I hope.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SmallProseBigWorld Publications
• Release date: Apr 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223395713

Christopher Robin

Christopher Robin publishes two new zines from a 1926 house he recently bought in Kansas: Squeaky Nuisance and All Good Looking People Must Die. He has recently published several small books: All I've Ever Wanted Is Nothing to Do, Odd Jobs Windfalls & Dumb Wino Luck & The Bubble Gum Pimps Agenda. He is not on facebook so please don't look for him there.

Book preview

This book was written while in motion.....campground...tent...5th Wheel

trailer...basement...my mother’s house....fleas...ghosts...melancholy...my record collection....small town libraries....animals...typewriters...tiny post offices....this is a book about rage...and gentleness....it is about privacy and other archaic concepts.....this is a book about staying human...it is sacred and stupid, I hope.

Christopher Robin

© 2017 by Christopher Robin

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2017, 2nd Printing 2020 

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Contents

Foolish Human

Old Camera

Typewriter-Man

Numb

Recreation Time in Hell

The Mothers in the Movies

Silicon Valley Millionaires Will Come for Your Bones

Ramona Says There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

The Tenderloin Poet

Choking on the Smug

CoinStar Winners

We Always Seem to Be Infected with Something

Incontinent Cats, Barn Cats, & Kidnapped Cats

The Song is Murdered

The Water is Just Fine!

The Haunted Flea-Infested Basement

Mother-Fucking Life Insurance

Merman

Killer Gypsy

Therapy

In My Dreams There Are No Flies Only Kittens

The Pay is A Fish Sandwich+ Five Dollars

Mayonnaise

Pineapples in the Desert

Morning Kiss

Cheese and Crackers

MRI

Surrogate Family

Soup Kitchen Manners

North

Nevada Dreamin'

Houses are Work

Tweakers on the Max

Inexplicable Drowning

Let the Kids Have It

Picking Blueberries By the Nude Beach

Poetry is Dead So What.

FOOLISH HUMAN

If you want the ending of this book to be disgruntled loner mows down a crowd of people with a machine gun... you probably won't get that and I say probably because this book isn't over yet. Don't worry, I am that guy. I have always been that guy, because I relate, let's not lie.  And the older I get, the more attractive the prospect becomes.  So what's stopping me? A heart, a god, a librarian, a kind word? Maybe. It doesn't matter. What matters is this: today I was trying to help a stray dog in the road, so the dog naturally gets spooked and starts running away from me. The dog ends up in the middle of the road. I stand near the edge of the road, as helpless as the day I was born. A car comes down the road and starts to slow for the wandering dog, but then another driver is behind him and is pissed because he doesn't see the dog and thinks the driver in front of him is just too slow. The second driver tries to go around the first driver, and narrowly misses hitting the dog; at the same time, another car comes from the other direction, so bam, could have been a head-on collision teaching the aggressive driver a valuable lesson, no such luck. So I start to yell and it feels good. Hey asshole, there's a dog in the road, slow the fuck down! Ramona and I always stop for animals, even the smallest ones. This town is known for its large tarantula population. One time we saw one crawling down the middle of the road. Another tarantula had been run over and we assumed the first one was crawling towards its mate to investigate. As we stood and watched this touching display....bam! A car ran over the living spider, so then they were both dead.

The other day we saw a baby snake crossing the road at the campground where we live, it was so slow and tiny, we knew it would not make it. We tried to pick it up with a stick and hide it in some weeds. There was a bird nearby, just waiting. As soon as we left we knew the snake had no chance. The bird would eat it. I am and will

always be a foolish human. I cannot leave the animals alone. I don't know what's best.

I am still waiting to meet my psychopath, the wrong person. As in: "he crossed the wrong person, that guy in the truck had a gun and shot him cold. Damn little guy, stupid to be flipping the bird and screaming his itty bitty head off. Did it matter that he screamed because the cars around him were going too fast? That he hated aggression so much he turned his own self sour? He wasn't an aggressive, crazy driver, he was slow, melancholy, listening to 80's music with tears in his eyes, but then, that day, he crossed the WRONG GUY. Huh, I guess he never thought it would happen to him..."

OLD CAMERA

Today I am in the Best Buy. After about twenty minutes, a lumbering guy with a hair lip comes over. I tell him what I am looking for. He looks at my ten year old video camera. Oh, that's proprietary, we don't carry that. Don't use big words, just tell me where I can find the right part. It means you have to order it from the manufacturer. I may have something that will fit though. The part costs $25.00. I bring it up to the counter. The clerk rings it up at $41.00. No, I tell her, it is only $25.00." Another five minute wait. I am right, of course. She doesn't care and neither do I.

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TYPEWRITER-MAN

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